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About The Hermiston herald. (Hermiston, Or.) 19??-1984 | View Entire Issue (June 30, 1917)
THE HARD ROLE ÏO PLAY By JANE OSBORN. To be the youngest male professor in a girl’s college would be trying enough, but, added to that distinction, to possess a pair of boyish blue eyes and a shubbish sort of freckled nose that just naturally made girls of the college age treat you like a younger brother was a role that few men would like to play. But Tom Newbury had his reasons. It was not only because the post of professor of mathematics at Mendham was the first available means of earning his living that pre sented itself two years ago, when he left his alma mater. The real reason, although no one knew it but Tom, was that Sally Phelps was about to enter Mendham, and, although Tom hadn’t mentioned the fact to her, he rather Bked the idea of being near her. It was a springlike day in Febru ary when Sally had been in college a year and a half that Tom Newbury at last decided that he could wait no longer to make his declaration. Sec ond semester had begun, and he had decided never to begin another. In fact, he had accepted a position as mining engineer and bad decided to persuade Sally to leave school with him in May. He had decided to make his long- deferred declaration down the lane that leads from the campus toward the woods at Mendham. The dormi tory reception room is so frightfully uncompromising, so unsympathetic to- ward such an adventure. Even on a Cold day, the lane toward the woods was a warmer spot. But planning was one thing and getting Sally to stroll down the lane was quite another. "Really I'm dreadfully sorry,”she told him. looking out of brown eyes that were as frank and honest as his own, yea, too, that looked at Tom almost on a level, for Sally was every inch as tall as the youngest professor. “You see, tonight’s the night of the sophomore banquet—down in the boat house across the lake. We have had fires laid in the fireplaces and the ca terer is going to manage somehow. You see, we had to have it some place that the freshmen would not suspect. Don't breathe a word of it.” There was no use asking Sally to see him after the banquet, or to give him time before, for Sally was class president and there would be no room in her busy evening for thoughts of aught besides class matters. And be fore Tom could speak of a possible ■troll down the lane the following evening she was off on the pretext of having to spend the afternoon work Ing over the speech she had to make that night. It was in no very cheerful frame of mind that the youngest professor •trolled down through the campus be fore going to his boarding house for dinner that evening. What it Sally wouldn't accept him after all? Had be been wasting those two years when be might have been working at a man's job in the man's world instead of cloistered away in a woman's col lege? He walked slowly down to the exact spot in the lane that he bad chosen in his earlier plans for asking Sally. He leaned over the footbridge that ■panned the little stream and took in long breaths of the crisp, bracing February air, in which there was ever an slight a hint of approaching spring. The setting sun sent long shafts of red-golden light through the mass of tangled brush that bordered the lit- tie stream below. Then in the recently-melted waters of that very stream he saw Sally's reflection, even before he realised that she was standing at his side. He turned and would have spoken When Sally clapped her hand abruptly over his mouth “Quick!’ she whispered. "Hide me! They'll see us. Here, down under the bridge in the brambles. They will never think of looking there.' And before Tom had a chance to ask for an explanation he and Sally had secreted themselves under the bridge on the woody growth of branches and vines that grow at the side of the stream. "It’s a little soggy here,” Sally whispered at length, seizing Tom's band to keep from slipping on the thawing ground. "But I think I am safe. They won't think of looking here, will they?" "Who won't?" asked Tom, clutching the brambles In an effort to keep his footing "The freshmen. You see. we tried to keep it a secret about that banquet, but it leaked out and now they are trying to kidnap me. The Idea you know is always to get the class pres idents on banquet nights. Well, I started out and I thought l*d get around to the boathouse all right if I went this way. I put on Peggy Adams coat. You know what a giant ■he la. I'm tripping on the coat now. But they must have found out that I got her things because