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About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1921)
i'.M. TIIKGAZKTTK-TIMES. ILEFPXER. OKEGOX. TIU'KSIUY. APRIL 7. 1921. 'gets to Inimmin', Mose," he as.M,'V cr Tiny Tot Center of Fight Over Stillman Millions -A-M-D RUM WaS NOT BUILT IN A DAY AND IT CANTJ BE TORN DCXvN IN A VWCEK. Ml fl S3 At a Big Reduction One year ago lard was selling at 40c. We are now selling pure lard at 25c lb. In 2, 3, 4, 5 and 10 pound lots. Every Bucket Guaranteed Central Market McNAMER & SORENSON ;,V III A J V A ( ' "7 ii (X- 0 V V-kJ ill -M H 1 r: S $ . ; -- . r k i x 1 1 if or r J MRS FLORENCE H. assy Guy stillman and Xm-M!?s j. A. stillman, ormerlzf BROTHER ALEXANDER STlUfAAN m FW PALMttV-JLf - JAMES A. STILL MAN , NY BANKU Sordid details of the average divorce suit are destructive, but the importance of the principals in the James A. Stillman case at New York has the whole nation interested. Stillman, president of the National City Bank, one of the biggest financial institutions in the U. S., has sued his wife tor divorce, repudiating lief young est son, Gov Stillman, now two years old, and naming a French Canadian guide as a corespondent. Mrs. Stillman filed a counter suit, naming a Mrs. Flotence H. Leeds, mother of another eighteen months' old baby, as corespondent. Mrs. Leeds was former stage beauty in Ziegfeld's Follies, where it is said Stillman first met her. It is charged Stillman maintained a sep arate home for Mrs. Leeds. The real fight centers around the claim of little Guy Stillman to 'inherit his share of the Stillman millions. Blacksmithing In all its branches, including Wagon Work, Horseshoeing and Repair Work ALL WORK GUARANTEED We Give a 5 Percent Discount for Cash J. B. Calmus Formerly the Ashbaugh Shop "You may be Sure'3 says the Good Judge That you are getting full value for your money when you use this class of tobacco. The good, rich, real to bacco taste lasts so long, you don't need a fresh chew nearly as of ten nor do you need so big a chew as you did with the ordi nary kind. Any man who has used the Real Tobacco Chew will tell you that. Put up in two styles W-B CUT is a long fine-cut tobacco RIGHT CUT is a short-cut tobacco IIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM AreYouinEarnest? For some time now you have been saying to yourself that you're going to save money. Are you really in earnest? Then prove it to yourself by opening a savings account NOW! Getting started is the big thing about saving. And that's easy once you've made up your mind. As lit tle as a dollar starts you at this bank. Small savings, helped by the interest we pay, soon add up. Decide to save so much a week and to live on what's left. Keep it up. Perseverance wins and pays. Prove your ambition to save by starting NOW. (National Republican.) Readers of the Dutch and other European newspapers these days fre-' quently get the idea that various state legislatures in the United States are conducted along the lines of slapstick comedies. Each bit of freak legslation, whether introduced with serious in tent or merely to cause a laugh, which emanates from these various state governing bodies, is printed with all seriousness on the other side of the Atlantic. If a senator in a state legislature decides to make the bill of a political opponent appear ridiculous by intro ducing another along the same lines, that goes the opponent's one better and is utterly preposterous, the pur port of the bill is cabled abroad by a European- correspondent in New York or Washington and is reprint ed throughout Europe. These dispatches are generally FARMERS & STOCKGROYYERS NATIONAL BANK Heppner lilt U lUUtUtmiUIHHUIIIN Oregon lilllllll! !ifl Short skirts for little tots too L r WMl Iti ivv- 1 04 U tot J ' ' -ttr J ! featured or played up in the Euro pean press, and many European edit ors have declared they are convinced that most American lawmakers are crazy. The fact that these measures are merely introduced and have little if any possibility of passing is seldom reported, with the result that many European newspaper readers are convinced that, here and there in America, there are places where, for example, persons are sentenced to live several months with their mothers-in-law if found guilty of snoring. SMILE AWHILE It woulrl seem mother ts Imposing immodesty on little tots Jn spring frocks. Mother is wearing them short antl little girls must wear them still shorter to be known as little girls. This new summer frock for the little girls shows the short waisted, short skirlerl frock so popular in metropolitan shops. In Memoriam. A crowded elevator in a Western office building was nearing the bot tom of its descent when it suddenly dropped a few feet, recovered, and continued its trip at a normal rate. "It's all right," said the elevator boy reassuringly. "If it had fallen, it would only have meant a cauple of stories." 