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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (March 20, 1960)
Sunday, March 10, 160 C MAIL TRIBUNE, Medford, Or. J The Family Council Editor's Note: The Family Council consists of a Jndce, a psycnlatrlst. three clergymen, a newspaper editor, a women's editor and two writeri Each article is a ramnary of an actual .-ase history. The Council reports an problems that have been dealt wlfc by responsible arencles and counselors. Lillian S. - H doesn't pay attention to me. Victor S.-I won't be tied to a woman's apron string!. Lillian S.-My husband and I are in our early 20s and have been married less than a year. I want to make a go of my marriage, but I'm afraid I've gotten off to a poor start. We quarrel quite a bit. Per haps I should say I quarrel because Vic. just keeps quiet no matter what I say to him. Sometimes I say awful things which I later regret. At times I've called him the worst names, but he just clams up. Yet the thing that provoked me will be done over and over. He just doesn't pay any attention to me. I realize I have a bad tem per. I'm hard to live with, but Vic doesn't realize that he is also hard to get along with. Victor S.-I've tried to be patient with Lillian, hoping her violent spells will wear off as she becomes more ad justed to married life. I've hoped that she would mature enough to realize that scream ing and brawling will only intensify our problems, not make them better. However, patience hasn't helped and I don't know what will. As Lillian admits she is Dick Haymes Files Bankruptcy Papers New York-ICPB-Singer Dick Haymes has reached the point of no return. Every time he gets a job. his creditors de scend on him and gobble up his pay check. Haymes, 41, filed a volun tary bankruptcy petition in federal court Thursday. He said he had $9 in the bank and owed $522,242. He said he had 200 credi tors, including two ex-wives, and only $5,493 in assets. Haymes' debts included $20,000 to former wife Joanne Dru, $11,000 to former wife Nora Eddington, $83,750 to United Artists, $50,000 to Co lumbia Pictures, $47,000 to the U.S. government and $7,500 to New York and Cali fornia. Part of his debts stemmed from his much publicized marriage to actress Rita Hay worth, although she wasn't mentioned in his petition, his attorney said. Haymes married a fourth time in 1958 to singer Frances Ann Makris, then 21. HEADS DELEGATION Warsaw, Poland -UPD- Vice Premier Piotr Jarosiewicz will lead a Polish delegation to the United States on a U.S.-sponsored get acquaint ed visit this week. The group will arrive in New York Thursday and spend two weeks sight-seeing and visit ing industrial centers includ ing Detroit automobile factories. quite a nag. She bothers me about the way I dress, the way I act in company and a lot of things. Well, I'm not going to be told by a woman how to act, dress, etc. I'm not the type to be tied to a wom an's apron strings. If things don't ' improve, I'm ready to call it quits. The Council: Both Lillian and Victor have met their matches-rather than mates. Lillian's violence and brawling are ugly, but Victor also- uses some potent weap ons. His silence and wilful repetition of the things that annoy his wife are just as destructive as her actions against him. It is difficult to trace the origins of this conflict. Un doubtedly Lillian's fault-finding hurt her husband and he tried to fight back as best he could. His tone with her now seems to be very patron izing. He thinks of her as im mature, a problem, someone who must be trained and sub dued rather than a wife who must be accepted and loved and occasionally fought with as an equal. Actually, he is afraid of her and is trying to put her on a lower level. Lillian should be aware that constant nagging and fault-finding are not isolated activities, having nothing to do with the overall quality of the relationship. Constant fault-finding is destructive, and the person who gives vent to it is releasing many hostile emotions. Victor's clamming up is another form of destruc tion. In effect, he is saying, "I don't hear you because you don't exist for me." Lillian and Victor will take a big step toward creating better lives for themselves when they acknowledge to one another that their prob lem is not a petty one. The quarrels are not at fault. Quarrels in themselves won't kill a marriage. The feeling behind the quarrels is what does it. Psychiatrists often find that fault-finding is rooted in sex ual problems. Unable to ad mit that she feels resistant to her husband's advances, Lillian may take out her anger against him and her dislike of erotic gestures in criticism of various other mannerisms. Or Victor, experiencing diffi culty making love to this bel ligerent woman, may be spite fully trying to get her in an noying little ways. It's worth talking over with a doctor or psychiatrist. 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