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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1893)
I THE MILKY WAY. . Over tn Milky Way,' The hwIimh HlndiMMiald. UiiHtkin bj lluhl of lny, i To SwrtrH g (he dead. AluiiK It uInmiiIiik reach, Hrt wee ih' ethereal poles, When Varna uaflR thorn, each Must tread ilia bridge of souls. Over the Milky Way, Hang Orenlaa poets old Oiuw, driven far astray, The sun's red chariot rolled. And each Olympian god That same wild path above With winged sandals trod Up to the thmne of Jove. , Over the Milky Way, The imrthmeu tell with pride, Aa ray meet answering- ray Kulahnild met his bride. Lonely In heaven afar. His love's resistless might 1 Built out, with star on atar, That viaduct of light. Over tbe Milky Way Our later fancy rune With aulonoe' self at play Among Its nuute of nuns, Whore reamn can divine, Ab sage wisely guess, Those Uilckererhsuntltna The txMtnfci wilderness. Remoteness Infinite, Where eight Its course mar OTga, Where thoaaht may fearlese flit, And tmnib creation's vorgel But swifter fait o'erleaiw Tbe farness of the spheral To where Uod's splendor sweeps Thm'sril th' eternal years. Bta love yon pathway high Built to life summit laud. And bade this emblem sky Tell us. who longing stand, Aa Mam In omint leas sum One stream of light protons, There Joys en frequent come They niftlfe one all day song. Afc.aot In vain for hope, And not In vain for me. That lane up heaven's blue onpt Trail Its white nebulae laeeithe same eyes glow That looked whore Jaooblay, And the same glad wluge-go Over the Milky Way. -Tberon lirown In Youth? Companion. OCTETS 'DIVORCEMENT. Tbe Temples' cook was from the coun try, and 'It wiim the surprise of Mr. Tem ple's nouthorn life that she was such e good cook. She -explained It wry lucidly, "Law, 1 know otheap ou'y I done furgot ICT" Evidently at Home period in berHfe she bad cooked for a table of some pretensions. Every now and then a moat unexpected ac-oamplislimeiit-Wfluld anil Into oar admira tion. Thus, once she broke outt "My mars terl Mis' Temple, fo' de Lawd, dut ar owumnmas r -yourn, dot ain't noways dif Iruirt ito my ole missus' white aa 'aept like you all don' put no cream in youro. But ye orlpHee de butter jen de same." Another time, "Scallop inters? d pinted ry -kin, Mia Temple. Altera don wallop 4b kners fo' old mine." Indeed the suggested a number of new viands to Mrs. Temple general lytrom tbe Crying pan, but toothsome and ddHcnte. She brought her only child witb her, a Inn, brown tad of fourteen, who waited on table better than we feared from hid first Appearance, at which be bruited tbe ermnbsoff with the hearth broom tin to the dustpan. He wua his mother's -pet and, ooneidering that fact, a marveloualy (rood darky, almost Industrious, and nhe beat tempered boy in the world. We were not long in discovering Aunt Victory's history. One eveniug we 'found her at the smallest kitchen tulUe, with Berne and tbeslute, plainly gettiugatlesson. "TVhy, Aunt Victory, can yon eadr'' aid Mrs. Temple, "Yes'm," with a smirk of hottest pride, while 'Kerne added; "Maw, she kin tvead a right smart. I learned her." "How nice! Then you can rend the Blblef" Op went Aunt Victory's braids in a toss: "Laws, Mis' Temple, 1's outer de Bible an' Inter de newspapers!" "And ! writes fo'tbe newspapem," says Berne with an indescribable airof haughti ness. "He does so," said his mother. "Ain't yon never seen de Mosaic Templet" We admitted .our Ignorance, "Weltiw does write regllar fo1 Out." "Andyou like Itf" "Yes.-mnlam, I like living In tart city. BntoiawJlikes the country better." "Yes'm, yes'in. Yon all got niightygran' house yere, but gimme de kentryY' See was one of those nut-brown Africans that have hair long enough to bruid. To night her bead was covered with a red bandanna, drawn out square oomered back of her ears, giving her a queer ossein blanee to the sphinx. Flluging herself for ward on the table .with a Bupple, sinuous motion that few uugroes get too old to ase, she let her head fntliinto the open palm .of .one baud, -above thetbont elbow, and as she talked thk'sphlnxilke head rolled la bar band like a ball in a.oup. "Oh, de