Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (June 11, 1914)
12 HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE 8ECTI0N SERIAL A Fool and His Money By George Bur McCutebeoa Copyright, 1911, By Geo. Ban McCuteheoa. SYNOPSIS OF WUBYI0TJ8 tNSTALLMEMTS. In the opening installments of "A Pool and His Money," Geo. Ban MeCuteneeo's charm ed ing novel, serial rights for which have been specially obtained for the Home and Farm Magazine Section, we learn of John Bel- lamy Smart, the young man who is telling the story. He has just $ written his first novel, and at the same time has fallen heir to an immense fortune left him by 3 his uncle. He is 35 years of age. ' $ After a visit to London, Smart ' takes a trip on the Biver Dan- ube. After finding an old-world town, he discovers an ancient castle, which he purchases from its owner, the Count. With his secretary, Poopendyke, he takes possession of the immense struc- ture, which is supposed to be 3 tenanted only by the caretaker and his family, the Schmicks. To $ Smart's amazement, the first night, he hears the cry of a baby. Looking out at a balcony one night Smart sees the white figure of a wicman silhouetted. He im 3 mediately begins a hunt for Schmick, the caretaker, to solve the mystery of who the woman may be. With the Schmicks he endeavor s to break down a 0 heavily barred door into that sec- tion of the castle, but fails. The e tion of the castle, but fails. 8mart learns that souvenir bun 0 tein from New York are de- Banding to buy the castle heir 0 looms. (Smart 's visitors demand to buy the curiosities of the eas 0 tie although he assures them 0 time and time again they are not on sale. They think he is hold 3 ing out for a higher price. The story continues. 8 IIjlND THE TREATY was signed M on this table," said Mr. Eiley- Werkheimer. He addressed himself to a plump young lady with a distorted bust and a twenty two inch waist. "Maude, what do ymi know about the Roman-Teutonic treaty We'll catch you now, my ii luutl, ' ' he went on, turning to me. "My daughter is np in ancient his tory. She's an authority." Miss Maude appeared to be. racking her brain. I undertook to assist her. "I mean the second treaty, after the fall of Nuremburg," I explained. "Oh," she said, instanly relieved. "Was it really signed here, right here i-i ti. :q hillt Oh, father! We must have that table." , u are sure there was a treaty, Maude!" demanded her parent ac cusingly. "Certainly," she cried. "The Teu tons ceded Alsace Lorraine to " "Pardon me once more," I cried, and this time I plead guilty to a blush, "you are thinking of the other treaty the one at Metz, Miss Biley-Werkheim-er. This, as you will recall, ante-dates that one by oh, several years." "Thank you," she said, quiet con descendingly. "I was confused for a moment. Of course, father, I can't say that it was signed here or on this table as the young man aays. I only know that there was a treaty. I do wish you'd come and see the fire-screen I've found" "Let's get this out of our system first," said her father. "If yon ean show me statistics and the proper proof that this is the genuine table, young man, I'll" "Pray rest easy, sir," I said. "We can take it up later on. The facts are-" "And this Pontius Pilate seat," in terruptod Eocksworth, biting off the nd of a fresh cigar. "What about itt Got a match f" "Get the gentleman a match, Brit- ton," I said, thereby giving my valet an opportunity to do his exploding in the pantry. "I can only affirm, sir, that it U common history that Pontius tilate spent a portion of his exile here in the sixth eentnry. It is reasonable to wnme thai B sat in thii seat, be ing an old man unused to difficult stairways. He" Bny it, Orson," said his wife, with authority. "We'll take a chance on it If it isn't the right thing, we can sell it to the second-hand dealers. What's the price!" "A thousand dollars to you, madam," said L They were at once suspicious. While they were busily engaged in looking the seat over as the porters shifted it about at all angles, I stepped over and ordered my workmen to resume their operations. : ' was beginning to get sour and angry again, having missed my coffee. From the culinary regions there ascended a most horrific odor of fried onions. If there is one thing I really resent it is a fried onion. I do not know why I should have felt the way I did about it on this occa- but I am mean enough now to confess hat I hailed the triumphal en try of that pernicious odor with a mean ness of spirit that leaves nothing to be explained. "Good gracious!" gasped the aris tocratic Mrs. Eiley-Werheimer, hold ing her nose. "Do you smell that!" "Onions! My Gawd!" tniffed Maude. "How I hate 'em!" Mr. Eocksworth forgot his dignity "Hate 'emt" he cried, his eyes roll ir.-g. "I just love 'em!" "Orson!" said his Wife, transfivhig him -with a 'j?lare. "What will people think of you!" -"I like 'ent too,' admitted Mr. Bilcy-Wrrkheimer, perceiving at once whom she meant by "people. He puffed out his chest. At that instant " the carpenters,' plumbers and stone misons resumed their infernal racket, while scrub women, polishers and painters began to move intimately among us. "Here!" roared Mr. Eocksworth. "stop this beastly noise! What the deuce do you mean, sir, permitting these scoundrels to raise the dead like this? Confound 'em, I stopped thorn once. Here! You! Let up on that, will you!" I moved forward apologetically. "I am afraid it is not onions you smell, ladies and gentlemen." I had taken my cue with surprising . quickness. They are raising the dead. Tbo place is fairly alive with dead rats and " Good Lord!" gasped Kiley-Werk heimer. "We'll get the bubonic plague here." "Oh, I know onions," said Eocks worth , calmly. "Can't fool me on onions, lncy are onions, am t tney, Carrie!" They are!" said she. "What a pity to have this wonderful old castle actually devastated by workmen! It is an outrage a crime. I should think the owner would turn over in his grave." Unhappily, I am the owner," madam," raid I, slyly working my foot back into an elusive slipyr. "You ought to be ashamed