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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 13, 1959)
MAIL TRIBUNE, Medford, Or. I Sunday, Dec. 13, If 59 Family Council NO MONEY DOWN . . 1st PAYHENtOeDDUARY 1960 Dorothy g. My lather em barrassed me in Dublic. Mrs. L. S-W had to check 10 ' ' up on her. Dorothy S. - I am IS, doing well in school and I'm pretty nonular. so I'd be ouite haDDV if only my parents would quit being so old-fashioned. They just don t realize we re living in the middle of the twentieth century. ' My parents told me they didn't want me to go out any more with a certain boy. He happens to be the one I like best. They fust wouldn t listen to reason. He is really a won derful guy, but they didn't give him a chance to show his real self. Anyway, I went ahead and made a date with him. My father trailed me and then made a scene in the street. embarrassing me in front of everyone. Im ashamed to show my face outside of the house now. Was that the right thing for a parent to do? - Mr. L.S. I didn't want my husband to make a scene and 'embarrass Dorothy, but something had to be done and that was the only way to do it. We suspected Dorothy was disobeying us and had made another date with this boy. She looked very guilty and we had heard her whispering on the telephone. There was only one way we could be sure and that was checking up. This boy brought Dorothy home from a date an hour and a half late. When we gave him a good talking-to, he just stood there with a smirk on his face. He is not a good-looking boy and cer tainly not well - spoken. We can't understand what Doro thy sees in him when she could have a lot of dates with much nicer boys. The Council: In general, we are opposed to parents spying or snooping on adolescent children. They must have a measure of privacy, but in this case we think the father's action constituted legitimate checking up. More parents may well do this kind of checking up when children behave suspiciously. Dorothy was all wrong and she knows very well that she . brought this public embarrass : ment on herself. She proved herself untrustworthy and has no right to a beef simply be cause she was found out. Because it is usually quite difficult to check up on ado-.- lescent children, parents must sometimes bend backwards a bit in their effort to create the atmosphere of sympathy and understanding that is essen tial if they are to trust their children. Perhaps Dorothy's parents might have considered giving her one more chance to date this boy if he came for ward with a satisfactory ex planation and apology for the first late date. If adolescent boys or girls have a chance to be heard and get a reasonable amount of understanding from parents, it is more likely they will ac cept restrictions in the right spirit. We wouldn't outlaw "checking up," but it is cer tainly a far less effective method of control than secur ing the child's own recogni ' tion and acceptance of right and wrong behavior. 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