kentry wid de wswin' flora u'de red birds dot comes a peek'pookin' at de winder an' de darkies a-anatchiti' cotton, an'seohaheap rrooml Ok, de kentry am so pleasurefull I'se tlmersoue in de eity, got (' cyar' Berne longer me If I goes out in de night. But in de kentry 1 run(imy little fyarin an I's got my two mules Mis' Carrol give me. Las' year we uns did make five hun dred dollars. Done sal When I paid out t' de sto' dar beo huttdord an' fifty-five dol lars comin t' me." "An It all ben atolel" Interrupted Beme In a lugubrious tone. "Nev' you mine 'bout dut, Rome San dersl Datoome longer bavin' no purtecter, dat buocoraedat." A more sullen took than I had ever seen on Reme's handsome brown face answered this speech. He pushed back his chair, muttering something about going to the office, quite witb tbe white man's air, and so smuggled himself out of the lesson or further convention. Rather to our sur- Erlse his mother made no effort to detain Im. "My, mylM she gurgled In the negro fash ion, swaying herself to and fro, "dat boy cay n't b'ar a word 'bout me nesdin' a man t' look out to mel Now be are gono off wrlu' so roCj an' won't have a word t' soy fo' a wbolii day. He's tempered Jes' like he pftWisulls twel be gits olier It. I asked Aunt Victory if Heme's father was dead, "Ijiwm, no," said she. "Has he left you?" said Mrs. rem pie. "He has dut," "And doean't Kerne want yon to let blm eome book)'' I Aunt Victory rubbed her right ear I against her right shoulder with a coquet tish gesture, and for the llrw nine I real ized that, accord lug to African notions, she was a pleaslug woman. " Well, sirl Why, Miss Freddy, 'taint my ole man Kerne 'jeuts to, 'cose uotl Hit am de torrer gen tleman." We were too used to negro morality to either feel or show ny particular surprise. But it seen ieut to Inquire whether the departed Husband was divorced from her. No, ot course he was not That was why she hod come to the Rock, as the Ar kansanKcall Little Rock. "I gwine get a divorcement fo' fo'ty dol lar de lawyer man say," she explained, "done guv 'im t'irty dollar a'ready. Den I go bock t de kentry. I pin ted ly does rave t' be In de kentry agin." "But It's suob bard work, Vlotory!" I ttggestnd, loatb to see a promising cook depart. Hard wukl Taint nuffln t' de stove vnk. Gimme my hoe an' my row an' I'se happy. An' laws, Missy, it do pear like I caynt breve In dis yere shut up town. Ain't no snnshlne yere. I does love de sunshine. All culled folks jes' natcbelly drinks up de sun.' It was easy to learo her story when she was In such a mood. Sitting at ease, alone with us, lu the kitchen (for Nando, tbe chambermaid, was at a colored ball), she poured out her whole humble tragedy, Tbe ole Miss who bad "raised" her and taught ber to cook bad died. After her death she married a negro, and they went to "muklng a crop" on tbe plantation, This negro, Uge by name, accepting ber picture, was a very decent man. "Yent mever seen de like er Lige t' wuk. He raise de blgges orapon de place an be cyar so much mischief wid f too, I does jes' be laffld' all de time. An' be done ben pint edly kind t' me, 1 says dat fo' him, an' nev' did fault bis vietuulh. Allers so proud er my cookin' w'eu we all hoe a festival or a log rollln'I Yus'm, we did give a featival onct au' made ten dollars." Perhaps 1 should explain that negro festivals are purely private affairs, wherein hospitality Unexercised at a profit instead of expense, since the thrifty host sells the refresh nienut, after which is dancing at less pious houses, and games at the houses of "pro fessors." At log rollings, however, Abe dinner is provided by the host Tbe iogrollerslear the ground of felled trees, which they cofi lect in heaps for burning. As Victory's memory recalled tbe days of her past domeatie joys .astd social brl amps we oould see that site was moved. "Yeas'm, Lige nev' did give we hah wads,' Nev' did mine his bastd agin me" so she continued, rocking her aupple body to and fro "onltes' ting i have agin .bis behavior, den, I tea he did be o :f artier own an possum turattu'. Mos' du on&ies' time! ever giveo him a wut blank hard time ueu de time be 'stated on gwine pos sum