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About Hermiston herald. (Hermiston, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 3, 2015)
OPINION A4 HERMISTONHERALD.COM SATURDAY, JANUARY 3, 2015 EDITORIAL • COMMENTARY • LETTERS HermistonHerald VOLUME 109 ɿ NUMBER 1 JESSICA KELLER EDITOR jkeller@hermistonherald.com 541-564-4533 MAEGAN MURRAY SEAN HART SAM BARBEE JEANNE JEWETT REPORTER mmurray@hermistonherald.com 541-564-4532 SPORTS REPORTER sbarbee@hermistonherald.com 541-564-4542 REPORTER smhart@hermistonherald.com 541-564-4534 MULTI-MEDIA CONSULTANT jjewett@hermistonherald.com 541-564-4531 STEPHANIE BURKENBINE MULTI-MEDIA CONSULTANT sburkenbine@hermistonherald.com 541-564-4538 To contact the Hermiston Herald for news, advertising or subscription information: • call 541-567-6457 • e-mail info@hermistonherald.com • stop by our of¿ces at 333 E. Main St. • visit us online at: www.hermistonherald.com ANNUAL SUBSCRIPTION RATES Delivered by carrier and mail Wednesdays and Saturdays Inside Umatilla/Morrow counties ......................................................................................... $42.65 Outside Umatilla/Morrow counties ...................................................................................... $53.90 The Hermiston Herald (USPS 242220, ISSN 8750-4782) is published twice weekly at Hermiston Herald, 333 E. Main St., Hermiston, OR 97838, (541) 567-6457, FAX (541) 567-1764. Periodical postage paid at Hermiston, OR. Postmaster, send address changes to Hermiston Herald, 333 Printed on E. Main St., Hermiston, OR 97838. recycled A member of the EO Media Group Copyright ©2015 newsprint The Battle of New Orleans: the bicentennial The gifts they should’ve gotten J H ey guys. Did this whole crazy holy daze madcap bedlam thing sneak up on you this year, making the world speed up like a maglev Bullet Train going downhill lit by a strobe, like it did us? There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. In 2014, Thanksgiving fell on Nov. 27, making it a mere 28 days between the Turkey and the Tree. Next year the gap grows by a day; then two days for leap year, until way way in the future, Year of Our Lord 2018, we’re talking maximum separation: 33 days. And \RXFDQEHWWKRVHH[WUD¿YH days will seem a blessed eternity, especially to our poor bedraggled brothers and sisters employed in the online retail industry. Let the drone-ducking commence. So while we salute all you incredibly stalwart consumers for navigating Demolition Derby parking lots in the honorable quest of sinking heavily into debt to celebrate the birth of that Jewish hippie kid, let us also take this time to offer up to the least deserving of us, our annual scathingly incisive yet perennially trenchant WILL DUR$T’$ 2014 XMA$ GIFT WI$H LI$T. These are the presents that folks presumably did not receive wrapped in brightly colored packages under dangerously parched ¿UWUHHVEXWPRVWFHUWDLQO\ deserved. For Barack Obama: A Kevlar bubble, as he will now be taking shots from many vantages. For CNN: Something to talk about other than ISIS and Ebola. And not ISIS infected with Ebola. For Alec Baldwin: $QXQOLPLWHGUH¿OODEOH prescription for Xanax in a carrying case suitable for travel. For Democrats in Congress: Scuba gear until they learn to grow gills for breathing underwater. For Republicans in Congress: Enough rope to tie up Obama’s agenda for two years, but not enough to hang themselves with. For Ted Cruz: A money order in the exact amount of a one-way ticket on the clue train. For Harry Reid: A big old Letters Policy WILL DURST RAGING MODERATE Cagle columnist Lazy-Boy recliner so at least he can be comfortable doing nothing. For Fox News: Hard evidence that the credit card used to pay for the rental car that took terrorists to the American Embassy in Benghazi has been traced to a shell corporation whose CEO is Hillary Clinton’s chief of staff. For Malaysian Airlines: A name change. For Jeb Bush: A name change. For Mitch McConnell: An