Southern Oregon News Review, Thursday, July 21, 1949
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS
DON'T SHOOT FIRST BASEMAN UNLESS . . .
Junior Style Has Quaint Charm
Childhood Memories Drive Batter Berserk
Girls' School and Party Dress
. . . YOU WISH TO BE SWITCHED TO THE MINORS
By H. I. PHILLIPS
A PSYCHIATRIC EXAM
Elm er.—What position did you
play?
(Wherein Elmer TwitchelL hav
Doctor.—1 was a southpaw pitch
ing shot a firs t baseman, is ques
er in my college days.
tioned for reasons.)
Elmer.—That does It! 1 must
Doctor.—Now, then, I want you
to relax and let your thoughts run
have my gun back . . . Please,
my gun! . . . It rests my
freely.
nerves so!
Elm er.—Are you a good psychi
—O—
atrist?
Doctor.—Yes, I never played
Doctor.—Quiet! I'm trying to
firs t base in my life.
help you out of a very serious jam
IRACLES
Elmer —Goodyl Goody I Can
You shot a ballplayer and can go
to prison.
have my gun back?
Doctor.—Probably, but we may
E lm er.—Do they put people in
have to switch you to some othct
prison for shooting ballplayers?
Doctor.—If they didn't some clubs league!
• • •
would be bumped off in a single
afternoon. Now, listen, there must
President Truman says there Is
be a psychopathic reason lor what no depression. If you are out ol
you did. As a child how was your work it is all a red herring,
home life, and you'd better make
• • •
it bad. Was there, for instance
Milton Berle and his former wife,
ever a Christmas when your folks Joyce Matthews, separated in 1947,
spent $5 on your brother for a first were remarried the other day , . .
baseman's m itt and only $2 on you The ceremony was disappointing to
for a book?
us as no Texaco quartette showed
Elmer.—That could have done it. up to sing the wedding march . . .
—o—
It was one time on a Berle pro
Doctor.—Did your father ever
gram where the other performer
read the baseball summaries
got equal billing . . . Everything
aloud? Did you ever live In
went off smoothly, Surrogate Bill
Brooklyn back in the days of
Collins, who presided, refraining
those eccentric infields? Was
from opening the ritual with "Tell)
anybody in your family a base
ya what I'm gonna do. '
ball fanatic?
•HEY sought the Master's healing touch.
They followed Him down lane and field,
And every ailing, seeking one
W ho came to Him was healed.
O Master, ¿till today we come.
>
The great throngs down the earthly roads.
W e bear our sorrow and our pain,
W e ¿toop beneath our heavy loads.
We pray, and often grief is ¿tilled,
And pain becomes a ¿trange, pa¿t thing;
Our loads are lifted, many times
Even from our remembering.
.'I
And these are miracles as great
As those far ones on sea and land.
All healing, all release, dear Lord,
Comes from Thy hand, Thy unseen hand.
7 ,'i:
J
\i
M
—
The
Fiction *
E lm er.—I had an uncle who used
to recite that Costello thing en
titled "Who's on F irst?"
Doctor.—Good. I'll make a note
of that. In your infancy were you
ever chased with a ball bat for not
doing your homework?
E lm er.—I seem to remember
something like th a t And I recall
that as a little child I was taught
to walk too early. I developed an
aversion to walks.
Doctor.—That would explain it If
you shot a pitcher. In school did
you ever have a teacher who wore
a mask and chest protector?
Elm er.—No, but I had a kinder
garten principal who carried a
sawed-off bat and insisted he had
been ordered to bunt.
Doctor.—In your immature years
did you ever play softball?
Elm er —Yes. I was such a poor
hitter I never got to first except
when hit by the pitcher. And I
never got to second because there
wasn't a .300 hitter on the team.
Doctor.—Now it’s all clear.
If you ever were to get to
second base you knew you
would have to shoot the first
baseman . . . The idea took pos
session of you! . . . It became
an urge! . . . You couldn't re
sist It! . . . We can explain
everything to the court. Yon
are as good as free.
