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About Jacksonville miner. (Jacksonville, Or.) 1932-1935 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 6, 1933)
Pare 2 The Jacktonville Miner The Jacksonville Miner Do Two Lies Make One Truth? A New Horse AuNliihad Wwlly •« JACKSONVILLE. OREGON (Continued from pa«« one) ty is the Mail Tribune and the "gang , and that all honest, clear-thinking citizens are for you l(X) percent. But you are iiiist.ik< n Um entire interest in this ninttni is purely ethical. LEONARD MAUDE HALL................ Editai E<»r if one editor succeeds in convincing readers black is wliitd and purity and honesty are foreign to all contemporaries, won t that be a reflection on all newspapers if they permit such tac tics to continue unquestioned? So won't some of those good business men slip us a little subsidy so we won't have to make the Hogwallow Blatter and its editor out as liars ? UM** SOOL............................... As»M*'‘ Addnaa an Cousntcstlom la ■<’« 151 Rubattlptlon Ratal. la Adiama Ona Taar.............. 1100 *li Monti»-------- -- Hssdfjusrtrrs ' rm Nuoc.rr conf » tio « rt Trlaphona 111 Madfort HeUqiur'«- JASMIN A W000S DRUG STONI STATIC By JOHN BYRNE “Here is something queer." said the dentist who had been drilling and drilling into a tooth. “You said this tooth had never been filled but I find flakes of gold on the point of my drill." "I knew it,” moaned the patient. "I knew it; you’ve struck my back collar but ton!" ♦ ♦ ♦ After the editors are through exchanging pleasantries, the next number on the program will be^ a 10-round go between Old Man De- pression and Father Time. Noth- ing barred; and may the best man win! ♦ ♦ + No wonder country editors are prematurely bald, It they turn out a i>oor editorial they get full credit for it. But if an exceptionally good one appears the neighbors wonder which one of the strangers in town is responsible for it. ♦ ♦ ♦ EDITORIAL. POLICIES SHOULD CARRY A DOUBLE INDEMNITY ACCIDENTAL DEATH CLAUSE. ♦ ♦♦ Owney Patton and Mose Bark- dul were overheard selecting the new cabinet for Mr. Roosevelt. The controversy seemed to arise over the question, “should Roosevelt se lect a mediocre array of lieuten ants and himself supply the brains, or surround himself with high- caliber men and play the hole in the doughnut.” It was finally agreed that he would need all the brains available. rcoprnfM. w y V ) MEDICINE HOME TO ROOST There have been many claims that Jackson county grand juries “whitewash” criminals habitually. We are just wondering whether the present grand jury, which was given infor mation this week concerning the peculiar disappearance of about $1000 worth of equipment from a Medford print shop while under the official lock of the sheriff, and its unexplained appearance and con tinued use in the plant of the Medford Daily News, will make a thorough investi gation of the facts and examine all the wit nesses whose names were given to that august body? Yes, we wonder if all the county’s “miscarriages ’ of justice by dastardly crooks will be looked into by the present grand jury now in session. GASTRITIS By THE FORGOTTEN MAN Bend Dawson, our local sheep baron, reports his hired hand lost 14 sheep and two toes from his right foot down near the mouth of the Applegate recently. No reward is offered for the return of the sheep. + + ♦ Farmers in the raw have spent some time of late toasting their shins. + ♦ ♦ By the way. we wonder why our contemporary, the Hob wallow Blatter Toreador, suddenly ceased reprinting this col umn the other day? After reproducing two articles en masse, and sending one of Ins employes over after two copies of last week's paper, he suddenly changed tactics. ‘Bather than con tinue reprinting the articles he chose, discreetly enough, to merely criticize with the comment, “if the statements contained in any of these articles regarding the publisher of the llog- wallow Blatter were true, then in very truth the grand jury when it convenes should indict Llewellyn for the crimes he has been charged with" ami "in fact, he should be hung in a public place where all citizens could witness the hanging." We notice, however, the Hogwallow scribe was careful NOT to divulge the charges to his "great grand jury"nor did lie ONCE DENY the charges. Rather, lie chose to shift the con versation to "who is back of The Jacksonville Miner?" In truth we are at a crossroad« and don’t know where to turn. We are at a loss to decide whether the greatest public good would come from deleting pertinent questions to the Ilog wallow editor so that lie will continue to reprint articles, there by giving them