i'.M.
TIIKGAZKTTK-TIMES. ILEFPXER. OKEGOX. TIU'KSIUY. APRIL 7. 1921.
'gets to Inimmin', Mose," he as.M,'V cr
Tiny Tot Center of Fight Over Stillman Millions
-A-M-D
RUM WaS NOT BUILT
IN A DAY AND IT
CANTJ BE TORN DCXvN
IN A VWCEK.
Ml fl
S3
At a Big Reduction
One year ago lard was selling at
40c. We are now selling
pure lard at
25c lb.
In 2, 3, 4, 5 and 10 pound lots.
Every Bucket Guaranteed
Central Market
McNAMER & SORENSON
;,V III A J V A (
' "7 ii (X- 0 V
V-kJ ill -M H
1 r: S
$ . ; -- . r k i x
1 1 if or r J
MRS FLORENCE H.
assy Guy stillman and Xm-M!?s j. A. stillman, ormerlzf
BROTHER ALEXANDER STlUfAAN m FW PALMttV-JLf - JAMES A. STILL MAN , NY BANKU
Sordid details of the average
divorce suit are destructive, but
the importance of the principals
in the James A. Stillman case at
New York has the whole nation
interested. Stillman, president of
the National City Bank, one of
the biggest financial institutions
in the U. S., has sued his wife
tor divorce, repudiating lief young
est son, Gov Stillman, now two
years old, and naming a French
Canadian guide as a corespondent.
Mrs. Stillman filed a counter suit,
naming a Mrs. Flotence H. Leeds,
mother of another eighteen months'
old baby, as corespondent. Mrs.
Leeds was former stage beauty in
Ziegfeld's Follies, where it is said
Stillman first met her. It is
charged Stillman maintained a sep
arate home for Mrs. Leeds. The
real fight centers around the claim
of little Guy Stillman to 'inherit
his share of the Stillman millions.
Blacksmithing
In all its branches, including Wagon
Work, Horseshoeing and
Repair Work
ALL WORK GUARANTEED
We Give a 5 Percent Discount for Cash
J. B. Calmus
Formerly the Ashbaugh Shop
"You may be Sure'3
says the Good Judge
That you are getting full
value for your money
when you use this class of
tobacco.
The good, rich, real to
bacco taste lasts so long,
you don't need a fresh
chew nearly as of ten nor
do you need so big a chew
as you did with the ordi
nary kind.
Any man who has used the
Real Tobacco Chew will
tell you that.
Put up in two styles
W-B CUT is a long fine-cut tobacco
RIGHT CUT is a short-cut tobacco
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM
AreYouinEarnest?
For some time now you have been
saying to yourself that you're going
to save money. Are you really in
earnest? Then prove it to yourself
by opening a savings account NOW!
Getting started is the big thing
about saving. And that's easy once
you've made up your mind. As lit
tle as a dollar starts you at this
bank. Small savings, helped by the
interest we pay, soon add up.
Decide to save so much a week
and to live on what's left. Keep it
up. Perseverance wins and pays.
Prove your ambition to save by
starting NOW.
(National Republican.)
Readers of the Dutch and other
European newspapers these days fre-'
quently get the idea that various
state legislatures in the United
States are conducted along the lines
of slapstick comedies.
Each bit of freak legslation,
whether introduced with serious in
tent or merely to cause a laugh,
which emanates from these various
state governing bodies, is printed
with all seriousness on the other side
of the Atlantic.
If a senator in a state legislature
decides to make the bill of a political
opponent appear ridiculous by intro
ducing another along the same lines,
that goes the opponent's one better
and is utterly preposterous, the pur
port of the bill is cabled abroad by a
European- correspondent in New
York or Washington and is reprint
ed throughout Europe.
These dispatches are generally
FARMERS & STOCKGROYYERS
NATIONAL BANK
Heppner
lilt U
lUUtUtmiUIHHUIIIN
Oregon
lilllllll!
!ifl
Short skirts for
little tots too
L r WMl
Iti ivv-
1 04
U tot J '
' -ttr J !
featured or played up in the Euro
pean press, and many European edit
ors have declared they are convinced
that most American lawmakers are
crazy.
The fact that these measures are
merely introduced and have little if
any possibility of passing is seldom
reported, with the result that many
European newspaper readers are
convinced that, here and there in
America, there are places where, for
example, persons are sentenced to
live several months with their mothers-in-law
if found guilty of snoring.