VANISHING AMERICANISMS
"A ll I need is steady work tc
have a good bank account."
"W e'll give you one month free
rent during alterations."
Crisp and Contrasty
JUST the thing to have ready
when school bells ring—a dain
“ Let's live within our income.'
ty yoked dress for young girls
that's delightfully easy to sew.
Nice for Special
"I've got 50 dollars; let's go to
Have
the yoke in contrast and
nightclub."
pK E T T Y and demure, yet nice
enough for special dates is this finish with crisp ruffling.
When that new Sherwood-Berlin: j unjor frOek with its crisp white
"Boys' Suits! Nothing over >I2."|
- •
musical opens in New York the cry co„ a r ond tiny pufTed sleevM T ry
of the seat seekers may be "Give
me Liberty or give me Kiss Me | add narrow ribbon bows for ac
Kate
cent.
Gentlemen of the classes of 1949:
The |.o|| Bn<J winter fashion otters
I am going to scrap the plati- « pages ot « m a rt new styles, special
. ,
.
i
a design«: tip« on fa b ric« — fre e p a tte rn
tudeS, ignore the Old rhetorical pat- j p rin ted Inside the book. Send 25 cents
terns and skip anything resembling j •od‘*y-
baloney balonus.
It w ill be a novelty, I am sure,
to hear a baccalaureate a little d if
ferent from the one delivered last
year. I give you these three ail-
important words of three and four
letters which rate paramount im
portance in the struggle ahead:
"Why, when I was your age,"
"Use your head!"
[ Uncle Pete sounded off, "I got me
; a job in a grocery store, worked
at four dollars a week for six
| years until I had enough money to
buy the store. That goes to show
) you what hard work and ambition
will do for a man. Why can ’t you
go out and duplicate that?”
"Well," said Julius, shaking his
You
i head as if frustrated, "these mod
ern cash registers are pretty hard
* BEST ALIBI ★ ★ Rlch„d
BY INEZ GERHARD
NO WONDER
I T’S
Grauer is regarded
that Ben
as the out
standing special events reporter in
radio and television. Starting as an
announcer, he was switched by
NBC to special events reporting
and climbed to the top of the heap.
He has covered everything from
presidential inaugurations to golf
matches, UN sessions to eclipses
In Brazil, is much sought after as
"How do you know that?
can’t prove it.”
" I won’t have to. What I car 17* “. ' ’“ T*»»
$50,000. The jewels were kept in a
prove is that no one came up the,
wall safe behind a picture in Max’ s
ladder. It rained last night. There' --------------
study, which was located on the
was mud. There’s mud on youi
second floor of his Beverly Hills
"Oat of yoar closet.
I
shoes. The shoes fit the footprint»
home.
searched the closets of all the
at the foot of the ladder. Yet there
Inspector Ray Beatty was as
servants till I found a pair of
is no mud at all on the rungs of the
signed to the case. Leo MacDougal,
shoes with some mud on the
ladder. If there had been I would
a police officer,
soles. It was you who com
have probably been fooled and not
who had been
mitted the robbery.”
been sure that some one inside com
summoned from
“ You’re crazy. That’s a cock mitted the theft. Besides you had
Fish today, but not tom orrow ,
his beat, showed
Inspector Beatty eyed theory. The robber came up the best alibi. I checked with the; To rem ove the odor ot fish from
man with whom you said you at a dish cloth, boil the cloth fo r five
th e
evidence the ladder.”
"N o,”
said Inspector Beatty, tended the movie. He broke down m inutes in a solution of one table-
that had thus far been discovered.
blespoon of baking soda to one
F irs t there was a ladder placed “ that’s only what you expected us and confessed everything.”
MacDougal was amazed. After ; q u a rt of w ater. Rinse in w arm
against a window that opened into to believe. That’s why you put the
a second floor hall. This window ladder there and left the window wards he said to Beatty: " I didn’ t w ater, then cold,
open. The robbery was committed know you checked with Firbush’s
had been discovered open.