buutin' an' trhtlHt he ben gone. dot boy, my (ustis chile, ben basro. Oh, I tell ye, LigB he whs struck by dtl He did jes' cry out load; an' he name dat baby Re- morse.neddd, kuaet liar 'im in mine alius, an' he didn't go 'poNouin htuitiii' for1 arter rible longapeil, not tweel I ay I ikhider enivin 'possum meat myaeu. uh, be did ben a good man t' me. "I'se sorter high strung am' teery, an' w'en de stave didut buke right, m it irain wuHhday, or my lingers git eo numb mok lu' cotton dot I caynt sew like j luster, twliy 1 does be sorter ill like; hut, ilwws, he lies' laff an' coax it outer me. Hon de Ttecrer two ohiilen cotne an' die.4' Her ifoce changed and quivered, "lie hen mis;hty kind to we.dein tibM9H,"she naid. ifior .a little space he was silent, -then with a burdemngof her mellow voioelttiwout.on, "We got on due fo' amwiJ. Me unMjige, we una done ben raised by white iolks-we ain't no niggers, we done mnk .It yard an' 'sess a heap o goods, an' live eo huppy an1 feel so proud not biggatr, ges' bones' proud tweil My Uawdr' look .of .an guish Keen enough to startle tta oame.over her face while the swift flowf her .words was broken .by a sudden sob .and ehe coiv ered her face with her baud &ud soreamed, "0 my Lawd, .be lef mel Ue done ititkon up wid a ulgger 'omaur Then just as.auddenly she lifted her head. dried her eyes aud said: "But by'a-by Lige he get tired o' her. He ben raised by white folks, au' he come a beggiu' back to me to take'im tnr "And you took him backf" asked Mrs. Temple. The sphinx-like bead was raised again with Indescribable pride. Victory's grand father was aa African prince, tbe told us once, and 1 can well believe her. "Me taken him back I Mis' Temple, I beo raised by white folks, lie leff me fo' a block (nigger. I newer take him back!" "But ihow did he happen to do such a wicked itlungf" said Kate Temple. "Howil.know!" sullenly, "she live down de ribher, whar he go possum buntin', an' she gaylr young ting au' au1 dey call hei mighty tuhrnsonie; an1, some way, she 'tice him off. tie been too Ahamed come nigh me, but be een' wud dat he give me de mules an' ewr'ting, cep' only huuderd dol lars he have .at de sto'. An' so he light out, but be nev' did git no atiafautiou liv- ta' wid her. It lie oudu't no mo1 oook a meal o vituats duiu she cud matoh me pick lo'teottoo, an1 she taken t' gois on mighty bad wid torrer niggers; bo dey panted, an' Lige came straight t' me. Mist' Thorn p son, he say Lige done make mighty sho' he git we back. Huh imlir I somehow inferred from her conscious air that Thompson was the other man lu the case. 1 asked her, and she admitted tin hew. "He was a mighty pleasant, good man," preacher, with a gift for prayer, and all the sisters Admired him. I said, "But didn't it ever occur to you. Victory, that Mr, Thompson might be a prejudiced witness against banders?" "How dat, Misayf" "Ha wants to marry you himself, you know; mightn't he tell lies about UgeP" "No'm. He's a plumb good man. Dar alnt no slob pray in like burn In de kentry. B done nab a ravivaJ w'iigioo sent be ooma," "But hasn't he another wife some where?" said Kate, who has cynical no tions about negro pastors. "Dat jes' Rente's meanness!" declured Aunt Victory vehemently. "Brer' Thomp son swar t' me dat jes' de talko'demor nery, pusillanimous niggers In Dogtown, datwudu't give nuflin t'de chu'eh. Me an' Heme, we give five dollars. Oat Reme, he is a good boy, but I'se consorned about him, kose he won't got' meetm's mirt' chu'eh nur nuftiu an1 says dat Mist' Thompson ain't a mor'l man. He is prej- deeced, dat all, Mis' Temple. Dat story 1 'bout Sal Miller alnt got wud o' truff in it. She got t' swar datar baby on stime buddy, an' so she taken po1 Brr' Thompson dot aint skacely pahted lipdwid her. He say he skacely seen her. Aint nare critter 'cent Rume Sanders does believe It. An' he believe anytiug on earth agin Brer' Thompson. I knows Kerne; be jes' aimtn' de plumb w'lle, git me take bis paw back!" "But could youf Would he comer" said my artful friend' Victory's great eyes flashed. "He done come ev'ry month, ober t' see me from Newport, In de cyars, an' walk out six mile, fo' seben months pleadin' wid