Southern Oregon miner., June 24, 1943, Image 2

SOUTHERN OREGON MINER. Ashland. Oregon
Uncle PkilQ.
T IS easy to cure trouble by
I thinking cheerful thoughts, if it
isn’t your trouble.
One can always make money in • city
where the population is deni»
Another nice thing about a radio
sermon is that people don't turn
and stare at you when the preach­
er denounces your pet failing.
A gasbag is often punctured by
a pointed remark.
Those who slLig
mud lose
ground.
Oon't brood nrrr your trouble*. You’ll
only hatch them out.
Those who take no chances have
to take what's left by those who
do.
Battleship a Menagerie
For over a century, seamen on
British war vessels were permit­
ted to own pets, with little restric­
tion on their number and size,
says Collier’s. The practice was
banned a few years ago, when the
admiralty learned that one battle­
ship carried an assortment of 1,560
animals, which included large
snakes, bears, deer and antelopes.
CLASSIFIED
DEPARTMENT
FEATHERS WANTED
fP
ATM FRÇ
£
ILH I llUlW Dealing- S*w £»ww» er IV-M.
HUOW MIC. CO, Z21» Cot* Street, St lim. Me.
Wide Hair
Not only may some hairs on
the human head grow to be six
times wider than others, but the
hairs of some races as a whole
have been found to be 20 times
wider than those of other people.
BEAT
H ea T
Sprinkle your heat rash
irritated skin well with
Mexsana, formerly Mexi­
can Heat Powder. Cool*
burn as it soothes itchin*.
To Great Rivers
Little brooks in time make great
rivers.
Acid Indigestion
Raw, smarting surface relieved «max-
ingly by the soothing medication of
RESINOL
Get Your War Bonds
★
★ To Help Ax the Axis
Private
Hargrove!
by Marion Hargrove
/A FIRST SERGEANT CLAR­
ENCE A. GOLDSMITH, buck in
the old battery where I was sup­
posed to hat e learned the art of
cooking for the army, ever gets
his hands on this, it will provide
him with amusement throughout
a long, hard winter.
If hen he reads that Private
Eduard Thomas Marion Lawton
Hargrove, ASN 34116620, is giv­
ing advice to prospective soldiers,
his derisive bellow will disturb
the training program in the next
regiment.
“My God!“ he will roar. “Look
who’s learning who how to do
what! My God! The blind lead­
ing the blind!“
It teas once said. Sergeant Gold­
smith, by the eminent vegetarian
George Bernard Shaw that he
who can, does; he who can't,
teaches.
This, dear sergeant, is my con­
tribution to the army and to pos­
terity. Please go au-ay and leave
us young people to our studies.
---- ♦----
CHAPTER I
If I were giving advice to the boys
who have already been called into
the Army and will go away in a few
days. Fd sum it all up in this:
"Paint the town red for the rest of
your civilian week. Pay no atten­
tion to the advice that is being
poured into your defenseless ears for
twenty-four hours a day. Form an
idea of what Army life is going to
be like. Leave your mind open.”
Two weeks from now, you will be
thoroughly disgusted with your new
job. You will have been herded
from place to place, you will have
wandered In nakedness and bewil­
derment through miles of physical
examination, you will look upon pri­
vacy and individuality as things you
left behind you in a golden civilian
society.
Probably you will have developed
a murderous hatred for at least one
sergeant and two corporals. You
will writhe and fume under what you
consider brutality and sadism, and
you will wonder how an enlightened
nation can permit such atrocity in
its army. Take it easy, brother;
take it easy.
Keep this one beam of radiant
hope constantly before you: The first
three weeks are the hardest.
For those first three—or possibly
four—weeks, you will bear the great­
est part of the painful process of
adjusting yourself to an altogether
new routine. In those first three
weeks you will get almost the full
required dose of confusion and mis­
ery. You will be afraid to leave
your barracks lest the full wrath of
the war department fall upon you.
