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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (June 14, 1959)
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When these discomforts come on with over-exertion or stress and strain -you want relief-want It fast I Another disturbance may be mild bladder Irritation following wrong food and drink-often set ting; up a restless uncomfortable feeling. Doan's Pills work fast In S separate ways : I. by speedy pain-relieving action to ease torment of nagging backache, head aches, muscular aches and pains. 2. by soothing effect on bladder irritation. 8. by mild diuretic action tending to increase output of the 15 miles of kidney tubes. Enjoy a good nighfa sleep and the same happy relief million hav for over 60 years. New. large stae savea money. Get Doan's Pills today I How NOT to win an Argument by Harold. P Zelko art by Don Margolis Vou can disagree with a man and still have him like you. The adage that you never win an argument is finding more and more basis in fact in this day of improved human relations. You just don't win arguments: you can only try to walk away from one with as few scars as possible. Although you may have a feeling of conquest, even feel sorry for the way you vanquished your "opponent," he may have escaped with fewer last ing wounds than you did. There's no question that a heated argument leaves both parties the worse for wear, and there's a real question whether it settles anything. Tfie best way to win an argument is to avoid it! Where does this leave us? Democracy is sup posed to be based on differences of opinion and the right to speak freely. In school we are taught to reason and to prove our position with evidence and facts. When the other person doesn't do this, don't we have a right to show how wrong he is? Sure we have such a right, and we should exercise it. If we didn't, we'd be a bunch of Casper Milquetoasts. The point is this: It isn't a question of whether you should argue; it's the way you do it that is important. People are bound to have different points of view. We get the best laws, the best pro duction methods, the best company policies as the result of putting together a great many different ideas. A healthy airing of diverse opinions is one of the best ways to tackle a problem. Let's see what it takes to do this and still main tain good relations with people. 1. Avoid words of disagreement. As soon as you say "I disagree," or "I don't agree with you," or "I take issue with that," the other person stiffens and is ready to fight back. Similarly, to call him "ignorant," "foolish," "all wet," or just plain "dumb" is to attack the man rather than what he has said. It's much better to give him credit for his viewpoint, state your own position, then proceed to explain and back it up. 2. Recognize and resolve barriers. The biggest barrier is the simple fact that people are different. There is no escaping this. No two people are ex actly alike, and it takes two people to make an argument. The old man who liked to talk to him self because, as he put it, "I like to talk to a smart man and I like to hear a smart man talk," was voicing the ideal. When you start mixing interests, positions, backgrounds, experiences, prejudices, and opinions, you strike basic barriers. Language is another barrier, but it is largely the result of all the others. Obviously, when we say you should speak the language of the other person, we mean that you should adjust to his interests, attitudes, and feelings. Probably the key to re solving these barriers is the development of a "you" attitude, thinking of the other person and his frame of reference, rather than self-interest. 3. Be pleasant in your manner. A pleasant man ner starts with an attitude of consideration jor the other person's feelings. This doesn't mean an arti ficial smile and an insincere pretense that you care how he feels. A pleasant and congenial manner starts inside. Successful people realize that a gen uine liking and. appreciation of others requires an honest effort to understand them and their ideas. With a proper attitude starting from the inside, your manner will be alive, sincere, and properly animated. Your voice will be calm and modulated, yet you will reply with enthusiasm and conviction. 4. Conciliate. This is the essence of replying to the other fellow's point while maintaining your own point of view, without argument. This starts by looking for areas of agreement and minimizing differences rather than exaggerating them. You start by giving him credit for what he has said, not (Continued on page 22) o iCS'iff CCMj. ' A 1959