'That's all," replied a portly gen tleman, casting a solemn eye up ward. "Just two one in the Star and one in the Times." Plumbing the Depths. "So you're studying history, my little man. Study hard?" "Yes'm." "What kind of history United States, ancient, modern or what?" "I don't know yet. We've only been at it about three months and my book hasn't any cover on it." And Pays, and Pays, and Pays. "Yes," said the cynic after he had listened to an impassioned outburst from the young husband. "You will learn, my young friend, that all a man has or ever expects to have he owes for his wife." Diplomacy. During the after dinner speaking, The toastmaster saw Jones, a some what shady character, slip two spoons in his vest pocket. When the last orator had finished he rose. "Gentlemen," he said, "there is nothing to add after all this brilliant speaking, so I will try to entertain you with a little parlor magic. You see, I take two spoons. I slip them in my vest pocket. Presto and they are in the pocket of Mr. Jones. Mr. ! Jones will you please corroborate my statement r Jones, not to be outdone, rose. "I'm rather handy at that sort of thing myself," he said. "Presto--and they are back in the pocket of the toastmaster. Mr. Toastmaster, if you don't corroborate my statement, I'll have you searched on the spot." Cited for Valor. The swain and his swainess had just encountered a bulldog who look ed as if he might shake a mean lower jaw. "Why, Percy," she exclaimed as he started a strategic retreat. "You al ways swore you would face death for me. "I would," he flung back over his shoulder, "but that darn doe ain't dead." FOOLOSOPHY. 'You sometimes hear somebody say that somebody else am t got sense enough to pound sand in a rat- hole," says Uncle Seth Whiffletree. Well, the way I figure it out, any body that's got that much sense ought to have more sense than to do such a dern fool trick." Chromatic It sore disturbs My addled head Why blue laws make us All see red. And Wants More. "A successful marriaee must be a give-and-take proposition." mine is. My wife takes every cent I give her." Guilty. A youth once loved a modern miss; well versed in law was she. She charged him when he stole a kiss with petty larceny. A moment he was quite abashed and then he squeezed her hand. "You're wrong, quite wrong, dear," he replied. "Not petty. That was grand." The Wages of Sin. "Bredren!" exclaimed the preach er as he came across a portion of his flock engaged in pursuing the god dess of chance. "Don' yo' all know it's wrong to shoot craps?" "Yas, pahson," admitted one par ishioner sadly, "an' b'lieve me, Ah's payin' fo' mah sins." BGLX&' M "Has the ouija board craze struck your office yet?" "A long time ago. My stenograph er uses it constantly." Three Days Grace. Maggie's sweetheart, a proverbial ly tight-fisted Scot, had taken her out for the afternoon, and that was about all. They rode some distance on the trolley, turned around and rode home again. Never was men tion made of food or entertainment. Back within her own gateway, Maggie, who had keenly felt the ne- ; av ISval If - - gleet, sarcastically proffered Sandy a dime. "For the carfare vou scent on me," she said meaningly. Hoots, toots, woman." returned Sandy, pocketing the coin. "There was nae hurry. Saturday wad have been time enough." Party Politics. In St. Louis some years ago the street railway charged ten cents for some of the longer rides. Then, with the accession of another politic al party to power, the rate was cut to a nickel. That party happened to be the Republican and one of the win ners was doing some bragging. "See what we did for the public in reducing fares," he boasted. "Yeah," drawled a Democrat. "When the Democrats were in you missed a car and walked and saved a dime. Now you miss it and only save a nickel." Too Late. Bliggins for some years had gone the pace that kills, onlv it didn't kill him but merely reformed him. Then he joined the church and rose