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About Southern Oregon miner. (Ashland, Or.) 1935-1946 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 11, 1949)
Southern Oregon News Review, Thursday, August 11, 1949 M L IIM d l PHONE COMPANY SHOULD ELIMINATE . . . By JOE MAHONEY But the Company Would Ban" Hellos" Instead ...W R O N G NUMBERS, TWITCHELL THINKS By H I. PHILLIPS every 10 seconds. Bui now . . . but reasonable. After all, why not silence! Nobody wanted to talk co-operate with the company? So to us. But we are not easily (•‘Don’t say ’hello’ when an we sat down and awaited a phone defeated. We called up a Dud call . . . swering the phone. ley Zeek (at random out of the —o— Give your name or company book I and hurriedly left word It Is strange how long one name promptly and save time.” — with his secretary to phone us. has to wait for the phone to From a telephone company ap ring when one is not busy. If —o— peal.) we had been absorbed in a Presently our phone rang. We book, tied up in a conference, We read It again. "Don’t say leaped to it and announced our trying to find a rhyme or busy Aiello’ when you answer t h e name with no waste of time. at reassembling a Swiss watch phone," it said clearly. "It wastes "Elmer Twitchell,” we said. there would have been a call time." It seemed revolutionary There was no answer. We jiggled the hook and insisted on getting the connection. Central finally asked, "Who called you?" "What differ ence does it make?” we asked. "We will talw a call from any body." Presently s h e re-con- nected us. "Elmer Twitchell," we repeated firmly. "There is no Elbert P. Twitch ell here. You have the wrong num GRACE NOLL CROWELL ber." "No, I haven’t. Listen . . ." DARE not pray for you, dear friend, that "This is not Twitchell." the fe male voice insisted. sorrow, “Of course not," we explained. "How could it be?" The strange unwelcome guest may pass you by, "Hello," the voice said. "And you're not supposed to say V * I dare not even trust that each tomorrow ‘hello,’ " we put in. May hold for you a bright and cloudless sky. "Hello. Who do you want? Hello. You must have the wrong number. I cannot hope that pain, that hard taskmaster, Hello.” May leave you quite untouched throughout the "Stop slipping in all of those hel los!" we yelled. "Haven’t you years, heard about them?" Or that you may escape loss and disaster; — Here a male voice put in. That grief may never dim your eyes with tears. "Hello,” it said. “Are you try ing to get me?” "No, you’re trying to get me," For only sorrow brings an understanding we said. O f others’ sorrow; only as we learn "Who are you? Hello," the voice repeated. The slow and tortuous way, the harsh demanding "Elmer Twitchell. You are Dud That grieving make upon us, can we turn ley Zeek, aren’t you?" “Who?" And speak the freeing word to some hurt brother, “Dudley Zeek." And well we know that blue skies bring no rain "No," came the answer. "This is the Economy Pastrami Factory, To heal the heart, and we can learn no other Amos Finch speaking." Way to sympathize save through experienced pain. "Are you trying to get Elmer Twitchell?" "No. My secretary has been try ing to get the city hall. What’re I crave the best things for you, O my friend, you doing on the line. Hello. There And for what is best we can trust God to send. must be a mixup. Hello. Hello." "DON'T SAY HELLO" Whatever Is Best I s Fiction It was too much. We hung up and fell, willed, Into a chair. After a while the phone rang. The wife answered It. "There's a Dudley Zeek on the wire. He says you left word for him to call." "Just say ‘hello* to him . . . four or five times,” we con cluded bitterly. —o— TAi'i it Ibe j m j o « muggy IT'A/M parents Jo ibeir best To send ibeir kids to summer camps— As parents need a resit —o— Hi.—Saw a sign in the country "Cattle Crossing. 35 miles per hour." That's too fast for any cow to move in modern traffic.