THE
HARD ROLE ÏO PLAY
By JANE OSBORN.
To be the youngest male professor
in a girl’s college would be trying
enough, but, added to that distinction,
to possess a pair of boyish blue eyes
and a shubbish sort of freckled nose
that just naturally made girls of the
college age treat you like a younger
brother was a role that few men would
like to play. But Tom Newbury had
his reasons. It was not only because
the post of professor of mathematics
at Mendham was the first available
means of earning his living that pre
sented itself two years ago, when he
left his alma mater. The real reason,
although no one knew it but Tom, was
that Sally Phelps was about to enter
Mendham, and, although Tom hadn’t
mentioned the fact to her, he rather
Bked the idea of being near her.
It was a springlike day in Febru
ary when Sally had been in college a
year and a half that Tom Newbury at
last decided that he could wait no
longer to make his declaration. Sec
ond semester had begun, and he had
decided never to begin another. In
fact, he had accepted a position as
mining engineer and bad decided to
persuade Sally to leave school with
him in May.
He had decided to make his long-
deferred declaration down the lane
that leads from the campus toward
the woods at Mendham. The dormi
tory reception room is so frightfully
uncompromising, so unsympathetic to-
ward such an adventure. Even on a
Cold day, the lane toward the woods
was a warmer spot.
But planning was one thing and
getting Sally to stroll down the lane
was quite another.
"Really I'm dreadfully sorry,”she told
him. looking out of brown eyes that
were as frank and honest as his own,
yea, too, that looked at Tom almost
on a level, for Sally was every inch
as tall as the youngest professor.
“You see, tonight’s the night of the
sophomore banquet—down in the boat
house across the lake. We have had
fires laid in the fireplaces and the ca
terer is going to manage somehow.
You see, we had to have it some place
that the freshmen would not suspect.
Don't breathe a word of it.”
There was no use asking Sally to
see him after the banquet, or to give
him time before, for Sally was class
president and there would be no room
in her busy evening for thoughts of
aught besides class matters. And be
fore Tom could speak of a possible
■troll down the lane the following
evening she was off on the pretext
of having to spend the afternoon work
Ing over the speech she had to make
that night.
It was in no very cheerful frame of
mind that the youngest professor
•trolled down through the campus be
fore going to his boarding house for
dinner that evening. What it Sally
wouldn't accept him after all? Had
be been wasting those two years when
be might have been working at a
man's job in the man's world instead
of cloistered away in a woman's col
lege?
He walked slowly down to the exact
spot in the lane that he bad chosen
in his earlier plans for asking Sally.
He leaned over the footbridge that
■panned the little stream and took in
long breaths of the crisp, bracing
February air, in which there was ever
an slight a hint of approaching spring.
The setting sun sent long shafts of
red-golden light through the mass of
tangled brush that bordered the lit-
tie stream below.
Then in the recently-melted waters
of that very stream he saw Sally's
reflection, even before he realised that
she was standing at his side.
He turned and would have spoken
When Sally clapped her hand abruptly
over his mouth
“Quick!’ she whispered. "Hide me!
They'll see us. Here, down under the
bridge in the brambles. They will
never think of looking there.'
And before Tom had a chance to
ask for an explanation he and Sally
had secreted themselves under the
bridge on the woody growth of
branches and vines that grow at the
side of the stream.
"It’s a little soggy here,” Sally
whispered at length, seizing Tom's
band to keep from slipping on the
thawing ground. "But I think I am
safe.
They won't think of looking
here, will they?"
"Who won't?" asked Tom, clutching
the brambles In an effort to keep his
footing
"The freshmen. You see. we tried
to keep it a secret about that banquet,
but it leaked out and now they are
trying to kidnap me. The Idea you
know is always to get the class pres
idents on banquet nights.
Well, I
started out and I thought l*d get
around to the boathouse all right if I
went this way. I put on Peggy
Adams coat. You know what a giant
■he la. I'm tripping on the coat now.
But they must have found out that I
got her things because just when I
got this far I heard them calling. I
heard one of them say:
“‘She’s making for the little lane.
Bind her hand and foot and tie the
bag over her head.' You know, they
aren't very careful what they do to
class presidents on banquet nights.
I'm perfectly safe here, of course, only
I’ve got to get to the banquet.”