just when I got this far I heard them calling. I heard one of them say: “‘She’s making for the little lane. Bind her hand and foot and tie the bag over her head.' You know, they aren't very careful what they do to class presidents on banquet nights. I'm perfectly safe here, of course, only I’ve got to get to the banquet.” It may have been highly inoppor tune, but with Tom there was no time like the one planned for the deed. Why tempt Providence by not propos- Ing to Sally on the spot? Sally answered his appeal not quite as sedately as Tom had expected. In fact she actually laughed. "If that HERMISTON HERALD, HERMISTON, OREGON. isn’t like a man. You have kept me guessing for months. I was just crazy to know whether you really and truly liked me a little, but you wouldn't give me an inkling, and now when ei ther of us may slip down in the mud any minute, down here under the bridge and the brambles, with me all smothered up in Peggy Adams' coat, you ask me. But you know I care. 856888568 Ask me again tomorrow night. I’ve really got to get to that banquet now. Tom, if you really love me show it now. You give me your coat and hat and 111 fool them. It's getting dark. They’ll never know. You're an angel. You must wait here a little while so they won't think it is funny that there are two of us if they are still watch ing. You know It would mortify me to death if those snippy freshmen really got me.” In a second, Tom, shorn of his coat and hat. was watching from his re treat the departing figure of Sally, who was taking long strides and strutting off in apparent imitation of his gait. He waited patiently for five min utes. The darkness was settling and a cold wind was springing up. He looked down at the bundled coat and hat that belonged to Sally's Amazoni % an roommate. 20 "It may be a queer fit,' he said, "but I’m not going to eaten pneumonia for IN OUTSKIRTS OF TRIPOLI CITY anyone.” And with that he pulled on Peggy Adams’ spacious coat and ripoli , the highly-inflammable a myriad of caravans of the past land of Arab and Berber, has bleach along the desert trails, cara pulled her sport hat down over his exchanged its peace-time in vans that mostly came to harm at the head, and then, forgetful o’ bls strange dustries for the industry of hands of marauders; but there are disguise, he strolled through the woods war, and according to a statement some pre among them destroyed by thirst, in the direction that Säily had gone Suddenly he heard footsteps behind pared by the National Geographic so by the sand storm or by the water of him and then a torrent of high pitched ciety, the newer industry adds little wells poisoned in inter-tribal wars. voices. Then the youngest professor to "the normal hazard of Tripolitan Of all three risky Tripolitan trades, the caravan trade is the most risky; suddenly felt himself borne down upon life. Danger is the daily bread and meat and the old caravan men will find lit by unseen hands from the rear and in another minute he was struggling of the dweller in Tripoli, and, in this tle in the newer industry of war for against what seemed to be a bag that country flecked with occasional oases which their peace-time labors have was drawn over his head and was be and fringed with narrow strips of not fully prepared them. ing tied securely about his waist and coastal vegetation, even the/ principal bound in gag-wise, at his mouth. Then native pursuits for wealth and hap HELD ACT WAS JUSTIFIED the youngest professor felt himself be piness are accompanied by hidden ter ing pushed by some dozen firm young ror and grave risk. The principal Judge Put Himself In the Prisoner’s hands and arms into what apparently sources of income to Tripolitans are Position and Felt He Would those of sponge gathering, of esparto was a bag of enormous proportions Have Also Slain. “Now lift her Into the wheelbarrow, picking and of carrying on the trans- gently, ’cause we don't want to hurt saharan caravan trade. If there was one thing Ossup Mango Whether the native son seeks to was partial to, it was a good moving her." That was as much as Tom could stand. It did not take mue» of an ef make his "pile” searching the slimy picture. So he settled down in an aisle fort to wriggle his way out of the gag bottom of the Mediterranean for seat with a sigh of expectation as the tied about his mouth, and with a few sponges, or gathering esparto grass in eighty-seventh episode of “The Haz more struggles his bands were free. the morning mists of the desert, or fol ards of Hannah" began on the screen. The outer bag seemed to bo more se lowing the caravan of a thousand