—Arthur McElroy. —o — "United States Deficit 98 Mil lion a Day"—Headline. Aw. they can't be trylngl Russia has paid three mil lion dollars out in bonuses to mothers of babies, Moscow an nounces. We await the claim that Russia originated the idea of motherhood. —O— With every restaurant in Reno closed, we understand hundreds of divorce applicants wiped from their suits the complaint that the wife's cooking constituted intoler able cruelty. —O— We trust that the illness of Bob by Clark, great comedian, is triv ial and that, a’oove all, the doctors will never make him give up cigars. —o— GOTHAM BUGLE & BANNER Cole Porter has indorsed a beer . . . "Kiss Me. Keg" . . . All the munitions stocks have been strong since Olsen & Johnson returned . . . Ye ed watched the pair on video and got powder burns . . . "Har vey" is being played in Wales . . . with a Welsh rabbit, of course . . . We know a fellow who is going to reverse the routine and appeal his case from the supreme court to the lower tribunals . . . They seem to think clearer down there. LOVINGLY, TEMPLE By Richard H. Wilkinson Corner stagescre BY INEZ GERHARD MANSFIELD, young pro I RVING ducer at Columbia broadcast ing, proves that lightning can strike twice. He conceived and produces the tremendously suc cessful "Arthur Godfrey's Talent Scouts;” using a different twist on the same idea, he came through with the new hit show, “This Is Broadway," also on CBS. He began in radio in 1943 as coordina tor of the Fred Allen show, then, irving M ansfield In 1944 and '45, produced the Milton Berle program. Realizing what they had, CBS assigned him to originate and develop new comedy and variety shows, and he came through with the Godfrey gold mine, which made its first appear ance on the air on July 8, 1946. Well, “The Fountainhead" ar rived, was seen, and proved to be disappointing, despite the excellent cast and the mon ey lavished on the production. As with “Arch of Triumph," a good book just was not good screen material. At luncheon in New York months ago Macdonald Carey announced that a second visit from the stork was slated for his home. Elizabeth Macdonald Carey arrived July 12th, ending a long, tedious so journ in bed for her mother. Carey installed a television set in the bedroom to entertain his wife. He commented sadly that she didn’t care to watch football games and he did. On the lookout for new acting talent, Columbia has signed Benno Schneider as top drama coach. He is rehearsing a group of players, some of whom will be selected for screen tests. Meanwhile Richard Quine, a taient scout, is touring the summer theaters in Denver, Omaha, Chicago and the East. He co- recently co-produced a n d directed “Leather Gloves" for Columbia //p^EA R TEMPLE: I was indeed •L^glad to learn that you had ob tained such a satisfactory position. I am sure that you will make a most efficient secretary. Frankly, I have been entertaining some mis givings about your future. Serving in the capacity of guardian to mod ern young ladies is, after all, hardly in my line, although I was only too glad to l o o k after the daugh ter of my close f r i e n d , Tom Creighton, when he so unexpect edly passed away. I imagine you are quite a grown up young lady now, though it is hard for me to visualize you in any other form than a girl in pigtails and short dresses—” Aaron Bell, 34, looking 10 years younger, abruptly ceased dictating and stared hard at his stenographer. The stenographer, Miss Daniels by name, was small, dark, vivacious and exceedingly attractive. She had come to work in the law office of Attorney Aaron Bell two weeks pre vious. She was a capable girl, yet for some unexplainable reason Aaron hadn’t been able to get used to her. That is to say, he felt nervous whenever he was dictating letters. During the next few days Aaron began to get an inkling of why it was that he felt un easy when dictating letters to Miss Daniels. He began to won der if heretofore he hadn’t been attempting to evade an issue. He asked himself, secretly, if Miss Daniels was becoming to mean more to him than just a secretary. WO DAYS LATER Aaron was rudely swept out of the realm of ecstasy (a state of mind brought about by his dinner