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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (March 26, 1961)
ML .I.,,..M..I.I I.III.MI- i II it it it II I i: i; I II ii .11 is ::: ill !!i ) J 111 I vv' 1 I SPECIAL lS 1 SHAMPOO FOR DRY HAIR Helps bring back liveliness to hair stripped of natural oil Orv hair problems disappear us Special Kmlen's rich pull's of lather drift through your hair . . . leaving it shinier, silkier, softer. Special l-nilcn is specially formulated for dry, dull hair that has been stripped of natural oil . . . leaves hair wonderfully easy to manage even after a shampoo. And like all finden shampoos. Special F.ndcn is guar anteed to end your dandruff problems when used regularly. It's a medically proved W effective dandruff treatment . . .wonderfully refreshing shampoo. Another line shampoo from the makers of famous l-ndcn Lotion, C ream and Golden Clear Liquid. Engagements Aren't Old-Fashioned! By NORMAN M. LOBSENZ According to an old joke, the erigftfeement period is the time a girl takes to find out if she cart do any better. According to marriage experts, it is the time for a young couple to test their love and their adjustment to each other. But according to young people themselves, an engage ment today is whatever they want it to be. "We decided we were going to get married," one young man said to me, "so we figured we'd better get engaged first, just for appearances." "Goodness," said an engaged girl, "this is just a time to get things done!" But on one point, at least, there is unanimous agreement. Family-life authority Reuben Hill puts it succinctly: "No society leaves the forms and functions of engagement more undefined than middle-class Americans." Yet this very flexibility is one of the main causes of the problems that beset engaged couples. "When did you consider yourselves engaged?" 1 asked the many engaged and newlywed couples at the University of North Carolina recently. (The campus at Chapel Hill has one of the highest percentages of engaged and married students of any college in the country.) "Well. felt engaged when Jerry gave me my ring," said an attractive married coed. "But we were never really engaged. As a matter of fact, Jerry never actually asked me to marry him. The day of our marriage we had a wedding breakfast. After it was over, Jerry took me aside and said in a kind of worried voice, 'You'll be there this afternoon, won't you, honey?' " At the other extreme was the young man who said he and his fiancee considered themselves engaged only after he had formally proposed and had formally asked her father for his permission. In between this range there are as many versions of "engagement" as there are engaged couples. This easygoing approach horrifies the marriage experts. All their textbooks and their theories treat the engage ment as a definite period during which the couple is sup posed to sound out each other's characters to make sure marriage is right for them. But the textbooks have been outpaced by the rapidly changing courtship customs of the post-World War 11 gen eration. The intensity and intimacy of steady dating, com bined with the frankness and education of modern youth, enable couples to analyze their feelings toward each other during courtship with a great deal of accuracy. Fomil Weekly. March 26. 1961 . Previous generations needed the emo tional security and social approval that come with being engaged in order to dis cuss money, jobs, sex, and in-laws. Today's young people get down to brass tacks faster. As a result, engaged couples today are often at a point where yesterday's newlyweds were. And so an engagement has become a formality to be observed for the sake of friends and family; and for such practical purposes as house-hunting, planning the wedding, and receiving gifts. A nd in addition to being a time-consum-ing and wearying grind, the whirl of social and practical activities virtually swal lows up the spiritual aspects of a modern engagement. Most of the young men and women I spoke with were actually surprised when I asked if there had been any reli gious ceremony or even a spiritual over tone connected with their engagement. Yet, in more ways than one engagement is a religious ritual. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, a be trothal is a sacrament. In ancient times, it was actually a marriage except that hus band and wife could not live together for a year. To break a betrothal, it was neces sary to get a divorce. Gradually, the betrothal and the year-later "home-taking" ritual merged into one ceremony the wed ding. The engagement then became a time when a girl agreed to marry a man and her father signed a dowry arrangement. Today, this meaningful tradition has been turned into a vacuous sham. What can young people do to make engagements a first step toward happy marriage? Here are some suggestions: 1. Understand what engagement really is. Modern courtship cannot replace all of the testing functions of an engagement. Not even the steadiest-dating couple feel as close as when they are engaged; and while Young people don't take them as seriously as their grandparents did, but marriage experts insist they should a courting couple try to make an impression on each other, an engaged couple try to gain an impression of each other. 2. Face premarital problems together. A serious engagement gives a young man and woman an extra measure of emotional se curity needed to solve problems. An en gaged girl says: "While we were just think ing about getting married, we each felt we could break off the minute things got tough. Now that we're engaged we feel ready to fight our problems through as a team." 3. Take engagements seriously not just as "fun" and an excuse for "showers." A sensible engagement is still one of the finest bases for a good marriage. The findings of sociologists Ernest Burgess and Paul Wallin, who surveyed 1,000 couples, showed that the happiest married couples were those who had used their engagement to test and explore their love. 4. Get an expert's help. Premarital coun seling can teach an engaged couple to function as a unit, to cooperate to solve problems. "Once this technique is learned," says psychologist and marriage counselor Dr. Douglas Spencer, "it gets easier to apply it to problems that come up after marriage." 5. Even the most minor sort of spiritual observance to mark an engagement can create a memory of oneness and dedication that will stand a couple in good stead for the future. It need not even be formally religious but simply a recognition of the part God plays in the lives of men and women. Americans are marrying younger and liv ing longer. The years of wedlock are in creasing at both ends. Many couples getting engaged today can look forward to cele brating their golden weddings. But to function well for 50 years, a marriage needs every bit of strength it can muster and the foundation of that strength is often built during the engagement. Family Weekly, March 16, 1961 ON A LAXATIVE MERRY-GO-ROUND? TAKE NR TO-NIOHT... TOMORROW ALRIGHT! SPARKLING BRIGHT Searching for effective over night relief? Try f tonight! You'll know why millions use it with utmost confidence. NJ works overnight . . . and gently aids the function of elimination, with no restless ness or sudden necessity. 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