DON’T LET
CONSTIPATION
SLOW YOU UP
• When bowel# are tluggiah and you
feel irritable, headachy, do as millions
do - chew FEEN-A-MINT, the modern
chewing-gum laxative. Simply chew
FEEN-A-MINT before you go to bed,
taking only in accordance with package
direction! — sleep without being dis­
turbed. Next morning gentle, thorough
relief, helping you feel awell again. Try
FEEN-A-MINT. Tatlee good, ia handy
and economical. A generous family aupply
FEEN-A-MINT "ÏÔÎ
f Ta relieve distress of MONTHLY •>
Female Weakness
WHICH MAKES TOO CRANKY, NEBYOOS!
Lydia K. Pinkham's Vegetable Com­
pound has helped thousand* to ro­
ller» periodic pain, backache, head­
ache with weak, nervous, cranky,
blue feeling* — due to functional
monthly disturbances. Thia is due
to Its soothing effect on one of
WOMAN'S MOST IMTOaTSMT O»GANS.
Taken regularly—Pinkham's Com­
pound helps build up resistance
against such annoying symptoms.
FoUow label directions Worth trying!
\_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ —-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ /
WNU—13
25^13
And Your Strength and
Energy la Below Par
ft may be caused by disorder of kid­
ney function that permits poisonous
waste to accumulate. For truly many
people feel tired, weak and miserable
when tbe kidneys fall to remove exeeaa
acids sad other waste matter from the
W<You naf suffer nagging backache,
rheumatic pains, headaches, dimness,
Cling up nights, leg pains, swelling,
netlmee frequent and scanty urina­
tion with smarting and burning is an­
other sign that something is wrong with
the kidneys or bladder.
There should be no doubt that prompt
treatment Is wiser than neglect. Use
pone's Pitt*. It la better to roly on a
medicine that has won country wide ap­
proval than on eometWnf lew fevorsWr
known. Doan I have been tried and test­
ed many ream. Ar* at all drug atoraa.
Get Doan's today.
______________
DOANS PILLS
Pattern 2UH4 contain» a trainier patter*
nt »ix nioiir» averaging
by 7 lachas:
llluntratlon» of stitches; color schemes:
malcríala required
Du* to an unusually large demand and
current war condition», slightly mora
"You don’t get anywhere by buy­
ing aoda pop or beer for your ser­
geant.”
You will find yourself unbelievably
awkward and clumsy when you try
to learn the drills and the knowledge
of this awkwardness will make you
even more awkward. Unless you
relax you can be very unhappy dur­
ing those first three weeks.
When you are assigned to your
basic training center you’ll really
get into it. You'll drill and drill, a
little more each day, and when the
sergeant tries to correct or advise
you, you’ll want to tear his throat
out with your bare hands. You’ll
be sick of the sound of his voice
before an hour has passed. The
only comfort I can give you is the
knowledge that the poor sergeant is
having a helluva time too. He knows
what you’re thinking and he can’t
do anything about it.
You'll be inoculated against small­
pox, typhoid, tetanus, yellow fever,
pneumonia, and practically all the
other ills that flesh is heir to. You’ll
be taught foot drill, the handling of
a rifle, the use of the gas mask, the
peculiarities of military vehicles,
and the Intricacies of military cour­
tesy.
Most of what you are taught will
Impress you a* utterly useless non­
sense, but you’ll learn it.
You’ll be initiated Into the mys­
teries of the kitchen police, proba­
bly before you’ve been in the Army
for a week. Possibly two days lat­
er, you’ll be sent on a ration detail
to handle huge bundles of groceries.
You'll haul coal and trash and
ashes. You'll unpack rifles that are the United Brotherhood of Plumber*
buried In heavy grease and you'll and Stenmfitters, the butt of the of­
clean that grease off them. You’ll fice jokes.”
stoke fires, you'll mop floors, and
"Period.” said Mr. Griffith, "New
you'll put a high polish on the win­ paragraph.”
dows. You'll wonder if you’ve been
“I lead a terrible, turbulent life,”
yanked out of civil life for This.
