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About Junction City bulletin. (Junction City, Or.) 189?-1901 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 28, 1901)
The average man doesn't learn bow to lire until be Is about ready to die. Chicago News. Diner Isn't . that a rather small eteak? Walter Yes, sir; but you'll find It will take you a good while to eat It Chollie She called me an idiot Mot ile Indeed! I didn't think she knew you well enough for that! Yonkera Statesman. Nellie Gracious! How do you man age to knit so much In so short a timet Ninette Every time I do ten rows I pive myself & chocolate cream. Hoax (at the theater) See those three fellows and three girts In the box! Tbey are all engaged. Joax Sort of a match-box. Isu't It T Phila delphia Record. Charitable Old Lady roor woman! And are you a widow T Beggar Worse than a widow, ma'am. Me husband's Mvln an I have to support him. Glas gow Evening Times. "What do you think of this scheme of telegraphing without wires T "That's nothing new. My wife ba9 kicked my shins under the table for twenty years." What to Eat Harry It was kind of you, old fel low, to look after my girl while 1 was away. How can I ever repay youT Fred-Well. I still owe the livery sta ble man. The Smart Set. "Are you suffering from cold?" "No. My trouble started with a cold, but I took all the remedies my friends pre scribed and tbey are what I am suffer ing from now." Washington Star. Husband (returning from his first ascent in a balloon) Just think of It Alice; I ascended 23.000 feet in the air. Young Wife And you brought back nothing for me! Fllegende Blaetter. Jane It is always a surprise to me what a lot of homely women get mar rieiL Bertha No doubt it la a reflec tion which gives you a great deal of encouragement dear. Boston Tran script When doctors say that an operation is successful, they mean that tbey found what they looked for and cut it out; tbey don't mean that the patient has recovered or will recover. Atchi son Globe. "That woman made me what I am." "Ah, bow long have you been mar ried r "Oh, we're not married at alt She wouldn't have me, and it made me so mad' I got a move on." Indianapo lis Journal. "Is there any danger of the boa con strictor's biting me?" asked a lady visitor at the zoological gardens. "Not the least ma'am," cried the keeper; "he never bites; be swallows bis wittles wboIe."-Tit-Bits. Ethel When a man talks all by him self, what is that called? Mamma- Why, that's called a "monologue." "Oh, I see. When the cats get to talking on the fence, that's a 'catalogue, Isn't ttr Philadelphia Record. Visitor (angrily) See here. sir. Yoa called me a political jobber In your . paper this morning. Editor Yes. but that was a mistake. Visitor Ah! Yoa admit that Editor Certainly. I wrote "robber" very plainly. Philadelphia Press. Poet I've called to see about tho poem I left here last week. Editor What was It? Poet-It was a realistic piece, entitled "The Gallant Fireman." Editor I'm afraid It was too realistic. It probably went to the fire. Philadel phia Press. New Reporter (tired out) To-day Is Saturday, and you know this State now has a Saturday half-holiday law which City Edltor-By Jinks! I nearly forgot it Rush out and get up a five-column article on how the day Is being observed. New York Weekly, Mrs. Housekeep Why don't you go to work? Weary Walker Well, lady, yer see I'm wat yer might call an "un happy medium." Mrs Housekeep In deed? And what do you mean by that? Weary Walker-Wby. I'm too heavy fur light work and too light fur heavy work. Philadelphia Press. Miss Bullion No, Adolphus, I must not listen to you! My parents would never consent to my marriage with a man who had to work for his living! Adolphus But I'm an artist, dearest. Miss Bullion True but you sell your pictures! Adolphus Oh, darling you wrong me. I paint pictures that don't sell. Tit-Bits. Old Merchant Before I answer your request for my daughter's hand per mit me to ask what is your yearly in come, sir? Young Man All told, it amounts to 800. Old Merchant H'mt To that would be added the Interest at 4 per cent on the sum of 20,000 .that I Intend to give my daughter for her dowry. Young Man Well, the fact is I have taken the liberty of in cluding that in the calculation just submitted. Fun. Cannon Bails for Paymtnt A private letter from China cays that the soldier at Tien Ilia are using the cannon halts in the arsenal to pave the roads. The? have found an enormous quautity of Iron shot and shell of Oil fereut sises, whioh some ingenious