mel" said Victory, "look like he aint 'jectin'." "Don't you think yon could forgive hlmr" Victory's handsome face hardened again. wDe fust time 1 say t' him: 'Lige Sanders, 1 ain't gwine take you back fo' my husband twell de sun drop! Yon git outer my bonsel' Dut bow I talk t' him. An' be go off mighty down, wid Rente. Nex' time, 1 says, 'I dont want no wnds wid ye, Mist' Sanders.' but 1 let him come in speak wia Rerae, kase he did set a heap o' store on Berne, an' Reme on him. An' byraeby he got t stayin' longer an' den Heme wud hab him stay t' dinner. An' Mist' Thomp son Bay he make his braggs er dat, an' nay I ben turnin' my mine t'him. Dat rile me. But de las' time w'en become, he done shaved his beard an' took so likede Lige 1 married dat" she flung" out a clinched hand to strike her breast furious lysomething hot come vp dar, mindin me o' all dera times t'gedder an' de li'le dead chillen au' all, an' 1 ben fair choked. So I hilt my baid mighty bovisb like, an' marched outer de house, nev' passiu' a wnd wid him. An' d nex' day i done rent de house oV nil t' Brer' Thompson fo' him ma'correr culledman wot batches t'gedder, t' keep twell I come back, an' I drawed out my money dat 1 got MT t' de sto'; an' I come on yeere. 1 dome pronimus Mist' Thompson 3 git a divorcement fum Lige." 44 And promised him, 1 dare say, to marry hira afterward," said &. But Victory drew herself up proudly: "No'm, I -doesn't go -so easy. I only done prommne git divorcement fum Lige. J show Lige 1 don't nebber furgive him!" We 'both surmised that it was more an ger agotnst the erring Lige than love for Thompson (whom -we unreasonably dis liked) that was at the bottom of Victory's motivea. Prom this time. our sympathies were en tirely with the husband. Reme declared that Thompson stdle bis mother's money. !He 'knew about the hiding place. "She wouldn't tell me where she hid it," says Beme, witb Indignation, "but she owned up she-told him. There had bfeo suspicions of Thompson, it appearea, In regard to some church moneye that were 'hi bis bands, Ob, yes, Heme .'admitted, he had paid the money back, "but not until after they had lost their Kittle hoard. "I know maw, ahe sets store by paw, till; m $ Reme, "otrt thin fellow talks so -smooni tie's rntr bewitched ber. I did wrifcelio paw where-we beu, and Tm bopin' he'll git round. I nmrt him all the money maw fet me keep outer my wages and my gripsT1 Thegrips, 1 suppose, were Reme's tips, which 'be received on "various occasions. "Waw'll gft ber 'divorcement in two weciks, she says,' Rente went on gloomily, "and he lows to go "back t' the country right -etrait. but 1 ain't going with ber if you all will keep me. Rome's prediction -came true. With a profusion of thanks for our kindness, vic tory gave us warning. "She was going back in three weeks to ber own house. We couldn't complain as 'furas we were con cerned, especially as site had bunted up a newicook of great gifts in sauces and sal ads (according to her former employer). neat, industrious, indeed lacking little of perfection except a good temper. Reme, on this official-confirmation, as it vwereydHuB fears, became a walkiug statue -of gloom. It wius at this period that be 'broke aWoyal Worcester plate and three 'out glass wineglasses, -all of which of tCouFse just slipped from his hands while ihe "wasn't doing nothing." His misery over the wreek was such that Kate hadn't the heart (to scold him. i He'cameito us later and begged Rate not ito take any money out of lbis wages, due itbe next day. "Maw, she-said you'd keep 'most all," he whimpered, ' 'cause they'reche nicest kind of dishes and. cost a terrible sight, she says. But if yon!d please not this mouth, J'll sure work forwon all next month." Kate reassuimd him. She wasn't gohic to take 'lys money, but why was he so anx ious to have the wages this mouth P Then Kerne 'Confessed that his father wo in town, and o was Mr. Thompsou.