I wailed. "1 am the man forgotten
All your persecution is deliberate, by Destiny.”
calculated, systematic. It is colle­
"If you will get your elbows off
giate practice of hazing, applied to my desk.” he said, "the boy can
the grim and highly important task put the mall on IL
of transforming a civilian into a
"What you need.” he continued,
soldier, a boy into a man. It is the
sorting through a batch of letters,
Hardening Process.
“is a tour of military service. The
You won't get depressed; you Army would make a man of you. I
won’t feel sorry for yourself. You’ll was in the Army in the last war. A
just get mad as hell. You'll be top sergeant at eighteen. The Army
breathing fire before it's over.
did wonders for me.”
Believe me or not, at the end of
“That's not much of a sale* argu­
that minor ordeal, you'll be feeling ment," I told him.
good. You'll be full of spirit and
"Then again,” he said, "if we
energy and you will have found
must take up my whole busy duy
yourself.
weeping over your sorrows, let's not
You'll look at the new men com­
burden the Army when it has a
ing in to go through the same hard­
helluva job already. Concerning the
ening period, and you'll look at them whole matter, I would suggest that
with a fatherly and sympathetic eye. you apply yourself to making up
They will be “rookies” to you, a the woman's page right now, lest
veteran of almost a month.
you come down tomorrow morning
For practical advice, there is none
and find someone else sitting In your
better than the golden rule of the chair. Leave my sight.”
Army: “Keep your eyes open and
"There's not a letter there from
your mouth shut.”
New York.” I asked, "with my
At first, probably, you'll be in­
clined to tremble at the sight of
every corporal who passes you on
the street 'You might even salute
the first-class privates. Then, when
the top sergeant neglects to beat
you with a knout they rub GI (These
two letters are the cornerstone of
your future Army vocabulary. They
stand for the words "Government
Issue” and just about everything
you get in tbe Army will be GI.
Even the official advice. This story,
on the other hand, is not GI.) salt
into wounds, you might want to go
to the other extreme. This way
madness lies.
When corporals and sergeants are
to be dealt with, always remember
this: Make friendships first and
leave the joking until later. When
it's the top sergeant, it might be
"Well, my lad," he said with faint
best to leave the joking perma- I glee, “we know what Fate means
nently.
for you. Yon can be happy now.”
It can be very easy to start your
military life on the wrong foot by name written on it in a delightfully
giving your officers and noncommis­ illegible, feminine, and slightly red­
sioned officers the impression that headed hand?”
“Is there ever?” he snorted.
you're a wise guy, a smart aleck.
Soldiers, like senators, “don't like “Let's see—” and he went through
for a new guy to shoot his mouth the stack.
"Well, my lad,” he said with faint
off.”
So much for the don'ts. On the glee, "at last we're getting some­
"do” side, the most important thing where. We know what Fate means
for you to watch is your attitude. for you. You can be happy now.”
He handed me a long, white, Inno­
As a matter of straight and practical
fact, the best thing that you can do cent-looking envelope, addressed to
is to reason that you are going into me. The return address read, "Se­
a new job. The job is temporary, lective Service System—Mecklen­
but while you have it it's highly burg County Board Number Three.”
The President of the United State*
important.
As, when you go into a new job in to Marion Hargrove, greeting!
civil life, you do your darnedest to
The boy across the table in the
impress your employer with your
earnestness, your diligence, your In­ Piedmont Grill lifted both hand* and
terest in your work—go thou and clapped hi* brow three time*. He
do likewise in the Army. As in your looked at the clock, then back at
civilian job, the impression is made his breakfast, then back at - the
in the first few weeks. You make clock.
that impression, starting from the
"My name is Hargrove,” I said,
very first day, by learning as quick­ handing him a cigarette.
ly as you can, by applying yourself
"Mine is Piel,” he said. "Melvin
with energy to each task, no mat­ Piel. Tomorrow maybe you can
ter how small or how unpleasant it make it 'Private' on the front.”
is. You don’t get anywhere by buy­
"So long as you’re healthy,” I
ing soda pop or beer for your ser­ said, shrugging a shoulder. "It cut*
geant.
down on the income tax.”
