HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
Stories World Meets With Smiles
16
AN eminent Methodist bishop was
advocating a more liberal loos
ening of the purse strings, rnd dur
ing a sermon one day told h!s con
gregation that he at one time sent
an article to a paper, in which he
said: "We pray too loud and work
too little."
The Intelligent compositor did a
most satisfying job and when It ap
peared it read:
"We bray too loud and work too
little."
"I let It go at that," said the
bishop. "The fact Is, I believe the
printer was right, and I never ven
tured to correct him." National
Monthly.
On the Roof.
Poor little Mrs. Jay's parrot got
loose and flew out of the window.
Great was her distress. Rushing
wildly out Into the patch of garden
In the front of her house, she saw
Polly sitting contentedly on the roof,
viewing the surrounding landscape
with much Interest.
All at once she beheld an aged
workman coming down the street,
carrying a ladder.
"Please, my good man, will you get
up onto the roof and catch my bird
for me?" she cried pleadingly.
Quite willing to oblige, the aged
one placed his ladder against the
wall and slowly made his way up It.
At last he reached the roof and crept
toward Polly. As, however, he got
closer that Intelligent creature drew
herself up.
"What the dickens are you mess
ing about oa this root for?" she
shouted at him.
The aged man came to a sudden
stop, raised his hat, and replied:
"Beg pardon, ma'am! Thought you
was a bird!" and climbed down
again. Philadelphia Record.
In Spite of Himself.
In Denver they tell of a young
Britisher who will some day inherit
a title, and who not long ago mar
ried the daughter of a supposedly
wealthy man of that town.
A month or so after the marriage
the father-in-law took the husband
aside. "I am ruined!" he exclaimed.
"Practically every cent Is gone!"
The Briton was a good loser, how
ever, for he gave vent to a long, low
whistle, and exclaimed, with a little
laugh:
"By George! Then I did marry for
love, after all." Harper's Magazine.
Disinterested Information.
A house-hunter, who had just got
' oft the train, stepped up to a boy
hanging around the platform, with
this salutation:
"My lad, I am looking for Mr.
Smithson's new block of semi-detached
houses. How far are they
from here?"
"About 20 minutes' walk," replied
the boy.
"Twenty minutes!" exclaimed the
house-hunter. "Nonsense! The ad
vertisement says five."
"Well," said the boy, "you can
believe me or you can believe the
make a sale." Philadelphia Record,
advertisement, only I ain't tryin' to
Lobbies.
. "The lobby the lobby for this,
and the lobby for that has vanished
from Washington," said Senator
Smith at a picnic at cool Snow Hill,
"and with the lobby has vanished the
legislator of Blanc's type.
"Blanc one of those frock coat,
sombrero and white lawn necktie leg
islators came home on a June even
ing and said:
" 'The lobbyist of that infamous
P.D.Q. ring approached me at the
luncheon hour today and 1
" 'Oh, good,' cried Mrs. Blanc,
COMING WEST
We Can Save Yon Money
Reduced rates on Household Goods,
Pianos, Automobiles, etc. Through
Consolidated cars, insuring prompt de
livery and careful handling. Rates
and Information on Bequest.
Pacific Coast Forwarding Company
201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or.
clapping her bands. 'Then I can
have that trip to Europe after all,
can't I, dear.' " Boston Advertiser.
A Foenmn Worthy.
"What are you giving your cows
now in the way of galactagogues?"
asked the Fort Collins professor ot
the milkman. "Oh," replied the
brother ot the bull who had been
graduated from Boulder University,
"their sustenance is mostly of nitro
genous origin; rich In chlorophyll and
opulent in butyraceous qualities with
a sufficient equation of the carbo
hydrates to make the balanced pro
portions." "A pint, if you please,"
ventured the professor. "Git up,"
said the scholastic dairyman as the
caravan moved on.
Ineffectual.
The tenderfoot bride and groom
had become a little trainslck weaving
In and out the sharp curves along the
canyon. "Henry, do you love me as'
much as ever?" the bride asked. "Yes,
my darling," the bridegroom replied,
"more than ever." The bride turned
her head away for a moment and
then moaned: "I thought that would
make me feel better, Henry, but It
doesn't."
What Did She Mean?
"Do you think Miss Kidder was
having fun with me?" asked Chawley.
"Well, old chap, give me the de
tails," was Awthur's response.
"You see, I had my bull terrier
with me, and I said to her, 'That dog
knows as much as I do.' And she
said, 'Don't you think five dollars
was too much to pay for him?' "
Hopeful.
