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About Southern Oregon miner. (Ashland, Or.) 1935-1946 | View Entire Issue (July 21, 1949)
Southern Oregon News Review, Thursday, July 21, 1949 SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS DON'T SHOOT FIRST BASEMAN UNLESS . . . Junior Style Has Quaint Charm Childhood Memories Drive Batter Berserk Girls' School and Party Dress . . . YOU WISH TO BE SWITCHED TO THE MINORS By H. I. PHILLIPS A PSYCHIATRIC EXAM Elm er.—What position did you play? (Wherein Elmer TwitchelL hav Doctor.—1 was a southpaw pitch ing shot a firs t baseman, is ques er in my college days. tioned for reasons.) Elmer.—That does It! 1 must Doctor.—Now, then, I want you to relax and let your thoughts run have my gun back . . . Please, my gun! . . . It rests my freely. nerves so! Elm er.—Are you a good psychi —O— atrist? Doctor.—Yes, I never played Doctor.—Quiet! I'm trying to firs t base in my life. help you out of a very serious jam IRACLES Elmer —Goodyl Goody I Can You shot a ballplayer and can go to prison. have my gun back? Doctor.—Probably, but we may E lm er.—Do they put people in have to switch you to some othct prison for shooting ballplayers? Doctor.—If they didn't some clubs league! • • • would be bumped off in a single afternoon. Now, listen, there must President Truman says there Is be a psychopathic reason lor what no depression. If you are out ol you did. As a child how was your work it is all a red herring, home life, and you'd better make • • • it bad. Was there, for instance Milton Berle and his former wife, ever a Christmas when your folks Joyce Matthews, separated in 1947, spent $5 on your brother for a first were remarried the other day , . . baseman's m itt and only $2 on you The ceremony was disappointing to for a book? us as no Texaco quartette showed Elmer.—That could have done it. up to sing the wedding march . . . —o— It was one time on a Berle pro Doctor.—Did your father ever gram where the other performer read the baseball summaries got equal billing . . . Everything aloud? Did you ever live In went off smoothly, Surrogate Bill Brooklyn back in the days of Collins, who presided, refraining those eccentric infields? Was from opening the ritual with "Tell) anybody in your family a base ya what I'm gonna do. ' ball fanatic? •HEY sought the Master's healing touch. They followed Him down lane and field, And every ailing, seeking one W ho came to Him was healed. O Master, ¿till today we come. > The great throngs down the earthly roads. W e bear our sorrow and our pain, W e ¿toop beneath our heavy loads. We pray, and often grief is ¿tilled, And pain becomes a ¿trange, pa¿t thing; Our loads are lifted, many times Even from our remembering. .'I And these are miracles as great As those far ones on sea and land. All healing, all release, dear Lord, Comes from Thy hand, Thy unseen hand. 7 ,'i: J \i M — The Fiction * E lm er.—I had an uncle who used to recite that Costello thing en titled "Who's on F irst?" Doctor.—Good. I'll make a note of that. In your infancy were you ever chased with a ball bat for not doing your homework? E lm er.—I seem to remember something like th a t And I recall that as a little child I was taught to walk too early. I developed an aversion to walks. Doctor.—That would explain it If you shot a pitcher. In school did you ever have a teacher who wore a mask and chest protector? Elm er.—No, but I had a kinder garten principal who carried a sawed-off bat and insisted he had been ordered to bunt. Doctor.—In your immature years did you ever play softball? Elm er —Yes. I was such a poor hitter I never got to first except when hit by the pitcher. And I never got to second because there wasn't a .300 hitter on the team. Doctor.—Now it’s all clear. If you ever were to get to second base you knew you would have to shoot the first baseman . . . The idea took pos session of you! . . . It became an urge! . . . You couldn't re sist It! . . . We can explain everything to the court. Yon are as good as free. VANISHING AMERICANISMS "A ll I need is steady work tc have a good bank account." "W e'll give you one month free rent during alterations." Crisp and Contrasty JUST the thing to have ready when school bells ring—a dain “ Let's live within our income.' ty yoked dress for young girls that's delightfully easy to sew. Nice for Special "I've got 50 dollars; let's go to Have the yoke in contrast and nightclub." pK E T T Y and demure, yet nice enough for special dates is this finish with crisp ruffling. When that new Sherwood-Berlin: j unjor frOek with its crisp white "Boys' Suits! Nothing over >I2."