oilcan. For Elizabeth Warren: A lingering bug to hit Hillary Clinton clearing the 'HPRFUDWLF¿HOGIRU For Joe Biden: A lingering bug to hit Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren clearing the 'HPRFUDWLF¿HOGIRU For Kentucky Senator Rand Paul: More Republicans to support his run for the Presidency and less Democrats. For Speaker of the House John Boehner: A JLIWFHUWL¿FDWHJRRGIRU one surgical procedure to remove that unsightly Tea Party growth clinging to his back. For Medical Science to study: Dick Cheney’s heart. George Bush’s brain. And Barack Obama’s leadership skills. For Scott Brown: Cheap property in either Vermont or Maine. Or both. For Shia LaBoeuf: A muzzle. Permanent. Steel. Welded with titanium rivets. For Brad Keselowski: A sponsorship deal with UFC. For Miley Cyrus: A sponsorship deal with any designer who can provide actual clothes. For Bill Cosby: Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. For Fidel Castro: A tricked out 2015 Ford F-150 to replace that 59 Chevy. — Copyright ©2014, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Email Will at durst@cagle- cartoons.com The Hermiston Herald welcomes original letters for publication on public issues and public policies. Submitted letters must be signed by the author and include the city of residence and a daytime phone number. Phone numbers will not be published. Letters may be mailed to the Hermiston Herald, 333 E. Main, Hermiston, OR, 97838; or emailed to editor@hermistonherald.com ust a reminder: Jan. 8 marks the 200th anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans, the last major encounter of The War of 1812. Depending on your perspective, you may greet that news in different ways, such as ³:RZ7LPHÀLHV´RU³, need to dust off my old KLVWRU\WH[WERRN´RULI you work for the Veterans Administration, “Keep your shirt on! We’re almost up to that point on WKHEDFNORJRIFDVHV´ Perhaps you assumed you’d already missed the bicentennial of the end of the War of 1812, but the FRQÀLFWDFWXDOO\UDQJHG from June 18, 1812 until Feb. 18, 1815. The Federalist Party couldn’t raise enough votes to dub it The War of 1812 And Change. Many Americans at the time of the war fancied it “the second $PHULFDQ5HYROXWLRQ´ Of course this sequel was lacking George Washington, Betsy Ross, Paul Revere and the Minutemen. It was sort of the “straight to YLGHR´ZDU/DUU\WKH Cable Guy was probably peddling grapeshot ammunition for this one. If you think the War of 1812 gets little respect in the U.S., it’s barely commemorated at all in Great Britain. That’s partly because they considered it just an offshoot of the DANNY TYREE TYRADES! Cagle columnist Napoleonic Wars and partly because they’re still mad about not trademarking “The (PSLUH6WULNHV%DFN´ When I was in high school, I had a hard time grasping one of the causes of the war. The “impressment of $PHULFDQVDLORUV´ meant that the British did not recognize British-born sailors on American ships as American citizens and began kidnapping them to serve in the British navy. All I heard was that the British navy was “impressing American VDLORUV´,FRXOGMXVW imagine them bragging, “Check out these abs! Pretty good for someone who eats limes, huh? And watch me wiggle P\WHHWK´ One lasting aspect of the War of 1812 was our national anthem. The unsuccessful British bombardment of Baltimore’s Fort McHenry inspired Francis Scott Key to pen “The Star-Spangled %DQQHU´,PDJLQHLI the anthem had been inspired by America’s attempts to annex Canadian territory. (“This land is your land, this land is my land... and, oh, yeah — THAT land is your land, that ODQGLVP\ODQG´ Remember August 1814 and the British burning of Washington, D.C.? The first impulse of First Lady Dolly Madison was to save priceless paintings from the White House. Today if the city was on fire, the first impulse of the first lady would be to demand, “Who let Biden SOD\ZLWKPDWFKHV"´ The Battle of New Orleans is best remembered for inspiring a 1959 country song written by Jimmy