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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 17, 1960)
7 9 w Other people may be upset by heights, depths, or small, dark places. I suffer from chronic apostrophobia. In high-school English classes, I never man- aged to sort out the subjunctive from the dative, but I remember almost everything about apostrophes, those little commas that rose up in the world. Several of the things I know about apostro phes have apparently been left out of the sign painter's manual, the stationery and Christmas-card catalogues, and the mailbox business. Every morning on my way to work, I pass a truck bearing the name International Elec tronic's. Okay. International Electronic's What? This is obviously a business operated by an electronic who doesn't want to tell something. Then there are the people who sign their notes: Best regards from the Brown's. The Brown's cat? The Brown's green? The Brown's who? Or which? I know this is petty of me. I ought to find something better to do with my time. Anyone who can read can comb through every column I write with a fine-tooth grammar and find the nits and lice of technical error which I cover with an excuse called "writing style." But this apostrophobia haunts me. I'm reaching the stage where I yearn to stop the electronics truck on the highway and punch the unnecessary apostrophe right in its big fat blob. The most common catastrophe of all in the apostrophe business is attached to poor little innocent "its." It's a fine day for me until I read: "It's motor was running." Does this indicate "It is motor was running" or "It's a motor and, by the way, it is running"? - It makes me mad. It doesn't render me com matose. It makes me prone to apostroplexy. Its driving me crazy! Husband, You Don't Understand Me I'm ready on time! Don't wax satirical, Acting as if it's a major miracle. Look, if you don't believe all dressed In my elegant go-to-meeting best, Except that the zipper got stuck halfway. Do you think you could . . .? Easy! Ouch! Okay. Bless me, this stocking just popped a run ... Now I've chipped a nail! One second, hon If you'll fetch my stole from the closet shelf, I'll bring my gloves from the line myself. And wait, I need ear clips with hey, leggo! You'll do what clipping? Whose ears? Oh, no! Why, I tried so hard and was feeling sublime . Because really, for once, I was ready on time! Ethel Jacobson A Matter of Taste . The principal hitch in An up-to-date kitchen Is no lack of cooking appliances; It's just that the part That used to be art Now poses as one of the sciences! S. Omar Barker Statistics show that women live longer than men. Maybe it's because they seldom chase men half their age. D. O. Flynn "IH pick you up at noon Saturday, and well go to the track," said one inveterate horse-player to another. "Can't make it this week," the other replied angrily. "The wife took my pay check and blew the whole thing on groceries." Kippy Sands "Ifs Twimbles idea... so we won't lose the nose cone!" Family Weekly, January 17, I960 13 PERIODIC PAIN Menstrual distress is relieved in three ways oy wonaenui,; T Midol. It relieves cramps, eases head ache and it chases the "blues." Sally now takes Midol at the first sign of ' menstrual distress MOMMY!... MOMMY!... MOMMY! To mothers, that cry means that there's another cut, scratch, scrape, or bum. It also means she should get iodine but she often doesn't, because iodine bums and stings, upsets youngsters. Here's good news. Science has discovered a new kind of iodine that stops in fection best yet doesn't burn or sting. It's poIyvmylpyrrolidone: iodine, found only in ISODINE ANTISEPTIC. Where other types of antiseptics may kill only 1, 2, or 3 types of germs, ISODINE kills all types even virus and fungus. And up to 40 times faster. Get painless ISODINE ANTISEPTIC. Money-back guarantee. MM India, flmmtl Corp.. Our, Dl. "My Bach Was Killing Me" Niw, Man Ptsitive Pain Relief witk Direct-Actim Kidney Drf Backache stabbing pain are often asso ciated with faulty kidney function. De Witt's Pills now have a combination of drugs with direct diuretic action to help keep kidneys clean of acid wastes that so often cause back pains, mild bladder ir ritation, getting up nights, loss of energy even muscular pains. These drugs, combined in a new formula, give more positive relief than ever before! So effective, you even see -they're at .work when "the blue comes through. With kidney func-J tion improved, DeWitt's helps you have more pain-free days, more restful nights. DeWITfS PILLS
