Southern Oregon News Review, Thursday, August 11, 1949
M L IIM d l
PHONE COMPANY SHOULD ELIMINATE . . .
By JOE
MAHONEY
But the Company Would Ban" Hellos" Instead
...W R O N G NUMBERS, TWITCHELL THINKS
By H I. PHILLIPS
every 10 seconds. Bui now . . .
but reasonable. After all, why not
silence! Nobody wanted to talk
co-operate with the company? So
to us. But we are not easily
(•‘Don’t say ’hello’ when an we sat down and awaited a phone
defeated. We called up a Dud
call . . .
swering the phone.
ley Zeek (at random out of the
—o—
Give your name or company
book I and hurriedly left word
It Is strange how long one
name promptly and save time.” —
with his secretary to phone us.
has to wait for the phone to
From a telephone company ap
ring when one is not busy. If
—o—
peal.)
we had been absorbed in a
Presently our phone rang. We
book, tied up in a conference,
We read It again. "Don’t say
leaped to it and announced our
trying to find a rhyme or busy
Aiello’ when you answer t h e
name with no waste of time.
at reassembling a Swiss watch
phone," it said clearly. "It wastes
"Elmer Twitchell,” we said.
there would have been a call
time." It seemed revolutionary
There was no answer. We jiggled
the hook and insisted on getting the
connection. Central finally asked,
"Who called you?" "What differ
ence does it make?” we asked.
"We will talw a call from any
body." Presently s h e
re-con-
nected us.
"Elmer Twitchell," we repeated
firmly.
"There is no Elbert P. Twitch
ell here. You have the wrong num
GRACE NOLL CROWELL
ber."
"No, I haven’t. Listen . . ."
DARE not pray for you, dear friend, that
"This is not Twitchell." the fe
male
voice insisted.
sorrow,
“Of course not," we explained.
"How could it be?"
The strange unwelcome guest may pass you by,
"Hello," the voice said.
"And you're not supposed to say
V *
I dare not even trust that each tomorrow
‘hello,’ " we put in.
May hold for you a bright and cloudless sky.
"Hello. Who do you want? Hello.
You
must have the wrong number.
I cannot hope that pain, that hard taskmaster,
Hello.”
May leave you quite untouched throughout the
"Stop slipping in all of those hel
los!" we yelled. "Haven’t you
years,
heard about them?"
Or that you may escape loss and disaster;
—
Here
a
male
voice put in.
That grief may never dim your eyes with tears.
"Hello,” it said. “Are you try
ing to get me?”
"No, you’re trying to get me,"
For only sorrow brings an understanding
we said.
O f others’ sorrow; only as we learn
"Who are you? Hello," the voice
repeated.
The slow and tortuous way, the harsh demanding
"Elmer Twitchell. You are Dud
That grieving make upon us, can we turn
ley Zeek, aren’t you?"
“Who?"
And speak the freeing word to some hurt brother,
“Dudley Zeek."
And well we know that blue skies bring no rain
"No," came the answer. "This
is
the Economy Pastrami Factory,
To heal the heart, and we can learn no other
Amos Finch speaking."
Way to sympathize save through experienced pain.
"Are you trying to get Elmer
Twitchell?"
"No. My secretary has been try
ing to get the city hall. What’re
I crave the best things for you, O my friend,
you doing on the line. Hello. There
And for what is best we can trust God to send.
must be a mixup. Hello. Hello."
"DON'T SAY HELLO"
Whatever Is Best
I
s
Fiction
It was too much. We hung
up and fell, willed, Into a chair.
After a while the phone rang.
The wife answered It. "There's
a Dudley Zeek on the wire. He
says you left word for him to
call."
"Just say ‘hello* to him . . .
four or five times,” we con
cluded bitterly.
—o—
TAi'i it Ibe j m j o « muggy
IT'A/M parents Jo ibeir best
To send ibeir kids to summer
camps—
As parents need a resit
—o—
Hi.—Saw a sign in the country
"Cattle Crossing. 35 miles per
hour." That's too fast for any cow
to move in modern traffic.—Arthur
McElroy.
—o —
"United States Deficit 98 Mil
lion a Day"—Headline.
Aw. they can't be trylngl
Russia has paid three mil
lion dollars out in bonuses to
mothers of babies, Moscow an
nounces. We await the claim
that Russia originated the idea
of motherhood.