cam Just as the note explaining the vil curely tied. He could at least use his els back from the coast through 1,500 lain's motive was flashed on, a stout voice and his fists. He pitched his miles of Saharan desert to the distant man with all his hair in his whiskers voice as low as possible and assumed Sudan, he takes not only his labor wedged himself in front of Ossup on and capital for profit but also his his way to an inside seat. an air of deep importance “Young ladies, this is going too health and life. More often than not "Pshaw, I missed the note!” thought he reaps disability or death as his Ossup. “Ah! He’s going to blow up the far.” reward. There was a chorus of mingled bridge!” Perils of Sponge Gatherers. screams pitched In as many keys as Half a second before the dynamite The wild seas that now and again went off, a thin woman with three there were freshmen and in a moment more the youngest professor stood boil over the northern coast of Africa babies in her arms got in front of him forth In the semi-darkness, facing his are the smallest part of the sponge on her way in. embarrassed captors He doffed his diver's hazard. Paralysis is always "And I love explosions, too!” mut just ahead of this venturesome laborer tered Ossup. But a few minutes later borrowed cap and bowed low “I suppose I am a surprise to you. who, day by day making foolhardy he brightened, for the aeroplane chase You know. I suppose that hazing such rapid ascents from the sea bed under started. as you were attempting is strictly pen press of keen competition, sooner or All during the chase Ossup was gaz later experiences the return to ship ing at the back of a fireman who had alized by the faculty.” "But we didn't know it was you. board in terrific dizziness, which forms got wedged between Ossup's knees and We thought it was Sally. How did the usual prelude to partial or com the seat in front. you get Into Molly’s coal and hat’” plete paralysis. Strange as It may “I know!” thought Ossup. "I’ll wait seem, many partially-paralyzed divers for the second show and see the parts a dozen voices asked. are able to continue their calling, and "It I were to tell you young ladies," these people have made me miss!” And with a brave attempt at dignity, "that the unfitted, helpless cripple in the he did, and during the note scene the this was all part of a faculty plot to upper air feels normal circulation re thin woman stood in front of him on discover and bring to justice the ring turn to arms and legs when lowered her way out, the fireman blocked the leaders In this hazing conspiracy, I into the sea on the sponge grounds. bridge explosion and the stout man suppose you would have to admit that And the Arab divers of Tripoli, believ hid the aeroplane chase. wo had been a little shrewder than ing the disease indispensable to the It was then that Ossup Mango killed you.” He watched with pleasure the vocation, and inured to hazard in their the two ushers who came down to peculiar fatherland, dive phlegmatic looks of dismay and consternation that chide him for complaining aloud. But came over the faces of the freshmen. ally through a few fat seasons until later, the judge who tried him, being a Then he smiled with all the candor crippled or killed by their chosen movie fan himself, discharged him of the self-Importance of the professor trade. with words of commendation.—Indian Back In the plateau lands of the apolis Star. that he had been trying to be, as he Sahara, behind the coastal greens in said: "But that is not the case. I was the silent, treeless, untenanted desert New War Game. not scouting for the faculty when I wastes, where the alluring mystery of Playing war got three small boys the desert broods under the blighting was caught, though I'm sure they'd into the Columbus (Ind.) city court. like to get a report of the encounter heat of day and beckons in fanciful They had been reading the newspa Now here's a fair bargain. I won't shapes over the dunes at night, pers. They knew eggs were cheaper report you If you won't report mo. stretch vast fields of wiry esparto and also about the latest things in gas Perhaps some day you will know why grass, from which paper is manufac bombs. They armed themselves with I was strolling around in a sopho tured In great mills in England. In eggs, playing that they were hand more coat and hat. For the time be these fields, working for the starvation bombs, then lay in ambush to await wage of twenty cents a day or less, ing the joke Is on all of us.” the coming of the enemy. Just any And the youngest professor contin picking the grass and tying