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About Gresham outlook. (Gresham, Multnomah County, Or.) 1911-1991 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 7, 1914)
16 HOME ANT) FARM MAGAZINE SECTION Stories With a Smile M ILE S w eaved through the feature« o f Congressman A aher C. H inds of M aine th e o th er evening when the talk d rifte d to dom estic felicity. He said ho was rem inded o f an incident in the homo o f Jones, Jones was sittin g in th e den one night glancing over the sp orting pages. Op poaite him sat little w ifev m aking some thin g with a k n ittin g needle. Suddenly m other glanced up. “ Jo h n Henry, ” said she, “ drop th a t paper a m inute. I w ant to ask you a question. ’’ W hat is it, d e a r ! ” was the obedi ent response o f John Henry. , It ® ju s t th is ,“ returned wifey. “ If you were single again and I were single again, would you usk me to m arry you»” 1 Look here, M ary ’• exclaimed fath e r a littlo energetically, “ w hat do you w ant to s ta rt som ething fo r wheu we have settled down for a nice quiet e v e n in g f” S John siowly climbed th e sta irs and shut the trapdoor. The Btorm howled and raged. Two hours later th e fam ily g athered for tea. When the meai was h alf over, A unt Mary had not appeared, and Mrs. F lint started an investigation She did not have to ask many questions; J-iiin answ ered th e first one: “ Please, m other, she i* up on the ro o f.' * P rep arin g the W ay. Claude had disobeyed his parents, and his m other knew it. “ I am a f r a id ,” she said, “ th a t when I tell your fa th e r w hat you have been doing th is forenoon he will punish you severely. ’ ’ “ H ave you got to tell him, M o th e r!” asked the boy. “ Y es,” was the reply; “ I shall tell him im m ediately a fte r d in n e r.’ ’ How She W as Recognized. “ Well, M o th er,’’ said the boy, “ give M ary met Em ily on the street. They him a real good dinner, w o n 't you! You tail not seen each other for m any years. m ight do as much as th a t fo r m e.’’ “ Why, how do yon d o !’ ’ exclaim ed M ary, effusively, topping o ff the sahita W onderful Training. tion w ith a few vague peeks r t E m ily ’s Mr. C raig was reading the evening face, paper, while his w ife sat n ear by, knit “ Now this is d e lig h tfu l,’ ’ said Emily, ting. who was older than M ary. “ You “ Ju s t listen to this, D ebby,” he said. h a v e n 't seen me for eleven te a rs, and y et you know ine a t once I co u ld n 't have changed so dreadfully in all th at time. I t fla tte rs m e.’’ Said M ary: “ I recognized your bon net. ’ ’ U tte rly Useless. “ J o h n ,” asked Mrs. D orkins, “ w hat is a ‘ political con g a m e ’! ’’ Why, i t ’s— i t ’s a fram e up, 7°” k n o w .” “ Yes, but w hat is a fram e-up! <<A—er— piece of bunk, of course; c a n ’t you------ ” “ W hat is a piece of b u n k ! “ Oh, sh u c k s!” exclaimed Mr. Dor- kins. “ W h a t’s the use of try in g to tell a woman an y th in g about politics MOVIES MAKE MONEY D id n 't Need a Vehicle. An affab le agent approached a Texan whose record he had previously ac quain ted him self with. “ C olonel,” said he, “ those arc m ighty fine boys o f y o u rs.” “ Tho finest ever, s tra n g e r,” ac quiesced tho colonel. “ The fin est in Texas. ” “ I reckon you buy them an y th in g they w a n t! ” “ W hy sure, stran g er; I buy them an y th in g they need, w hether th ey w ant it or not. ” “ Then, colonel, let me sell yon a cyclopaedia for them. T h ere's nothing else th a t will b enefit them so m uch.” Tho colonel looked at the agpnt in astonishm ent. “ Why, stra n g e r,” said he, “ them boys of mine d o n ’t need no cylopaedia. They ride bosses. ” Jo h n so n 's E nlistm ent. They were speaking o f arm y service at a social session .lie o th er night when ' ongressman Henry T. Helgenscn of N orth D akota sm ilingly said he was re minded o f the enlistm ent of Jim John son. Johnson enlisted w ith tho usual on Ihusiasm , th e Congressman said, but he had not been in the arm y two days be fore he made the m istake o f tw isting his face into th e shape o f disdain whilo the hash was being served. “ W h a t’s tho m atter with you there, Jo h n s o n !” im periously dem anded an o f ficer who had observed tho facial con tortion. “ D o n 't you like th a t so u p !” “ No, s ir ,” was the fran k rejoinder of Johnson, “ it is lull o f sand and g rit, sir. ’ ’ M ental Reserve. “ It is, is i t f ” lo ftily returned the o f G entlem en, I c a n ’t lio about the ficer. “ Well, did you come here to horse; he blind in one e y e ,” said the grum ble, or to servo v tu r c o u n try !” auctioneer. ” 1 camo here to serve my country, Tho horse was soon knocked down to s i r ,” politely answ ered Johnson, “ but a citizen, who hail been g reatly struck not to eat i t . ” by the au ctio n eer's honesty, and a fte r paying for the liorso he raid: Applied N atu ral Philosophy. “ You were honest enough to tell th at Put had been engaged to fako a trunk th is anim al u blind in ono eye. Is neross tho lake, lie placed tho trunk th re any o th er d e fe c t!” in the bow of the boat, with the result “ Yes, sir; th ere is. lie is also blind th a t ho bont tipped fi rw ard. in tho o th er e y e ,” wa the prom pt re Man (on the d o ck )— W hat are yon ply. row ing w ith th a t tru n k in the bow of the boat for, I’n tf A D irty Job. i ’a t —Sure, a n ’ if it was in the stern “ Ju st look :.t the wonderful color of w o u ld n 't I be ro w in ' uphill all the the s e a !” exclaim ed a to u rist on his tim e! A n ’ th is way I'm rowing dow n first M editerran ean cruise. “ See how hill all tho time! blue it is! ” “ T h a t’s not s tra n g e ,” growled a trav eler who had lately run the gnmnt ■* Suitable. “ I suppose,” rem arked Mrs. Brown, of th e N eap o litan pensions and was “ No wonder • ‘ now n v iato rs are becoming so Dinner theret'oro disillusioned. ons and are actually holding aeroplane i t 's blue. Y ou'd be blue yourself if you c n tests lint we may expect to see a had to wash the shores of Italy ! ” weekly p«|>er published in th eir in te r H ard on Tat,her. ests. ” Do you try to make home life pleas “ O h ,” said Sm ith, “ there bar been a su itab le paper on sale for a long time a n t for your s o n ! ” “ Y es,” replied F arm er C o rn ,asset now. ” “ But i t 's m ighty hard to live up to the “ Indeed, W hat its n a m e !” refined w ays he insists on. I'm a n “ Fly p a p e r.” n o y in ’ him terrib le because when I'm w o rk in ' around the b: rn I keep for Ho Learned Ills Value. A to u rist in S cotland came to a wide g e ltin ' to re fe r to the bay lo ft as the ferry . It was storm y and the wind was m ezzanino flo o r.” con stan tly increasing The Scotch ferry O vertaken. man agreed to tak e the to u rist across, It was a w izened little man who ap but told him to wait un til l*e had first penred before th e judgo and charged taken a cow across. When he bad returned and started his w ife w ith cruel and abusive treat across w ith th e trav eler the la tte r be ment. H is b e tte r liaif was a big, square jaw ed woman, w ith a determ ined came curious. Will you tell me why you took the eye. “ Tn th e first place, where did you eow across and made me w a it! ” he meet th ia woman who has treated you asked. “ Weel, n o w .” explained the ferry so d re a d f u lly !” asked the judge. “ W ell,” replied tho little m an, mak man, “ you see the coo wnr valuable, and 1 feared t h ’ wind wild increase so ing a b rav e attem p t (a glare d efian tly t h ’ b o at m ight upset on t h ’ second at his w ife, “ 1 never did m eet her. She ju st kind o f overtook m e.” trip ! ” Obedienea. Mrs. F lin t ntw ays dem anded instan t and unquestioning ebedienge from her children. One afternoon a storm cam«- up, and she sent her sen John to elono the trapdoor leading to the root. “ But, m other------” said John. “ John, I told you to »hut tho tra p door. ” “ Yos, but, m other— ” “ John, sh u t th a t tra p d o o r!” “ All rig h t, m other, if yen say to, b u t------” “ Jo h n !” “ I t says here in the paper th a t ran» than 5,000 elephants a y e a r go to uiakn our piano k ey s.” “ G racio u s!” cried th e wife. “ A in ’t it ju s t w onderful, Dan, w hat some ani mals can be train ed to do! ” P h on a M ain I T i l L ira HEALTH ACCIDENT » O n e P o l i c y pO M ì“ «»» V O N T R A C T g „ J National Amusement Company PORTLAND, OREGON. Licensed Under Blue Sky Law by Corporation Commission of Oregon. DIRECTORS. M elvin G. W instock, President N ational Am usem ent Co. John S. B eall, Coast Culvert & Flum e Co. W. E. Coman, Gen. Mgr. North w estern E lectric Co. A. S. Stephens, Mgr. P acific Coaat Coat Co. D epositary— Scandinavian American Bank. Offers For Sale a Limited Amount of Stock in its Company. Tho N ational Theater, now being erect ed, so as to bo open and r e a d y f o r L u l i n e . . S e p t e m b e r 30 , w ill be ono of tho finest M oving P icture T heaters in P ort land. and w ill pay largo m onthly cash dividends. F u llest investigation invited. Shares $100. <* WRITE FOR FULL DETAILS. NATIO NA L A M U SEM EN T CO., Room 3, P itto ck Block, P ortland, Oregon. Please send me com plete inform ation about stock in your company. W hich Piano ^^5? Shall I Buy? It’s a Puzzling Problem—But we can help you solve it. Z H ouse of O riginality Bush & Lane F ianos stand fo r suprem e excel lence of piano construction. They aro m agnificent in tone, touch, d u rab ility and o rig in ality of design. Remember this— You are buying a P iano once in your lifetim e—be fa ir w ith your self, see them, hear them —before you m ake your purchase. I t 's tho g reatest Piano m anufactured in the world today. Come in —w e ’ll tu rn it inside out before your eyes and show you why. A fte r yon see it— if vou w ant to think it over fu rth e r—t h a t ’s all right— it'» a delight to show it. Some special bargains in used standard m ake Pianos tak en in ex change on Bush & Lane instrum ents, from $93 up. B ush & L an e P ian o 433 5 W A SHIN GTO N STREET P ortland, Oregon. M A NU FACTURERS W H OLESALERS R E T A IL E R S <5*> o"' ' / »V* ,.© House of O riginality «5® S' C lip t h is C oupon and m a ll to th » R a a a a O ffic e for fu ll In fo r m a tio n .— N o a b llx a tlo n In cu rred . N am a: Addi O aeu p aU an i J t x a naaraat b irth d a y ........................ ■ L l u n r u o a Supxaatad NSURÀNC1 CO DOME OFFICE—SE ATTLE, U. 3. A. *