his added (XX),(XX),005,032 copies circulation, or instead to continue to query into his own acts thereby curb ing his desire to give this column further publicity. But he might already suspect the boost he has given to Miner circulation, so we will play safe and choose the latter, course. Hence: ' Mr. Distorter, did you fail to tell your readers about sup posedly rotting fruit purposely, or was it an oversight ? And how about case No. 3O7I-L, filed by W. II. Norcross, and now pending? Why didn’t you explain THAT to your read ers' And also, why do you seek no publicity on this score? Is it because you'd rather not have your followers learn that their Chosen One is guilty of the very crimes with which he has ac cused others ? Do you think embezzlement of others' money a discreet act for one who places himself in the role of martyr? Is it not true that you placed Okanogan apple labels on southern Oregon boxes of fruit because v<>u knew the Wash ington variety commanded a higher price? And finally, would you like to explain to your readers just what the Riverside chamber of commerce referred to when it telegraphed The Miner yesterday that you were a one-time owner of citrus property there, but became INVOLVED? Or shall we explain your past history in this column ourselves? Think it over. Little Nemo; we’re simply itching to burst into print over here in Jacksonville. U. S. Bankers say money will be available for England + + ♦ to stabilize her currency if war “Oh death, where is thy debt Instalment is paid—news sting?" exclaimed the amateur item. "You pay me. then I can trapper as he sat down in a pay him. and he can pay you.” medical examination to determine fewer street lights, have been turn bear trap. Around and uround in financial what Is wrong with The Miner, ing their attention toward progress ♦ ♦ ♦ circles. would like to say we think it is ti More street lights not fewer—is Mr. Samuel Insull has decided to ♦ ♦ ♦ very normal child, and considering the crying need in most cities and. settle down in Greece. If he was a We are reliably informed that that it has just passed its first thank heaven, no one In southern poor man be would settle up in some local husbands who are over birthday has done exceptionally Oregon hus us yet proposed to let Sing-Sing. confident of their agility have pre well and. barring a< cldents. has a Mr Moon take the burden of Illu ♦ ♦ ♦ sented their wives with archery very bright future before It. mination from taxpayers. Gold diggers along the Applegate sets. One might be pretty good at ♦ ♦ ♦ have discovered a very important dodging rolling pins but when it We. Ilke humans, are prone to We noticed in the news fact. In old diggings where the comes to outdistancing n speeding err One of our faults that sticks Chinamen were run out, they are arrow or the family shotgun it closer than a brother Is our pro- week that Henry Ford, that figure who loves to | h > ro as un able to make $1.50 per day and might be a hearse of a different cllvlty to lend our ears to gosstp. al International aposth- of good will apward. but where the Chinamen color. Ben Told Informa us The Miner and the crux of patriotic loyalty starved out, can only make 10 cents ♦ ♦ ♦ Is wet. Thls is very, verv bad if this country, has started ship r a day and downward. • Ixiuis Straube attended the "Save the surface and you save true, but we console ourselves by to + ♦ + alumni banquet of the Central all” is a slogan that pertains to hoplng thls weakness will be out ping timber here from his Amn- The Philosopher zonlan plantations In Brazil. Bill Fruit, chairman of the Point high school which was held paint. Now a word of warning to grown in time. Sunnyside bachelor’s club, has I at the Central Point Grange hall the fair sex may not be amiss. The (Continued from page one) We tip here in the timber belt been sojourning in goold old one evening last week. aforesaid should be taken by them Yamhill. Bill sure knows his • ♦ ♦ couldn’t understand—a stone with a little salt or applied with a The Editor Speaking run appreciate the evident lack of sincerity of Henry Ford's philan chickens. He fed them imagi- would race down the mountain • The first meeting of the Little brush or broom and not with a thropic desire to "help pull this nation brand egg mash until endangering his life. Trees Applegate sewing club to be held spray pump as Is done when white (Continued from page one) country out of the depression" the chickens imagined they would fall; the lightning would during the new year was scheduled washing a barn. Public officials, If Fehl is sincerely interested In were laying. They made lots of