"My hay fever,” he wailed. "What
Brodie Griffith, managing editor will I do with my hay fever? In the
of the Charlotte News, adjusted his jungles of South Carolina for ma­
ancient green eyeshade and began neuvers, with my hay fever! Oy!”
glancing through a sheaf of copy.
"Just look at it,” he said on the
"Hargrove,” he said, lighting a way to the bus station, "maybe a
cigarette, "it beats the hell out of posthumous medal my grandchil­
me what fate did mean for you. Dr. dren will get. Private Melvin Piel,
Garinger down at the high school who gave his life valiantly and
said years ago that it didn't write a through the nose from hay fever yet
formal education in on your budget. Sneezing to glory.”
Belmont Abbey found out that you
The bus station on that morning
weren’t destined to be worth a hoot in July was a pathetic picture. Four
as a public relations man for a Ben­ large groups of boys, reconciled to
edictine college. The drugstore the grim and gruesome life ahead
chain in lyashington said you had of them, were bade farewell by wail­
neither the talent nor the tempera­ ing mothers and nobly suffering girl
ment for soda-jerking. And you cer­ friend* who had come down to see
tainly fizzled as a theater usher. their loved one* off in a blaze of
Maybe fate don’t know you.”
pathos. It was pretty terrible.
“May I have a cigarette?” I
The buses swung out of the termi­
asked, reaching before he could pro­ nal, through midtown, and out to­
tect them. “Day after day I work ward the road to Fayetteville. The
my finger* to the shoulder blades for boys began to feel better, shouted
neither thanks nor living wage. I farewells to startled girl* on the
am the feature editor of a progres­ street and finally broke into raucous
sive, growing newspaper. What song. Four flower* of the nation
makes it that? My heart's blood started a blackjack game on a suit­
makes it that!”
case in the back of the bus.
"I would Are you tomorrow,” he
Brother Piel's spirits brightened a
sighed, “if anyone else could possi­ little. Hi* smooth voice found it*
bly straighten out the chaos you way through the hay fever and
have brought to this office. In the emerged in song.
“It’s a lovely
most underpaid brotherhood in the day tomorrow,” he sang.
"To­
world, you are the most overpaid, morrow is a lovely day,
two-headed brother.”
"Look at me tomorrow,” he said,
"I am the most underpaid six­ breaking pit suddenly, "Hay foot,
armed Siva,” I snorted. "Look at Private Piel. Straw foot, Private
met I am the feature editor, the Piel. Hay and straw and look at
obituary editor, the woman’s page what I’ve got. Hay fever yet! Oy,
editor, the hospital editor, the re­ what a life I'll lead!”
write man, the assistant to the city
"Maybe what I’d better do when
editor, the commissar for paste and I get there, I’d better tell them I'd
copy paper and cokes, the custodian like to go north. They could use a
of oral memoranda, the public’s good man in Alaska.”
whipping boy, the translator and
“The South Pole is your meat,”
copyist of open-forum letters, the I told him.
castigator of the composing room
“That’s it! The South Pole! Boy,
staff, the guest artist for ailing col­ I’m going to love the Army!”
umnists, the tourist guide for visit­
The tumult and the shouting died
ing school children, the pres* repre­ about halfway to Fayetteville. The
sentative at barbecue supper* of boys became quiet and thoughtful.
(TO BE CONTINUED)
Him- la regulred in mung orders tor a
tew nt the moat popular pattern number*.
Send your order to:
Sewing Circle Needlerratt Dept-
II? Minna St.
Man »'ranrltro, Calif.
Enclose IS cents (plus one cent to
cover coat of mailing) lor Pattern
No...........................
Nam* ............................................... .
Addresa ....................................................