Inspector Beatty told MacDougal before you placed the ladder friend. When did that happen?"
Dentist no boogie man. If moth
“ It didn’t," said Beatty.
to summon all the servants. Then there."
er will take the young child with
he questioned them. They all had
her to the dentist long before he
good excuses. Sid Firbush, a secre
needs to have anything done to his
LAST WEEK'S
tary, had spent the night at the
teeth and just let the dentist look
ANSWER ■
movies with a friend. Edwards,
at the youngster’s teeth each time,
the butler, had read in his room un
there will be no fear of the dentist
til Mr. and Mrs. Sanders returned
when work must really be done
s h a m
is LjAlM
from a party, when he admitted
_• —
MlATLie fe A Pl 1
them.
ACROSS
2. Entire
21. Cushion
uaoao h r P IQ jg
Bound to be right. To adjust tie-
24. Decimal
It was right after that, that
v|B«
amount
1. Praise
□□□
back
curtains
so
they
are
ic M 5 ¡u i
3. Employs
unit
Mrs, Sanders went io the safe
5. A ntelopes
pinned
back
at
the
sam
e
distance
o 'w H o ie 'c l □□□□
4. Dishearten 26. Chinese
(Tibet)
to replace the jewels she had
SANDERS’ home had been
shoes.
Carrying the shoes he returned
to the study and asked Firbush if
they were his shoes.
"Why, yes,’ said Firbush. "Why?
Where did you get them?”
OUSEHOLD
I NTS,
SSWOHD PÜZÎLE
worn,
gone.
BEN GRAUER
and
found
the
others
Martha Greene, the housekeeper,
emcee for radio and television had been in her room all evening.
shows. Pleasing microphone per Her room was located on the sec
sonality and “ the gift of gab" have ond floor. She had gone down to
helped make him a success, but the the kitchen about 10 o’ clock for
most important factor is his pro a bite to eat and found Viola Mat-
found knowledge of politics, sports, son, the maid, there w ith her boy
psychology, science, literature— friend. Returning, Martha had
practically everything he needs to passed Edwards’ room and seen Ed
wards sitting by his table, reading.
know.
NSPECTOR BEATTY dismissed
the servants and went back to
Paulette
Goddard
says that the study. He examined every inch
curves are coming back into fa of it. Then he went into the hall
shion, so far as the girls of the and examined that. He also ex
country are concerned, because amined the window and the ladder
men like womenly women. Paulette and the ground below the window.
has practiced what she preaches; It had rained a little the night be
she put on 10 pounds for her role fore and he found some footprints
as the wayward heroine of Colum beside the ladder. They looked like
bia’s “ Anna Lucasta” to make the men’s footprints.
Inspector Beatty sought out Sid
lady alluring, says she looks and
feels so well she’s going to keep Firbush. He asked the secretary if
Max Sanders held business confer
them.
ences in his study. Firbush said
that he did.
When a drama in CBS' “ Green
"The chances are, then, that
Lam a” series included two femi
he’s had occasion to open the
nine suspects named Susan and
safe when others were pres
Leslie only a few of the intimate
ent?”
friends of w rite r W illiam Froug
" I t ’s quite likely.”
knew that he was announcing the
" I want as complete a list as you
b irth of his daughter, Susan Leslie.
can make me of all the people
you’ve known to be in the study
100,000 gallons of water and nine during the past month.”
days’ work by more than 100 tech
Inspector Beatty left Sid Firbush
nicians produced the cloudburst making out the list, summoned
which menaces M arguerite Chap MacDougal and went down the hall.
man and little Natalie Wood in He entered one door after the next,
"The Green P rom ise"—all done on firs t knocking to make sure the
room was empty. Presently he re
a huge stage, indoors, at RKO.
turned to the hall, bearing a pair <
I
9. Otherwise
5. Sailor
(slang)
10. Leather
flask for oil 6. Wide-
11. Metal tag
mouthed
12. Explosion
Jug
14. Music note
7. Armadillo
9. An
15. Stitch
East
17. Sandarac
tree
Asian herb
11. Melody
18. Wayside
hotel
13. Trampled
20. Male sheep 16. Good-
22. Molybde
humored,
num (eym.)
practical
Joking
23. Mine
entrance
19. River (Afr.)
25. Panted
28. Long and
tiresome
30. Highway
32. Curve
35. Music note
36. Attempt
38. Before
39. Expression
of sorrow
42. An evergreen
tree
44. Water god
(Babyl.)