Yankee suggested would make a good substitute for paving stones. Tht Trust Problem. To a thoughful mind, the trust problem is one of serious import, it must be tlrmlv srsppled with, for it ere upon society before you nre aware of its e iisieme, in ihw respect much resembling the var ious disorders which aitact the stomach. such as coiiMipmiou, imJiKtioii. lyiY sis and biliousness. Hosteller' Stomach Hitters will cure ail such ailment, and prevent la npre, malarial fever sua ague. ie sure to give a trim. BSEDICAL- EXsMfllKEA. ' ." Of the U. S. Treasury Recommends Peruna. . Trampi Are Scirts There. a Missouri judge has hit upon a novel plan for getting tramps to leave town. He sentences all brought before him to SO days work on the streets and gives ' them bait an hour to get their tools. That halt hour sees them well on their way. ; - . 1 x TO CTBB A COLD IX ONE DAT Take Laxative Promo Quinine Tablet, All druggists refund the money it It (ells to cure. E. W. Prove ' signature li ou each box, ftc. Night and Morning. Says a Kentucky obituarist of bis subject: "She was wafted Into the gloom of eternal night at six o'clock In the morning." CASTOR I A For Infant! and Children. The Kind Yoa Hare Always Bought Bears the Signature Italians as Cotton Pickers. In the South the Italians are found to be good cotton pickers. Tbey are aick and have nimble fingrs. f Dr. Llewellyn Jordan, Dr. Llewellyn Jordan, Medical Ex aminer of U. S. Treasury Department, graduate of Columbia College, and who served three years at West Point, ba the following to say of reruns Pints hy the Up A man who went to Providence the other day wat amaied to see this tlun on the front of a clothing store: "Here is the place to buy ;our pants at 3 a log!" This method of offering t routers (or sale must posse great interest for one-legged men aud ccutipedee. Wirhm Oil Ihm timttt. Latatlve itrnmo-Mulnine Tablets ettre a eold in oueday. .Ko cure, No fay, ivies Itt cents. New Island Permed. A new Island has been formed out at fla about 10 uilk-s from the mouth of the Rhone. SEED DEALERS. Lire Or Ql'KBN T1CTOKIA. Complete life of Quae TletnrU Rent boo a, beet terme. Outat tnallatt free. Aedreee B. O. Miller A C, l'urtlauel. Ur. Its Btlltvu la Trust. Handout Harry Wot do yer t'lnk of dit anti ttti.t agitation? Tiepais Teddy I'm doad agin' it. I run op against altogedJer too much anti trust ea It is. ferrr1 Seeds are known lb country overaa Ik Meal reliable ee.taihal en be bought. Ihjm save a ieaei ea tiiieaii eewl ami lues a skium e i lie bar wet. lent Mead ARttUeJ free, P. at. rlRRV CO., oetren, Ml. -UUU.ILUJL1 M..U.M "SALZEII'S SEEDS H I Wll.1, MAKE YOU StCW m WILL Mkum Ynit ifii X " II awl eerj Ua. The Rest rreeerlptlea rr Malaria thills and rfT la a bottle of ft ' r.,i.. "Allow nt0 to express my grath 9b" It Is lwplr Iron and quinine In a tasteless form, ho Care, No far. lvie toe. The English Sparrow Dtfsnot 4, The Buffalo llird Protective Society defends the Kngllah sparrow , ascrib ing to the birds the disappearance In that vicinity of the caukerworiu. Tist RUSffU C oetir TaacTMNi seai er evtwit a Fine The skin and firth feel like the fit of a new soft glove when t 4k. Cf i k H Jacobs li. Soreness and Stiffness from cold. tude to you for the benefit derived from ynur wonderful remedy. One kkjrt month has brought forth a vast change and I now consider myself a well-man after months of suffering. Fellow su fcrers, Peruna will cure you." Catarrh Is a system io disease curable only by syetetnio treatment. A reme dy that curea catarrh must aim direct ly at toe depressed nerve centers. This is what Perona does. Peruna immediately Invigorates the nerve-centers which give vitality to the mucous membranes. Then catarrh disappears. Then catarrh is permanently cured. Peruna cures catatrh wherever' lo cated. Perona is not a guess nor an experiment it is an absolute sclnniiflo oertalnty. Peruna lias no substitutes no rivals. Insist upon having Pe runa. -. A free book written by Dr. Hart man. on the subicct of catarrh In Its different phases and stages, r fa Most Economical will be sent free to any address moa owe"u' BU"W by The Preuna Medicine Co., Co ftti . 'Illon boll.rpra.e. f "T ( WX'f7 CatelfM..ile, . if. J ' i I tf2J!