It may have been highly inoppor
tune, but with Tom there was no time
like the one planned for the deed.
Why tempt Providence by not propos-
Ing to Sally on the spot?
Sally answered his appeal not quite
as sedately as Tom had expected.
In fact she actually laughed. "If that
HERMISTON
HERALD,
HERMISTON,
OREGON.
isn’t like a man. You have kept me
guessing for months. I was just crazy
to know whether you really and truly
liked me a little, but you wouldn't
give me an inkling, and now when ei
ther of us may slip down in the mud
any minute, down here under the
bridge and the brambles, with me all
smothered up in Peggy Adams' coat,
you ask me. But you know I care.
856888568
Ask me again tomorrow night. I’ve
really got to get to that banquet now.
Tom, if you really love me show it
now. You give me your coat and hat
and 111 fool them. It's getting dark.
They’ll never know. You're an angel.
You must wait here a little while so
they won't think it is funny that there
are two of us if they are still watch
ing. You know It would mortify me to
death if those snippy freshmen really
got me.”
In a second, Tom, shorn of his coat
and hat. was watching from his re
treat the departing figure of Sally, who
was taking long strides and strutting
off in apparent imitation of his gait.
He waited patiently for five min
utes. The darkness was settling and
a cold wind was springing up. He
looked down at the bundled coat and
hat that belonged to Sally's Amazoni
%
an roommate.
20
"It may be a queer fit,' he said, "but
I’m not going to eaten pneumonia for
IN OUTSKIRTS OF TRIPOLI CITY
anyone.” And with that he pulled on
Peggy Adams’ spacious coat and
ripoli , the highly-inflammable a myriad of caravans of the past
land of Arab and Berber, has bleach along the desert trails, cara
pulled her sport hat down over his
exchanged its peace-time in vans that mostly came to harm at the
head, and then, forgetful o’ bls strange
dustries for the industry of hands of marauders; but there are
disguise, he strolled through the woods
war, and according to a statement some
pre among them destroyed by thirst,
in the direction that Säily had gone
Suddenly he heard footsteps behind pared by the National Geographic so by the sand storm or by the water of
him and then a torrent of high pitched ciety, the newer industry adds little wells poisoned in inter-tribal wars.
voices. Then the youngest professor to "the normal hazard of Tripolitan Of all three risky Tripolitan trades,
the caravan trade is the most risky;
suddenly felt himself borne down upon life.
Danger is the daily bread and meat and the old caravan men will find lit
by unseen hands from the rear and
in another minute he was struggling of the dweller in Tripoli, and, in this tle in the newer industry of war for
against what seemed to be a bag that country flecked with occasional oases which their peace-time labors have
was drawn over his head and was be and fringed with narrow strips of not fully prepared them.
ing tied securely about his waist and coastal vegetation, even the/ principal
bound in gag-wise, at his mouth. Then native pursuits for wealth and hap HELD ACT WAS JUSTIFIED
the youngest professor felt himself be piness are accompanied by hidden ter
ing pushed by some dozen firm young ror and grave risk. The principal Judge Put Himself In the Prisoner’s
hands and arms into what apparently sources of income to Tripolitans are
Position and Felt He Would
those of sponge gathering, of esparto
was a bag of enormous proportions
Have Also Slain.
“Now lift her Into the wheelbarrow, picking and of carrying on the trans-
gently, ’cause we don't want to hurt saharan caravan trade.
If there was one thing Ossup Mango
Whether the native son seeks to was partial to, it was a good moving
her." That was as much as Tom could
stand. It did not take mue» of an ef make his "pile” searching the slimy picture. So he settled down in an aisle
fort to wriggle his way out of the gag bottom of the Mediterranean for seat with a sigh of expectation as the
tied about his mouth, and with a few sponges, or gathering esparto grass in eighty-seventh episode of “The Haz
more struggles his bands were free. the morning mists of the desert, or fol ards of Hannah" began on the screen.