—O—
With every restaurant in Reno
closed, we understand hundreds
of divorce applicants wiped from
their suits the complaint that the
wife's cooking constituted intoler
able cruelty.
—O—
We trust that the illness of Bob
by Clark, great comedian, is triv
ial and that, a’oove all, the doctors
will never make him give up
cigars.
—o—
GOTHAM BUGLE & BANNER
Cole Porter has indorsed a beer
. . . "Kiss Me. Keg" . . . All the
munitions stocks have been strong
since Olsen & Johnson returned . . .
Ye ed watched the pair on video
and got powder burns . . . "Har
vey" is being played in Wales . . .
with a Welsh rabbit, of course . . .
We know a fellow who is going to
reverse the routine and appeal his
case from the supreme court to
the lower tribunals . . . They seem
to think clearer down there.
LOVINGLY, TEMPLE
By
Richard H. Wilkinson
Corner
stagescre
BY INEZ GERHARD
MANSFIELD, young pro
I RVING
ducer at Columbia broadcast
ing, proves that lightning can
strike twice. He conceived and
produces the tremendously suc
cessful "Arthur Godfrey's Talent
Scouts;” using a different twist
on the same idea, he came through
with the new hit show, “This
Is Broadway," also on CBS. He
began in radio in 1943 as coordina
tor of the Fred Allen show, then,
irving
M ansfield
In 1944 and '45, produced the Milton
Berle program. Realizing what
they had, CBS assigned him to
originate and develop new comedy
and variety shows, and he came
through with the Godfrey gold
mine, which made its first appear
ance on the air on July 8, 1946.
Well, “The Fountainhead" ar
rived, was seen, and proved
to be disappointing, despite
the excellent cast and the mon
ey lavished on the production.
As with “Arch of Triumph,"
a good book just was not good
screen material.
At luncheon in New York months
ago Macdonald Carey announced
that a second visit from the stork
was slated for his home. Elizabeth
Macdonald Carey arrived July
12th, ending a long, tedious so
journ in bed for her mother. Carey
installed a television set in the
bedroom to entertain his wife.
He commented sadly that she didn’t
care to watch football games and
he did.
On the lookout for new acting
talent, Columbia has signed Benno
Schneider as top drama coach. He
is rehearsing a group of players,
some of whom will be selected for
screen tests. Meanwhile Richard
Quine, a taient scout, is touring
the summer theaters in Denver,
Omaha, Chicago and the East. He
co-
recently co-produced a n d
directed “Leather Gloves" for
Columbia
//p^EA R TEMPLE: I was indeed
•L^glad to learn that you had ob
tained such a satisfactory position.
I am sure that you will make a
most efficient secretary. Frankly, I
have been entertaining some mis
givings about your future. Serving
in the capacity of guardian to mod
ern young ladies is, after all, hardly
in my line, although I was only too
glad to l o o k
after the daugh
ter of my close
f r i e n d , Tom
Creighton, when
he so unexpect
edly passed away. I imagine you
are quite a grown up young lady
now, though it is hard for me to
visualize you in any other form
than a girl in pigtails and short
dresses—”
Aaron Bell, 34, looking 10 years
younger, abruptly ceased dictating
and stared hard at his stenographer.
The stenographer, Miss Daniels by
name, was small, dark, vivacious
and exceedingly attractive. She had
come to work in the law office of
Attorney Aaron Bell two weeks pre
vious. She was a capable girl, yet for
some unexplainable reason Aaron
hadn’t been able to get used to her.
That is to say, he felt nervous
whenever he was dictating letters.
During the next few days
Aaron began to get an inkling
of why it was that he felt un
easy when dictating letters to
Miss Daniels. He began to won
der if heretofore he hadn’t been
attempting to evade an issue.
He asked himself, secretly, if
Miss Daniels was becoming to
mean more to him than just a
secretary.
WO DAYS LATER Aaron was
rudely swept out of the realm
of ecstasy (a state of mind brought
about by his dinner date with Miss
Daniels), by receiving another let
ter from his ward.
“Dear Guardian: My boss is real
ly quite lovely, and has been dis
playing an unusual amount of in
terest in me since my last letter.
I am not a little flattered by his at
tention and very much thrilled. In
fact, I believe I could fall in love
with him very easily."
Aaron rang for Miss Daniels.
