Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 1914)
16 IIOatE A2TO FARM MAGAZINE SEC1TON rv j 1 ft Stories With a Smile Schoolboy Anatrers. ATKACHEU iu ono of our poblia schools gives a couplo of ex amplos which indieato tho neces sity for her bolng on tho job, What is tho equator I" he asked of little d'otcr Ford, whoso knowl odgo of physical geography was well known throughout tho school. "Tho equator is a incnagorio lion running around tho earth," Answered tho lad, thereby establishing forever his claim to fame. "What boy will givo mo an example of an imperative sentence t" Inqulrod tho teacher. "I will," spoko up Matty Now. "John, throw the horso over tho fonco sorao hay." risin to Him. Among thoso visiting an art oxhlbi tlon held recently in San Antonio was an old German, who wandered about looking nt the paintings with inter est, iSnally ho stopped bforo a por trait which showed a man sitting in a high-backed chair. Tacked to tho framo was a small whlU) placard read ing: "A Portrait of J. 1 Jones, by Eimself." Tho aged Teuton read tho card and then chuckled sarcastically: "Vot fools is deso art beoplee," ho muttered. "Anybody dot looks at dot pieturo vould know dot Jones is by himself. Nobody clso is in der pic ture. a Making tho Tost. A barber in a downtown shop, bar ing been out lato tho night before, had a shaky hand the noxt morning and cut a patron's cbecl. four times. After each accident the barber said, as be sponged away tho bloed: "Ob, dear me. how careless!" The patron took all these gashes in crae sileneo. But when the shave was over he filled a glass at the water cooler, took a mouthful of wa ter, and, with compressed lips, pro ceeded to shako his head from side to side. "What is tho matter!" tho harbor asked. "You ain't got tho toothache, hao you I" "No," said tho customer. "I only wanted to see if my mouth would still hold water without leaking." What Ho Didn't Understand. A colored man who runs a prosper ous truck farm in a Southern stato was purchasing various articles at a shop in Atlanta, when tho proprie tor ventured to suggest that he need cd a barometer. An instrument was shown and the darky was treated to a long statement about indications and pressures and other things. Finally ho interrupted tho shopkeeper with: "Look heah, boss. I understands "bout nil dat. What I wants to know is, how do you set do thing when you .wants it to raint" V Changing Around. Neighbor Every time you feed your dog ho brings tbo bones over and gnaws them on my premises. Isn't ihero some way 'to stop itf Owner Suppose you feed him here after, and then he will probably bring them over and gnaw thorn on my promises. On the Captain's Deck. It is hard to imagine the skipper of a British man of war sleeping on tho deck of his ship bctweon a couple of bis stokers, but this has happened in tho American navy. It bapponed off Santiago during the blockade in Commodore Schley's flag ship, Brooklyn. No lights wero al lowed to be shown from the ships at sight, and, as this meant all port holes shut, tho temperature below decks was unbearable, livery man who could slept on deck, the skipper among them. This officer laid himself down one night on his quarter deck to snatch a fow hours' rest. Ho was awakened in the dawn, says tho Mirror, by hear ing a sleepy voico next to him inur Lur to a companion i "Darned if it ain't tho cap'nt" And, opening his eyes, ho saw two of his stokers rise up suddenly from his sido and dis appear swiftly for'aro. , How Ootfd Ho Know? "King Lear is a great character," remarked tho friend. . "Yes," answered tho actor. "1 sup pose you remember my performance last season!" "No, I must confess I hae never seen you in tho parti" "Indecdl" was tho rejoinder In a tono of gentlo surprise. "Tbon how on earth did you know it was a great character!" Realistic. Totted Daughter Thoy asked mo to play at Mrs. Highup's this ovoning, and I did; but " Fond Mother (proudly) Were not they entranced! Totted Daughter Hum I Wbon I played "A Life on the Ocean Wave" with variations, half of thorn left the room. Fond Mother (ecstatically) That is wonderful I They must havo felt sea