Medford mail tribune., February 01, 1959, Image 37

Family Weekly
February 1,1959
With more old people in our population than ever before,
millions of families are faced with an agonizing problem.
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The spinster schoolteacher who never married
because she has to support her mother . . .
The white-haired grandmother who sobs with
self-pity because "the children never have time to
visit me any more" . . .
The husband whose home life is shadowed by
the presence of a mother-in-law whose efforts to
please him are uniformly futile . . .
Tottering, elderly men and women, huddled to
gether in the monotonous misery of a "rest home"
while their children complain bitterly about the
high cost of keeping them there . . .
You know all these people. Everybody does.
They live in every community in America. They
are part of a most painful personal problem the
relationship of aging parents with their children
and grandchildren.
Every year, the problem engulfs thousands of
additional families. Modern medical science is
chiefly responsible. According to insurance-company
records, 40 years was the normal life span a
century ago. Today, thanks to better public and
private health measures, the average person can
anticipate living to 70 or more.
It's estimated that there are 14 million persons
over 65 in the United States. And the figure may
double in the next 25 years.
Many senior citizens reach the twilight of life
with empty pocketbooks. They can't live on Social
Security and have no other income. They must
depend on their children for-support -
The children face an agonizing choice. Should
they divert funds needed to educate their own
children to support their elderly parents? Should
feeble elders be kept in the family circle, wearying
.a wife by constant demands for attention, or should
they be placed in an institution or rest home?
You've heard the small child's cruel remark:
"Daddy says we can't afford a new car because we
have to feed Grandma." And the wife's grumble
that "I can't stand my mother-in-law. She's always
criticizing me and the children."
Equally poignant are the resentments of affluent
elders, wealthy enough to live alone and shower
lavish gifts on their descendants, who nevertheless
find themselves ignored by their children. The
children are "too busy" raising their own families
and earning a living.
No yardstick can measure the misery of millions
of parents who find their golden years tar
nished by real or imaginary neglect by their
children. Nor can words describe the mental
agony of children who must decide what to do
with an aged father or mother who depends on
them. Let's take a look at some typical family
case histories concerning this problem.
John J. is a railroad man, eligible to retire on
pension next January. He and his wife Helen
would like to sell their home and move to Florida.
But living with them is Helen's mother, who will
soon celebrate her 90th birthday.
"I'm unable to care for Mother any more," Helen
explains tearfully. "If we took her to Florida, none
of us would enjoy it If we paid to put her in a
rest home, we wouldn't be able to get along on
John's retirement income. I don't know what we're
going to do about Mother."
George and Mary B. decided they would have
to "do something" about the presence of bis feeble,
forgetful father in their home. The old man re
quired so much attention that Mary's health was
suffering and they felt their own three children
were being deprived of a normal family life.
They drove around week after week, seeking a
suitable rest home. They saw pitiful clusters of
faded, wrinkled men and women, sitting and star
ing blankly at sometimes ramshackle surround
ings, waiting stolidly for the curtain to fall on
their barren existence. They learned what Dr.
Ralph E. Dwork, Ohio State Health Commissioner,
meant when he said, "I wouldn't put my dog in
some of these nursing homes!"
Oh, yes, there were a few somewhat cheerful,
apparently well-managed rest homes. But the
operators asked from $150 to $500 a month. Some
insisted on agreement that the parent would be
removed immediately if he became seriously ill.
"We'll have to keep him at home and struggle
along as best we can," Mary said hopelessly. They
did and had difficulty disguising their feeling of
relief when merciful death solved the problem a
year later, freeing them of a burdensome obligation.
Tom and Betty S. don't speak to Tom's brother
and sister-in-law any more. Their arrangement
for Tom's semi-invalid father was for the old man
to spend three months with each family.
"He can't get up and down stairs without help,"
Betty complains. "When he gets to their house,
they help him up to a room in the attic, and leave
him there until it's time for him to return to us."
Betty suspects this treatment is part of a plot to
Family Weekly. February 1. 15