frighten him back to his cave at the home of Mrs. Gilbert Bar- when caught in some lines of cus- saving Oregon taxpayers money when wo learn that, for his per noise but put Bill on the wrong where, in cold semi-darkness, he shaw Wednesday. Meetings had sedness, are whitewashed by he should turn his efforts toward sonal gain, he has resorted to ship side of the ledger. shivered and tried to figure out been postponed since Nov. 30th on means of the swimming bath. For I devising some cheaper or more ping lumber that one product of ♦ + + why so many things tried to account of the busy days uuring the benefit of the unsophisticated, efficient way to educate children which the northwest hus an over- OUR COUNTY COURT SEEMS holiday time. harm him. or those of us who haven’t been rather than to figuring out some supply- to the United States. The TO HAVE A RETIRING DISPO Why did the wind, which of caught yet, will explain that a scheme by which revenue to pay first shl|H-mnt went to his factory I SITION. ten cooled him when hot, or swimming bath is where the pa- that expense Is cut down. His lino In Dearborn. Michigan. ♦ ♦ ♦ warmed him when cold, at times "hoved into a of reasoning would be like that of The bootleggers and drys are i act so strangely? Why did the As we remember It. Henry was vat of whitewash, sheepdip. tar and a worker who decided he wan evidently too much for the wets. rocks, the trees, even his own feathers, righteousness, or rouge, spending too much money. "1’11 one of the men who declared that ♦ ♦ ♦ of OTHER PEOPLE cave, behave toward him as he and is allowed to soak awhile. This have the boss cut my salary 20 unless wo reelected Hoover this Lawyers without technicali behaved when angry? Even the causes them to take on the ap per cent, and then I won't be spend country would go to pot. Well, he's ties would be like Christmas tree from which he sometimes certainly doing his little bit to see pearance of a whited sepulchre, a ing so much." MAN without Santa Claus. got food would, when heavily that the northwest, which depends sheep minus its parasites, a hu-| -x-e ♦ ♦ ♦ laden with the fruit he liked so Man is of few days and full of man clothed as a chicken, a solf- Even one of the youngsters of on timber to a great extent, gets Heard on the radio: Man dies of well, let a branch fall, endang- | trouble. He laboreth all the days ap’iolnted Moses, or a house afire. the age Fehl believes should be in plenty of foreign competition. malnutrition in lonely cabin; hun- j ering hls life? Truly this was of his youth to pay for a gasoline .Judging from the flaming appear cluded in his revision of the tax ger march on the sidewalks of j bad. chariot, and when at last the task ance of hordes of our fair (?) sex, levying basis can grasp the fact We believe Henry Ford’s plan New York; how one woman lost I On the other hand, there was | is finished. Io, the thing is junk j we take it their veneer was applied of developing timber resources on 10 pounds in a week; depression the sun to warm him, the moon J and he needeth another. He piant- I by the latter method. Sorry to that if It takes a certain sum of his plantations In South America sinking into a depression; Herbert 1 to guide him at night, the warm 1 eth corn in the earth and tilleth it have neglected this timely bit of money to educate Juckson coun for shipment into this country tells ty’s students, lessening the amount Hoover paging Ike Coffman. spring showers to make things diligently, he and his servants and counsel so long. Careful Investlga- collected to pay this expense by a great deal about tho Insincerity ♦ ♦ ♦ grow, the cool bubbling spring his asses, and when the harvest is ; Hon. however, reveals to us that one means or another in no way of our national leader* who suppos Famous Last Words: to quench his thirst. Now all of gathered into the barns, he oweth j beauty of this type Is only skin saves the taxpayers anything—for edly have the interests of their When do we eat? this was good, but at times they the landlord eight dollars and forty deep anyway and sometimes not if a certain sum must be raised for [country at heart, if Ford's philan were unkind. The hot sun was i cents more than the crop is worth. i even as much as that. education, eliminating Income from thropy were anything but a cheap unbearably so. The moon would He borroweth money of the lend-1 ♦ ♦ ♦ one source merely places a greater way of buying publicity we be ‘Survival of Fittest’ stay away for a time; the rains ers to buy pork and molasses and j lieve he’d look to the absorption While debating the cons and burden on some other. would continue