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About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 14, 1915)
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION Stories World Meets With Smiles 16 AN eminent Methodist bishop was advocating a more liberal loos ening of the purse strings, rnd dur ing a sermon one day told h!s con gregation that he at one time sent an article to a paper, in which he said: "We pray too loud and work too little." The Intelligent compositor did a most satisfying job and when It ap peared it read: "We bray too loud and work too little." "I let It go at that," said the bishop. "The fact Is, I believe the printer was right, and I never ven tured to correct him." National Monthly. On the Roof. Poor little Mrs. Jay's parrot got loose and flew out of the window. Great was her distress. Rushing wildly out Into the patch of garden In the front of her house, she saw Polly sitting contentedly on the roof, viewing the surrounding landscape with much Interest. All at once she beheld an aged workman coming down the street, carrying a ladder. "Please, my good man, will you get up onto the roof and catch my bird for me?" she cried pleadingly. Quite willing to oblige, the aged one placed his ladder against the wall and slowly made his way up It. At last he reached the roof and crept toward Polly. As, however, he got closer that Intelligent creature drew herself up. "What the dickens are you mess ing about oa this root for?" she shouted at him. The aged man came to a sudden stop, raised his hat, and replied: "Beg pardon, ma'am! Thought you was a bird!" and climbed down again. Philadelphia Record. In Spite of Himself. In Denver they tell of a young Britisher who will some day inherit a title, and who not long ago mar ried the daughter of a supposedly wealthy man of that town. A month or so after the marriage the father-in-law took the husband aside. "I am ruined!" he exclaimed. "Practically every cent Is gone!" The Briton was a good loser, how ever, for he gave vent to a long, low whistle, and exclaimed, with a little laugh: "By George! Then I did marry for love, after all." Harper's Magazine. Disinterested Information. A house-hunter, who had just got ' oft the train, stepped up to a boy hanging around the platform, with this salutation: "My lad, I am looking for Mr. Smithson's new block of semi-detached houses. How far are they from here?" "About 20 minutes' walk," replied the boy. "Twenty minutes!" exclaimed the house-hunter. "Nonsense! The ad vertisement says five." "Well," said the boy, "you can believe me or you can believe the make a sale." Philadelphia Record, advertisement, only I ain't tryin' to Lobbies. . "The lobby the lobby for this, and the lobby for that has vanished from Washington," said Senator Smith at a picnic at cool Snow Hill, "and with the lobby has vanished the legislator of Blanc's type. "Blanc one of those frock coat, sombrero and white lawn necktie leg islators came home on a June even ing and said: " 'The lobbyist of that infamous P.D.Q. ring approached me at the luncheon hour today and 1 " 'Oh, good,' cried Mrs. Blanc, COMING WEST We Can Save Yon Money Reduced rates on Household Goods, Pianos, Automobiles, etc. Through Consolidated cars, insuring prompt de livery and careful handling. Rates and Information on Bequest. Pacific Coast Forwarding Company 201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or. clapping her bands. 'Then I can have that trip to Europe after all, can't I, dear.' " Boston Advertiser. A Foenmn Worthy. "What are you giving your cows now in the way of galactagogues?" asked the Fort Collins professor ot the milkman. "Oh," replied the brother ot the bull who had been graduated from Boulder University, "their sustenance is mostly of nitro genous origin; rich In chlorophyll and opulent in butyraceous qualities with a sufficient equation of the carbo hydrates to make the balanced pro portions." "A pint, if you please," ventured the professor. "Git up," said the scholastic dairyman as the caravan moved on. Ineffectual. The tenderfoot bride and groom had become a little trainslck weaving In and out the sharp curves along the canyon. "Henry, do you love me as' much as ever?" the bride asked. "Yes, my darling," the bridegroom