SMILE AWHILE
It woulrl seem mother ts Imposing
immodesty on little tots Jn spring
frocks. Mother is wearing them short
antl little girls must wear them still
shorter to be known as little girls. This
new summer frock for the little girls
shows the short waisted, short skirlerl
frock so popular in metropolitan shops.
In Memoriam.
A crowded elevator in a Western
office building was nearing the bot
tom of its descent when it suddenly
dropped a few feet, recovered, and
continued its trip at a normal rate.
"It's all right," said the elevator
boy reassuringly. "If it had fallen,
it would only have meant a cauple of
stories."
'That's all," replied a portly gen
tleman, casting a solemn eye up
ward. "Just two one in the Star
and one in the Times."
Plumbing the Depths.
"So you're studying history, my
little man. Study hard?"
"Yes'm."
"What kind of history United
States, ancient, modern or what?"
"I don't know yet. We've only
been at it about three months and
my book hasn't any cover on it."
And Pays, and Pays, and Pays.
"Yes," said the cynic after he had
listened to an impassioned outburst
from the young husband. "You will
learn, my young friend, that all a
man has or ever expects to have he
owes for his wife."
Diplomacy.
During the after dinner speaking,
The toastmaster saw Jones, a some
what shady character, slip two
spoons in his vest pocket. When the
last orator had finished he rose.
"Gentlemen," he said, "there is
nothing to add after all this brilliant
speaking, so I will try to entertain
you with a little parlor magic. You
see, I take two spoons. I slip them
in my vest pocket. Presto and they
are in the pocket of Mr. Jones. Mr.
! Jones will you please corroborate my
statement r
Jones, not to be outdone, rose.
"I'm rather handy at that sort of
thing myself," he said. "Presto--and
they are back in the pocket of
the toastmaster. Mr. Toastmaster, if
you don't corroborate my statement,
I'll have you searched on the spot."
Cited for Valor.
The swain and his swainess had
just encountered a bulldog who look
ed as if he might shake a mean lower
jaw.
"Why, Percy," she exclaimed as he
started a strategic retreat. "You al
ways swore you would face death for
me.
"I would," he flung back over his
shoulder, "but that darn doe ain't
dead."
FOOLOSOPHY.
'You sometimes hear somebody
say that somebody else am t got
sense enough to pound sand in a rat-
hole," says Uncle Seth Whiffletree.
Well, the way I figure it out, any
body that's got that much sense
ought to have more sense than to do
such a dern fool trick."
Chromatic
It sore disturbs
My addled head
Why blue laws make us
All see red.
And Wants More.
"A successful marriaee must be a
give-and-take proposition."
mine is. My wife takes every
cent I give her."
Guilty.
A youth once loved a modern miss;
well versed in law was she.
She charged him when he stole a
kiss with petty larceny.
A moment he was quite abashed and
then he squeezed her hand.
"You're wrong, quite wrong, dear,"
he replied. "Not petty. That was
grand."
The Wages of Sin.
"Bredren!" exclaimed the preach
er as he came across a portion of his
flock engaged in pursuing the god
dess of chance. "Don' yo' all know
it's wrong to shoot craps?"
"Yas, pahson," admitted one par
ishioner sadly, "an' b'lieve me, Ah's
payin' fo' mah sins."
BGLX&' M
"Has the ouija board craze struck
your office yet?"
"A long time ago. My stenograph
er uses it constantly."
Three Days Grace.
Maggie's sweetheart, a proverbial
ly tight-fisted Scot, had taken her
out for the afternoon, and that was
about all. They rode some distance
on the trolley, turned around and
rode home again. Never was men
tion made of food or entertainment.
Back within her own gateway,
Maggie, who had keenly felt the ne-
; av ISval If - -
gleet, sarcastically proffered Sandy a
dime.
"For the carfare vou scent on
me," she said meaningly.
Hoots, toots, woman." returned
Sandy, pocketing the coin. "There
was nae hurry. Saturday wad have
been time enough."
Party Politics.
In St. Louis some years ago the
street railway charged ten cents
for some of the longer rides. Then,
with the accession of another politic
al party to power, the rate was cut to
a nickel. That party happened to be
the Republican and one of the win
ners was doing some bragging.
"See what we did for the public
in reducing fares," he boasted.
"Yeah," drawled a Democrat.
"When the Democrats were in you
missed a car and walked and saved
a dime. Now you miss it and only
save a nickel."
Too Late.
Bliggins for some years had gone
the pace that kills, onlv it didn't
kill him but merely reformed him.
