Pare 2
The Jacktonville Miner
The Jacksonville Miner
Do Two Lies Make One Truth?
A New Horse
AuNliihad Wwlly •«
JACKSONVILLE. OREGON
(Continued from pa«« one)
ty is the Mail Tribune and the "gang , and that all honest,
clear-thinking citizens are for you l(X) percent. But you are
iiiist.ik< n Um entire interest in this ninttni is purely ethical.
LEONARD
MAUDE
HALL................ Editai
E<»r if one editor succeeds in convincing readers black is wliitd
and purity and honesty are foreign to all contemporaries, won t
that be a reflection on all newspapers if they permit such tac
tics to continue unquestioned?
So won't some of those good business men slip us a little
subsidy so we won't have to make the Hogwallow Blatter and
its editor out as liars ?
UM**
SOOL............................... As»M*'‘
Addnaa an Cousntcstlom la ■<’« 151
Rubattlptlon Ratal. la Adiama
Ona Taar.............. 1100
*li Monti»-------- --
Hssdfjusrtrrs '
rm Nuoc.rr conf » tio « rt
Trlaphona 111
Madfort HeUqiur'«-
JASMIN A W000S DRUG STONI
STATIC
By JOHN BYRNE
“Here is something queer." said
the dentist who had been drilling
and drilling into a tooth. “You said
this tooth had never been filled
but I find flakes of gold on the
point of my drill." "I knew it,”
moaned the patient. "I knew it;
you’ve struck my back collar but
ton!"
♦ ♦ ♦
After the editors are through
exchanging pleasantries, the next
number on the program will be^ a
10-round go between Old Man De-
pression and Father Time. Noth-
ing barred; and may the best man
win!
♦ ♦ +
No wonder country editors
are prematurely bald, It they
turn out a i>oor editorial they
get full credit for it. But if an
exceptionally good one appears
the neighbors wonder which
one of the strangers in town
is responsible for it.
♦ ♦ ♦
EDITORIAL. POLICIES SHOULD
CARRY A DOUBLE INDEMNITY
ACCIDENTAL DEATH CLAUSE.
♦ ♦♦
Owney Patton and Mose Bark-
dul were overheard selecting the
new cabinet for Mr. Roosevelt. The
controversy seemed to arise over
the question, “should Roosevelt se
lect a mediocre array of lieuten
ants and himself supply the brains,
or surround himself with high-
caliber men and play the hole in
the doughnut.” It was finally
agreed that he would need all the
brains available.
rcoprnfM. w y V )
MEDICINE HOME TO ROOST
There have been many claims that
Jackson county grand juries “whitewash”
criminals habitually.
We are just wondering whether the
present grand jury, which was given infor
mation this week concerning the peculiar
disappearance of about $1000 worth of
equipment from a Medford print shop
while under the official lock of the sheriff,
and its unexplained appearance and con
tinued use in the plant of the Medford
Daily News, will make a thorough investi
gation of the facts and examine all the wit
nesses whose names were given to that
august body?
Yes, we wonder if all the county’s
“miscarriages ’ of justice by dastardly
crooks will be looked into by the present
grand jury now in session.
GASTRITIS
By THE FORGOTTEN MAN
Bend Dawson, our local sheep
baron, reports his hired hand lost
14 sheep and two toes from his
right foot down near the mouth of
the Applegate recently. No reward
is offered for the return of the
sheep.
+ + ♦
Farmers in the raw have spent
some time of late toasting their
shins.
+ ♦ ♦
By the way. we wonder why our contemporary, the Hob
wallow Blatter Toreador, suddenly ceased reprinting this col
umn the other day? After reproducing two articles en masse,
and sending one of Ins employes over after two copies of last
week's paper, he suddenly changed tactics. ‘Bather than con
tinue reprinting the articles he chose, discreetly enough, to
merely criticize with the comment, “if the statements contained
in any of these articles regarding the publisher of the llog-
wallow Blatter were true, then in very truth the grand jury
when it convenes should indict Llewellyn for the crimes he has
been charged with" ami "in fact, he should be hung in a public
place where all citizens could witness the hanging."
We notice, however, the Hogwallow scribe was careful
NOT to divulge the charges to his "great grand jury"nor did
lie ONCE DENY the charges. Rather, lie chose to shift the con
versation to "who is back of The Jacksonville Miner?"
In truth we are at a crossroad« and don’t know where to
turn. We are at a loss to decide whether the greatest public
good would come from deleting pertinent questions to the Ilog
wallow editor so that lie will continue to reprint articles, there
by giving them his added (XX),(XX),005,032 copies circulation, or
instead to continue to query into his own acts thereby curb
ing his desire to give this column further publicity.
But he might already suspect the boost he has given to
Miner circulation, so we will play safe and choose the latter,
course. Hence:
'
Mr. Distorter, did you fail to tell your readers about sup
posedly rotting fruit purposely, or was it an oversight ?
And how about case No. 3O7I-L, filed by W. II. Norcross,
and now pending? Why didn’t you explain THAT to your read
ers' And also, why do you seek no publicity on this score? Is
it because you'd rather not have your followers learn that their
Chosen One is guilty of the very crimes with which he has ac
cused others ?
Do you think embezzlement of others' money a discreet act
for one who places himself in the role of martyr?
Is it not true that you placed Okanogan apple labels on
southern Oregon boxes of fruit because v<>u knew the Wash
ington variety commanded a higher price?
And finally, would you like to explain to your readers just
what the Riverside chamber of commerce referred to when it
telegraphed The Miner yesterday that you were a one-time
owner of citrus property there, but became INVOLVED? Or
shall we explain your past history in this column ourselves?