45. Marked with
lines
47. Weaken
49. Ostrich-like
bird
50. Poke
51. Fermented
liquor
from rice
(Jap.)
52. Observes
DOWN
1. A story
from the
silk
27. Funeral
pile
29 Indéhiscent
fruit
30. At a
distance
31. Estimates
the worth of
33. Doctrines
34. Perceive
by the
ear
37. Uttera
sharp
barks
past
PUZZLE NO. 8
« I W I N t l C I H C I . K I’ A T T K K N U K P T .
Jto « » u lti W e lls Ml.
C h ie s t e 3, II I.
F .n rtn e e 35 c e n ts In coin s lo r t a c h
p a tte r n d r a lr e d
P a tte rn No 8404 11 In U r e i I t . 13. 13.
14. 18 and 18 S tia 13. 4*4 yards o l 3« or
39-lnch; V« y a rd contrast.
Baccalaureate
Corner
M AX
P a tte rn No. 8415 comes In sites 8. 8, 10.
13 and 14 years. S u e 8. 31» yard s ot 3»
Inch: 4« y a rd c o n tras t.
□□auuaa
□□□a oen ou
□□□
|T e l M l t
e U p T i Ì v b
□□un uuua
auuu □□□□
A nsw er to Paxsle Ne
40. Egyptian
dancing girt
41. Search
43. Carried on
the body
46. Owing
48. Sorrow
T
P a tte rn
N nm e
No
Slro-
-
Add rest
When he was informed of the
untimely death of one of the boys
he had baptized the aged minister
shook his head sadly.
"Yes, how well I rem em ber
‘ h*,n > he said, "and 1 alw ays con
nect his ambition with his pal's
shiftlessness. He died young but
1 im agine he m ade quite a bit of
m oney.”
"Yes, he did,” agreed his In
formant, "and he left a very beau
tiful widow.”
"Well, that just goes to show
the moral in hard work. The other
fellow probably hasn't even got a
wife."
"Oh, yes he h a s,” the other cor
rected him, "he married the hard
worker's widow.”
The sky was m ade bright by the
glare of the blast furnaces as they
roared to m ake steel for Ameri
ca's war effort. One of the work
men, begrimed and tired, was
preparing to wash up. As he
walked toward the showers an old
friend, who was being shown
around the plant, stopped him.
After the usual warm greetings
the workman asked the visitor
how he was m aking rat.
"Fine, just fine, ’ replied the
visitor, ‘‘I've been promoted 'wice
in the last eight months. How are
you making out?”
"Oh, I’m forging ahead, too,"
quipped the workman.
from the sill on each side, pull
down the window shade to the de
sired position and use that as a
marker.
Speaker to President
Jam es K. Polk of Tennessee was
the only speaker of the house of
representatives to become Presi
Somebody spilled the bean’ ’ dent of the United States. Two
When food boils over in the oven, speakers later becam e vice-presi
sprinkle salt over the spilled food dent, however, Schuyler Colfax
This will put an end to unpleasant and John N Garner.
odor and smoke. Then clean the
oven when baking is over.
Buy U.S.. Savings Bonds!
—• _
The tray’s the thing. If there’s
an invalid in the house, rem em ber
that the hours of the day mean
little except when the next tray
is brought in.
—• —
Glory to B etsy! Have you looked
at the m arket basket lately? Bet
ter treat it to a good scrubbing
with hot soap suds.
&VSP'
drnerica’t favorite ready-to-eat
rice cereal. Oven-fresh 1 Kellogg,
freeht So crisp they snap! crackle I
pop! In milk. Nourishing. Ooodl