The outer bag seemed to bo more se lowing the caravan of a thousand cam
Just as the note explaining the vil
curely tied. He could at least use his els back from the coast through 1,500 lain's motive was flashed on, a stout
voice and his fists. He pitched his miles of Saharan desert to the distant man with all his hair in his whiskers
voice as low as possible and assumed Sudan, he takes not only his labor wedged himself in front of Ossup on
and capital for profit but also his his way to an inside seat.
an air of deep importance
“Young ladies, this is going too health and life. More often than not
"Pshaw, I missed the note!” thought
he reaps disability or death as his Ossup. “Ah! He’s going to blow up the
far.”
reward.
There was a chorus of mingled
bridge!”
Perils of Sponge Gatherers.
screams pitched In as many keys as
Half a second before the dynamite
The wild seas that now and again went off, a thin woman with three
there were freshmen and in a moment
more the youngest professor stood boil over the northern coast of Africa babies in her arms got in front of him
forth In the semi-darkness, facing his are the smallest part of the sponge on her way in.
embarrassed captors He doffed his diver's hazard. Paralysis is always
"And I love explosions, too!” mut
just ahead of this venturesome laborer tered Ossup. But a few minutes later
borrowed cap and bowed low
“I suppose I am a surprise to you. who, day by day making foolhardy he brightened, for the aeroplane chase
You know. I suppose that hazing such rapid ascents from the sea bed under started.
as you were attempting is strictly pen press of keen competition, sooner or
All during the chase Ossup was gaz
later experiences the return to ship ing at the back of a fireman who had
alized by the faculty.”
"But we didn't know it was you. board in terrific dizziness, which forms got wedged between Ossup's knees and
We thought it was Sally. How did the usual prelude to partial or com the seat in front.
you get Into Molly’s coal and hat’” plete paralysis. Strange as It may
“I know!” thought Ossup. "I’ll wait
seem, many partially-paralyzed divers for the second show and see the parts
a dozen voices asked.
are
able
to
continue
their
calling,
and
"It I were to tell you young ladies,"
these people have made me miss!” And
with a brave attempt at dignity, "that the unfitted, helpless cripple in the he did, and during the note scene the
this was all part of a faculty plot to upper air feels normal circulation re thin woman stood in front of him on
discover and bring to justice the ring turn to arms and legs when lowered her way out, the fireman blocked the
leaders In this hazing conspiracy, I into the sea on the sponge grounds. bridge explosion and the stout man
suppose you would have to admit that And the Arab divers of Tripoli, believ hid the aeroplane chase.
wo had been a little shrewder than ing the disease indispensable to the
It was then that Ossup Mango killed
you.” He watched with pleasure the vocation, and inured to hazard in their the two ushers who came down to
peculiar
fatherland,
dive
phlegmatic
looks of dismay and consternation that
chide him for complaining aloud. But
came over the faces of the freshmen. ally through a few fat seasons until later, the judge who tried him, being a
Then he smiled with all the candor crippled or killed by their chosen movie fan himself, discharged him
of the self-Importance of the professor trade.
with words of commendation.—Indian
Back In the plateau lands of the apolis Star.
that he had been trying to be, as he
Sahara,
behind
the
coastal
greens
in
said:
"But that is not the case. I was the silent, treeless, untenanted desert
New War Game.
not scouting for the faculty when I wastes, where the alluring mystery of
Playing war got three small boys
the
desert
broods
under
the
blighting
was caught, though I'm sure they'd
into the Columbus (Ind.) city court.
like to get a report of the encounter heat of day and beckons in fanciful They had been reading the newspa
Now here's a fair bargain. I won't shapes over the dunes at night, pers. They knew eggs were cheaper
report you If you won't report mo. stretch vast fields of wiry esparto and also about the latest things in gas
Perhaps some day you will know why grass, from which paper is manufac bombs. They armed themselves with
I was strolling around in a sopho tured In great mills in England. In eggs, playing that they were hand
more coat and hat. For the time be these fields, working for the starvation bombs, then lay in ambush to await
wage of twenty cents a day or less,
ing the joke Is on all of us.”
the coming of the enemy. Just any
And the youngest professor contin picking the grass and tying it In large sort of an enemy would satisfy them.
bales
to
be
loaded
on
camel
trains
for
ued his way to his boarding house
John J. Hosea, manager of the Citi
costless and hatless in spite of the Tripoli City, the port of Tripolitania, zens Telephone company in Columbus,
is
another
corps
of
workers
who
ad
chill winds of Februsry.
happened to come along with his new
venture their safety In their work.