- "And Thompsoii, he's all fixed iup," cried Reme, uout of our money. In a black preacher coat and a silk hat. Oh, 'he look, mighty fine. But paw docs look pint blank gaehly. Yon .see, Mrs. Temple, ht did beu sick ever sence he wf nt home the last time, and the house where be ben burned dowu and he float his good clothes and ever' cent r moaiey, and now be' come here, all ragged, aimin' to git somt work and some clothes and make it up tt maw. And I don't wuntanawt' seehimall in his rags and Thompson strutting round In his high hat. So 1 waswekoning I'd bu him some clothes." - We sympathized with Heme, but as il turned out our sympathy came to naught Either Victory's lawyer got the divorce sooner than he expected, or Victory her self found the money sooner; Anyhow, b few evenings later Kate came to me to saj that Thompson was calling on Victory. at once wanted to look At a new expert ment in puddings, left in the "aold closet,' to reach which one must pass through the kitchen. True enough, there sat a smug faced, six foot negro, gleaming all over, in a bluok broadcloth, with a gorgeous gold watcfc chain and dazzling linen. f Victory would not let us pass without in troducing him. It was at this moment that there came s timid kind of half hearttd knock at tht door. Victory opened it and absolutely stag gered back. "My Lawd, Lige!" sk creamed, "whut's got yer" Lige indeed it was, and a forloner specta cle than he presented is difficult to picture. He looked sick and wretched, and hh clothes were no.better than rags. What contrast to the resplendent Thompson! "Yes, Vict'ry, it's me," said poor Lige. 1 know I ain't fit t' come t' see ye In sicfa close, but I did wanter see ye so bod!" "All Victory said was, "Mymyl mymy-i Ligel" By this time for half unconsciously Vic tory had opened tbe door Lige had sham bled into tbe circles of light. He saw; Thompson. As if by magic his humilitj was rent from him. Rislimpformstralght ened. Head erect and eyes burning ht shook his fist at the preacher. "You black nigger! is you dArin' com twixt me an' my wifeP" Manda, who was on the other Bide of tht table, an admiring listener to Brothei Thompson's eloquence, jumped up with cream. "You hush!" said Victory quietly, "don't ye be skeered up, Mandy, he won't do no harm!" She turned herself to Lige witb actual dignity: "Who you ta'kin' 'bout, Mist' Sanders Not me. I ain't no wifr er yourn. I got my bill o' divorcement dis very day." Lige gasped. The tears rolled to bis eyes. "Onyhow. she aint aimin' to demean her self to a low down, tramoin' nigger like yon," said Thompson, from his glistening height of broadcloth, "Miss Vict'ry lows t' become the bride of a gentleman in the nerfession" - A swift blow from Lige's fist knocked the rest of tbe sentence out of time. Like a tiger Lige flew at the white shirt bosom and the gorgeous watch chain. But, weakened by illness, be was no match for the brawny preacher, who knocked him half across the kitchen. Manda tittered. "Ston!" cried Mrs. Temnla MViato topi'.' Heeding her no uiore than the wind, as Lige, bleeding but undismayed, dashed again at Thompson, Victory her self flung tbe dish towel tight over Thomp son's unsuspecting bead, pulling from be hind with such force and fury that, thus harassed in tbe rear, he made a misstep and all three went down together, under 1 Lige's onslaught. "Git you' raior, Ligel" shrieked Victory. "Yea let my husband Hone or he cut you wid a razor!" X believe that It was quite as much tbe bewildering effect of Victory's conduct as Mm. Temple's commands that sent a calm on the turmoil. Thompson crawled to his feet and glared at Lige, alsoon his feet, flouriBhinga razor, while Victory panted, supporting herself by the table, and Mandy called on the po lice out of tbe dining room door, as if they were hidden up stairs. Reme'B appearance at this moment ra ther helped the confusion, since he sup posed the house to be afire and ran to tbe water faucets. "What does all this mean, Victory?" Kate demanded, as soon as she had sup pressed Mandy. "Hit mean dat 1 aint gwine hub no block nigger sass my husband!" answered Vic tory. "Mist' Thompson, sah, 1 bids you good day fo' eber ;no'. An' I b'liebes ever word Reme done tell me gin ye," she cries pitefully. "I shall have to ask yon to leave too," i&dded Kate. In vain Thompson begged Victory to think of the past and ber promises. "I didn't prommus you nary!" cried Vic tory in high