Load of Heavy Bombers
Heavy bombers of the latest
U. S. type weigh about 40,000
pounds and are capable of carry­
ing 4,000 to H.000 pounds of bomb*
for an estimated distance of 3.000
miles. They carry 11,000 gallons
of gasoline—or 3,000 gallons more
than the ordinary railroad gasoline
tank.
NO ASPIRIN FASTER
than genuine, pur* St. Joee|>h Aspirin.
World's largest seller at ¡0«. Norte eater,
none surer. Demand St Joecph Aapuui.
C'ut in Teams’ Travel
THESE kitchen towels will add
1 a welcome touch of color to
any kitchen. Do them in natural
coloring. The easy cross stitch
looks just like gingham applique.
Everyone will admire them!
Each major • league baseball
team will travel an averuge of
only 8,600 miles this year tnsteud
of the usual 13,000 miles.
TABASCO
lite ■ itaoplMl MMiaonlng kn«mn, and
the world* • nv*af widely dlatributad
f<MKl pg.mlu. I ! \ «lash tit thia pltpiant
muco giva« « rar* flavur to any fosad.
TABASCO • (ha aawaonlngl aarrat of
mailer chafa I« mure than 75 /«»«rat
So, No Men
He—The artists whose paintings
show that angels are all women
certainly didn't know women.
She—That is perhaps true. It
may be that they knew only men.
A tourist stopped in front of a
little country store, dumbfounded
at the sight of sn enormous dis­
play of salt piled on the premises.
Stack after stack, boxes, barrels
and bags. Tons of salt, inside the
store and out. “You must sell a
lot of salt,” exclaimed the tourist.
“No 1 don't sell much," replied
the storekeeper, “but you shoulda 1
seen the guy that came here last
week. He really could sell salt.” :
Nothing New
Wife—1 see by the paper that i
women arc getting men's wages '
these days.
Hubby—Humph, haven’t they al­
ways?
At Ease
She (thoughtfully) Why do •<> many
women reit their chini on their hand*
u hen they ure thinking ?
lie (brutally)—To keep their mouth*
•hut so they lumi disturb themiehe*.
When you hear a Marine called
a "Leatherneck,” it has nothing to
do with the epidermis of his neck.
Years ago the Manne uniform was
equipped with a high stiff leather
collar. From that time on, “Leath­
erneck” has been the word for a
Marine. The word for his favorite
cigarette is "Camel”—the favorite
cigarette also of men in the Army,
Navy, and Coast Guard. (Based
on actual sales records from serv­
ice men's stores.) And though
there are Post Office restrictions
on packages to overseas Army
men, you can still send Camels
to soldiers in the U. S., and to men
in the Navy, Marines, and Coast
Guard wherever they are.—Adv.
☆
Some Flapper
A humming • bird, measuring
only three inches, flaps its wings
200 times a second, a four-foot
pelican once a second.
SNAPPY FACT?
from 1907 to 1919. guayule
rubber from Mexico repre­
sented ebout 7 per rent of
the world's rubber supply.
In 1941, It wet let» then 1
per rent.
More than 96,000,000 motor vehi­
cle» have been produced In the
United State» »inc* 1900, with on
averoge of five tire» per vehicle.
That give» you an Idea of th* num­
ber of Hr*» that hove been mode
to maintain motor traniporlallonl
A Spenith hlttorlen back In
1919 described a ball made
of the gum of a tree that
grew* In “het »euntrie».’’ Ha
we» referring te what wa
new rail rubber.
^EGoodrich|
A'157
The U. 8. Government has asked us ail
to do everything possible to conserve fueL
By serving Kellogg's Corn Hakes frequently
you can effect Important savings In elec­
tricity, qu and other cooking fuels.
K»llog|'< Cor* Flak»» ar* rs-
•tor.d to WHOLE SRAIN MU
TWITIVE VALUES of Ihl.mln
(Vlt»mi> Bi), Niacin and Iron.
Save time —
work-other
foods, tool