12
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
HOME AND FARM MAGAZINE 8ECTI0N SERIAL
A Fool and His Money
By
George Bur
McCutebeoa
Copyright, 1911,
By Geo. Ban
McCuteheoa.
SYNOPSIS OF WUBYI0TJ8
tNSTALLMEMTS.
In the opening installments of
"A Pool and His Money,"
Geo. Ban MeCuteneeo's charm
ed ing novel, serial rights for which
have been specially obtained for
the Home and Farm Magazine
Section, we learn of John Bel-
lamy Smart, the young man who
is telling the story. He has just
$ written his first novel, and at
the same time has fallen heir to
an immense fortune left him by
3 his uncle. He is 35 years of age.
' $ After a visit to London, Smart
' takes a trip on the Biver Dan-
ube. After finding an old-world
town, he discovers an ancient
castle, which he purchases from
its owner, the Count. With his
secretary, Poopendyke, he takes
possession of the immense struc-
ture, which is supposed to be
3 tenanted only by the caretaker
and his family, the Schmicks. To
$ Smart's amazement, the first
night, he hears the cry of a baby.
Looking out at a balcony one
night Smart sees the white figure
of a wicman silhouetted. He im
3 mediately begins a hunt for
Schmick, the caretaker, to solve
the mystery of who the woman
may be. With the Schmicks he
endeavor s to break down a
0 heavily barred door into that sec-
tion of the castle, but fails. The
e tion of the castle, but fails.
8mart learns that souvenir bun
0 tein from New York are de-
Banding to buy the castle heir
0 looms. (Smart 's visitors demand
to buy the curiosities of the eas
0 tie although he assures them
0 time and time again they are not
on sale. They think he is hold
3 ing out for a higher price. The
story continues.
8
IIjlND THE TREATY was signed
M on this table," said Mr. Eiley-
Werkheimer. He addressed
himself to a plump young lady
with a distorted bust and a twenty
two inch waist. "Maude, what do
ymi know about the Roman-Teutonic
treaty We'll catch you now, my
ii luutl, ' ' he went on, turning to me.
"My daughter is np in ancient his
tory. She's an authority."
Miss Maude appeared to be. racking
her brain. I undertook to assist her.
"I mean the second treaty, after the
fall of Nuremburg," I explained.
"Oh," she said, instanly relieved.
"Was it really signed here, right here
i-i ti. :q hillt Oh, father! We must have
that table."
, u are sure there was a treaty,
Maude!" demanded her parent ac
cusingly. "Certainly," she cried. "The Teu
tons ceded Alsace Lorraine to "
"Pardon me once more," I cried, and
this time I plead guilty to a blush,
"you are thinking of the other treaty
the one at Metz, Miss Biley-Werkheim-er.
This, as you will recall, ante-dates
that one by oh, several years."
"Thank you," she said, quiet con
descendingly. "I was confused for a
moment. Of course, father, I can't say
that it was signed here or on this table
as the young man aays. I only know
that there was a treaty. I do wish
you'd come and see the fire-screen I've
found"
"Let's get this out of our system
first," said her father. "If yon ean
show me statistics and the proper proof
that this is the genuine table, young
man, I'll"
"Pray rest easy, sir," I said. "We
can take it up later on. The facts
are-"
"And this Pontius Pilate seat," in
terruptod Eocksworth, biting off the
nd of a fresh cigar. "What about itt
Got a match f"
"Get the gentleman a match, Brit-
ton," I said, thereby giving my valet
an opportunity to do his exploding in
the pantry. "I can only affirm, sir,
that it U common history that Pontius
tilate spent a portion of his exile here
in the sixth eentnry. It is reasonable
to wnme thai B sat in thii seat, be
ing an old man unused to difficult
stairways. He"
Bny it, Orson," said his wife, with
authority. "We'll take a chance on
it If it isn't the right thing, we can
sell it to the second-hand dealers.
What's the price!"
"A thousand dollars to you, madam,"
said L
They were at once suspicious. While
they were busily engaged in looking
the seat over as the porters shifted it
about at all angles, I stepped over and
ordered my workmen to resume their
operations. : ' was beginning to get
sour and angry again, having missed
my coffee. From the culinary regions
there ascended a most horrific odor
of fried onions. If there is one thing
I really resent it is a fried onion.