Then he joined the church and rose
so hih in its councils that he was
sent to one of the bip cities as del
egate to a convention.
How was it?" asked a friend
when he returned.
"The convention? Oh. all riimt."
answered Bliggins. "But that town!
borne town! If I d only been a del
egate to something there before I
got converted!"
The Day After.
North: "Why is Binks laying off
today?"
West: "Because he laid off yes
terday." Stop Crowding.
Bub: "I do not work for money
alone."
Dub: "Well, you have lots of mon
ey." Spiritual Truth.
"Divvie a bit do I believe the mes
sages these mediums are after eet-
tin from the dead," declared Dugan.
"Ye can't be tellin' whether they're
true or not."
"More fool ye. Ye can and I can
prove it," contradicted Monahan. "By
mistake I was reported killed entire
ly in the war, and one day me sister
went to a medium who told her I
was wishin' I was back on earth. And
at that very time I was on a trans
port in a high sea, d'ye mind."
Twang, Twang.
Rastus from Boston was trying to
impress his southern cousin with
the superior speed of northern trains.
"When dat ole Montreal express
ated solemnly, "do telegraph posts
looks like slats on a chicken fence."
Hmpf!" sniffed .Mose. "When de
Southern express steps out fo' Noo
Orleans, it naeherally makes do
mileposts look closer'n strings on a
banjo."
Numerical Phoi'.ii:m.
"Whete's the hotel?" aked a
stranger in a small backwoods town.
"Which one?" countered a solemn-eyed
native.
"Which one? Is there more than
one?"
"I dunno," he answered sadly,
"I've lived here all my life and 1
never heard of any."
Potential Scratch Man.
The golfers had just finished the
first round of their handicap tourn
ament. "What's your handicap, Mr. Jack
son?" asked one.
"Well," he answered sadly, "I
wouldn't be handicapped at all if I
had a little Scotch in me."
In Old Missouri.
In certain sections of Missouri the
making of moonshine whiskey is still
the principal industry.
A small native of this district was
interestedly interrogating an Eastern
commercial salesman, a beinc from
another world, as to his life, connec
tions, etc.
"You got a brother?" he inquired.
"1 had one but he died," answered
the salesman.
"Got shot?"
"No, he wasn't shot."
"Drink himself to death?"
"Certainly not."
"I knowed you was n liar," ex
claimed the boy triumphantly.
"Them's the only two ways anybody
ever dies."
HOME
BWEET
HOME
4
JACK.
W1L30H.
HevPAO, Will Vou Li
SI6MWV REPORT
CARD -1 Gotta
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just as soon as wo
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SSLOOK FOR WHILE
THE INK Wits
II AW. I
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2srrt wars ?yA Vry
Springtime' Ruminations.
That the editorial pajes of coun
try newspapers arc not always en
tirely overlooked by its readers is ev
idenced by the following:
(Inspired by recent editorials ap
pearing in the G.-T.)
Brotherly Love.
The poor benighted workingman,
He does the best he can,
But being a pure simpleton and lack
ing gumption, brains and such,
and knowing not whereof he
speaks, or what he wants, or
what to do, or where to go,
He needs be led.
So let us, brothers, show him the way,
And guide his steps, lest he go
wrong,
Now let us pray.
Charity.
There was an anti-sundayitc,
Who stormed and raved with all his
might.
Because he thought the Craft (s)-y
laws he read
Meant nothing less than what they
said.
But we should treat him with char
ity, Subdue our glee and hilarity,
And try to make him understand
That the legal phrases are all bosh
And intended only as a josh,
To tickle the sweet vanity
Of a great and wiser man.
Blue laws arc written by people
good, Who know what is best for
the neighborhood,
And if a little lobbying now and then
Is enjoyed by these best of men.
All's well, until they are understood.
That all these things are true, we
know,
Because peaceful Jitney Hen told
us so.
Amen.
TWO PAIR OF BROTHERS IN BIG LEAGUES
JIMMY
O'NEIL
STEVE
f $mm$&m
JOHNSTONE jimmy
tfce ume household, In 'the Americr iSSL'rT! "7? comc from
catching star, Steve O'Nic who rn,hZ CfcAfi?n(1 has 1,10 H
with the Washing on team. "Doc'1 rohn's.onTr . N,dl' is an i"fl1,er
Cleveland champi, hai a brother LmJ T 0. 'tI"' baSemiln witl' the
eh other in , C'd erie la.'yTr" the latter thirT. P'ayCd aRainst
Brooklyn National!. . ' 8 ,er u"rd baseman on the.