| - • musical opens in New York the cry co„ a r ond tiny pufTed sleevM T ry of the seat seekers may be "Give me Liberty or give me Kiss Me | add narrow ribbon bows for ac Kate cent. Gentlemen of the classes of 1949: The |.o|| Bn<J winter fashion otters I am going to scrap the plati- « pages ot « m a rt new styles, special . , . i a design«: tip« on fa b ric« — fre e p a tte rn tudeS, ignore the Old rhetorical pat- j p rin ted Inside the book. Send 25 cents terns and skip anything resembling j •od‘*y- baloney balonus. It w ill be a novelty, I am sure, to hear a baccalaureate a little d if ferent from the one delivered last year. I give you these three ail- important words of three and four letters which rate paramount im portance in the struggle ahead: "Why, when I was your age," "Use your head!" [ Uncle Pete sounded off, "I got me ; a job in a grocery store, worked at four dollars a week for six | years until I had enough money to buy the store. That goes to show ) you what hard work and ambition will do for a man. Why can ’t you go out and duplicate that?” "Well," said Julius, shaking his You i head as if frustrated, "these mod ern cash registers are pretty hard * BEST ALIBI ★ ★ Rlch„d BY INEZ GERHARD NO WONDER I T’S Grauer is regarded that Ben as the out standing special events reporter in radio and television. Starting as an announcer, he was switched by NBC to special events reporting and climbed to the top of the heap. He has covered everything from presidential inaugurations to golf matches, UN sessions to eclipses In Brazil, is much sought after as "How do you know that? can’t prove it.” " I won’t have to. What I car 17* “. ' ’“ T*»» $50,000. The jewels were kept in a prove is that no one came up the, wall safe behind a picture in Max’ s ladder. It rained last night. There' -------------- study, which was located on the was mud. There’s mud on youi second floor of his Beverly Hills "Oat of yoar closet. I shoes. The shoes fit the footprint» home. searched the closets of all the at the foot of the ladder. Yet there Inspector Ray Beatty was as servants till I found a pair of is no mud at all on the rungs of the signed to the case. Leo MacDougal, shoes with some mud on the ladder. If there had been I would a police officer, soles. It was you who com have probably been fooled and not who had been mitted the robbery.” been sure that some one inside com summoned from “ You’re crazy. That’s a cock mitted the theft. Besides you had Fish today, but not tom orrow , his beat, showed Inspector Beatty eyed theory. The robber came up the best alibi. I checked with the; To rem ove the odor ot fish from man with whom you said you at a dish cloth, boil the cloth fo r five th e evidence the ladder.” "N o,” said Inspector Beatty, tended the movie. He broke down m inutes in a solution of one table- that had thus far been discovered. blespoon of baking soda to one F irs t there was a ladder placed “ that’s only what you expected us and confessed everything.” MacDougal was amazed. After ; q u a rt of w ater. Rinse in w arm against a window that opened into to believe. That’s why you put the a second floor hall. This window ladder there and left the window wards he said to Beatty: " I didn’ t w ater, then cold, open. The robbery was committed know you checked with Firbush’s had been discovered open. Inspector Beatty told MacDougal before you placed the ladder friend. When did that happen?" Dentist no boogie man. If moth “ It didn’t," said Beatty. to summon all the servants. Then there." er will take the young child with he questioned them. They all had her to the dentist long before he good excuses. Sid Firbush, a secre needs to have anything done to his LAST WEEK'S tary, had spent the night at the teeth and just let the dentist look ANSWER ■ movies with a friend. Edwards, at the youngster’s teeth each time, the butler, had read in his room un there will be no fear of the dentist til Mr. and Mrs. Sanders returned when work must really be done s h a m is LjAlM from a party, when he admitted _• — MlATLie fe A Pl 1 them. ACROSS 2. Entire 21. Cushion uaoao h r P IQ jg Bound to be right. To adjust tie- 24. Decimal It was right after that, that v|B« amount 1. Praise □□□ back curtains so they are ic M 5 ¡u i 3. Employs unit Mrs, Sanders went io the safe 5. A ntelopes pinned back at the sam e distance o 'w H o ie 'c l □□□□ 4. Dishearten 26. Chinese (Tibet) to replace the jewels she had SANDERS’ home had been shoes. Carrying the shoes he returned to the study and asked Firbush if they were his shoes. "Why, yes,’ said Firbush. "Why? Where did you get them?” OUSEHOLD I NTS, SSWOHD PÜZÎLE worn, gone. BEN GRAUER and found the others Martha Greene, the housekeeper, emcee for radio and television had been in her room all evening. shows. Pleasing microphone per Her room was located on the sec sonality and “ the gift of gab" have ond floor. She had gone down to helped make him a success, but the the kitchen about 10 o’ clock for most important factor is his pro a bite to eat and found Viola Mat- found knowledge of politics, sports, son, the maid, there w ith her boy psychology, science, literature— friend. Returning, Martha had practically everything he needs to passed Edwards’ room and seen Ed wards sitting by his table, reading. know. NSPECTOR BEATTY dismissed the servants and went back to Paulette Goddard says that the study. He examined every inch curves are coming back into fa of it. Then he went into the hall shion, so far as the girls of the and examined that. He