Image provided by: Morrow County Museum; Heppner, OR
About The Ione independent. (Ione, Or.) 1916-19?? | View Entire Issue (April 3, 1931)
MOTHERS ARE LEARNING USES OF MAGNESIA WORLD WAR YARNS by Lieut. Frank E. Hagan c " ! fcE SB From the banning of expectancy Until baby is weaned, Phillips' Milk of Magnesia perforrs the greatest service for ninny women. It relieves nausea, heartburn, "morning sickness,'' inclination to yomlt; helps digestion. Its mild lax ative action assures regular bowel movement Phillips' Milk of Magnesia Is bet ter than lime water for neutralising cow's milk for Infant feeding. All drugstores have Phillips' Milk of Magnesia in generous 2.V and 50c bottles. Always Insist on the genuine, endorsed by physicians for 50 years. A Fear Dismissed "Tour friends say you nre over working yourself as a candidate." "That's one of the Joys of poli tics." snld Senator Sorghum. "Once you get well Into It, you have no fear of unemployment." Washington Btar. "SCIENCE rescues the DEAFENED" by Floyd Gibbons Noted fournallat dracrt baa hlarlalt to leading electro-acoueOc lab oratory. Everyone who I bard of heaving saould nod It. Reprinted from tha Hm a) Review. Send 34 stamp to Dapt. 1) 44 SONOTONE 1 Waat 44th St. Now York Oty Work Laid Aside A. If you spend so much time at folf you don't have anything laid aside for a rainy day. B. Won't IT My desk Is loaded op with work that I've put aside for a rainy day. Muscular-Rheumatic Aches and Pains DRAW them out with a "counter irritant." Distressing m us cull! lumbago, soreness and stiff ness gener ally respond pleasantly to good old Mut terole. Doctors call it a "counterim tant," because it gets action and is not just a salve. Musterole helps bring sore ness and piin to the surface, and thus gives natural relief. You can feel how its wanning action penetrates and stimu lates blood circulation. But do not nop with one application Apply this sooth ing, cooling, healing ointment generously to the affected area once every how for five hours. Used by millions fat orer 20 years. Recommended by many doctors and nurses. KeepMusterole handy; jars and tubes To Mothers Musterote is also mode in milder Jorm for babies and small children. Ask for ChU drens Musterole. It's Better Now "I couldn't stand the neighborhood, It was so nnfashlonable." "And could you think of no othet way to Improve It than by moving? London Tit-Bits. No doubt, Columbus Imagined tbf world was round because It failed tc treat him altogether square. Garfield Tea Was Your Grandmother's Remedy For every stom ach and intestinal 1IL This good old fashioned herb home remedy for ! c onstipatlon, i stomach ills and other derange ments of the sys tem bo prevalent these days is in even greater favor as a family, med icine than in your grandmother's day. -. r - - ai, b ti ?'errrfr"r,.- I ab rr irrrf f t a i-J V ri, IT. ",'.' I , A . 7 ASSURED TREATMENT Write today for FREE book describing the Dr. C J. Dun famous non-turiocal method of (rait ing Hilci and oUier KecUl and Colon ailmcnlt, which we tut eicluilvtly. Alio l'lvr rietallt of our WKIITr N ASSURANCE TO ELIMINATE PILES. i no. "1a"e now eere, OK lULAniVssWMianiMMi RtCTALWCOLON CLINIC pnniiAN YT r. a t t l r pi oii-i.'Luai) fHrrN )l-6'IWi t. lubfir Jit) if Bff.. yMiuiatm atrwTtON tV, " Ti' TSra wviTinf, iHaw juuv tBssxzmramcxMasv W. N. U., Portland, No. 12-1331. y a-i w ?:t (CopyrtsHW. H.O.I Tha first of April, soma do say, ( tat apart (or All Fools' Pay; But why tha people call It so. Not I. nor they themselves do know. Gut on this day are people sent On purpose for pure merriment Put 'tis a thing to ba disputed, Which Is the greatest fool reputed; Tha nan that Innocently went Or he that him designedly sent. roor Robin's Almanac, 1760. By ELMO SCOTT WATSON NE of the most famous warnings of all history was that uttered to Julius Cueenr "Beware the Ides of March !" But the Ides of March, however fatal they may havt been to the great Roman, are of little concern to us of modern times. Another day which will soon be here Is the one when we do most of our "bewaring." That's the first of April and unless we're very alert gome one Is sure to make an April Fool of us. The practical Joker is with us al ways, but April 1 is the day when he is at his best We may Ignore the hat lying on the sidewalk (with the brick conceuled under it) or the pocketbook (either nailed