sick. Easily Done. They had boen making hay while the sun shooo, and whoa they bad finished a high haystack the farmer's boy shout ed from tho tep: "Say, ralstor, how am I going to get down!" The farmer considered the problem and finally solved it: "Oh, jeat shet yor eyes as' walk around a bit." Couldn't Fool Him. The chump bad bought a pair of shoes in the city shop. "Now, can't I sell you a pair of shoo trees!" sug gested the clerk. "Don't git fresh with me, sonny t" replied the chump, bristling up: "I don't believe shoes kin be raised on trees any moro'n I believe rubbers grow on rubber trees or oysters on the oyster plants." rutting Ons Over. madly in loro with Gladys May, but thero eamo ono of those silly little quarrels, and tho fair one told tho youth to leave her papa's porch. John Henry did so. Moreover, he kept on going, and it was something liko ten years beforo ho returned to the natjve haunts bo know so well. At a ball ono night ho met the beau- toons Gladys May, married now, and It was with matronly condescension that die elected to look ixm lilm. "After ten long years wo meet ngntn, Oladyf," said John Henry, eagerly stop ping forward to take her hand, "I trust thut you still remember me. ' "Lot mo see," uutred tho fair Gladys May, with nn Indifferent expression "Was it on or your brother who used to lo nn old sweetheart of mine!" "Really, 1 don't know," canto back tho cruel response of John Henry, "Probably it was my father." arani'ma Bites. Hobby (to grandmother) Grandma, havo you over seen an rigino wagging its ears Grandma No; nonsense, Bobby. 1 never heard of an ongiuo having any oar Bobby Why, haven't you heard of engineers! But Not Alone. Thoro is in Brooklyn a young recent ly married coupto who have been hav ing tho usual half pathetic mid wholly amusing experiences incident to some what limited means and total inex perience Last Saturday, thero was n hitch in tho delivery of the marketing, and Sunday found them with a prae tically empty larder. When dinnor time eamo tho young wife burst into tears. "Oh, this is borribto!" she wept. "Not a thing in this homo for a dog to eatl I am going homo to mamal" "If you dont' mind, dear," tho hus band exclaimed, as he visibly bright enod and reached for his hat, "I'll go with you!" AU In Line. Tho rehearsal was procredingly slow ly. Tbo star had several complaint to make and tho manager was losing pa tience. Star Actor I must Insist, Mr. Stager, on having real food in the bau quot scons. Manager Ycty well, then; if you in sist on that you will bo supplied with real poison in tho death scouo. BULBS, ROSES, TREES roit pai.1. ri.ANrtNO nr.sr stock in tiiu west. Wo lut ni intj, itirnl our slook mi.l prf'r rhtrsra )on't bur unlit i rut our NKW KKIC I'm Oiftl OsUlef No, 90 Tills All. .raois Seconds. oktlNDOhe. GOING EAST or COMING WEST We can 5ix you Money , Unload rslM on ttoasthsM Oooes, Jo. AaUimobllto. olo. Tamos coooollsssoS eyro Insuring prvmpl dtlUorr s asocai kindling, IUI4 sad tnrormtlloa Uretsksi oo roqsoat Pacific Coast Forwarding Coapaay SOI WiWo BoiMias. PortUoJ Orosoa What do you think OFTHIS? 3,000,000 Acres riNE FREE HOMESTEADS and Montana Deeded Lands 18 to 140 an Acre Ready for tho plow. Yields 30 to CO bu. wheat. Oats, barley, flax, hay, etc., la proportion. Finest Inland Climate. Land Sold on Crop Faymeat Plan. Low faro Homeseekrrs' Ex cursions on first and third Tuesdays of each month. Western Immigration Agent, CM.ii BT. P. RY. 2nd and Cherry, Seattle, Wash. Not the Cheapest But the BEST VIM FLOUR Made In Oregon TheJobesMilfinfCo. St JolussvPortUnfl, Orgoa UAJ WE ARE SO SURE OF THE QUALITY OF ' Gold Shield Coffee That we ask you to give Gold Shield a trial, feeling that you will then insist on. Gold Shield when buying coffee. sSCHWABACHER BROS, ft CO., be Jkyflrtars anl Xoaattn of Ooff m fatttlt, Waak uflkj i " If - aa sfasm ITM I LIFI HSALTH ACCIDENT One Policy I VONTRAOT Oil TO CU. ttaU Ooaaoa ror nil llcaUs Is MSUtTsC HIlll IS r -in r ' rl rnniniri mass) ? rta o MlHnatTNMi raoaorta a ft MrUar.,MMMMM NSUBANOl 00. HOME OFFIOB-sUTTLl, U. S. K VAjs Nast, TassraassaHsj s4s1 OilMlMIUIMUM I i t&r&3VQfaMmtm