it In large sort of an enemy would satisfy them. bales to be loaded on camel trains for ued his way to his boarding house John J. Hosea, manager of the Citi costless and hatless in spite of the Tripoli City, the port of Tripolitania, zens Telephone company in Columbus, is another corps of workers who ad chill winds of Februsry. happened to come along with his new venture their safety In their work. (Copyright, 1916, by the McClure Newspa ly-washed touring car. Clarence Kep- Picking the Esparto Grass. per Syndicate.) Day begins for the esparto picker ley, a friend, was riding with him. The tn the moonlight of early morning. In boys decided the car was a battleship What Is Ugliness? or a Taube or something like that, This question of ugliness Is our the chill of desert morning the picker and they opened fire. Eggs spattered leaves his nearby shack for the field, grestest difficulty in discussing post the sides of the car. Kepley jumped Impressionism. We may as well face and begins his rapid task of breaking out of the machine and gave chase. it immediately. If beauty were only the longest wiry blades, leg high, from He captured one boy. who confessed defined we could get along better. Cer the most matured clump. And in the and gave the names of bls confeder heart of these clumps ever and again tain qualities, such as honesty, co- ordination, balance, workmanship lurks his danger in the form of his ates. They were loaded in the car and taken to the city court, where Mayor which unerringly hits the mark aimed arch enemy, the deadly viper. In the Volland lectured them. clumps, also, are hidden the venom at, may be recognized as essential to great art. But beyond these, beauty ous North African rock scorpions, The Final Test. is so much a matter of opinion as whose stings now and again prove fa "Can you tell me whether or not merely to follow a fashion. Through tal. It Is the poisonous vipers, how the past century, painter after painter ever. that make the work of esparto our navy is a good one?” asked the anxious citizen. , has seemed to both public and critic picking a sporting game with death. "Not yet,” replied the sarcastic Of the $2,000,000 of export trade en the very embodiment of ugliness. Turner, Millet, Manet. Monet—all took joyed by Tripoli before the war, one- man. “There is such a hopeless dif their turn. And thirty years ago fifth of It was produced by the sponge ference of opinion regarding our navy Cezanne first met the same charge divers, more than one-third of it by that I am going to reserve my own If the pictures of Cezanne, or any the esparto pickers and considerably opinion until it goes out and tackles other innovator, have enough of spirit more than one-sixth was brought over a hostile fleet.” ual or sensuous content to hold man's the wide, treacherous desert from the Hits American Trade. interest, we may be sure wc shall end Sudan. Many caravans, some of a Chinese are becoming so adept in by calling them beautiful In one or an few and some of thousand camels, fit other of the many senses that criti ted out In Tripoli, undertook the the manufacture of biscuit and crack cism is forced to give the term. Those danger fraught journeys to the great ers that the Hongkong product is be who understand Cezanne find In him a marts of Sudanese trade—Timbuktu ginning to compete with the imported depth of Insight, both technical and Kano. Kanen, Kuka. Bornu and Wadi. articles, having already worsted com spiritual, which they Inevitably call These journeys sometimes lasted two petition from Shanghai. This will af beauty.—H. M. Luquiens In the Jan» | years around, and brought their under fect the United States, from which the takers Into every species of danger major portion of biscuit, crackers and ary Yale Review. that the desert affords. Robbers in cakes for China have been imported. fest all the lanes across the desert, Superabundant Fame. Uncanny Knowledge. "When a man does anything well and. besides these, all the Inner desert The Charlotte Observer says that Ues subject to the vengeful caprice of be ought to get credit for it,” re- the masked Tuaregs, the strange peo "there hasn't been a red petticoat in marked the generous minded man “Not always," replied Bronco Bob ple who are at war with all who cross North Carolina since the big slect." | “Me an' Piute Pete got the reputation their paths and do not pay a sufficient That’s entirely too much for any one editor to know.