down or attached to a hidden string which whisks It from under our hands as we stoop down to pick it up) and then unsuspectingly accept an explosive cigar which a friend hands us or bite Into a tempt ing chocolate cream and find it filled with cayenne pepper. We may avoid all of these familiar pitfalls for the unwary and then be "taken In" by a fake telephone calL "Mr. Lyon wants you to call him," tbey tell us. (Or It may be Mr. Wolf or Miss Ella Thant) But when we call the num ber and ask for that person, a dis gusted voice at the other end of the wire tells us 'This Is the too." Or it may be "Mr. Fish" whose telephone number turns out to be the aquarium or "Mr. Snow" at the weather bureau or "Mr. Coffin" at some undertaking establishment. Some of the foolery, however, Is on the decline. Large candy factories re port that they no longer make April Fools' candy. Not that one cannot buy cotton balls disguised as sweetmeats; the obscure shops still supply them. The larger dealers, however, say that not ouly are calls growing fewer for such trick bonbons, but that they themselves run Into the foreign sub stance law. Today, as every one knowa, candy must pass a certain test. The pure food law has sounded the death-knell of the china buhy doll dipped In bitter-sweet chocolate. Where did thlg April Foolishness originate, anyway? The answer to that Question is necessarily a difficult one, for this custom, like so many others, goes back so far and has developed In so many different forms In so many different countries that it is Impossible, to ascribe it to any one period or any one nation. There Is evidence that the custom was prevalent in Asia in an cient times, tracing hack to the cele bration with festal rites of the period of the vernal equinox In I'ersla. It was the day when the Persian New Tear began and whs very close to the old English New Year's day of March 25. The sun was then entering Into the sign of frisky Aries and on that day "the season of rural sports and vernal delights" began. In India the Hull festival on March 81 for centuries has been a general holiday and time for Jest. One of the favorite diversions consisted of send ing people on long errnnds of fictitious import. Colonel Pearee, a British army officer and writer of a century ago, snys: "High nnd low Join in it. The late Sunija Dowlah, I am told, was very fond of making Hull fools, though he was a Mussulman of the highest rank. They carry the Joke so fur as to send letters nwiklng appoint ments In the name of persons who must bo absent from their house lit the time fixed upon; nnd the laugh Is always in proportion to the trouble given." LrJ From the Orient the custom cume Into western Europe many centuries ngo. The ancient Itoinaiis took delight in many sorts of practical Jokeg In connection with their Feast of the Saturnalia and there are those who declare that the first April Fool Joko was that one which Komulus and Ms "early settlers" in Homo played upon the Sabines by Inviting them to the regular April First celebration in honor of Neptune and then carrying off by force the Sabine women. For centuries the French have bold a Festival of Fools on April 1, in which "every kind of absurdity and in decency was committed." Their term for April Fool Is "polsson d'Avrll," a term which means, according to one explanation, a young fish and there fore a fish easily caught. When Na poleon married Maria 1-ouisa. Arch duchess of Austria, on April 1, 1810. it gave the waggish Parisians an excel lent chance to whisper among them gelveg that he wag "un polsson d' Avrll." But the classic French Arril Fool story is that of a young woman who stole a gold watch from the house of one friend and hid It In the house of another friend. She then turned the ense over to the police. But they were sadly lacking In the Imagination necessary to appreciate this Joke. She was arrested for the theft and the Judge, entering Into the spirit of the occasion, sentenced her to Jail for a year with the remark that she be dis charged on April 1 the next year as "un polsson d'Avrll I" Another French classic Is the escape on April 1. 