wrath. "I nev' said like I'd marry you. I said I'd git a divorcement ifum Lige, an' a big fool I ben t do it; but I done it. "May be," snarled the goaded Thomp- son, "you didn't prommus you'd never take Lige banders back fo' your bus- Uand" "Well, I ain't taken bim back," came the reply, with a toss of Victory's head anil a roll of Victory s eyeballs; fo' de lnwd, 'I gwine marry him fresh. Oat whut 1 igwme dot' "Lawd bless you, Victory!" cried Lige, "I sho did reckon you turn me loose, w'en ye see me in dem po' ragged does an' him -so fat au sassy.' "Yes, on de money be stole from us!'" flhouted Reme, who was for having his our m the matter. "Lige you a fool sbo'l" retorted Victory, "aint I jes' ben had my hairt turned t' ye longer dem po' does de minnit 1 seen ye, ye did look so distressed! An' w'en be be gun a pickiu' on ye, looked like I cudn't bar de sight er him." 0h, laws, Vict'ry!" gasped Lige. Thompson gave his former mistress a murderous glance; but he fished his bat from under the table, and muttering a kind of apology to Mrs. Temple went out with Mandy. Perhaps Mandy consoled him. Kate and I thought it well to follow his example by ourselves. There is nothing more to say except that on the following Wednesday Aunt Victory baked ber own wedding cake. Octave Thauet and Lura N. Brown in New York Herald. Whj Some Marriages are Failures, One reason why marriage is so often a failure is that the average man falls in love with a woman because she bus two or three of tbe qualities which he attributes to the ideal womun, and never gets over blaming ber afterward because she doesn't have the rest. Women dou't make any Buch mistake. They don't expect to find in the average man any of the qualities possessed uy their ideal, and they are very seldom disappointed, Somerville Journal, He Cotcliad Hiin. Colonel Bluff You might as well ac knowledge that you stole the chickens. ancle. I found a piece of the brown coat you wore that uigut in the hen shed. Uncle Ebon (triumphantly) Now, I ootcb you, colonel. 1 didn't w'or a brown coat dat night. Puck. Henry H. Smith, the journal clerk of the national house or representatives, is con sidered the most able legislative expert in tne country, and his knowledge ot parlia mentary law is unexcelled, lie has held bis tUAita tor fcwanLv soara - GETTING RID OF BORES. A Pretty Girl's Mnthod of Nullifying Hv Own Attractiveness, No observer of feminine beauty can fall to see that its happy possessors are harass ed. It was remarked to a particularly' handsome girl that she must often In ant object of admiration for men who possess' ed no attraction for ber, and, as she won very tender hearted, she must find It diffi cult to discourage their attentions without being guilty of hardheartednese. She laughed and replied: - . "Yes, it is very difficult at times to get rid of men you don't like and not hurt their feeli ngs, I found out a novel method for doing this some little time ago, and In some coses it work to a charm. You may know that It Is often the case with men that they have strong dislikes for certain things to eat, for certain odors, and lor cer tain sod songs. The first thing 1 do now when I am burdened with attentions from a man who bores me Is to find out If he baa weakness of this sort. 1 don't ask him myself, but have a friend draw him into a confession. Now, it is positively true that I have scared away men by the methods or associating myself In their minds either with the food, odor or music that onends them. 'One man who could not possibly be dis couraged by my frigid manner had, I ascer tained, a horror of sweetbreads. The sighs of sweetbreads being eaten by people about him upset him completely; in fact, it made him ill. Well, we have supper Instead of dinner at 6 o'clock on Sundays, and, as it is informal, some of our- friends who may be calling late in the afternoon will often ait down witb us. The man who bored me in this case found out that by calling at 5:30 on Sundays he would receive the neces sary invitation when the supper hour found him there, and as this allowed him a good opportunity to be in my company a very long time be settled down to the reg ular custom