replied, "more than ever." The bride turned her head away for a moment and then moaned: "I thought that would make me feel better, Henry, but It doesn't." What Did She Mean? "Do you think Miss Kidder was having fun with me?" asked Chawley. "Well, old chap, give me the de tails," was Awthur's response. "You see, I had my bull terrier with me, and I said to her, 'That dog knows as much as I do.' And she said, 'Don't you think five dollars was too much to pay for him?' " Hopeful. Bacon I gave my wife a rainbow kiss when I left home this morning. Egbert What in the world Is a rainbow kiss? Bacon One that follows a storm. BUSH & LANE HOlIUd UlttUU iut Bouse of Originali Bmh ft I.sne Pianos art built to sustain the reputation we have spent years In es tablishing. This reputation for piano qual ity Includes every detail of superiority tone action durability, etc. We fjck til l claim with a guarantee as broad aa It Is binding. Tou MUST be satisfied. Borne exceptional values In standard Fianos taken In trade for $100 and up. Bush & Lane Piano Co. Washington Stmt, Cor. of 11th. Fortland, Oregoa. MANUFACTURERS WllOI.BSAI.lS RF.TAIt.EKS Boom of Originality When you go to Portland yon will want to Attend the Theater Tou will set the moat for your mosey by going to THE BAKER (Geo. L. Baker, Mr). On Broadway and Morrteoa Rt. Home of the Famoui Baker Player Prices, 25c, 35c, 50r, 75; Mat, 25c, 60c, SUNDAY, WEDNESDAY, SATURDAY. Always a new play, Hlgh-clasa company of real actors and actresses. Beautiful scenic and stage effects. The Baker Players have been famous tn Portland for 15 years and to see them Is ft part of one's visit to the metropolis. When in Seattle the FR YE SEATTLE'S FAVORITE HOTEL Only Three Blocks From Depots and Docks RATES THAT ARE RIGHT $1.00 Per Day and Up IMPORTANT, that niyou mention this ' paper in answering advertisements. PURE MOUNTAIN STRAINED HONEY FROM SUNNY CALIFORNIA! Mail or Express C. O. D., or Cash. Quality Guaranteed One-half Gallon Pure Amber Mountain Strained Honey for 0.1c, f. O, B, I.ot mtlei One Gallon Pure Amber Mountain Strained Huney fur 11.10, F. O. B. Lm Angeles Ak about Oranges, Nuts, Dried Fruits, Beans, etc. PBODUCER8-TO-CONSUMEKS SUITLY CO., 2.10H S. Bprlng St., Los Angeles, Calif. A CHANCE TO MAKE MONEY FARM EXCHANGES The following described farm Is one of the best In the southern part of the Willamette Valley. It consists of 283 acres, two miles from Cottage Grove, Or., half mile from rail road station. There are 100 acres In the highest stato of cultivation, 10 acre tn full bearing orchard. All kinds of small fruit and grapes. A number of acres in alfalfa and clover. ISO acres fjne bottom land. $3 acres In timber, will run over 1,000,000 feet No gravel or white land. Has woven wire fences, gooi 10-room house, three barns and all outbuildings. Rock roads, R. F. D, and telephone. 250 acres tillable. This place is a big moneymaker and will stand the Closest Investigation. Trice, 130,000, no incumbrance. -Will trade for a larger place Of equal value in Washington, Oregon or Idaho. t OREGON FARMERS. ATTENTION! 333 acres located In Rush County, Kansas; 155 acres in cultivation, IB acres In hardwood timber, balance In grass; 178 acres rich bottom land, balance first bench. Fine creek and springs. A number of acres In alfalfa and clover. Good house, two big cattle barns, ex tra large granary, also Implement shed. Two and one-half miles from town. Fine rock roads. All under fence and cross-fence. Price $20,000. No Incumbrance. Will trade for a Willamette Valley farm of equal value, CITY PROPERTY A fine piece of Portland, Or., Income property, located on the West Side, within eight blocks of the Postofflce. Is now leased at the low figure of $275 a month. It consists ot a half block, measuring 60x200 feet Street assessments all paid. Price $40,000 with $10,000 mortgage. I will trade equity for equipped farm in Willamette Valley. This property In a few years will be worth much more money. JOHN E. HOWARD, 309Chamber of Commerce, Portland, Oregon BULBS Tne finest ever Im ported larger and better. Bulb Book If LI showing latest varle- If II ties MAlLlil) I KEK. 1 1 ( SWEET PEAS Our 1915 Book de scribes all the new est novelties and tells how to raise tnem. MAILED FREE:
