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About Heppner gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1925-current | View Entire Issue (July 11, 1974)
Page 2 Horse sense ERNEST V. JOINER 0 A lot of people attended the July 4 celebration in Condon hoping to see the scheduled porcupine race. They found that event had been scrubbed because of the loud lamentations and foot-stamping of environmentalists and their fellow travelers who charged that the animals were being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. Besides, it would probably embarrass the porcupines to perform before an audience of hard-hearted honkies. Like the skunk, the porcupine is pretty capable of taking care of himself. Both animals are endowed with over-developed defense mechanisms. Mistreat a skunk and it retaliates with a missile as offensive as the nuclear MIRV. Irritate a porcupine and your face comes off looking like a pin cushion. It's too bad the porcupines didn't get consulted in the matter. They may have preferred to have free room and board for a few days and enter into a healthy competition with their fellows before being returned to the wilds. But our ersatz environmentalists cheated the public but of an advertised sporting event, and they cheated the porcupines out of the only honest work they'll have a chance to do this year. How long will it be before we cant slap a mosquito without touching off a barking contest? For many years the annual rattlesnake roundup at Big Spring. Tex., has served the worthy cause of decimating the rattlesnake population. Each year hundreds of people beat the brush and collect rattlesnakes that infest the area. The snakes are tossed into gunny sacks and later shipped to a snake farm where they are milked for their venom, which in turn is made into antitoxin to cure rattlesnake bites. How anybody can love a rattlesnake is beyond me, but the anti-cruelty people are crying to the courts to halt the practice as being cruel to snakes It is not, I presume, cruelty when a rattlesnake bags a man fuh, person.' The pro-rattlesnakers say the hunt is cruel because the snakes are kept without food and water. Which shows a woeful lack of information about rattlesnakes. These snakes don't care about water, which is why they infest the deserts and semi-arid regions like West Texas. They also go for long periods of time without food because that's the way they're built. I know a family that has a boa constrictor for a house pet. They feed it live mice twice a year. The pro-rattlers apparently want rattlers fed three square meals a day. But I predict the rattlesnake hunts will be siopped because nobody will stand up to the varmit-oriented people, and it will be unsafe for man or beast to walk through a pasture in West Texas. 9 Stan Mazanek. a student at the University of Arizona, had a 60-cent guppy named Fred Fin who swam in Stan's tropical aquarium. One day Stan got one of those direct mail offerings from Globe Life and Accident Insurance Co. of Oklahoma City offering a $5,000 life insurance policy. It would run for 6 months non-renewable, for only $1. student discounted. Because Stan had a sense of humor, he filled in the application and signed up Fred Fin Mazanek. his fish, and named himself as beneficiary. He filled in all the blanks accurately. He gave Fred's full name; age 6 months; weight. 30 centigrams: height, 3 centimeters. He checked the box that verified Fred Fin was in good health and that he was not in military service. He signed the application: "Stan Mazenek. Owner." Stan was delighted when he got a formal policy in the mail which had insured the life of Fred Fin Mazanek for $5,000. Just before Christmas Fred Fin. as fish will, went belly up and died. Whereupon Stan put tongue firmly in cheek and informed Globe Life that the insured had company's claim officials took a look, probably the first one. company's claim officials took a look probably the first one. at the application. Red-faced, a company agent called to find out if Stan really was serious about collection on the life of his pet fish. You bet. Stan said. He had bought and paid for an insurance policy, had not misrepresented a single fact on the application, it had been approved by the company, and a policy issued. He had even preserved Fred as proof of death. The insurance company had. speaking in the vernacular, "been had." And Stan, just to snow that he wasn't greedy, accepted a $650 check from Globe Life as full settlement of the life insurance policy on the late Fred Fin. All across America the dog problem is very real, and the problem is as old as America. In 1948. according to Modern Veterinary Practice, the town of Salem. Massachusetts, enacted a law that: "If any dogg shall kill any sheepe, the owner shall either hange his dogg forthwith, or pay double dammages for the sheepe: if ye dogg hath bene seene to course or bite any sheepe before . . . then he shall both hange his dogg and pay for the sheepe." A mran Athevltvrtf , circa !7ft It is no tribute to man's intelligence, resourcefulness and ingenuity that in more than 300 years since the Salem ordinance no workable solution to Proliferating Dogdom has been found. But during the same time we have managed to make extinct several other species of animal Ufe, and effective methods have been perfected to control or eradicate the human presence. Which could be offered as evidence that man regards dogs more highly than he does men. Perhaps the reason for man's love affair with the dog lies in Aldous Huxley's observation that "To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs." If we should start treating dogs the way we treat our fellowmen I suspect the dog would one day go the way of the dodo and the prairie chicken. So I'm on an animal kick this week. One more time . . . Sir Archibald Defiant, the great British marksman, was on a game hunt in northern Canada. He fired both barrels of his shotgun into a dump of brush, then said to his man: "Chauncey. check and see the name of the species I just shot." "Well, sir," Chauncey said on his return. "I've investigated, and be says his name is Brown." " ' " "A Funny Thing Happened To Me On The Way To The Watergate Investigations..." CROSSROADS REPORT DEAR EDITOR: I see where many news paper and videodious report ers these days put out stories attributed to 'Teliable" sources about how some high official is a liar. Of course, the truth is no 100 percent truthful person can ever get to first base in politics, business, marriage, or reporting. -f And the reporter who does not name his "source" be cause he is it, basically is about as much of a liar as the politician who claims he didn't bug anybody to try to find out who was lying to him. D. E. SCOTT, Crossroads, U.S.A. QuoteUnquote "The time has come for the state to help (medically and financially) the victim of a crime as much as it helps the criminal who committed it." Evelle J. Younger, Attorney General of California. "I never thought I would be a good diplomat, because I hale to lie and I hate people who lie to me." Ardeshir Zahedi. Iranian Ambassador to the U.S. The mountain labored "Greater use of bicycles could save energy." That is the finding of a special 20-page, $20,000 report issued by the Atomic Energy Commission's noted Oak Ridge National Labo ratory in conjunction with the prestigious Science Foundation. The Los "Angeles Times Wash-' ington Bureau has found several nuggets in this "account of work sponsored by the U.S. govern ment." One is the disclaimer that this revelation on the energy value of bicycles, despite sup portive charts, tables, diagrams, algebraic formulas and so on, does not involve the government in "any legal liability or respon sibility for (its) accuracy, com pleteness or usefulness." Another: "Potential energy savings due tp a shift from cars to bicycles are competitive with cars only for short trips," And: "The question of bicycle theft is irrelevant here because stolen bicycles can still be used." Or: "Education concerning the full costs and benefits of auto and bicycle travel might increase public awareness and acceptance of bicycling." The report cites one variable: "If a traveler values his free time at more than $1.10 (per hour), then it may not be in his self-interest to shift to bicycles," and presents a table to explain this profundity. The Times sardonically reports that the author of this report from the agency that is responsible for the safety of nuclear power plants and the protection of deadly radioactive materials is now working in the Federal Energy Office helping the government "develop research priorities.' His bike report should rank among federal pronouncements with Calvin Coolidge's explana tion that the nation's unemploy ment problem was caused by so many people being out of work. Reedley (Ca.) Exponent Heppner, Ore., Gazette-Times, Thursday, July 11, 1974 Mayor of Hardman DEAR MISTER EDITOR: They ain't nothing that'll perk up the fallout shelter business like trip by the President. Everwhere he goes, he promises to share all our nuclear knowledge, and the national case of the Jitters gits worse ever time his airplane lands in a new country and he opens his mouth. The fellers was talking about Nixon's travels during the session at the country store Saturday night. Clem Webster was wondering what he will give the Russians, since they already got more bombs than we have, and they don't need any wheat . Clem said he had thought it up one side and down the other, and he had decided that the President figgers if he can git ever country in the world playing with their nuclear reactors, it '11 git our minds off what went on and what's going on in the Nixon Administration. Ed Doolittle, that even voted Republican when FDR run the second t ime, was strong disagreed with Clem . Ed said the President makes his best showing in dealing with other countries, so you cant blame him fer leading with his strong suit. As fer the promise of help with peaceful use of nuclear power, Ed said, Lord knows them countries can use the help, and they're floating on a ocean of oil we need, so we may can strike a bargin. As fer the fallout shelters, Zeke Grubb was of a mind that digging holes in the ground to git away was as old fashion as wearing a asafiditec bag. What you got to do, allowed Zeke, is git out of this world like them scientists are planning in New York He had saw where a conference of experts see colonies in space not far off, and they say it's possible fer the hole human race to move to another world in 100 year. Zeke figgers by that time nuclear bombs will be as out of date as a bow and arrow. But turning to down to earth problems, Bug Hookum reported on a study of garbage done by a group of students in Tucson, Arizona. Based on a survey of 3,500 homes and the stuff they throw out, the class figgered we throw away enuff to feed another country jest like ours. If we would be more careful with the world we've got, allowed Bug, and be more mindful of how we use what nature pervides, we wouldn't have to be concerned about moving to other worlds to find food and peace. Talking about food, Mister Editor, I know you are happy to see research has showed that old newspapers is good fer somepun besides putting down fer the dog and WTapping garbage in. In Japan they chop up the papers, mix em with molasses and feed em to cows. So the day may not be far off when we can digest our news more ways that one. Or we can at least drink the milk of human kindness that flows through yore editorials. Speaking of cows, I see where students in Atlanta has challenged them in Beaver, Oklahoma fer the cow-chip throwing title. That event will be well covered, I reckon. Yours trulv, MAYOR ROY SVCD candidates on November ballot We could hardly wait tor Fourth ol July Persons wishing to file as candidates for director of the Morrow Soil and Water Con servation District must do so with the County Elections Department before Aug 9. according to Ken Turner, district chairman. There will be five positions to be elected on a non-partisan ballot at the Nov. 5 general election. Nominating petitions must be signed by 10 regis tered voters residing within the district. This will be the first time that Soil and Water Conser vation District '.SWCDi direc tors have appeared on the general election ballot, "said Turner. Previously. SWCD elections have been conducted at the district's annual meet ing. The 1973 legislature amended the SWCD election procedure to allow all regis tered voters to participate in district elections on a non partisan ballot at the general election. The election procedure has beer, changed in order to allow broader participation in dis trict affairs Constitutional questions were raised on the requirement that only owners of more than 10 acres of land were allowed to vote. How ever, all but two board members must still meet the landmanager requirement. Information on positions which are open for election this year may be obtained from the district office at the Gilliam & Bisbee Bldg.. Hepp ner, or from Turner. Petition forms are available at SCS Office in Heppner. (This is an excerpt from a forthcoming book. "Over My Shoulder." by W. W. Weather ford. It deals with the life, conditions, morals and mores of early day in Eastern Oregon "Yeah? Well. What Did He Do In Russia That Made His Trip So Great? Get Back Our Wheat?" In the days when we were kids, there just wasn't any store-bought entertainment to be had on a ranch, so you can understand what kind of wear and tear six competitive lively kids of all ages can put on their parents. Everyone w as glad when the Fourth of July or Christmas rolled around and we all got to go to the program. There wasn't much inter city or town-to-town travel in those days. Every town had a big parade, speech making, and a baseball game, maybe some horse racing and pos sibly a Chautaqua on the Fourth. Boy, it was some thing. We could hardly wait for the day. Every kid wanted to ride in the parade. On this Fourth, Marion was reciting the Declaration of Independence. That's just what I said, reciting. He did a really good job of it, too. My Uncle Mark V. Weatherford was the main speaker. It had lobe about 1920 or 21 because I was going to be in the first grade that fall or the second grade with Mrs. (Old Rubber Hose) Burnam