—Nashville Tenne» of bein’ such good poker players that tribute. The bones of the camels and men of sean. It completely spoiled business." URISHING T POWER OF THE HUMORIST Tercentenary of Cervantes Recalls to Readers of History Memory of Other Satirists. The British are not the only people who this year may celebrate the ter centenary of a great writer. Madrid is erecting a monument to the author of “Don Quixote.” Cervantes was more than a man of letters; he was more than a great humorist ; he was an epoch. Master of ridicule, he laughed the defunct age of chivalry out of ex istence. People often forget the social func tion of the humorist, a New York Tribune writer states. He restores sanity. He clears the atmosphere of extravagance and humbug. Bergson says that laughter has “survival value" as a corrective of social abuses. Cer tainly some of the world's most ef fective reformers have been its mas ters of ridicule and satire. There are humorists, like Mark Twain, in whose laughter there is no sting, and there have been bitter satirists, like Jona than Swift and La Rochefoucauld, who have simply mocked the “all too hu manness” of mankind at its noblest. But in almost every age there has been some bold nonconformist spirit whose laughter in the face of some traditional scarecrow has ended the tyranny of a truth which had out- lived its usefulness and become a lie. Knighthood in the days of Chaucer had still its noble aspects, but knight hood after Cervantes wrote "Don Quixote" could never quite escape a touch of the burlesque. Therefore, men turned to less antiquated and more real avenues of human service. Similarly, the laughter of Aristo phanes wrought confusion among the ancient Greek sophists. Lucian’s mock ery corrected much of the sentimental ism of the effete Greco-Roman so ciety. The sound laughter of Eras mus, the humanist, spread the influ ence of the Renaissance in northern Europe. Butler's "Hudlbras” helped correct the extravagances of early English puritanlsm. Voltaire laughed the last remnants of medievalism out of the eighteenth-century France and cleared the ground for modern democ racy. Carlyle’s “Sartor Resartus” made nineteenth century romanticism ridiculous. The sly humor of Thack eray brought common sense into early Victorianism, and the sardonic spirit of Bernard Shaw in these times has left little In modern commercial so ciety unchallenged. May the Cervantes monument stand as a reminder to moderns that there have been reformers with a sense of humor! Their Fear Not Realized. The great fear of those whose act here in Philadelphia 140 years ago made this a nation was that the state would not remain a nation, a writer in the Philadelphia Public Ledger says. History has proved in their case the falsity of the epigram : “The thing you fear will get you.” What they feared never happened. We are a young country, but a very old government, as governments go. Call the roll of the nations and you will see that a majority of them are babies beside the United States. Ja pan’s present imperial regimen Is not half a century old. The house of Hohenzollern Is fairly ancient, but the German empire is not yet fifty and the French republic is no older. Austria and Hungary were yoked together long after Franklin told the signers of the Declaration of Independ ence they must all hang together or be hanged separately. Italy’s kingdom is not half so old as the United States. Portugal’s republic is a thing too young to vote, and the Chinese republic has not yet been weaned. All the score of Central and South American republics are much younger than is this greatest of world repub lics. * Nearly half the human race has now copied that lesson which was an nounced by the Liberty bell. Bluffed the New Conductor. He stood at the corner waiting for a car. Several cars had stopped to let him get on but he made no move to get aboard. Finally one stopped and a man got off. “Did you pay your fare to the end of the line?” inquired the waiting man. “Yes," said the man who got off. “Can I have your seat?” he asked. “Sure, it’s the last one on the right- hand side, cross seat.” The man clambered aboard and hur ried to the seat just left vacant. “Fare please,” said the conductor shortly afterwards. “Fare nothing,” responded the man. “I just took the other fellow’s place who got off and he said he paid to the end of the line and said that I could have his seat.” The response evidently was a stun ner for the new conductor and be was so surprised he passed up the fare. Most Eminent Medical Authorities Endorse It. Dr. Eberle and Dr. Braithwaite as well as Dr. Simon —all distinguished authors—agree that whatever may be the disease, the urine seldom fails in furnishing us with a clue to the princi ples upon which it is to