so hih in its councils that he was sent to one of the bip cities as del egate to a convention. How was it?" asked a friend when he returned. "The convention? Oh. all riimt." answered Bliggins. "But that town! borne town! If I d only been a del egate to something there before I got converted!" The Day After. North: "Why is Binks laying off today?" West: "Because he laid off yes terday." Stop Crowding. Bub: "I do not work for money alone." Dub: "Well, you have lots of mon ey." Spiritual Truth. "Divvie a bit do I believe the mes sages these mediums are after eet- tin from the dead," declared Dugan. "Ye can't be tellin' whether they're true or not." "More fool ye. Ye can and I can prove it," contradicted Monahan. "By mistake I was reported killed entire ly in the war, and one day me sister went to a medium who told her I was wishin' I was back on earth. And at that very time I was on a trans port in a high sea, d'ye mind." Twang, Twang. Rastus from Boston was trying to impress his southern cousin with the superior speed of northern trains. "When dat ole Montreal express ated solemnly, "do telegraph posts looks like slats on a chicken fence." Hmpf!" sniffed .Mose. "When de Southern express steps out fo' Noo Orleans, it naeherally makes do mileposts look closer'n strings on a banjo." Numerical Phoi'.ii:m. "Whete's the hotel?" aked a stranger in a small backwoods town. "Which one?" countered a solemn-eyed native. "Which one? Is there more than one?" "I dunno," he answered sadly, "I've lived here all my life and 1 never heard of any." Potential Scratch Man. The golfers had just finished the first round of their handicap tourn ament. "What's your handicap, Mr. Jack son?" asked one. "Well," he answered sadly, "I wouldn't be handicapped at all if I had a little Scotch in me." In Old Missouri. In certain sections of Missouri the making of moonshine whiskey is still the principal industry. A small native of this district was interestedly interrogating an Eastern commercial salesman, a beinc from another world, as to his life, connec tions, etc. "You got a brother?" he inquired. "1 had one but he died," answered the salesman. "Got shot?" "No, he wasn't shot." "Drink himself to death?" "Certainly not." "I knowed you was n liar," ex claimed the boy triumphantly. "Them's the only two ways anybody ever dies." HOME BWEET HOME 4 JACK. W1L30H. HevPAO, Will Vou Li SI6MWV REPORT CARD -1 Gotta PPTllDlJ IT T05A.Y. GEE,1TMUSTB6A00D ( UW IT i THERE Y0UARE!-rt0w HEY BERT,-WAir VAiT tWTiL T Blot A MinutE AHO I'LL J GOTO SCtlOOLWITrt jUAWGONE, YA NEVE.R CAAl nw a blotter 'Round iTHiSPIKE rr i just as soon as wo finos a Blotter -tor my IkE port card ! ooNT you kMow ? - why a blotter is something you SSLOOK FOR WHILE THE INK Wits II AW. I u l i-v i - ir . 2srrt wars ?yA Vry Springtime' Ruminations. That the editorial pajes of coun try newspapers arc not always en tirely overlooked by its readers is ev idenced by the following: (Inspired by recent editorials ap pearing in the G.-T.) Brotherly Love. The poor benighted workingman, He does the best he can, But being a pure simpleton and lack ing gumption, brains and such, and knowing not whereof he speaks, or what he wants, or what to do, or where to go, He needs be led. So let us, brothers, show him the way, And guide his steps, lest he go wrong, Now let us pray. Charity. There was an anti-sundayitc, Who stormed and raved with all his might. Because he thought the Craft (s)-y laws he read Meant nothing less than what they said. But we should treat him with char ity, Subdue our glee and hilarity, And try to make him understand That the legal phrases are all bosh And intended only as a josh, To tickle the sweet vanity Of a great and wiser man. Blue laws arc written by people good, Who know what is best for the neighborhood, And if a little lobbying now and then Is enjoyed by these best of men. All's well, until they are understood. That all these things are true, we know, Because peaceful Jitney Hen told us so. Amen. TWO PAIR OF BROTHERS IN BIG LEAGUES JIMMY O'NEIL STEVE f $mm$&m JOHNSTONE jimmy tfce ume household, In 'the Americr iSSL'rT! "7? comc from catching star, Steve O'Nic who rn,hZ CfcAfi?n(1 has 1,10 H with the Washing on team. "Doc'1 rohn's.onTr . N,dl' is an i"fl1,er Cleveland champi, hai a brother LmJ T 0. 'tI"' baSemiln witl' the eh other in , C'd erie la.'yTr" the latter thirT. P'ayCd aRainst Brooklyn National!. . ' 8 ,er u"rd baseman on the.