as a teacher. and Marion is only a little over seven years older than 1. The important thing was that mother had made me an Uncle Sam suit, stovepipe hat, goatee, long-tailed coat and all. When I got where the parade was to start, the town fathers put me and my horse Molly right between Art Wheelhouse on a big sorrel horse carrying the American flag and George Shane on another big sorrel carrying the State of Oregon flag. I sat tall in the saddle that day! The parade got over and I. as Uncle Sam, came riding back through town to put my horse away, and maybe show off a little more. I must have been around six or seven years old then and pretty big for my britches. Some big kid hollered at me and I stopped to I visit a minute. While I was distracted, another big kid tied a whole book of fire crackers to old Molly's tail. When they started going off, old Molly took this Uncle Sam up Main Street a popping and a cracking, like the devil was after us for sure. Man, those Fourth of Julys were fun. t -n History's most expensive prayers Bv LESTER KINSOLVING "W ASHINGTON Most congressmen are by now so use4 to talking in terms of billions that the cost of maintaining salaried chaplains for both the Senate and House is regarded as petty cash. Yet considering the nearly $40,000 per annum which the taxpayers are obliged to pay for these two chaplains to open sessions with two-minute prayers (or arrange for guest clergy to do so, (these mini-devotions may well constitute the most expensive liturgy in all ecclesiastical history. These two chaplains do counsel occasionally but those Congressmen who are at all religiously inclined almost invariably have their own local pastors, or make a habit of going home to their districts every weekend. Without question, one part-time clerk could easily recruit volunteer chaplains from the priests, ministers and rabbis who abound in the metropolitan area of Washington. Another anomaly is the fact that while this legislative branch of the U.S. government has two chaplains, neither the judicial (the Supreme Court) nor the executive (the White House! have paid chaplains even though Billy Graham and Norman Vincent Peale seem to be recurrent volunteers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The Congressional chaplaincies have been around since 1793 (only a little less venerable and more outrageous is another Congressional institution, the capitol architect. The capiiol architect need not necessarily be an architect an absurdity which motivated one waggish Congressman to introduce a resolution that therefore the Congressional physicians need not be doctors.) In 1973, however, James Madison had warned that the institution of such chaplaincies would violate the First Amendment prohibition of an establishment of religion. Such a prohibition would not apply regarding chaplains provided for those people isolated by the government in armed forces, hospital or prison for chaplains are in many denominations essential for the free exercise of religion. But Congressmen can by no stretch of the imagination be considered isolated And while the Catholic Church has for some time had the largest number of Senators of any denomination, there has been only one Catholic Senate chaplain and never a rabbi in this post. (16 Methodists, 15 Episcopalians, 13 Presbyterians, 6 Baptists, 2 Unitarians, 1 Lutheran and ICongregationalist ) This list fulfills James Madison's prediction that Congressional chaplaincies would be unfair to both Catholics and Jews. What might well have rendered Madison apoplectic, as the principal architect of the constitution, was a recent appearance and benediction by the chaplain of the House of Representatives, retired Methodist minister Edward Latch. This $19,000 salaried officer of the House appeared at a rally conducted by the so-called "National Citizens Committee for Fairness to the Presidency." He was listed on the program by his official title and ne listened while Nebraska's troglodytic Republican Senator Carl Curtis-a potential impeachment juror-announced what he concluded as President Nixon's total innocence, in advance, charging presidential critics with "lynching." Chaplain Latch, an officer of the same House of Representatives that is seriously considering the possible impeachment of President Nixon, blessed this event by praying for "more stars in the crown of his ( Nixon's ) noble endeavours " Thz GAZETTE-TIMES morrow county's newspaper AMrM: XU, M ipir, Of. tit. Pfc. Ui-tlM TNt Hiwr m MtOiirtw mt M, 1IU Th Ktoerwr Tim.. .Lfc. n..'1. 'J C"M I" ' 11 MEMtE tiMMi HZZr SUBSCRIPTION BATES: U par yw OrvtM. Wtfemrtm. cooy 1 Mwrt twflt opr. c Manamn hilt. 1 1. " iMtV Jhw, PutHhf Tht tuMTM uumm M ntl ropmibaity tor rrr la Mwla HwM. rprMf mmm chtf r caul im clurat tar Mm nr.