(Copyright, 1916, by the McClure Newspa
ly-washed touring car. Clarence Kep-
Picking
the
Esparto
Grass.
per Syndicate.)
Day begins for the esparto picker ley, a friend, was riding with him. The
tn the moonlight of early morning. In boys decided the car was a battleship
What Is Ugliness?
or a Taube or something like that,
This question of ugliness Is our the chill of desert morning the picker and they opened fire. Eggs spattered
leaves
his
nearby
shack
for
the
field,
grestest difficulty in discussing post
the sides of the car. Kepley jumped
Impressionism. We may as well face and begins his rapid task of breaking
out of the machine and gave chase.
it immediately. If beauty were only the longest wiry blades, leg high, from
He captured one boy. who confessed
defined we could get along better. Cer the most matured clump. And in the
and gave the names of bls confeder
heart
of
these
clumps
ever
and
again
tain qualities, such as honesty, co-
ordination, balance,
workmanship lurks his danger in the form of his ates. They were loaded in the car and
taken to the city court, where Mayor
which unerringly hits the mark aimed arch enemy, the deadly viper. In the Volland lectured them.
clumps,
also,
are
hidden
the
venom
at, may be recognized as essential to
great art. But beyond these, beauty ous North African rock scorpions,
The Final Test.
is so much a matter of opinion as whose stings now and again prove fa
"Can you tell me whether or not
merely to follow a fashion. Through tal. It Is the poisonous vipers, how
the past century, painter after painter ever. that make the work of esparto our navy is a good one?” asked the
anxious citizen.
,
has seemed to both public and critic picking a sporting game with death.
"Not yet,” replied the sarcastic
Of the $2,000,000 of export trade en
the very embodiment of ugliness.
Turner, Millet, Manet. Monet—all took joyed by Tripoli before the war, one- man. “There is such a hopeless dif
their turn. And thirty years ago fifth of It was produced by the sponge ference of opinion regarding our navy
Cezanne first met the same charge divers, more than one-third of it by that I am going to reserve my own
If the pictures of Cezanne, or any the esparto pickers and considerably opinion until it goes out and tackles
other innovator, have enough of spirit more than one-sixth was brought over a hostile fleet.”
ual or sensuous content to hold man's the wide, treacherous desert from the
Hits American Trade.
interest, we may be sure wc shall end Sudan. Many caravans, some of a
Chinese are becoming so adept in
by calling them beautiful In one or an few and some of thousand camels, fit
other of the many senses that criti ted out In Tripoli, undertook the the manufacture of biscuit and crack
cism is forced to give the term. Those danger fraught journeys to the great ers that the Hongkong product is be
who understand Cezanne find In him a marts of Sudanese trade—Timbuktu ginning to compete with the imported
depth of Insight, both technical and Kano. Kanen, Kuka. Bornu and Wadi. articles, having already worsted com
spiritual, which they Inevitably call These journeys sometimes lasted two petition from Shanghai. This will af
beauty.—H. M. Luquiens In the Jan» | years around, and brought their under fect the United States, from which the
takers Into every species of danger major portion of biscuit, crackers and
ary Yale Review.
that the desert affords. Robbers in cakes for China have been imported.
fest all the lanes across the desert,
Superabundant Fame.
Uncanny Knowledge.
"When a man does anything well and. besides these, all the Inner desert
The
Charlotte
Observer says that
Ues
subject
to
the
vengeful
caprice
of
be ought to get credit for it,” re-
the masked Tuaregs, the strange peo "there hasn't been a red petticoat in
marked the generous minded man
“Not always," replied Bronco Bob ple who are at war with all who cross North Carolina since the big slect." |
“Me an' Piute Pete got the reputation their paths and do not pay a sufficient That’s entirely too much for any one
editor to know.—Nashville Tenne»
of bein’ such good poker players that tribute.
The bones of the camels and men of sean.
It completely spoiled business."
URISHING
T
POWER OF THE HUMORIST
Tercentenary of Cervantes Recalls to
Readers of History Memory of
Other Satirists.
The British are not the only people
who this year may celebrate the ter
centenary of a great writer. Madrid is
erecting a monument to the author of
“Don Quixote.” Cervantes was more
than a man of letters; he was more
than a great humorist ; he was an
epoch. Master of ridicule, he laughed
the defunct age of chivalry out of ex
istence.
