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About The Asian reporter. (Portland, Or.) 1991-current | View Entire Issue (March 20, 2017)
OPINION Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER March 20, 2017 Volume 27 Number 6 March 20, 2017 ISSN: 1094-9453 The Asian Reporter is published on the first and third Monday each month. Please send all correspondence to: The Asian Reporter 922 N Killingsworth Street, Suite 2D, Portland, OR 97217 Phone: (503) 283-4440, Fax: (503) 283-4445 News Department e-mail: news@asianreporter.com Advertising Department e-mail: ads@asianreporter.com General e-mail: info@asianreporter.com Website: www.asianreporter.com Please send reader feedback, Asian-related press releases, and community interest ideas/stories to the addresses listed above. Please include a contact phone number. Advertising information available upon request. Publisher Jaime Lim Contributing Editors Ronault L.S. Catalani (Polo), Jeff Wenger Correspondents Ian Blazina, Josephine Bridges, Pamela Ellgen, Maileen Hamto, Edward J. Han, A.P. Kryza, Marie Lo, Simeon Mamaril, Julie Stegeman, Toni Tabora-Roberts, Allison Voigts Illustrator Jonathan Hill News Service Associated Press/Newsfinder Copyright 2017. Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication. Member Associated Press/Newsfinder Asian American Journalists Association Better Business Bureau Pacific Northwest Minority Publishers (PNMP) Philippine American Chamber of Commerce of Oregon MY TURN n Dmae Roberts Listening Correspondence: The Asian Reporter welcomes reader response and participation. Please send all correspondence to: Mail: 922 N Killingsworth Street, Suite 2D, Portland, OR 97217-2220 Phone: (503) 283-4440 ** Fax: (503) 283-4445 News Department e-mail: news@asianreporter.com General e-mail: info@asianreporter.com SUBSCRIPTION RATES (U.S. rates only) Individual subscription (sent bulk rate): q Half year: $14 q Full year: $24 q Two years: $40 Individual subscription (sent first class mail): q Half year: $24 q Full year: $40 q Two years: $72 Office subscription (5 copies to one address): q Half year: $40 q Full year: $75 q Two years: $145 Institutional subscription (25 copies to one address): q Half year: $100 q Full year: $180 q Two years: $280 NEW SUBSCRIBER / ADDRESS CORRECTION INFORMATION FORM: Subscriber’s name: Company name: Address: City, State, ZIP: Phone: Fax: E-mail: Mail with payment or Fax with credit card information to: The Asian Reporter, Attn: Subscription Dept., 922 N Killingsworth Street, Suite 2D, Portland, OR 97217-2220 Phone: (503) 283-4440 * Fax: (503) 283-4445 q q q For VISA, Mastercard, or American Express payment only: Name (as it appears on the card): Type of card (circle): VISA Mastercard Card number: American Express Security code: Expiration date: Address of card: The last four issues of The Asian Reporter are available for pick up free at our office 24 hours a day at 922 N Killingsworth Street, Suite 2D, Portland, Oregon. Back issues of The Asian Reporter may be ordered by mail at the following rates: First copy: $1.50 Additional copies ordered at the same time: $1.00 each Send orders to: Asian Reporter Back Issues, 922 N. Killingsworth St., Portland, OR 97217-2220 The Asian Reporter welcomes reader response and participation. If you have a comment on a story we have printed, or have an Asian-related personal or community focus idea, please contact us. Please include a contact name, address, and phone number on all correspondence. Thank you. A ctive listening takes work. I’ve learned this from many years of interviewing people. I have in the past been criticized for interrupting people while conversing, especially with men. Perhaps that’s a reason I became a professional interviewer for radio; I found that holding a microphone and recording people’s thoughts made me focus wholly on listening without interruption. A good interview highlights a conversation between two or more people. Even though you’re asking questions, you’re also involved in the dialogue. Eye contact, facial cues, and appropriate head nodding as communication all encourage an interviewee to continue talking. Showing interest, keeping an open mind, and creating a comfortable environment inspires people to share their thoughts and feelings. Through active listening, I’ve now become a facilitator in panel discussions for my artistic projects as well as at conferences where I’ve been asked to speak and moderate. The skill has come in handy for discussions I’ve lead about mixed-race people and the issues they deal with, held as part of the “Conversation Project,” a series presented by Oregon Humanities. Following the inauguration of the 45th U.S. president, my listening skills were put to the test. I was stunned by the outcome of the election. I e-mailed and phoned friends. I combed through Facebook comments to try to find people who shared my anxiety about the coming years. Conversations became divisive and emotions grew more heated, not just online, but with members of my own family. I had arguments with my brother who, through the years, has become unrecognizably conservative. We got into a shouting match when he quoted “facts” he found on alt-right blogs. I also discovered some of my in-laws supported and voted for the current president. I wondered how I could ever speak with them again. But I had the most difficult time talking with my husband. When my husband Richard and I met 20 years ago, he was a Republican like his family had been. As a lifelong Democrat, I debated whether I could continue dating him. Through our conversations, I learned he was a fiscal conservative and party affiliation didn’t matter to him. We found common ground on the topics of civil rights and equity. As we continued talking and dating, he changed his voter registration to Independent and now he’s a registered Democrat. After the recent election, I wondered if he had gone back to being a fiscal conservative. I was emotional and had a difficult time understanding this new America where blatant racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and sexism seemed acceptable. The rise in hate crimes and violence, the travel bans on Muslims, and the detainment of immigrants — even green-card holders — stymied me. Richard and I got into terrible arguments. I wanted to vent and I felt hurt when he didn’t agree with me. I thought he was discounting my fear and began to wonder who this man was that I’ve been married to for 18 years. I frankly didn’t want to listen to him. I wanted to be heard. I wanted him to feel as scared as I was so I could find comfort in that. It became so painful to talk to him that I gave up. Then I remembered my listening skills. I asked myself, “What if he was a stranger I was interviewing?” As I quelled my emotions after hearing news a second Muslim ban had been issued that would affect my friends, colleagues, and me personally, I began our conversations with a question, not a statement. Rather than saying, “That idiot did this today,” I asked, “What do you think about what happened today?” It took the emotion out of the beginning of the conversation and allowed him to respond. I realized when I opened with a strong emotional statement, my husband would shut down so it wouldn’t affect him. After I started asking him his thoughts first, he would open up and was more receptive when I told him my views. I still have strong feelings about what is happening to our government and the future of this country, but we need to truly listen to one another and talk without becoming emotional. I continue to find solace in comments on social media that I can relate to. I also try to read the comments of conservatives in order to better understand them. That doesn’t mean I won’t have passionate views; if anything, it makes me more committed to taking action. I want to be effective and reach people. In order to do that, I must listen to all sides. While I may never fully understand some viewpoints, we can avoid emotional discussions that might be more destructive than helpful, and we can actually listen to each other. Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication. Read The Asian Reporter online at <www.asianreporter.com>!
