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About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 27, 1914)
16 HOME AND FAHM MAGAZINE SECTION Stories With a Smile JOME employers in New York City liko some employers in other cities are not as polite to their office force as they stoull be, even though some of thei forces may be of the feminine gender. Much of it, however, 13 more the result of care less speech than bad temper, and in such cases it may be cured. One such employer in Courtlandt street "las been cured. At least he says he has. It happened thus: He had taken in a new stenographer, a very quiet steady young woman of about 25, and very efficient But he never thought of that. As soon as he got used to her he fell into his habit of blurt ing out anything that come to his mind when ho was not pleased, and one day she asked him a question he thought she should know "Oh, say," he snapped at her, "any damn fool ought to know that!" It is not an original expression by any means, and the girl had prob ably heard it many times, though poss bly not in such a personal man ner, but she was equal to it She looked him square in the eye, un afraid, and still the lady. "Yes," she replied pleasantly enough; "you seem to know it, but, you see, I'm not : damn fooL" It gave a new turn to the expres sion which had not occurred to him before, and he was staggered but he knew she had him and he was gentle man enough to apologize. Now he is much more par'icular in bis office language and says he is ,'lad she called him down as she did. Prodded His Father's Memory. Mr. Urban was always late to din ner. He .ived on the Fort Worth Interurban and arrived home one even ing, as usual, twenty minutes behind hand. His wife was entertaining Mr. and Mrs. Fortune. 3reeting the guests with effusive cordiality, he said: "If I had known this pleasure was in store Tor me I should certainly have arranged my business so as to bo at homo earlier." "Why, iiarry," sighed his wife, "I told you." "I beg your pardon, love; but you are certaiuly mistaken this time. You probably forgot to mention it. On the whole, however, I am glad you did. It is a delightful jurprise." Mrs. Urban was a spirited woman This unjust accusation came : ear over throwing her courtesy. Her lips part od, then shut decisively; but a slight frown lingered on her forehead. Little Tommy read her face. He knew all about his father's poor mem ory, and he felt it his duty both to refresh it and to defend his mother. ' "Why, papa," he piped, "don't yoa ' recollect! Mamma told you to be sure to come home early tonight because tho Fortunes were going to be here, and you said, 'Oh, tho devill' Ceremonious. If there is one thing a commercial traveler dislikes more than anotner it is elaborate ceremony, and if the spirit of his profession is in him he generally finds some way to let his prejudices be known. One evening a traveling salesman from Cincinnati happened to sit down at a hotel table in company with half a dozen state leeislators, who talked with excessive formality. It was "Will the gentleman from Hardin do this!" and "Does the gentleman from Franklin want thatt" the ordinary form of direct address being care fully eschewed. For nearly ten minutes the commer cial traveler suffered in silence. Then he turned to the waiter and said in deep, oratorical tone:: "Will the gentleman from Ethiopia please jass the butter!'' The remedy was effectual. The Trump Suit Jones didn't want to plaj cards: never had wanted to play cards in his life and said so. But to no purpose. His objections, conscient'ous and other wise, were waived 01 one side by the red-faced person who was look ing for a partner. Jones took his seat at th card table. Before tioy had been playing fifteen seconds Jones and the red faced person took a 10-I.orsepower dis liko for each other. Then the wretch ed -tones made his first seriouc mis take. He cf the ruddy complexion banged the table. "Why on earth didn't you follow my Lsadi" he shouted. "If there n one man in this wcrld today whose odious example I would not foiiow in any circumstances you are the man!" retorted Jones, with dignity. After that the jolly pastime pro ceeded. Then Jones put his foot in it again, and again the rubicund one t ashed thj t ble. "Couldn't you see me calling for a sjade or clubt" he bo-nned. "Haven't you got a black suit, man?" "Yes, I have," said Jones, rising from the table, "and I'm jolly well hanging on to it fo' your funeral!" One Means of Support. Miss Campjell, the Sunday school teacher, discovered, to her horror, that some of the small members of her class had taken as literal truths the tales of ancient god' and goddesses which they had read in a child's mythology at school. She "etermined, if possible, to de st oy this belief by simple logic and with .this end in view she asked: "Who was it, Amelii., that support ed tht world on his shoulders!" "Atlas, ma'am," the little girl re plied, promptly. "That is correct," said the teach er. "Now, children, think. If he was supporting the world on his shoulderj, of course ho could not be standing on it. Now, what supported Atlast" "I know," cried Amelia. "He mar ried a rich wife!" Came Down Gently. Gladys's mother was entertaining vis itors, when suddenly the door was flung open and in burst Gladys like the pro verbial whirlwind. 