17nO, from prison by the duke of Lorraine and his wife, who shouted back to their guards the French equivalent of "April Fool !" April Fooling has been prevalent In Great Britain for centuries. There It mostly took the form of sending Inno cents upon "sleeveless errands." A boy might be sent to the cobbler's for "a pennyworth of his best stirrup oil" and then be mighty amazed when the angry shoemaker applied this "oil" to his back. Or he might be dispatched to the milk-vendor for "half a pint of pigeon's milk," to the bookseller s for 'The Life and Adventures of Eve's Mother," to the butcher shop for a "meat auger" or to the bakery for "a pie-stretcher." In northern England and Scotland this practice was called "Hunting the Gowk." An old couplet says: "On the first day of Aprlle tlunt the Gowk another mile." The word "gowk" in reullty means a cuckoo and wus used metaphorically for fool, which undoubtedly Is the origin of the modern slang phrase: "To knock a man cuckoo." There are plenty of connecting threads among all these words, "Gauch" In Teutonic is a fool, whence we get our word gawky, and "gene" In old. Saxon was a cuckoo, whence Is derived "geek," meaning one easily Imposed upon. Ite-" member the words of Malvolio to Olivia: Why have yon tufTered me to be Imprlnon'd And made tha must notorious "sock" and KUll That e'er Invention played onf Although April Fool's day appears to have censed to challenge literary, wits, there was a tlmo in England when It brought forth observations from such scholars as Joseph Addi son and that prolific and satiric writer Jonathan Swift Swift seems to Juive entered Into the spirit of the day and to have enjoyed the liberties granted to the practical Joker on April first. He writes to Stella under date of March 31, 1713, about a Jolly evening spent with two good friends "In con triving a lie for the morrow." One of the commonest forms of April Fool Jokes during past years In this country wus the practice by newspa pers of printing on April 1 some excit ing story of an event which never hap pened and not revealing the fact until the reader cume to the end of the yarn. There have been Innumerable variations of this stunt, ranging from "scare" stories about the blowing up of the city hull and the assnsslnatlot of city cttU'laU or the escape of all the animals in the aoo to more Inao cent stories about the discovery ol burled trensure or the exhibition of some marvelous and soomlngly impos sible feat of skill or strength. Some 40 years ago a Cincinnati newspaper printed a big story regard lug a monster of fiendish aspect and unknown species which had been found Inhabiting a cave In the hills east of the city, which had already carried off several children in its slavering Jawa and had spread terror in the neighborhood. There wae even a pic ture of the Thing, drawn from the de scriptions of the two or three persons who had seen it clearly, and fr malig nant hldeoui-neag of gspect, that mon ster made all Calibans, dragons, Hur loihrumbog, demong and octopl look tame. Finally, down at thg latter end of the atory In very gmnll type, go gmall that many readerg overlooked It was set the legend, "April 1. lNA" Even some who noticed that date didn't grasp its gtgnlflcsnce, but continued to shudder with fear at the thought of meeting the monster. Some Phllndelphinng still remember the story about the big Iceberg that was "being towed np the river." Thousands went to the river front to see the spectacle and then denied that they had be-n taken In. A quite modern honx is told as fol lows by one who was In Ireland when It "happened": Peace, of a kind, reigned In Dublin on March 31. 10'."2. There was ten sion In the air for the Irreconcilable, who refused to recognize the truce with England, bad taken over the Four Courts and were known to be prepar ing resistance to the tenns which Michael Collins and Arthur Griffith had signed. Anything was likely to happen. About 1 o'clock on the morning of April 1 the Morning Post of Ixmdon, the paper which reflected the views of those wh) thought that any truce with the Irish was a betrayal of Great Brit ain, received a telegram from Dublin stating thnt the Klldare Street club had been eclated by the Irreconcilable, that the members residing there had been driven Into the streets In their pajamas and that this social strong hold of British aristocracy in the Irish capital had been transformed Into a stronghold of the enemy. With due Bolmenlty and with head lines that bud not been surpassed since tho declaration of the Armistice with Germany the telegram was published. And that night Dublin