Driftwood and performed by Johnny “One lasting aspect of the War of 1812 was our national anthem. The unsuccessful British bombardment of Baltimore’s Fort McHenry inspired Francis Scott Key to pen “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Horton. (“In 1814 we took a little trip/Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty 0LVVLVVLSS´+LV military service helped propel Major General Andrew Jackson to the presidency, although Old Hickory later told a biographer, “Community organizer! That’s what I meant to sign up for instead of major JHQHUDO´ Although the War of 1812 weakened the Native Americans and emphasized the value of the U.S. Navy, most historians consider it a military/political stalemate. The status quo remained, and there were no boundary changes. That’s right: It changed nothing. (“Sort of like Mom’s ELUWKGD\V´VLJKHG Prince Charles.) Spend Jan. 8 remembering the war’s casualties. And contemplating life with a Bruce Springsteen anthem. (“Yaaaaaankee Doodle’s comin’ to town...Yaaaaaankee Doodle’s comin’ to WRZQ´ — ©2015 Danny Tyree. Danny welcomes reader e-mail responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits to his Face- book fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.” Danny’s week- ly column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. newspaper syndicate LETTER TO THE EDITOR Community generosity greatly appreciated Editor, Thanksgiving and Christmas were made a little brighter by volun- teers for the Community Fellowship Dinners. Volunteers came from area churches, businesses and homes. There were 814 meals served on Thanksgiving Day. The dinner was a traditional Thanksgiving feast with roasted turkey, mashed pota- toes and gravy, veggies, a cornbread roll, a huge variety of pies and as- sorted beverages. Our Christmas day meal, which served 561 meals, included baked ham with raisin sauce, mashed potatoes, ribbon-cut carrots, fruit salad, roll, pies and as- sorted beverages, along with a limit- ed amount of roasted turkey. Thank you to all the volunteers, participating churches and local businesses who make this minis- try possible. Your gifts of money, time and products continue to be a blessing to those who participate. Everyone’s generosity is greatly appreciated. Your support and do- nations bless many throughout our community. May God continue to bless the generosity and caring to neighbor to neighbor in and throughout our community and the surrounding ar- eas. LAURIE S. BALL-KISER, ORGANIZER COMMUNITY FELLOWSHIP DINNERS ELECTED OFFICIALS STATE District 29: Sen. Bill Hansell, R-Umatilla Co., 900 Court St. N.E., S-423, Salem, OR 97301, 503-986- 1729. 101 S.W. Third St., Pendleton, OR 97801 (541) 278-1396. E-mail: ssen.billhansell@state.or.us. District 30: Sen. Ted Ferrio- li, R-John Day; 900 Court St. N.E., S-223 Salem, OR 97301, 503-986- 1950. 750 W. Main, John Day, OR 97845, (541) 575-2321. E-mail: ferr- ioli.sen@state.or.us. District 58: Rep. Bob Jenson, R-Pendleton; 900 Court St. N.E., H-480, Salem, OR 97301, 503-986- 1458. 2126 N.W. 21st., Pendleton, OR 97801, (541) 276-2707. E-mail: rep.bobjenson@state.or.us. District 57: Rep. Greg Smith, R-Morrow, 900 Court St. N.E., H-280, Salem, OR 97301, 503-986- 1457. P.O. Box 215, Heppner, OR 97836, (541) 676-5154. E-mail: smith.g.rep@state.or.us. FEDERAL U.S. Sen. Ron Wyden Sac Annex Building, 105 Fir St., No. 201, La Grande, OR 97850; (541) 962-7691. E-mail: kath- leen_cathey@wyden.senate.gov; (Kathleen Cathey, community repre- sentative); 717 Hart Building, Wash- ington, D.C. 20510, (202) 224-5244. U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley One World Trade Center, 121 SW Salmon Street, Suite 1250, Portland, OR 97204; (503) 326-3386; Dirksen 6HQDWH 2I¿FH %XLOGLQJ 6'%% Washington, D.C. 20510. (202) 224- 3753. U.S. Rep. Greg Walden (2nd District) 843 E. Main St., Suite 400, Med- ford, OR 97504, (541) 776-4646, (800) 533-3303; 2352 Rayburn +RXVH2I¿FH%XLOGLQJ:DVKLQJWRQ D.C. 20515, (202) 225-6730