People often forget the social func
tion of the humorist, a New York
Tribune writer states. He restores
sanity. He clears the atmosphere of
extravagance and humbug. Bergson
says that laughter has “survival value"
as a corrective of social abuses. Cer
tainly some of the world's most ef
fective reformers have been its mas
ters of ridicule and satire. There are
humorists, like Mark Twain, in whose
laughter there is no sting, and there
have been bitter satirists, like Jona
than Swift and La Rochefoucauld, who
have simply mocked the “all too hu
manness” of mankind at its noblest.
But in almost every age there has
been some bold nonconformist spirit
whose laughter in the face of some
traditional scarecrow has ended the
tyranny of a truth which had out-
lived its usefulness and become a lie.
Knighthood in the days of Chaucer
had still its noble aspects, but knight
hood after Cervantes wrote "Don
Quixote" could never quite escape a
touch of the burlesque. Therefore, men
turned to less antiquated and more
real avenues of human service.
Similarly, the laughter of Aristo
phanes wrought confusion among the
ancient Greek sophists. Lucian’s mock
ery corrected much of the sentimental
ism of the effete Greco-Roman so
ciety. The sound laughter of Eras
mus, the humanist, spread the influ
ence of the Renaissance in northern
Europe. Butler's "Hudlbras” helped
correct the extravagances of early
English puritanlsm. Voltaire laughed
the last remnants of medievalism out
of the eighteenth-century France and
cleared the ground for modern democ
racy.
Carlyle’s “Sartor Resartus”
made nineteenth century romanticism
ridiculous. The sly humor of Thack
eray brought common sense into early
Victorianism, and the sardonic spirit
of Bernard Shaw in these times has
left little In modern commercial so
ciety unchallenged.
May the Cervantes monument stand
as a reminder to moderns that there
have been reformers with a sense of
humor!
Their Fear Not Realized.
The great fear of those whose act
here in Philadelphia 140 years ago
made this a nation was that the state
would not remain a nation, a writer in
the Philadelphia Public Ledger says.
History has proved in their case the
falsity of the epigram :
“The thing you fear will get you.”
What they feared never happened.
We are a young country, but a very old
government, as governments go.
Call the roll of the nations and you
will see that a majority of them are
babies beside the United States. Ja
pan’s present imperial regimen Is not
half a century old.
The house of Hohenzollern Is fairly
ancient, but the German empire is not
yet fifty and the French republic is no
older.
Austria and Hungary were yoked
together long after Franklin told the
signers of the Declaration of Independ
ence they must all hang together or be
hanged separately.
Italy’s kingdom is not half so old as
the United States. Portugal’s republic
is a thing too young to vote, and the
Chinese republic has not yet been
weaned.
All the score of Central and South
American republics are much younger
than is this greatest of world repub
lics.
*
Nearly half the human race has now
copied that lesson which was an
nounced by the Liberty bell.
Bluffed the New Conductor.
He stood at the corner waiting for
a car. Several cars had stopped to let
him get on but he made no move to
get aboard.
Finally one stopped and a man got
off.
“Did you pay your fare to the end of
the line?” inquired the waiting man.
“Yes," said the man who got off.
“Can I have your seat?” he asked.
“Sure, it’s the last one on the right-
hand side, cross seat.”
The man clambered aboard and hur
ried to the seat just left vacant.
“Fare please,” said the conductor
shortly afterwards.
“Fare nothing,” responded the man.
“I just took the other fellow’s place
who got off and he said he paid to
the end of the line and said that I
could have his seat.”
The response evidently was a stun
ner for the new conductor and be was
so surprised he passed up the fare.
Most Eminent Medical
Authorities Endorse It.
Dr. Eberle and Dr. Braithwaite as
well as Dr. Simon —all distinguished
authors—agree that whatever may be
the disease, the urine seldom fails in
furnishing us with a clue to the princi
ples upon which it is to be treated,
and accurate knowledge concerning the
nature of disease can thus be obtained.
If backache, scalding urine or frequent
urination bother or distress you, or if
uric acid in the blood has caused rheu
matism, gout or sciatica or you suspect
kidney or bladder trouble just write Dr.