date with Miss Daniels), by receiving another let ter from his ward. “Dear Guardian: My boss is real ly quite lovely, and has been dis playing an unusual amount of in terest in me since my last letter. I am not a little flattered by his at tention and very much thrilled. In fact, I believe I could fall in love with him very easily." Aaron rang for Miss Daniels. "Dear Temple: I demand that you resign from your present position at once. It’s silly and absurd to think of a girl your age falling in love, especially with a man who makes love to every stenographer he employs." That night Aaron suggested a drive through the country and was delighted when Miss Daniels ac cepted. It was a beautiful June eve ning, with a full moon and a cool ing breeze blowing off the ocean. It might have been the atmospher T ic conditions which stirred to life the slumbering romance that lurks within the breast of every man, or it might have been the simple de sire of a man for a mate. At any rate Aaron took Miss Daniels in his arms and kissed her and whispered nonsensical things that somehow seemed to fit the occasion. mHE NEXT MORNING he found another letter from Temple Creighton on his desk. "Dear Guardian: I'm sorry, but com mands and demands from folks like you don’t mean a thing when a girl is in love. And your little Temple is certainly in love. I ex pect she’ll be proposed to in the very near future." Aaron buzzed for Miss Dan iels. "Dear Temple: This thing has gone far enough. It’s a pity you couldn't have been en dowed with at least a fraction of your father’s good sense. It is my wish that you immed iately send me the name and address of this boss of yours. I shall write to him at once." Aaron had hoped that that night he would find himself courageous enough to offer a proposal of mar riage to Miss Daniels. Yet when again they were seated on the clifl watching the moon come up out of the ocean, his courage failed. Heavy-eyed he went to the office next morning to find a letter await ing him from Temple Creighton "Dear Guardian: You were right He isn’t the man I thought he was Apparently he has just been amus ing himself, with no idea of asking me to marry him. I do wish you’d talk to him. His name Is Aaron Bell. Lovingly, Temple." ^ LAST WEEKS ANSWER ■ lojelAjMl* ACROSS DOWN 1. School 1. Fruit of graduation the palm document 5. A prophet 2. Measure (Bib.) of land 9. Water 3. Anger cooler (dial.) 10. Wagon 4. Upright 11. A merry 6. Division frolic of a 12. Test Play 14. Set 6. Disfigure close 7. Constella together, tion as the teeth 8. Begin 16. Metallic 11. Large ladle rock 13. Sign of 17. Hawaiian zodiac bird 18. City (Ont., 15. Goblin Can.) 21. Independent state, S. E. Arabia 24. Obstacle 25. Terror 27. The whole range 31. Humble 33. Slat 34. Exceeded, as speed limit 38. Toward 39. Over (poet.) 40. Sliding, boxlike compartment 43. Edible game fish 46. Seed at the oak 47. Bones (anat.) 48. Slay 49. Require 50. Whirlpool PUZZLE NO, 19. Large roofing slate 20. Taken by mouth 22. Indefinite article 23. River (Afr.) 26. Food fish 28. Masurium fsym.) 29. Completely 30. A pricker 32. Marry 34. Habitual drunkard 35. President of Argentina 36. Appearing as if eaten □ □□□ □□□ □□□□ □□□ □□□□□a aau □ oeibod ao □□□□ □□□ DDQ oriucu r p 7& xhm & bi MBMUM/BURr A IVfHC A UT IL L WEARY OF TENNIS AFTER WINNING THE 1049 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA OCOOLCS CHAM P IO N S H IP. IT TOOK THEM 135 G A M E S i ’ SCAT ’ RANCHO'o ' •' M I ANO HUGH STEW AKT. THE 3 C O M -3 W RE 36-34, 3 6 ,4 -6 ,6 -4 ,1 9 -1 7 , ANO THE MATCH TOOK F IV E HOURS TO P LA Y | t NATIONAL LEAGUE H A S OFFICIALLY B AN NED THE PLAYING » m i • ’THREE BLIND MILE.’ ' TOO MUCH OF A POKE AT TH E U M P IR E S. SPORTL/GHT- Cards, Dodgers Rule the Roost By G R A N T L A N D RICE. he national league Is a baseball circuit where prac tically all the pennant playing lately has been by the Cardinals and the Dodgers. Once in a rare while some Inter loper. such as the Braves of 1948, breaks Into the picture. But for the greater part of the time it is the Cardinals und the Dodgers rolling together down the stretch. Once they get into the world series the Cardinals are a far dif ferent team. The Cards have won a flock of such post season pastorals while the Dodgers have yet to come s a fe ly through. But they can stir up a lot of dust trying In the last eight years only the Cubs Gran“ a"d and Braves have each slipped through once, prob ably when the Cardinals and Dodgers were not looking. Now we get the same story in the steamy year of 1949. The Braves and Phil lies may be rated a chance, but the bet is that either Dodgers or Cardinals will take over the Aug ust and September stretch. Last spring It looked as If the National League would have much the better rare. Now with the Athletics and the Red Sox still busy, with Cleveland's Indians beginning to act in a hostile manner again, the A.L. race may be much the better show. It is about time the other six clubs in the National picked up more steam. The crash of the Pirates was a heavy disappoint ment, as much of a jolt as the downfall ot the Red Sox was up through July Fourth. The main idea seems to be that anything can still happen in baseball. T “ Don’t Play Out A Nine” Apparently a number of golfers are getting much slower than they were some time ago. Just as we were trying to work up a message, the following ar rived from F.A.W., an eminent golfer and also a hot rooter for Michigan’s football team against all comers. This seems to cover the field completely— “People love golf and I love peo ple, and so today’s remarks are addressed to the genial host of high hundicnp golfers. God bless 'em; without them there would be no lush green fairways, bordered with sky blue lakes and stately pine trees; no healthful and beau tiful outdoors brought to your door step. They ar« the majority. "Frequently they, or rather you, play with low hundicappers, busi ness associates und other friends, and suffer mental anguish because you know they would prefer play ing with better golfers. You are definitely right, but for an en tirely different reason than you think. Seventy and low 80 shooters do not mind if you carve out a neat 105, but when you bother their game by not observing the simplest rules, they feel like crowning you with a niblick—and you do not always observe them. "A good golfer only wants to be permitted to play his own game, undisturbed. Here are a few sug gestions: (1) . "Do not delay the game. This is the most common fault, and this alone la enough to ruin the concen tration of other members of your foursome. (a) "He in a position to play when it comes your turn. (b) "Do not take a lot ot practice strokes; pre ferably none. (c) "Do not painstakingly play out a nine or other high score when you are completely out of the contest. Fick up. Others want to get on with the game. (d) "Do not ask everyone In your foursome what club to use. (2) . "He quiet, motionless and look at the player address ing the ball until He has played. (3) . "Many duffers cuss out their own mistakes, loud, long a n d continuously. Don’t do it. Others are trying to concentrate on their own game.” —O— Joe Surprises There have been a flock of great ballplayers around New York and Brooklyn in the last two days. Their tongues, as usual, were busy. The first topic was Joe DiMaggio and his spectacular return to his best form with no chance to get in top shape. It seems he did. SA A n s w e r le P e s ile B y T om G regory Ne. lo 37. Male duck 41. Tart 42. Treeless tract of land (Eng.) 44. Employ 45. Little boy flU S T fT H A lU tS l WNSTLBAKKOtN S TU N T IP YOU INSTALL a S ink STRAINER IN THE BOTTOM OF A WHEEL BARROW THAT IS USED FOR CARRYING VEGETABLES, YOU CAN WASH THE PRODUCE RIGHT IN THE WHEELBARROW WITH A HOSE THE STRAINER ALLOWING THE' WATER TO RUN THROUGH THE BOTTOM. DOCS YOUR DO G C H A SE C A R S ? ONE WAY TO PREVENT DO G S FROM C H ASIN G CAR S IS TO ATTAC H A S M A L L RUBBER BA LI TO ONE OF THE DOG'S FRONT LEGS. THE BALL W ILL PREVENT THE DOG FR O M R U N N IN G FAST SERIOUS ACCIDENTS HAVE BEEN CAUSED BY DOGS CHASING CARS )1 f Y