"Dear Temple: I demand that you
resign from your present position
at once. It’s silly and absurd to
think of a girl your age falling in
love, especially with a man who
makes love to every stenographer
he employs."
That night Aaron suggested a
drive through the country and was
delighted when Miss Daniels ac
cepted. It was a beautiful June eve
ning, with a full moon and a cool
ing breeze blowing off the ocean.
It might have been the atmospher
T
ic conditions which stirred to life
the slumbering romance that lurks
within the breast of every man, or
it might have been the simple de
sire of a man for a mate. At any
rate Aaron took Miss Daniels in his
arms and kissed her and whispered
nonsensical things that somehow
seemed to fit the occasion.
mHE NEXT MORNING he found
another letter from Temple
Creighton on his desk. "Dear
Guardian: I'm sorry, but com
mands and demands from folks
like you don’t mean a thing when
a girl is in love. And your little
Temple is certainly in love. I ex
pect she’ll be proposed to in the
very near future."
Aaron buzzed for Miss Dan
iels. "Dear Temple: This thing
has gone far enough. It’s a pity
you couldn't have been en
dowed with at least a fraction
of your father’s good sense.
It is my wish that you immed
iately send me the name and
address of this boss of yours.
I shall write to him at once."
Aaron had hoped that that night
he would find himself courageous
enough to offer a proposal of mar
riage to Miss Daniels. Yet when
again they were seated on the clifl
watching the moon come up out of
the ocean, his courage failed.
Heavy-eyed he went to the office
next morning to find a letter await
ing him from Temple Creighton
"Dear Guardian: You were right
He isn’t the man I thought he was
Apparently he has just been amus
ing himself, with no idea of asking
me to marry him. I do wish you’d
talk to him. His name Is Aaron Bell.
Lovingly, Temple."
^
LAST
WEEKS
ANSWER
■
lojelAjMl*
ACROSS
DOWN
1. School
1. Fruit of
graduation
the palm
document
5. A prophet
2. Measure
(Bib.)
of land
9. Water
3. Anger
cooler
(dial.)
10. Wagon
4. Upright
11. A merry
6. Division
frolic
of a
12. Test
Play
14. Set
6. Disfigure
close
7. Constella
together,
tion
as the teeth
8. Begin
16. Metallic
11. Large ladle
rock
13. Sign of
17. Hawaiian
zodiac
bird
18. City (Ont., 15. Goblin
Can.)
21. Independent
state,
S. E. Arabia
24. Obstacle
25. Terror
27. The
whole
range
31. Humble
33. Slat
34. Exceeded, as
speed limit
38. Toward
39. Over (poet.)
40. Sliding,
boxlike
compartment
43. Edible
game
fish
46. Seed at
the oak
47. Bones
(anat.)
48. Slay
49. Require
50. Whirlpool
PUZZLE NO,
19. Large
roofing
slate
20. Taken by
mouth
22. Indefinite
article
23. River (Afr.)
26. Food fish
28. Masurium
fsym.)
29. Completely
30. A pricker
32. Marry
34. Habitual
drunkard
35. President of
Argentina
36. Appearing
as if eaten
□
□□□
□□□ □□□□
□□□
□□□□□a aau
□ oeibod ao
□□□□
□□□ DDQ
oriucu
r p
7& xhm & bi
MBMUM/BURr
A
IVfHC A UT IL L WEARY OF TENNIS AFTER
WINNING THE 1049 SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
OCOOLCS CHAM P IO N S H IP. IT TOOK THEM
135 G A M E S i ’ SCAT ’ RANCHO'o ' •' M I
ANO HUGH STEW AKT. THE 3 C O M -3 W RE
36-34, 3 6 ,4 -6 ,6 -4 ,1 9 -1 7 , ANO THE MATCH
TOOK F IV E HOURS TO P LA Y |
t
NATIONAL
LEAGUE H A S
OFFICIALLY B AN
NED THE PLAYING
» m i
•
’THREE BLIND MILE.’ '
TOO MUCH OF A POKE
AT TH E U M P IR E S.
SPORTL/GHT-
Cards, Dodgers Rule the Roost
By G R A N T L A N D RICE.
he national league Is a
baseball circuit where prac
tically all the pennant playing
lately has been by the Cardinals
and the Dodgers.
Once in a rare while some Inter
loper. such as the Braves of 1948,
breaks Into the picture. But for
the greater part of the time it is
the Cardinals und the Dodgers
rolling together down the stretch.
Once they get into the world
series the Cardinals are a far dif
ferent team. The
Cards have won a
flock of such post
season
pastorals
while the Dodgers
have yet to come
s a fe ly
through.
But they can stir
up a lot of dust
trying
In the last eight
years only the Cubs
Gran“ a"d
and Braves have
each slipped through once, prob
ably when the Cardinals and
Dodgers were not looking. Now we
get the same story in the steamy
year of 1949. The Braves and Phil
lies may be rated a chance, but
the bet is that either Dodgers or
Cardinals will take over the Aug
ust and September stretch.
Last spring It looked as If the
National League would have
much the better rare. Now
with the Athletics and the Red
Sox still busy, with Cleveland's
Indians beginning to act in a
hostile manner again, the A.L.
race may be much the better
show.
It is about time the other six
clubs in the National picked up
more steam. The crash of the
Pirates was a heavy disappoint
ment, as much of a jolt as the
downfall ot the Red Sox was up
through July Fourth. The main
idea seems to be that anything can
still happen in baseball.
T
“ Don’t Play Out A Nine”
Apparently a number of golfers
are getting much slower than they
were some time ago.
Just as we were trying to work
up a message, the following ar
rived from F.A.W., an eminent
golfer and also a hot rooter for
Michigan’s football team against
all comers.
This seems to cover the field
completely—
“People love golf and I love peo
ple, and so today’s remarks are
addressed to the genial host of
high hundicnp golfers. God bless
'em; without them there would be
no lush green fairways, bordered
with sky blue lakes and stately
pine trees; no healthful and beau
tiful outdoors brought to your door
step. They ar« the majority.
"Frequently they, or rather you,
play with low hundicappers, busi
ness associates und other friends,
and suffer mental anguish because
you know they would prefer play
ing with better golfers. You are
definitely right, but for an en
tirely different reason than you
think. Seventy and low 80 shooters
do not mind if you carve out a
neat 105, but when you bother their
game by not observing the simplest
rules, they feel like crowning you
with a niblick—and you do not
always observe them.
"A good golfer only wants to be
permitted to play his own game,
undisturbed. Here are a few sug
gestions:
(1) . "Do not delay the game.
This is the most common
fault, and this alone la
enough to ruin the concen
tration of other members
of your foursome.
(a) "He in a position to
play when it comes
your turn.
(b) "Do not take a lot ot
practice strokes; pre
ferably none.
(c) "Do not painstakingly
play out a nine or
other high score when
you are completely out
of the contest. Fick
up. Others want to get
on with the game.
(d) "Do not ask everyone
In your foursome what
club to use.
(2) . "He quiet, motionless and
look at the player address
ing the ball until He has
played.
(3) . "Many duffers cuss out
their own mistakes, loud,
long a n d
continuously.
Don’t do it. Others are
trying to concentrate on
their own game.”
—O—
Joe Surprises
There have been a flock of great
ballplayers around New York and
Brooklyn in the last two days. Their
tongues, as usual, were busy. The
first topic was Joe DiMaggio and
his spectacular return to his best
form with no chance to get in top
shape. It seems he did.
SA
A n s w e r le P e s ile
B y T om G regory
Ne. lo
37. Male duck
41. Tart
42. Treeless
tract of land
(Eng.)
44. Employ
45. Little boy
flU S T
fT H A lU tS l
WNSTLBAKKOtN S TU N T
IP YOU INSTALL a S ink
STRAINER IN THE BOTTOM
OF A WHEEL BARROW THAT
IS USED FOR CARRYING
VEGETABLES, YOU CAN WASH
THE PRODUCE RIGHT IN THE
WHEELBARROW WITH A HOSE
THE STRAINER ALLOWING THE'
WATER TO RUN THROUGH
THE BOTTOM.
DOCS YOUR DO G
C H A SE C A R S ?
ONE WAY TO PREVENT DO G S
FROM C H ASIN G CAR S IS TO
ATTAC H A S M A L L RUBBER BA LI
TO ONE OF THE DOG'S FRONT
LEGS. THE BALL W ILL PREVENT
THE DOG FR O M R U N N IN G FAST
SERIOUS ACCIDENTS HAVE BEEN
CAUSED BY DOGS CHASING CARS
)1
f
Y