Bacon I gave my wife a rainbow
kiss when I left home this morning.
Egbert What in the world Is a
rainbow kiss?
Bacon One that follows a storm.
BUSH & LANE
HOlIUd UlttUU iut Bouse of Originali
Bmh ft I.sne Pianos art built to sustain
the reputation we have spent years In es
tablishing. This reputation for piano qual
ity Includes every detail of superiority
tone action durability, etc. We fjck til l
claim with a guarantee as broad aa It Is
binding. Tou MUST be satisfied.
Borne exceptional values In standard
Fianos taken In trade for $100 and up.
Bush & Lane Piano Co.
Washington Stmt, Cor. of 11th.
Fortland, Oregoa.
MANUFACTURERS
WllOI.BSAI.lS
RF.TAIt.EKS
Boom of Originality
When you go to Portland yon will
want to
Attend the Theater
Tou will set the moat for your mosey
by going to
THE BAKER
(Geo. L. Baker, Mr).
On Broadway and Morrteoa Rt.
Home of the Famoui Baker Player
Prices, 25c, 35c, 50r, 75; Mat, 25c, 60c,
SUNDAY, WEDNESDAY, SATURDAY.
Always a new play, Hlgh-clasa company
of real actors and actresses. Beautiful
scenic and stage effects. The Baker
Players have been famous tn Portland
for 15 years and to see them Is ft part
of one's visit to the metropolis.
When in Seattle
the FR YE
SEATTLE'S FAVORITE HOTEL
Only Three Blocks From Depots and Docks
RATES THAT ARE RIGHT
$1.00 Per Day and Up
IMPORTANT, that
niyou mention this
' paper in answering
advertisements.
PURE MOUNTAIN STRAINED HONEY FROM SUNNY CALIFORNIA!
Mail or Express C. O. D., or Cash. Quality Guaranteed
One-half Gallon Pure Amber Mountain Strained Honey for 0.1c, f. O, B, I.ot mtlei
One Gallon Pure Amber Mountain Strained Huney fur 11.10, F. O. B. Lm Angeles
Ak about Oranges, Nuts, Dried Fruits, Beans, etc.
PBODUCER8-TO-CONSUMEKS SUITLY CO., 2.10H S. Bprlng St., Los Angeles, Calif.
A CHANCE TO MAKE MONEY
FARM EXCHANGES
The following described farm Is one of the best In the southern part of the Willamette
Valley. It consists of 283 acres, two miles from Cottage Grove, Or., half mile from rail
road station. There are 100 acres In the highest stato of cultivation, 10 acre tn full
bearing orchard. All kinds of small fruit and grapes. A number of acres in alfalfa and
clover. ISO acres fjne bottom land. $3 acres In timber, will run over 1,000,000 feet No
gravel or white land. Has woven wire fences, gooi 10-room house, three barns and all
outbuildings. Rock roads, R. F. D, and telephone. 250 acres tillable. This place is a big
moneymaker and will stand the Closest Investigation. Trice, 130,000, no incumbrance.
-Will trade for a larger place Of equal value in Washington, Oregon or Idaho.
t OREGON FARMERS. ATTENTION!
333 acres located In Rush County, Kansas; 155 acres in cultivation, IB acres In hardwood
timber, balance In grass; 178 acres rich bottom land, balance first bench. Fine creek and
springs. A number of acres In alfalfa and clover. Good house, two big cattle barns, ex
tra large granary, also Implement shed. Two and one-half miles from town. Fine rock
roads. All under fence and cross-fence. Price $20,000. No Incumbrance. Will trade for
a Willamette Valley farm of equal value,
CITY PROPERTY
A fine piece of Portland, Or., Income property, located on the West Side, within eight
blocks of the Postofflce. Is now leased at the low figure of $275 a month. It consists
ot a half block, measuring 60x200 feet Street assessments all paid. Price $40,000
with $10,000 mortgage. I will trade equity for equipped farm in Willamette Valley.
This property In a few years will be worth much more money.
JOHN E. HOWARD, 309Chamber of Commerce, Portland, Oregon
BULBS
Tne finest ever Im
ported larger and
better. Bulb Book
If
LI showing latest varle- If
II ties MAlLlil) I KEK. 1 1 (
SWEET PEAS
Our 1915 Book de
scribes all the new
est novelties and
tells how to raise
tnem.
MAILED FREE: