Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 28, 1960)
-I i J1 A leading writer, editor, and lecturer on child development and parent education, Sid onie Gruenberg is spe cial consultant to the Child Study Associa tion of America. Her books include "The Encyclopedia of Child Care and Guidance," published by Double day; "Parents' Guide to Everyday Problems of Boys and Girls," Random House; and "The Wonderful Story of You: Your Body, Your Mind, Your Feel ings' with Benjamin C. Gruenberg), Gar den City Press. When good, reliable, honest Peter was eight years old, his proud parents had an unhappy surprise. He began helping him self to pencils at the neighborhood dime store without the formality of paying for them. The manager was a friend of the family. So instead of banishing Peter from his store, he reported the matter to Peter's mother so that she could deal with the cause of the crime wave as well as with the misdeed itself. At first Peter's parents were incredulous. There must be some mistake. He was en tirely trustworthy at home. He had an ade quate allowance. Besides, there were plenty of pencils available to him for the asking. Why would he steal them? "Peter, I can't believe the dreadful thing I've heard about you. Is it true that you have been stealing things at thestore?" his mother ' asked. She was doubly shocked when Peter compounded his felony by lying. "No. I didn't take any pencils," he asserted, giving himself away by his specific answer, and by a guilty glance at the drawer where he had secreted his loot. Greatly concerned, his mother gave him a severe scolding. "When the police catch a thief they put him in jail," she told him. She made him take the pencils back to the man ager. Then she gave him a sample of the re--strictions of prison life by taking away his television rights for a month. "He adores TV so that was a punishment hell never forget," she said, sure that she had chosen the most effective way to drive the lesson home. . ' This situation is worth examining in de tail because it is an example of confused handling of two misdemeanors that often go hand in hand. In the process of growing up, all children tell some untruths and take some things that do not belong to them. In the past, many people believed that all children were born wicked, and that it was the duty of parents to combat this "original sin" by means of severe punishment, no matter what the age of the child or the circumstances that tempted him. Modern studies of many kinds of children from infancy through adolescence make us believe that children are bom neither good nor bad, though with a capacity for both. So today we concentrate more on guiding a child past his mistakes and toward responsi ble behavior rather than "giving him a pun ishment he'll never forget" Just what is the best way to deal with pil fering and the fibbing that often accom panies it? First of all, we must remember that children are influenced, especially in their early years, far more by desire to be approved and admired by their parents than by any real understanding of right and wrong. Their strongest reason for resisting temptation is to keep their parents' affec tionate regard. When a child does wrong, we must let him know that we are distressed by his action. But we must put him on the right track in some way that shows we have firm faith in his ability to do better the next time he is tempted. Be careful not to accuse your child falsely, but be even more careful not to invite him to escape by grasping at a lie, especially if there is any faint hope of his getting away with it. The way in which Peter's mother ques tioned him, to make sure that the manag er's accusation was true, trapped him into an instinctive and protective fib. In this case, it was the manager's report, against Peter's denial, that he had stolen pencils. If the boy had not betrayed himself by his answer, or if his mother had not found the pilfered booty, his spontaneous reach for es cape through a falsehood might have been successful. And Peter might well have con cluded that, while stealing is risky, lying does pay. Be sure of your facts. Then take a direct approach such as: "I hear that you have some pencils that belong to the dime store. Now I want you to tell me how you happened to take them." This opens the way to calm discussion, and lets you help your child deal with one ' error not two. Certainly,' stolen property must be returned, but this is a difficult er rand on which to send a small child alone. Go with him, so that he knows you are on his side, right or wrong. If any additional penalty seems called for, make it fit the situ ation. Take away his own pencils for a day or so rather than something totally unre lated that he values highly. Above all, keep punishment short. A month is an endless time to an eight-year-old. It is too long a sentence for any child to endure with benefit Such extended pun ishment only makes him feel hopeless about -his chances for ever being "good" again. Avoid using words such as "thief" and "liar" in your discussion of his wrongdoing. They may make your child feel that he is forever hardened into a pattern rather than guilty of one misstep. Proper guidance-is based on condemning deeds, not the child.' (Continued) Family Weekly, February 28, 1960 15 Learn The Truth About THE CATHOLIC CHURCH By Mail.. .At No Cost! You can easily investigate Catholic faith and worship in the privacy of your home. Just send us your name and ad dress and advise that you want to know what the Catholic Church really teaches . . . what Catholics really believe. We will send you an interesting course of instruc tion which is short, yet complete. We will send you a book ex plaining Catholic faith and wor ship . . . written in an easy-to-understand form. There are six test sheets which you can mark and we will check and return to you. This will enable you to deter mine how well you understand the book. It will give you quick and authentic answers on any point you do not understand. There is no writing to do... and nobody calls on you unless you request it. Nobody knows, in fact, that you are inquiring into Catholic teaching. Thousands of people are taking the course and learning for the first time wonder ful truths about the Church estab lished by Christ Himself. We know that many people would like to learn all about the Catholic Church but hesitate to make personal inquiries. This offer is made so they may get authentic Catholic information and study it in the privacy of their own homes. You will find in this course answers to the questions which confuse non-Catholics. You will discover that Catholic belief and practice are not what they are so often misrepresented to be. And if it is true that the Catho lic Church is Christ's Church.... . as we maintain ... you owe it to yourself to get the facts. This you can readily do through this short course of instruction without cost or obligation . . . and in the privacy, of your own home. As Catholic laymen, who treas ure our Faith, we invite you to understand it and, we hope, to share it. Write today, giving your name and address and stating that you want the course of CathdEu' in struction by mail. The book and simple Test sheets will be mailed to you immediately in a plain wrapper. Nobody will call on you or urge you to join the Catholic Church. If you wish . . . while tak ing the course... to ask any ques tions which puzzle you, we will answer them promptly without any cost or obligation to you. Send a postcard or letter now TODAY! ASK FOR INSTRUCTION COURSE-FM. But-please-ap-ply only for yourself. - aw ir I SUPREME COUNCIL KNIGHTS Of COLUMBUS IEUGIOUS INFORMATION BUREAU 442 liMM Blvd., SI. Louis , Missouri PLo.e send mm Fr INSTRUCTION I COURSE FM NAME j ADDRESS I I CITY -STATE- SUPREME COUNCIL KDflnGCOTS of CHHMGh?DUIS RELIGIOUS INFORMATION BUREAU 4422 IIN0EL1 BLVO ST. LOUIS . MISSOURI tfUSCGDILAL? PAOHS Here's something you should know . whenever moderate pains of arthri tis, rheumatism, sciatica, neuritis or muscular aches occur: Nothing else in all the world is faster, safer, more effective in relieving such pains than DOLCIN. . . - Millions of men and women ... many of them just like you .' . . have found fast, welcome relief by taking ' DOLCIN tablets. That's why dolcin -may be just the thing for you. You may find, as countless others have. that dolcin tablets rush in relief . . :. rush -out pain. Get time--tested, medically proved DOLCIN tablets from your favorite druggist today !