of coming to our Sunday Bup pers. I got very tired, for he was really dreadfully uninteresting, and he liked me most unpleasantly, so I set myself to find out if he disliked intensely any particular dish. To my great joy I learned of his an tipathy to sweetbreads. "The next Sunday night we of course had sweetbreads, and the way that man suffered was the fuuniest thing you ever saw. He stood it, though, and nibbled at a crust of dry toast and sipped clear tea to keep at his post The next Sunday he came again, and when more sweetbreads appeared he almost fainted. Then, in the most natural manner, I told him that 1 adored sweetbreads, and I bod decided they were just the thing for Sunday night Bup pers. That was the end of him. He never came to the bouse again except to make a short formal call. "Then another man who pestered me with attentions abominated the smell of peppermint. He simply could not remain In the room where the odor was. I imme diately developed a wonderful appetite for peppermint candy, and there was invarior bly a box of it about when tbe bore called. I finished him Boon. "Another hod the habit of calling in the evening, and always staid interminably. I was at a loss bow to get rid of him until, quite by chance, I learned that the sweet song of Tosti's called 'Good by" bad tbe effect of depressing that man so that he was ready to commit suicide. It really af fected him seriously, and after hearing ib he was despondent for hours. I at once had my mother grow inordinately fond of Tosti's "Goodby," and whenever the bore called she asked me if I wouldn't please sing her favorite song. I had only to do this three times when the bore ceased hia calls. Now of course these plans wilt not answer in every cose, but it is well for girls to know them, for occasionally they can be called into play."-ew York Sun. Two Clever Women Thwarted. The other day two women entered one of those dry goods store restaurants which have recently sprung into being, aud seat ing themselves ut a table asked the wait ress to bring the bill of fare. One tinme' diately hastened to say that she didn'tcare for anything. The other wanted a cup oi tea. As soon as it was brought she tasted it and exclaimed: "Dear me, this is altogether too strong. Bring me a cup of hot water, please." The waitress brought the water and then went away. As soon as ber back wag turned the woman, smiling to her friend, began to manipulate the cup of tea and tbe cup of water. First she put a little water in the tea, and then a little tea into thewater.until finally the two were evenly divided, and lo! instead of one there were two cups of tea. Of course her friend, who did not want anything the moment before, was now ready to take some tea, and two cups of tea were secured for the price ot one. At leant that was what the women thought until they came to pay the check, when they found upon the bill of fare this Item: "One cup of hot water, b!x cents." As the tea was only eight they really aved two cents. New York Sun. Counting a Billion. What is a billiouf The reply is very simple a million times a million. Thfc Is quickly written, and quicker still pro nounced. But no man is able to count it. You count 160 or 170 a minute; but let us suppose that you go as far as 300, then an hour would produce 12,000; a day 388,000, and a year, or 3ti5 days, 105,130,000. Let us suppose now that Adam, at the beginning of his existence, hod begun to count, hod continued to do so, and was counting still, he would not even now, according to the usually supposed age of our globe, have counted near enough. For to count a billion he would require 0,512 years, 843 days, fi hours and HO minutes, accord ing to tbe above rule. Supposing we were to allow a poor counter twelve hours daily for rest, eating and sleeping, he would need 19,036 years, .319 days, 10 hours and 46 minutes. Suburban Colorings. Artist(with elevated eyebrows) HumphI You've been having your house painted, I see. Suburban Host (proudly) Yea. Looks gay, don't she? . . .. Artist (with cutting irony) Why flidn't you put on more colors? Host (apologetically) The store I weni to only had six colon. New York Weekly,