of your self," rhe said, eyeing me coldly with a hitherto unexposed lorgnon. I am," said L "You quite took me by surprise. I should have made myself more presentable if I had known " Well, let's move on upstairs," said Eocksworth. Addressing the porters, he said: "You fellows get this lot of stuff together and II" take an option on it. I'll be over tomorrow to close the deal, Mr. Mr. Now, where is the old Florentine mirror tho Count was Uiling us about!" "The Count!" said I, frowning. "Yes, the real owner. You can't stuff me with your talk about being the proprietor here, my friend. You see, we happen to know the Count." They all condescended to laugh at mo. I don't know what I should have said or done if Brittor. had not re turned with a box of matches at that instant sulphur matches which added subtly to -the growing illusion. Almost simultaneously there appeared in the lower hall a lanky youth of eigh teen. He was a loud voiced, imperious sort of chap with at least three rolls to his trousers and a plum colored cap. "Say, these clubs are the real stuff, at right, all right. They're as brittle as glass. 8e what I did to 'em. We ean have 'em splieed and rewound sad 111 hang 'em on my wall. All 1 want is the heads, anyhow." He held np to view a headless mid- iren and braasie, and triumphantly waved a splendid eleek. My favorite clubs! I could play better from a hang ing lie with that beautiful braseie than with any club I ever owned sad as lor the iron, I was deadly with it He lit a cigarette and threw the match into a pile of shavings. Old Conrad returned to life at that instant and stamped oat the incipient blaze. "I shouldn't consider them very good clubs, Harold, if they break off like that," said his mother. "What do yon know about elubs!" he snapped, and I at once knew what class he was in at the preparatory' school. If I was ever like one of these, said I to myself, God rest the sage soul of my Uncle Rilasl The situation was no longer humor ous. I could put up with anything but the mishandling of my devoted golf clubs. Striding up to him, I snatched the remnants from his hands. "You infernal cub!" I roared. "Haven't you any more sense than to smash a golf club like that! For two cents I'd break this putter over your head." "Father!" he yelled indignantly. "Who is this mucker!" Mr. Eocksworth bounced towards me, his cane raised. I whirled upon him. "How dare yon!" he Bhouted. The ladies squealed. If he expected me to cringe, he was mightily mistaken. My blood was up. I advanced. "Paste iiim, Dad!" roared Harold. But Mr. Eocksworth suddenly altered his course and put the historic treaty table between him and me. He didn't like the appearance of my rather large fist. "You big stiff!" shouted Harold. Afterwards it occurred to me that this inelegant appellation may have been meant for his father, but at the time I took it to be aimed at me. Before Harold quite knew what was happening to him, he was prancing down the long hall with my bony fin gers grasping his collar. Coming to the Relieve Pain and Remove rpi Pains caused by Rheumatism in 1 116 lailSe varius 0 r m s Neuralgia uv vuuov an(j Muscuiar pains, Sprains or any skin inflammation or irritation, can be relieved by Sulphurro, BECAUSE SULPHURRO is an antiseptic and germicide for internal and external use. Taken internally it enters the blood, cleansing it of the impurities, "uric acid" and germs which cause the pain. Sulphurro Baths re lieve pain and inflammation because the pores absorb this healing and beneficial antiseptic and germicide. SULPHURRO insures pure blood and a healthy skin and pure blood is the first essential to health and relief from aches and pains. "I am pleased to toll yo-i I have derived great bene fit from the use of Sulphurro. I have been a great suf ferer from chest and internal pains and by taking sul phurro found relief." S. GUILDFORD, 199 Cornwall Road, Notting Hill, London, England. INFLAMMATION YIELDS TO SULPHURRO FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS door opening into the outer vestibule, I drew back my foot for a final aid to locomotion. Acutely recalling the fact that slippers are not designed for kick ing purposes, I raised my foot, removed the slipper and laid it upon a taut section of his trousers with all of the aelancholy force that I usually exert in slicing my drive off the tee. I shall never forget the exquisite spasm of pleasure his plaintive "Ouch!" gave me. Then Harold passed swiftly out of my life. Mr. Eooksworth, reinforced by four reluctant mercenaries in the hape of porters, was ai vancing upon me. Some how I had a vague, but unerring in stinct that same one had fainted, but I didn't stop to inqure. Without much ado, I wrested the cane from him and sent it scuttling after Harold. "Now, set out!" I roared. "You shall pay for this!" he sput tered, quite black in the face. "Grab him, you infernal eowaids!" But the four porters slunk away, and Mr. Eocksworth faced me alone. Eu- dolph and Max, thoroughly fed and most prodigious, were bearing down upon us, aecouu'in for the flight of the mercenaries. "Get out!" I repeated. "I am the owner of this place, Mr. Eocksworth, , and I am mad through and tluougu. Skip!" "I'll have the law" "Law be hanged! " "If it costs me a million, I'll get" "It will cost you a million if you. don't get!" 1 advised him, seeing that l.e paused for want of breath. I left him standing there, but had the presence of mind to wave my huge henchmen away. Mr. Biley Werk heimer approached, but very pacifical ly. He was paler than he will ever be again in his life, I fear. (Continued Next Week.) A hone show ind horn p.rsde will ha attendant attraction. Editor Lew A. Cities of the Pilk County, Oregon, Obaerrer signalizes hit assumption of the editorial (unction in Dallas, Oregon, by presenting hii paper under a new and vastly more artistic heading. Lnfayette, Oregon, Visitor: A little dnngh ter of the editor writes from Alberta: "Mr hubby and brother hare paid one-half cent apiece for some alfalfa aeed. They are to be planted ten feet apart." Now what do you kuow about that I