- ht 'H I : ft ij awuti n ifoait A, BsCBLJllsLJBi 1 tssl liest i i fmm , , s laru..AUl baaiu PI , Salser tMSl Oe. It Ciena, fts. m s. a fcuaja. arW The "Russeir Compound ENGINE lumbus, Ohio, New flsmpihlrt't Game Law. A new law In New Hampshire pro hibits the holding of property in that state by game clabi which are not lo' caliy incorporated. It also provides that the state shall hold in trust for public use all natural bodies of water having an area of IS acres or more. TUB OBKAT REBB CI7KK. The uses of Gtrfl'eld Tea are mani fold: It rrgoUtes the digestive organs; cures constipation; puri fies the blood; brings good beelitw The First King Known. From among 000 fragments of writ ings discovered in the ruins of Mppnr, Professor llilprecht has , obtained knowledge of the first king known to man En-sbag-sbur-ana, lord of the Kengt, now known as Babylonia, who reigned about 6,500 B. C. Trits us for full partkulan. RUSSELL & CO., PORTLAND, OREGON. POULTRY NETTINC. Bny from the manufacturer. lrlce In lull rolls t feet wide, ' Ml lng eeseeeteaneseee' . . m .... .... . i a en e see e e All Kinds of Wire and Iron Work. PORTLAND WIRE A IRON WORKS lit Front M., feirtlartit, Oregea. Don't You Want The prettiest Calendar out this aeasonT If so, itd four name and also names and addrenersof Ave ranchers In vnur nplgh boibood, and one will be mailed you free. Address: Am II. DOYLAN, Oen. Aft., McCormlrk II. Jl.Co., 131 llawiiiorne Ave., fortlantt, Ure. v;.: pension ICN'oau. Wsiainatea. 0. .. thev will ra. eelve quick renlle. H. Mh N. II. vol. Ht.a Kth Corps, tvoeeouting claims since lS7fc tfj Fortunes here Wn rnaile. furl lines are he'tig made be )tiiivinus investment In till tttcM-ke. e are soiling acni lor wverel cnthaiil'-a thai are ure iu strike oil frliws are low ime. rorward flltv renis for a rhoice l U. HirlufJ. Ing ma.e. prniiHHiui and atnile rnrtirti-aie, (iet ronrwlf P4..U-.I. t4 tt.ltaoM I II.. Irnrmlwr ol K .-l.i.-) 601 llear-t tlfla l Dir. I ana market hi. Man rnni.i i , W'H wani. s ii1 (HI I and, t.rie IromflOK) iwrarretoiiu.wu ( ra. ra. AKrtita auirl In everrtownt guaranUHnl CommiealoiA. ml! Hon li 1 Will KIecp You Dry Taag HoSwaviwTf . rrutCATAtocuc. iowino ruttLnsc or Casmcnts anoKats. A. J. Tower Co. dosto-. mass. Don Stop Tobacco Suooenlt It ln)nre nervons system to do so, UACO tf MO Is the only cure that r. ell euras aud notifies you aben to amp, Hold with a guaranty that three bnses will cure any case. PlCn.r.URfi ves-etable and barmlete. It has canu y"J thousands, It will pure roiu At ail ilriiifKlsis er by mail prepsld, l a hot; I boiee tlto. Bonklet Im, Write KVRska CMsaiiciti. Co.. U Croese, Wis, CUTLEH'SGARBOLiTEcf I0DIHE A guaranteed Cart for Catena and Consumption. 11.00. I) IjocI Box lt&. V. H. SMITH 4 CO liffilo, I.Y., Prop's m. r. h. v. WHBJf writing U ad vert leer BtenUoa this payer. nm. e-ieoi. please o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o Q o o o o 1 sous o You re bilious, got a cold, you have a throbbing sensation In your head, a bad taste in your mouth your eyes burn, your skin is yellow with dark rings under your eyes, your lips are parched and you feel ugly and mean, as if you wanted to kick a lame Infant or kill a canary bird. Your system is full of bile not properly passed off, and what you need is a cleaning up inside. Don't continue being a bilious nuisance to yourself and those who love you, but send out at once for a box of CASC ARETS and work off the cold while you sleep. Be sure you get CASCARETS ! Don't let them sell you a fake substitute. . son ita eiat 'd'e BEST sVMf Agtel mm Hii asU U1M aaiil. eera Decioer 4, 1783. 5 IT ".du nnd ?Prfact.CouW?t sorae time for indigestion and biliousness and am now completely cured. Recommend them to every one. Once tried, you will never be without them In the family." EDW. A. MARX, Albany, N, T. A rooremeiDt i on foot in New Y'-k awb grt eap4 WO"' bay na't viae, self, s FOR BOWELS AND LIVER. THIS THE TABLET mm w 3 Jfe5(5 tresblwa, npweadfcHte, blllonaaaaa, krZtZZZ- .If. w,"d t bloafeil bowels, foal Mouth, ZL1T1-- fMJ ;'' Whan yoar bowale Ooart aaava recalarlv yea nr a rt!.Vtl ii . 1, fnr "e cbroale Ailment aid lf years ofanrnrlaf Ibas aoiaa ImSS !!1. Nn what all yoa, iurt takfae (iAWUHKT today, for f.n" will aovar aei well auid ha wall all tka llaii nam vn. u- u- kil.i. U.i I R k A . ""ae m tare ar aaoaey rafaadod. -. SEAL TO ftRBi elmllar taeillrlna In thr world. ar bra tratlmonlal. We have faith 10c. 25c. 50c. NEVER SOLD IN BULK. DRUGGISTS five the. .Mr; boa... VAmT .."1", h.7aTv, Ita. W . , I. . yeare mg the flrst bes af CAM. fon bo.,, yrar. araatarthuiTarny tio h..r i.du Ti Ar"",",r,l' -o,i ar A-T. ' ' P weewsw SI re-r ( I f)B gatnil " "r ha druritlat frtmn whom v..u ilnh...j I . - .i " T- rrnrn in. linilCI.0 J.lfO OO o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o ppooopooooopooooocpobbbo