I do not know why I should have felt
the way I did about it on this occa-
but I am mean enough now to
confess hat I hailed the triumphal en
try of that pernicious odor with a mean
ness of spirit that leaves nothing to be
explained.
"Good gracious!" gasped the aris
tocratic Mrs. Eiley-Werheimer, hold
ing her nose. "Do you smell that!"
"Onions! My Gawd!" tniffed
Maude. "How I hate 'em!"
Mr. Eocksworth forgot his dignity
"Hate 'emt" he cried, his eyes roll
ir.-g. "I just love 'em!"
"Orson!" said his Wife, transfivhig
him -with a 'j?lare. "What will people
think of you!" -"I
like 'ent too,' admitted Mr.
Bilcy-Wrrkheimer, perceiving at once
whom she meant by "people. He
puffed out his chest.
At that instant " the carpenters,'
plumbers and stone misons resumed
their infernal racket, while scrub
women, polishers and painters began to
move intimately among us.
"Here!" roared Mr. Eocksworth.
"stop this beastly noise! What the
deuce do you mean, sir, permitting these
scoundrels to raise the dead like this?
Confound 'em, I stopped thorn once.
Here! You! Let up on that, will you!"
I moved forward apologetically. "I
am afraid it is not onions you smell,
ladies and gentlemen." I had taken
my cue with surprising . quickness.
They are raising the dead. Tbo place
is fairly alive with dead rats and "
Good Lord!" gasped Kiley-Werk
heimer. "We'll get the bubonic plague
here."
"Oh, I know onions," said Eocks
worth , calmly. "Can't fool me on
onions, lncy are onions, am t tney,
Carrie!"
They are!" said she. "What a
pity to have this wonderful old castle
actually devastated by workmen! It is
an outrage a crime. I should think
the owner would turn over in his
grave."
Unhappily, I am the owner,"
madam," raid I, slyly working my foot
back into an elusive slipyr.
"You ought to be ashamed of your
self," rhe said, eyeing me coldly with
a hitherto unexposed lorgnon.
I am," said L "You quite took
me by surprise. I should have made
myself more presentable if I had
known "
Well, let's move on upstairs," said
Eocksworth. Addressing the porters, he
said: "You fellows get this lot of
stuff together and II" take an option
on it. I'll be over tomorrow to close
the deal, Mr. Mr. Now, where is the
old Florentine mirror tho Count was
Uiling us about!"
"The Count!" said I, frowning.
"Yes, the real owner. You can't
stuff me with your talk about being
the proprietor here, my friend. You
see, we happen to know the Count."
They all condescended to laugh at
mo. I don't know what I should have
said or done if Brittor. had not re
turned with a box of matches at that
instant sulphur matches which added
subtly to -the growing illusion.
Almost simultaneously there appeared
in the lower hall a lanky youth of eigh
teen. He was a loud voiced, imperious
sort of chap with at least three rolls
to his trousers and a plum colored cap.
"Say, these clubs are the real stuff,
at right, all right. They're as brittle
as glass. 8e what I did to 'em. We
ean have 'em splieed and rewound sad
111 hang 'em on my wall. All 1 want
is the heads, anyhow."
He held np to view a headless mid-
iren and braasie, and triumphantly
waved a splendid eleek. My favorite
clubs! I could play better from a hang
ing lie with that beautiful braseie than
with any club I ever owned sad as lor
the iron, I was deadly with it
He lit a cigarette and threw the
match into a pile of shavings. Old
Conrad returned to life at that instant
and stamped oat the incipient blaze.
"I shouldn't consider them very good
clubs, Harold, if they break off like
that," said his mother.
"What do yon know about elubs!"
he snapped, and I at once knew what
class he was in at the preparatory'
school.
If I was ever like one of these, said
I to myself, God rest the sage soul
of my Uncle Rilasl
The situation was no longer humor
ous. I could put up with anything but
the mishandling of my devoted golf
clubs.