be treated, and accurate knowledge concerning the nature of disease can thus be obtained. If backache, scalding urine or frequent urination bother or distress you, or if uric acid in the blood has caused rheu matism, gout or sciatica or you suspect kidney or bladder trouble just write Dr. Pierce at the Surgical Institute, Buffalo, N.Y.; send a sample of urine and de- scribe symptoms. You will receive free medical advice after Dr.Pierce’s chemist has examined the urine — this will be csrefully done without charge, and you will be under no obligation. Dr. Pierce during many years of experimentation baa discovered a new remedy which ha finds is thirty-seven times more power ful than lithia in removing uric acid from the system. If you are suffering from backache or the pains of rheuma tism, go to your best druggist and ask for a 50-cent box of “Anuric” put up by Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce’s Favorita Prescription for weak women and Dr. Pierce’s tolden Medical Discovery for the blood have been favorably known for the past forty years and more. They are standard remedies to-day— as well as Doctor Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets for the liver and bowels. You can get a sample of any one of these remedies by writing Dr. Pierce. Doctor Pieroe’s Pellets are unequaled as a Liver Pill. Ons tiny, Sugar-coated Pellet a Dose. Cure Sick Headache, Bilious Headache, Dizziness, Constipa tion, Indigestion, Bilious Attacks, and all derangements of the Liver, Stomach and Bowels. BUTTERFAT GONE UP If you are looking for Prompt Returns, Good Prices and a Square Deal, make your next shipment of Cream to HAZELWOOD CO., PORTLAND. ‘The Home of the Satisfied Shipper” Learned Something. “What’s the matter with Flubdub? He used to claim that our politicians were the most unscrupulous in the world.” “He has been traveling abroad. I think It was a great blow to hic civic pride when he found they were noL” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Vindicated Self-Esteem. “The Woggses seem to have a high opinion of themselves." “Yes. You see the same cook has consented to remain In their employ for three or four years. So they feel entitled to think that they are rather nice people.”—Washington Star. He Knew That. “What Is the chief mineral wealth of the Alleghanies?” "Dunno, mum." "Yes, you do. What do you carry In a scuttle?” "Suds, mum.” — Louisville Courier- Journal. Thread of Interest “This cookbook ought to be popu lar.” "Why so?" “There’s a love story mixed In with the recipes.” — Louisville Courier- Journal. Foolish Man. “Can't say I like that new hat of yours.” “Yet you liked it in the store.” “Well, it did look pretty when the girl tried it on.” Then the trouble started.—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. Sticks There. The man who drops his anchor In the Slough of Despond never gets any farther.—Answers. HOW MRS. BEAN I MET THE CRISIS Carried Safely Through Change of Life by Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound. Nashville,Tenn.—“When I was going through the Change of Life I had a tu- mor as large as a child’s head. The doctor said it was three years coming and gave me medi cine for it until I was called away from the city for some time. Of course I could not go to him then, so my sister-in-law told me that she thought Lydia E. Pinkham ■ Vegetable Com pound would cure it It helped both the Change of Life and the tumor and when I got home I Md not need the doctor. I took the Pinkham remedies until the tumor was gone, the doctor said, and I bave not felt it since. I tell every one bow I was cured. If this letter will help others you are welcome to use it” —Mrs. E. H. BEAN, 525 Joseph Avenue, Nashville, Tenn. Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com- pound, ■ pure remedy containing the extractive properties of good old fash- toned roots and herbs, meets the needs of woman s system at this critical period of her life. Try it New Life Preserver. A novel life preserver has been de- vised to supplement the ordinary cork jacket in rough water. By its use the person In distress Is able to breathe, even when the waves sweep over his | head. The appliance adds to the cork jacket a light metal chamber which floats high, a spout leading from It rising two or three feet above the water level. A tube leads from this chamber to a face mask, through which the wearer of the jacket breathes. Even If the water sweeps over his If there is an y symptom tn your head the spout of the air chamber la case which puzzles you, write to still clear and the air supply unim paired. "...