Family Weekly I February 4, 1963
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boys, "it's essential to have a broad social experi
ence in your early years. Get to know many other
boys and girls and study and compare them."
Khp yourself mobile romantically
In my marriage counseling, I have discovered a
significant fact about steady dating: it's not the
"big wheel" at school the successful student or
athlete who generally goes steady. Far more often,
the regular dater turns out to be an insecure young
ster who ties up with a similar person.
I believe this is most revealing. Young people who
don't think they are as good as the others are
afraid of facing the possibility of datelessness. But
more assured boys and girls are confident of their
ability to attract a date when one is needed.
There is an important lesson here to be learned
by parents. Instill as much confidence as you can
in a youngster.. Praise him often so that he'll get
the idea he's pretty good. Encourage him to be
come important in some area where his talents can
stand out
Boys learn to cook
The man who acquires a few household skills
makes a better husband. Unlike too many men, he
won't make the mistake of underestimating a wife's
job at home. He'll never say those fighting words:
"But what do you do all day long?" He'll know.
The attitude that care of the home and children
is solely a wife's job can trigger serious problems.
A man who feels this way overburdens his wife,
who is apt to become unhappy and even bitter, espe
cially if she sees other husbands pitching in.
Girls Joarn arithmetic
Bury forever the notion that a wife who "simply
has no head for figures" is cute. In these days of
complex budgeting and marketing, a wife must be
accurate in her mathematics. Few things irritate
a man more than a scatterbrain who goes shopping
with a $20 bill and returns with the wrong change !
I also advise my daughter to learn as much sci
ence as she can, and not merely so she can under
stand the space age. She will need it and I am per
fectly serious to cope with the complicated appli
ances now on the market and the many kinds of
synthetic fabrics which must be washed and dried
according to instructions or they can be ruined.
And, of course, she also must know the scientific
aspects of nutrition.
Don't delay marriage because
you're having too much fun
Girls, especially, must be aware of this pitfall.
"Oh," they may say, "I don't want to tie myself
down. Life's too exciting." Getting married too
soon can be a great mistake but I've also seen
many lovely girls who kept on having fun until the
parade passed them by. They ended up as attractive
but lonely Bpinsters.
"You must be aware of the right time to wed,"
I tell Betty, "as well as the wrong time."
Make sure your personality traits mesh
One evening, the talk turned to the kinds of peo
ple with whom we can best get along. I stressed
that since marriage means living with another hu
man being day in and year out, it's crucial to pay
the closest attention to the types of behavior or
personal characteristics that irritate you and would
make a marriage unendurable.
I made these points:
If both of you like to talk and neither likes to
listen, trouble almost surely will develop. A talker
needs a listener, at least some of the time.
If you are unhappy unless you are with lots of
people all the time and going places, while the other
person likes nothing better than to spend quiet eve
nings at home listening to the hi-fi think twice.
If you are quick and bright, and he or she likes
to absorb ideas more slowly, ask yourself : are you
impatient with people who aren't as sharp? Do they
irritate you, and do you tend to belittle them? If
so, you'll be smart to pick someone whose plodding
mind won't annoy you.
An engagement is not a marriage
break it if you must
Many young people, and parents, too, seem to feel
that a broken engagement is some sort of disgrace.
It's not An engagement is neither final nor bind
ing, and a broken one merely means that the parties
involved have decided, upon the basis of a trial pe
riod, that a marriage would not work.
"Never feel that you must go ahead. with a mar
riage if you discover something that will make a
successful union impossible," I tell my children.
Naturally, this does not mean that you should
enter into an engagement lightly or break one for
trivial reasons. Furthermore, if a girl has a string
of broken engagements in her past, it's an indica
tion that something in her personality needs
straightening out
She may have been so indulged by her parents
that she isn't ready to accept a relationship in
which she muBt give as well as receive. She needs
counseling before she can hope to have a truly
successful married life.
Don't feel you have to "tell all"
to your mate
At home we haven't gone into this except in
briefest form, but if the question ever should arise,
I would say this:
There needn't be any "confessions" to your wife,
husband, or engagement partner. Whatever has hap
pened before you met doesn't concern him or her.
It's your business and yours alone I But if your se
cret can affect your marriage or children, you should
tell. This would include any serious chronic ailments,
a suspected tendency toward certain diseases, a prior
marriage, or large debts.
What is most important, however, is not what lies
in your past but what you are now and what you
will become as a wife, husband, or parent.
Don't let your husband outgrow you
This is a serious danger to a woman. A man, by
leaving home daily to go to work, almost auto
matically grows. He meets people, sees the world
in action, and develops socially and intellectually.
His wife, however, is left home with the babies,
and her horizons may not expand. If all she learns,
is the latest neighborhood gossip, then there is a
good chance she will be shut out of her husband's
expanding world.
To prevent this drifting apart, a wife should par
ticipate in community activities. She should take
adult-education courses at night while her husband
(Continued on page 6)
Family Weekly, February 24, 1X1 5