Striding up to him, I snatched the
remnants from his hands.
"You infernal cub!" I roared.
"Haven't you any more sense than to
smash a golf club like that! For two
cents I'd break this putter over your
head."
"Father!" he yelled indignantly.
"Who is this mucker!"
Mr. Eocksworth bounced towards
me, his cane raised. I whirled upon
him.
"How dare yon!" he Bhouted. The
ladies squealed.
If he expected me to cringe, he was
mightily mistaken. My blood was up.
I advanced.
"Paste iiim, Dad!" roared Harold.
But Mr. Eocksworth suddenly altered
his course and put the historic treaty
table between him and me. He didn't
like the appearance of my rather large
fist.
"You big stiff!" shouted Harold.
Afterwards it occurred to me that this
inelegant appellation may have been
meant for his father, but at the time I
took it to be aimed at me.
Before Harold quite knew what was
happening to him, he was prancing
down the long hall with my bony fin
gers grasping his collar. Coming to the
Relieve Pain and Remove
rpi Pains caused by Rheumatism in
1 116 lailSe varius 0 r m s Neuralgia
uv vuuov an(j Muscuiar pains, Sprains or
any skin inflammation or irritation, can be relieved by
Sulphurro, BECAUSE
SULPHURRO is an antiseptic and germicide for
internal and external use. Taken internally it enters
the blood, cleansing it of the impurities, "uric acid"
and germs which cause the pain. Sulphurro Baths re
lieve pain and inflammation because the pores absorb
this healing and beneficial antiseptic and germicide.
SULPHURRO insures pure blood and a healthy
skin and pure blood is the first essential to health and
relief from aches and pains.
"I am pleased to toll yo-i I have derived great bene
fit from the use of Sulphurro. I have been a great suf
ferer from chest and internal pains and by taking sul
phurro found relief."
S. GUILDFORD,
199 Cornwall Road, Notting Hill, London, England.
INFLAMMATION YIELDS TO
SULPHURRO
FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS
door opening into the outer vestibule,
I drew back my foot for a final aid to
locomotion. Acutely recalling the fact
that slippers are not designed for kick
ing purposes, I raised my foot, removed
the slipper and laid it upon a taut
section of his trousers with all of the
aelancholy force that I usually exert
in slicing my drive off the tee. I shall
never forget the exquisite spasm of
pleasure his plaintive "Ouch!" gave
me.
Then Harold passed swiftly out of
my life.
Mr. Eooksworth, reinforced by four
reluctant mercenaries in the hape of
porters, was ai vancing upon me. Some
how I had a vague, but unerring in
stinct that same one had fainted, but
I didn't stop to inqure. Without much
ado, I wrested the cane from him and
sent it scuttling after Harold.
"Now, set out!" I roared.
"You shall pay for this!" he sput
tered, quite black in the face. "Grab
him, you infernal eowaids!"
But the four porters slunk away, and
Mr. Eocksworth faced me alone. Eu-
dolph and Max, thoroughly fed and
most prodigious, were bearing down
upon us, aecouu'in for the flight of
the mercenaries.
"Get out!" I repeated. "I am the
owner of this place, Mr. Eocksworth, ,
and I am mad through and tluougu.
Skip!"
"I'll have the law"
"Law be hanged! "
"If it costs me a million, I'll get"
"It will cost you a million if you.
don't get!" 1 advised him, seeing that
l.e paused for want of breath.
I left him standing there, but had
the presence of mind to wave my huge
henchmen away. Mr. Biley Werk
heimer approached, but very pacifical
ly. He was paler than he will ever be
again in his life, I fear.
(Continued Next Week.)
A hone show ind horn p.rsde will ha
attendant attraction.
Editor Lew A. Cities of the Pilk County,
Oregon, Obaerrer signalizes hit assumption
of the editorial (unction in Dallas, Oregon,
by presenting hii paper under a new and
vastly more artistic heading.
Lnfayette, Oregon, Visitor: A little dnngh
ter of the editor writes from Alberta: "Mr
hubby and brother hare paid one-half cent
apiece for some alfalfa aeed. They are to
be planted ten feet apart." Now what do
you kuow about that I