'My dear child," said the mother, rebukingly, "I never heard such a noise as you made coming downstairs. Now go right back and come downstairs properly." liladys retired, and a few moments later re-entered the room. "Did you hear me come down that time, mamma!" she asked. "No, dear," replied the mother. "Now, why can't you always behave like that! You eame downstairs like a lady then." "Yes, mamma," said Glady's dutiful ly, "I slid down the banisters." Not a Direct Answer. A lawsuit was recently in full swing and during its progress a wit ness was cross-examined as to the habits and character of the defend ant ' ' Has Mr. M a reputation for being abnormally lazy!" asked coun sel, briskly. "Well, sir, it's this way" "Will you kindly answer the ques tion asked!" struck in the irascible lawyer. "Well, sir, I was going to say it's this way. I don't want to do the gentleman in question any injustice, and I won't go so far as to say, sir, that he's lazy exactly; but if it re quired any voluntary work on his part to digest his food- why, he'd die from lack of nourishment, sir." velops the mathematical powers. To jour son figures and numbers, order and system will be a conglomerate mass of nothingness." "Then he can't work in my of fice," said the father sadly, "but he ough. to be great at making up the summer train schedules for suburban railroads. A Crushing Eeply. When Mr. Crockett offered his first book to a certain firm of publish ers, they returned it with a curt note informing him that there was "no market for this sort of work." In tho corner of the note was the index mark "No. 3G6C." Some time later, when Mr. Crockett had become famous, this same firm wrote asking him to allow them to publish his next book. Mr. Croekett, who had carefully preserved their former rude letter, politely replied by asking them to refer to their own let ter book under the sign "No. 396C." That closed the correspondence! Might Wed a Bachelor. A little girl of six sat looking thoughtfully out of the window of her home the other day. Her mother asked the cause of her seriousness. "Oh," she replied, "I was just thinking that when I grow up to be a big lady I'm agoin' to get marrijd and have three children." The parent was surprised and amused. "Weil, yon will be very fortunate, indeed," she replied. Then the little- girl again lapsed into thought. Finally she said: "But you can never tell, mother. I might marry a bachelor." Flaying It Safe. -The wife of a small farmer in Perthshire, Scotland, some time age went to a chemist in the "Fair City" with two prescriptions one for her husband, the other for her cow. Finding she bad not enough money to pay for both, the chemist asked her which she would take. 'Gie me the stuff for the coo." said she; "the morn will do weel enough for him, puir body. Giu he f ere to dee I could sure get anither man, but I'm no sae sure that I could get anither coo." Had Bad Odor. With a roar like a gigantic rocket the 100-horsepo.vcr motor cr.r tore down the road. Joe and Mike Baw it disappear in a cloud of dust. They suddenly eame aeross the trail and held their noses. "Thim motors must cost a heap of money," said Joe; "the rich is fairly burning money." "Ay, indeed," sniffed Mike, "nd by the smell of it it must be that tainted money we hear so much talk about" He Insisted. There was a young lady of Siam, Who said to ner tona lover, "1 refuse to De kibbbu, Put if vmi insist Heaven knows you are stronger than 1 am. Big Values in Used Cars "A uaed c.r bought from the Winton Company i worth S per cant more than Its duplicate anywhere elee." We hear this atatement every dir. Tho rev on it plain when it li remem bered that no treded-ln er IS offered here for ule until It nee been thoroughly orerheuled l our own ahopa by Winton ex pert! end brought up to the Winton standard of automobile, excellence. If you ean appreelate thii enhanced value mean yon will send NOW for our com plete list of high grade "tued ear bargains. Tt oel without laying the, t re-built car of high-grade mann faeture which bat been operate jnly 10 per cent of itt real mile age, tuat can be purchaaed at So per cent of the original prle will prove far more latlafeetory and much leu eipenaive than a cheap ear bought new. Very little money will NOW hoy one of then rebuilt cars Ibat will give the beat aatiafae tion in both service and appear ance. Send today for our latest complete bargain list. THE WHTTOH MOTOE CAB CO. Portland, Oregon. Spokane, Wain. Seattle, Wash. His Future. "The child is otherwise in perfect health' said the great physician, "but I regret to say that he is af flicted with a curious mental de ficiency." "Explalnl" groaned the unhappy father. "The pictcrius mucilo of the medul la geiinkus has never appeared in his i)ain. That is the nerve that de- HOMESTEADS In Sunny Alberta, Western Canada Why pay 50.00 to be located when you can get the same service and information for $3.00t We have located several hundred on home steads in Western Canada the last past 10 years and have always charged Fifty Dollars for location fee. We have decided to change our system. 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