was flooded with correspondents American, Eng lish and French all prepared to cover the new "war." The British cabinet was called to Downing afreet for breakfast, and the world sighed In dis may and mourned that the Irish, when peace seemed in sight, "were at it again." Only a few know the true atory be hind the April fool telegrum that start ed this furore. There was in Dublin at the time a Major Clarke who had served with distinction during the World wur, but who had never been the same since his experiences In Flanders. They had developed In him a "sense of eiumor" that was peculiar. On one occasion ho collected all the boots left to bo cleaned outside the bedroom doora of the largest hotel In Dublin and dropped them down the elevator shaft. He was barred from the same hotel for throwing cream-filled eclairs at the guests during dinner. And It was ho who sent the telegram. He wns tired of peace nnd he thought It would be a good Joke to start the Anglo-Irish struggle again. And, strange to any, he nearly accomplished his object, for tho suspicious Irreconciliibles thought the wire had been sent by the Free Stale government as a bait. But they were not yet prepared. The break did not come for almost three months (IB by Wealaro Ninpti Union.) Flapjack Warfare Soldiers of the Sixth Infantry nt Fort Oglethorpe In 11U7 remember with prlilo the ttapjuck dinner served In D company's mesa. Also, they r cull the hand to hu.ul battle which fol lowed. 1 company's meal was a success. Shonls of liolilen brown cnKcs disap peared down eap-r throats ; llagons of frauant sirup were emptied to add to their seductiveness. Drooping spirits grew warlike as the food was con sumed. Ami over nl n corner table two l company soldiers clashed above I disputed lliipjack. Other soldiers shoved them Into the Miiipuny street, meanwhile chew Ing their own llapjacka. The warriors were pushed to the center of a rap-Ully-formed ring. They squared off. The fighters were unevenly matched. "Big Hoy," from down In Alabama, led with his left; "Shorty," a small, rather pasly faced fellow from Fort Sloeum, Im eked nway. Again, the big fellow led; spilt) the smaller one re treated IWit this time Big Hoy's blow almost reached him nnd his freikles gleamed wanly In recognition of Ids plight Suddenly, however, the little man stopped. From somewhere near his canvas leggings he started a left swing. The blow, which pulled "Shorty" up on Ida toe at the end, lauded, surpris ingly, on the point of the big fellow's law. Tho big man flopped forward, rolled over on his back and lay quiet ly, lie wag out. Victorious, "Shorty" gaped at the evidence of his prowess. Then, over come and frightened, he turned and fled headlong past the barracks. A long time later, at the Front. I) oniony soldiers remembered Ihe pan cakes. "When thlg ninn's army serves us beefsteaks. Just before we're going to step off for an attack. It knows what It'a doing," the soldiers declared. "Food has made D company fight, ever Since the day of the flapjacks. You tell 'em soldiers!" see Youthful Warriors The claims of Ernest Sweeney of Haverhill, Mass., and Chester Merrt man of Ilomney, W. Vs., both of ahora enlisted In the American army at the age of fourteen, to being the "youngest American soldiers In the World war," has brought out the fact that there were other youthful Amer ican warriors who served In Franca even though It wns under another flog. L S. M. ltoblnson, secretary of department 0 of the Navy League of the United States, Is the authority for the following statement: "Many very young American boys enlisted In the Canadian army, where regulations were less stringent than those of American recruiting officer. Ttils department has In Its files no less thnn 21 records of boys under sixteen years of age who Joined the army, two of whom were killed In battle when barely sixteen years old "Among them were I Goldstein, fifteen years and fen months; li Doughty, fifteen yenrs all but three days, and Anton Kownlskl, fourteen years and eleven mouths, and Molse James Prenevost, thirteen years old, of whom the latter two were born In Wisconsin and Minnesota and were living In Canada at the time of their enlistment a A Sharp Affair No group of stories of the World war can possibly be complete without tho gem which Involves a colored Amerlcnn soldier, presumably of the Ninety-second