Pierce at the Surgical Institute, Buffalo,
N.Y.; send a sample of urine and de-
scribe symptoms. You will receive free
medical advice after Dr.Pierce’s chemist
has examined the urine — this will be
csrefully done without charge, and you
will be under no obligation. Dr. Pierce
during many years of experimentation
baa discovered a new remedy which ha
finds is thirty-seven times more power
ful than lithia in removing uric acid
from the system. If you are suffering
from backache or the pains of rheuma
tism, go to your best druggist and ask
for a 50-cent box of “Anuric” put up
by Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce’s Favorita
Prescription for weak women and Dr.
Pierce’s tolden Medical Discovery for
the blood have been favorably known
for the past forty years and more. They
are standard remedies to-day— as well
as Doctor Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets for
the liver and bowels. You can get a
sample of any one of these remedies
by writing Dr. Pierce.
Doctor Pieroe’s Pellets are unequaled
as a Liver Pill. Ons tiny, Sugar-coated
Pellet a Dose. Cure Sick Headache,
Bilious Headache, Dizziness, Constipa
tion, Indigestion, Bilious Attacks, and
all derangements of the Liver, Stomach
and Bowels.
BUTTERFAT GONE UP
If you are looking for Prompt Returns,
Good Prices and a Square Deal, make
your next shipment of Cream to
HAZELWOOD CO.,
PORTLAND.
‘The Home of the
Satisfied
Shipper”
Learned Something.
“What’s the matter with Flubdub?
He used to claim that our politicians
were the most unscrupulous in the
world.”
“He has been traveling abroad. I
think It was a great blow to hic civic
pride when he found they were noL”
—Louisville Courier-Journal.
Vindicated Self-Esteem.
“The Woggses seem to have a high
opinion of themselves."
“Yes. You see the same cook has
consented to remain In their employ
for three or four years. So they feel
entitled to think that they are rather
nice people.”—Washington Star.
He Knew That.
“What Is the chief mineral wealth
of the Alleghanies?”
"Dunno, mum."
"Yes, you do. What do you carry
In a scuttle?”
"Suds, mum.” — Louisville Courier-
Journal.
Thread of Interest
“This cookbook ought to be popu
lar.”
"Why so?"
“There’s a love story mixed In with
the recipes.” — Louisville Courier-
Journal.
Foolish Man.
“Can't say I like that new hat of
yours.”
“Yet you liked it in the store.”
“Well, it did look pretty when the
girl tried it on.”
Then the trouble started.—Louis-
ville Courier-Journal.
Sticks There.
The man who drops his anchor In
the Slough of Despond never gets any
farther.—Answers.
HOW MRS. BEAN I
MET THE CRISIS
Carried Safely Through Change
of Life by Lydia E. Pinkham’s
Vegetable Compound.
Nashville,Tenn.—“When I was going
through the Change of Life I had a tu-
mor as large as a
child’s head. The
doctor said it was
three years coming
and gave me medi
cine for it until I
was called away
from the city for
some time. Of
course I could not
go to him then, so
my sister-in-law told
me that she thought
Lydia E. Pinkham ■ Vegetable Com
pound would cure it It helped both
the Change of Life and the tumor and
when I got home I Md not need the doctor.
I took the Pinkham remedies until the
tumor was gone, the doctor said, and I
bave not felt it since. I tell every one
bow I was cured. If this letter will
help others you are welcome to use it”
—Mrs. E. H. BEAN, 525 Joseph Avenue,
Nashville, Tenn.
Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com-
pound, ■ pure remedy containing the
extractive properties of good old fash-
toned roots and herbs, meets the needs
of woman s system at this critical period
of her life. Try it
New Life Preserver.
A novel life preserver has been de-
vised to supplement the ordinary cork
jacket in rough water. By its use the
person In distress Is able to breathe,
even when the waves sweep over his |
head. The appliance adds to the cork
jacket a light metal chamber which
floats high, a spout leading from It
rising two or three feet above the
water level. A tube leads from this
chamber to a face mask, through which
the wearer of the jacket breathes.
Even If the water sweeps over his
If there is an y symptom tn your
head the spout of the air chamber la case which puzzles you, write to
still clear and the air supply unim
paired.
"...