until the floods i gasoline, and the interest eateth of our own timber resources first pros to the prohibition question Is Rule on Paper Day were another hazard; the spring up all he hath. our lame duck congress almost We note with Interest that Med- and keep his Brazil lumber out of would become dirty and his ford, renown as the best lighted the United States at least until the He begets sons and daughter:) I incorporated free wheeling and As a reporter was casting about drink was distasteful; the and educateth them to smoke cig- no brakes while their subjects little city on the Pacific coast, is lumber business of his countrymen for the new or unusual tid bits In clouds that brought the rain [ arete and wear a white collar, and , are consumed with hunger, ! to cut out a portion of its remark could be pulled out of the slough. news, a letter crossed the path and would hide the sun and he Io, they have soft hands and neith thirst (?) and high taxes, able street lighting system. Mali furnished the following paragraph would be cold and miserable, er labor In the fields nor anywhere New Medford headquarters for Nero, hang up the fiddle and 1 Ing the depression mighty con of interest: Surely they must be angry. The Miner have been established the bow! ( splcuous, we ’ d say. under the sun. The children of his I "If you could see how we pounce In Jarmin & Woods drug store, ♦ + + They surely must be alfvo. are ornery, and one of them upon The Miner when it arrives, The rocks, the trees, the wind, loins nhone 6fl. Regarding We also note, with a bit becometh a lawyer and another you would be convinced it is a very the sun; everything was like sticketh un a filling station and much appreciated gift. We act like himself. When things pleased maketh whoopee with the sub a bunch of hungry wolves. The law them they were kind; otherwise stance thereof. of the survival of the fittest is i angry. Since their feelings practiced, or something on that or seemed to be directed to him i He goes forth in the morning on der, and since I am slightly more he must have either pleased or the road that leadeth to the city and a jitney smiteth him so that fit than the rest of the bunch, sym displeased them. his ribs project through his epi pathy is in order for the rest of Right there he had to ask dermis. He drlnketh a drink of the family.” By way of Information, the let himself another question: What whoopee juice to forget his sor rows and it burneth out the lining shall I do to please them? ter was a message of appreciation He felt that if he didn’t things of his liver. All the days of his life to one who sent a subscription to | this paper as a Christmas gift. The wouldn’t work out as planned. he ffndeth no parking place and new subscriber had already made[ Sometimes things were easy, tormented by traffic cops from his a lasting friendship with The Miner whereas at other times, try as going forth until he cometh back. he might, a mysterious some An enemy stealeth his car; phy before he received it as a gift. thing interfered and in spite of sicians remove his inner parts and himself he failed. his teeth and his bank roll; his ar Today, lacking a more intel teries hardeneth in the evening of POTPOURRI ligent explanation, we attribute his life, and his heart bursteth try success or failure to good or ing to keep the furious pace. Sor bad luck. We know that inani row and bill collectors followeth The Ghost of the Heavens mate objects are not alive but him all the days of his life and The zodiacal light, most pro we are not as far from our prim when he is gathered to his fathers, nounced during October, Is a itive friend as we would like to the neighbors sayeth, “How much ghostly glow which appears In believe when dealing with the did he leave;” Lo, he hath left it all. the eastern sky an hour or two chance element in life. And is widow rejoiceth in a new before dawn. It is broad at the Next Week—The Primitive So coupe and maketh eyes at a young sheik that sllcketh his hair and base and tapers upward toward lution of the Chance Element j playeth a nifty game of golluf. the south. Astronomers believe Woe is man! And from the day Editor’s Note — Address all it Is sunlight reflected from the questions and comment to The of his birth to the time when the many small bodies revolving Philosopher, care of The Miner. earth knoweth him no more, he «round the sun within the earth's J laboreth for bread and catcheth >rhlt * the devil. Dust he was in the be Subscribe for The Miner today. ginning, and now his name is mud. ^©. 1*11. Western Newspaper Union. 1 Send In your subscription today. —Rotary Punch. VIEWS