also ex country are concerned, because amined the window and the ladder men like womenly women. Paulette and the ground below the window. has practiced what she preaches; It had rained a little the night be she put on 10 pounds for her role fore and he found some footprints as the wayward heroine of Colum beside the ladder. They looked like bia’s “ Anna Lucasta” to make the men’s footprints. Inspector Beatty sought out Sid lady alluring, says she looks and feels so well she’s going to keep Firbush. He asked the secretary if Max Sanders held business confer them. ences in his study. Firbush said that he did. When a drama in CBS' “ Green "The chances are, then, that Lam a” series included two femi he’s had occasion to open the nine suspects named Susan and safe when others were pres Leslie only a few of the intimate ent?” friends of w rite r W illiam Froug " I t ’s quite likely.” knew that he was announcing the " I want as complete a list as you b irth of his daughter, Susan Leslie. can make me of all the people you’ve known to be in the study 100,000 gallons of water and nine during the past month.” days’ work by more than 100 tech Inspector Beatty left Sid Firbush nicians produced the cloudburst making out the list, summoned which menaces M arguerite Chap MacDougal and went down the hall. man and little Natalie Wood in He entered one door after the next, "The Green P rom ise"—all done on firs t knocking to make sure the room was empty. Presently he re a huge stage, indoors, at RKO. turned to the hall, bearing a pair < I 9. Otherwise 5. Sailor (slang) 10. Leather flask for oil 6. Wide- 11. Metal tag mouthed 12. Explosion Jug 14. Music note 7. Armadillo 9. An 15. Stitch East 17. Sandarac tree Asian herb 11. Melody 18. Wayside hotel 13. Trampled 20. Male sheep 16. Good- 22. Molybde humored, num (eym.) practical Joking 23. Mine entrance 19. River (Afr.) 25. Panted 28. Long and tiresome 30. Highway 32. Curve 35. Music note 36. Attempt 38. Before 39. Expression of sorrow 42. An evergreen tree 44. Water god (Babyl.) 45. Marked with lines 47. Weaken 49. Ostrich-like bird 50. Poke 51. Fermented liquor from rice (Jap.) 52. Observes DOWN 1. A story from the silk 27. Funeral pile 29 Indéhiscent fruit 30. At a distance 31. Estimates the worth of 33. Doctrines 34. Perceive by the ear 37. Uttera sharp barks past PUZZLE NO. 8 « I W I N t l C I H C I . K I’ A T T K K N U K P T . Jto « » u lti W e lls Ml. C h ie s t e 3, II I. F .n rtn e e 35 c e n ts In coin s lo r t a c h p a tte r n d r a lr e d P a tte rn No 8404 11 In U r e i I t . 13. 13. 14. 18 and 18 S tia 13. 4*4 yards o l 3« or 39-lnch; V« y a rd contrast. Baccalaureate Corner M AX P a tte rn No. 8415 comes In sites 8. 8, 10. 13 and 14 years. S u e 8. 31» yard s ot 3» Inch: 4« y a rd c o n tras t. □□auuaa □□□a oen ou □□□ |T e l M l t e U p T i Ì v b □□un uuua auuu □□□□ A nsw er to Paxsle Ne 40. Egyptian dancing girt 41. Search 43. Carried on the body 46. Owing 48. Sorrow T P a tte rn N nm e No Slro- - Add rest When he was informed of the untimely death of one of the boys he had baptized the aged minister shook his head sadly. "Yes, how well I rem em ber ‘ h*,n > he said, "and 1 alw ays con nect his ambition with his pal's shiftlessness. He died young but 1 im agine he m ade quite a bit of m oney.” "Yes, he did,” agreed his In formant, "and he left a very beau tiful widow.” "Well, that just goes to show the moral in hard work. The other fellow probably hasn't even got a wife." "Oh, yes he h a s,” the other cor rected him, "he married the hard worker's widow.” The sky was m ade bright by the glare of the blast furnaces as they roared to m ake steel for Ameri ca's war effort. One of the work men, begrimed and tired, was preparing to wash up. As he walked toward the showers an old friend, who was being shown around the plant, stopped him. After the usual warm greetings the workman asked the visitor how he was m aking rat. "Fine, just fine, ’ replied the visitor, ‘‘I've been promoted 'wice in the last eight months. How are you making out?” "Oh, I’m forging ahead, too," quipped the workman. from the sill on each side, pull down the window shade to the de sired position and use that as a marker. Speaker to President Jam es K. Polk of Tennessee was the only speaker of the house of representatives to become Presi Somebody spilled the bean’ ’ dent of the United States. Two When food boils over in the oven, speakers later becam e vice-presi sprinkle salt over the spilled food dent, however, Schuyler Colfax This will put an end to unpleasant and John N Garner. odor and smoke. Then clean the oven when baking is over. Buy U.S.. Savings Bonds! —• _ The tray’s the thing. If there’s an invalid in the house, rem em ber that the hours of the day mean little except when the next tray is brought in. —• — Glory to B etsy! Have you looked at the m arket basket lately? Bet ter treat it to a good scrubbing with hot soap suds. &VSP' drnerica’t favorite ready-to-eat rice cereal. Oven-fresh 1 Kellogg, freeht So crisp they snap! crackle I pop! In milk. Nourishing. Ooodl