division, who took part In an attack. This man wns about to step off In his first engagement and he proposed to be prepared for mortal and san guinary combat So, for a half hour r more b'fore the forward movement was to be launched he occupied him self with sharpening bis trusty razor. A brick which some German hnd left behind made an excellent hone. By "H" hour the colored man tin -1 his "equalizer" shnrpenoi' to the fir,st edge. Opetdng It In his band he went forward with the rest of the troops. One of the first places visited was a huge dugout and, according to popu lar report, the plan wns occupied by several of the enemy. One of (hem made a dash for the razor bearer as b entered. The colored man, a veteran of levet dances nil along the Mississippi, slashed Just once with the fine-edged razor ns bis enemy was about to grap ple with lil in. "Hard luc, colored boy. Younevei touched me," Ihe German said In ex cellent English, hut stopping suddenly In his rush. "You Jus' think I didn't touch yon," replied the colored soldier, a wide, toothsome grin showing on his face. "You Jus' thinks I didn't touch you," he repenteil. "But you Jus waits white boy, till you tries to waggle To' head i" 101. 1930, WnHtorn Nt'Wminper Union.) And His Subjects Starved ' The hungriest king was Louis XIV of France. It Is on record that at one meal he ate four plates of different soups, a whole pheasant, a purtrldge, a plate of salad, some roast mutton, two large slices of ham, a fair share of pastry nnd then a dessert of fruit nnd preserves. .- 't Si. To be o Healthy Woman wafci your Bowels! What should women do to keep their bowels moving freely? A doc tor should know tho answer. That Is why pure Syrup Pepsin Is so good for women. It Just suits their tic! lento organism. It Is tho pro scription of nn old family doctor who has treated thousands of wom en patients, nnd who iiindo a apo dal study of bowel trouble. Dr. Culdwell'S P.vrup Pepsin ts in io hi from fresh, luvntlve herbs, pure pepsin and other hnrmlcH In gredients. It doesn't sicken or weaken you. No restrict Ions of habit or diet are necessary whlla taking It. But Its action I thor ough. It carries off the sour bile) and poisonous waste. It doe every thing you want It to do, it Is fin for children, too. They love Its taste. I-et them have It every time their tongues arc coated or their skin Is sallow. When you've a sick headache, rsn't eat, are bilious or sliiKgUh; and at the times when you are most apt to be constipated, take a Utile of this famous prescription (nil druiigUtS keep It rendy In big bottles), and you'll know why Dr. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin Is the favorite lax ative of over a million women I Da. W. B. Cas dm tu' SYRUP PEPSIN A Doctor Fami!' Laxative Pi HANFORD'3 Balsam of Myrrh Eva Whea, It's Off Bear Whut is your fnrurtt stock? Bull-Union Pacific. It's -VI" whenever It appears on the tape. Y Feel Always 1 Stiff and Achy? 'A jasafj" i V," a4 U-' 1 a(si- KUnry Disorders Are Too serious to Ignore. Are you troubled with back ache, bladder irritations and getting up at night Then don't take chances! Help your kid neys at the first sign of disorder. Use Doon'i I'iILj. Successfulfor more than 50 years. Endorsed by hundreds of thousands of grateful users. Get Doan'i to- Lday. Sold everywhere. Do&tv's Modero Method Clark Does your milkman sell "milk from contented cows"? Davenport No, he sells milk from cheerful fuueets. ARE YOU A PRO SPECTIVE MOTHER ? Spokane, Wash. "During my lint expectant period I was in miserable health, was weak, nervous and all rundown, bad such nausea that I could not eat, Iwasarivi'rd to take Dr. Pierce's Favor ite Prescription and it soon relieved me of all my distress and kept me feeling so well that I have never since gone tliru expectancy without taking it I was able to be around doing my own work without tiring or feeling fatiKiicd."-Mr. d. C. Garbcr, 1110 N. Laccy St All druggists. Hcnd loo to llr. I'lnr,' ( lliilo, Buf falo, N, V., for trlul pnrkiifa. I" A Wli' i.'i.u frferl HAIR BALSAM i,VI 1 llesaweaUeadnin'-Bbioi Hair talllnJ iM.W -IS lmnI.U.,..J Beaut? Io Cray ami Fadad llalrf y?jUt l'h.ti. Wi.il'trhi.n'.W T ILOKtSION SHAMPOO -InYal for me In eonnsrtiimwItlil'arkm-'ellalrllalaam.Malcmtlia hair anfl and Huffy. 60 runta hy mail oratdniK Itista. illacox Chemical Wurka, l'slolswue, M. V. mmms ....... WW J