Think it over. Little Nemo; we’re simply itching to burst
into print over here in Jacksonville.
U. S. Bankers say money
will be available for England
+ + ♦
to stabilize her currency if war
“Oh death, where is thy
debt Instalment is paid—news
sting?" exclaimed the amateur
item. "You pay me. then I can
trapper as he sat down in a
pay him. and he can pay you.”
medical examination to determine fewer street lights, have been turn
bear trap.
Around and uround in financial
what Is wrong with The Miner, ing their attention toward progress
♦ ♦ ♦
circles.
would like to say we think it is ti More street lights not fewer—is
Mr. Samuel Insull has decided to
♦ ♦ ♦
very normal child, and considering the crying need in most cities and.
settle down in Greece. If he was a
We are reliably informed that that it has just passed its first thank heaven, no one In southern
poor man be would settle up in
some local husbands who are over birthday has done exceptionally Oregon hus us yet proposed to let
Sing-Sing.
confident of their agility have pre well and. barring a< cldents. has a Mr Moon take the burden of Illu
♦ ♦ ♦
sented their wives with archery very bright future before It.
mination from taxpayers.
Gold diggers along the Applegate
sets. One might be pretty good at
♦ ♦ ♦
have discovered a very important
dodging rolling pins but when it
We. Ilke humans, are prone to
We noticed in the news
fact. In old diggings where the
comes to outdistancing n speeding err One of our faults that sticks
Chinamen were run out, they are
arrow or the family shotgun it closer than a brother Is our pro- week that Henry Ford, that
figure who loves to | h > ro as un
able to make $1.50 per day and
might be a hearse of a different cllvlty to lend our ears to gosstp. al
International aposth- of good will
apward. but where the Chinamen
color.
Ben Told Informa us The Miner and the crux of patriotic loyalty
starved out, can only make 10 cents
♦ ♦ ♦
Is wet. Thls is very, verv bad if
this country, has started ship
r
a day and downward.
• Ixiuis Straube attended the
"Save the surface and you save true, but we console ourselves by to
+ ♦ +
alumni banquet of the Central all” is a slogan that pertains to hoplng thls weakness will be out ping timber here from his Amn-
The Philosopher
zonlan plantations In Brazil.
Bill Fruit, chairman of the
Point high school which was held paint. Now a word of warning to grown in time.
Sunnyside bachelor’s club, has I
at the Central Point Grange hall the fair sex may not be amiss. The
(Continued from page one)
We tip here in the timber belt
been sojourning in goold old
one evening last week.
aforesaid should be taken by them
Yamhill. Bill sure knows his
• ♦ ♦
couldn’t understand—a stone
with a little salt or applied with a The Editor Speaking run appreciate the evident lack of
sincerity of Henry Ford's philan
chickens. He fed them imagi-
would race down the mountain • The first meeting of the Little brush or broom and not with a
thropic desire to "help pull this
nation brand egg mash until
endangering his life. Trees Applegate sewing club to be held spray pump as Is done when white
(Continued from page one)
country out of the depression"
the chickens imagined they
would fall; the lightning would
during the new year was scheduled washing a barn. Public officials,
If
Fehl
is
sincerely
interested
In
were laying. They made lots of
frighten him back to his cave at the home of Mrs. Gilbert Bar- when caught in some lines of cus- saving Oregon taxpayers money when wo learn that, for his per
noise but put Bill on the wrong
where, in cold semi-darkness, he shaw Wednesday. Meetings had sedness, are
whitewashed
by he should turn his efforts toward sonal gain, he has resorted to ship
side of the ledger.
shivered and tried to figure out
been postponed since Nov. 30th on means of the swimming bath. For I devising some cheaper or more ping lumber that one product of
♦ + +
why so many things tried to account of the busy days uuring the benefit of the unsophisticated, efficient way to educate children which the northwest hus an over-
OUR COUNTY COURT SEEMS
holiday time.
harm him.
or those of us who haven’t been rather than to figuring out some supply- to the United States. The
TO HAVE A RETIRING DISPO
Why did the wind, which of
caught yet, will explain that a scheme by which revenue to pay first shl|H-mnt went to his factory
I
SITION.
ten cooled him when hot, or
swimming bath is where the pa- that expense Is cut down. His lino In Dearborn. Michigan.
♦ ♦ ♦
warmed him when cold, at times
"hoved into a of reasoning would be like that of
The bootleggers and drys are i act so strangely? Why did the
As we remember It. Henry was
vat of whitewash, sheepdip. tar and a worker who decided he wan
evidently too much for the wets.
rocks, the trees, even his own
feathers, righteousness, or rouge, spending too much money. "1’11 one of the men who declared that
♦ ♦ ♦
of OTHER PEOPLE
cave, behave toward him as he
and is allowed to soak awhile. This have the boss cut my salary 20 unless wo reelected Hoover this
Lawyers without technicali
behaved when angry? Even the
causes them to take on the ap per cent, and then I won't be spend country would go to pot. Well, he's
ties would be like Christmas
tree from which he sometimes
certainly doing his little bit to see
pearance of a whited sepulchre, a ing so much."
MAN
without Santa Claus.
got food would, when heavily
that the northwest, which depends
sheep minus its parasites, a hu-|
-x-e
♦ ♦ ♦
laden with the fruit he liked so
Man is of few days and full of man clothed as a chicken, a solf-
Even one of the youngsters of on timber to a great extent, gets
Heard on the radio: Man dies of
well, let a branch fall, endang- | trouble. He laboreth all the days ap’iolnted Moses, or a house afire. the age Fehl believes should be in plenty of foreign competition.
malnutrition in lonely cabin; hun- j ering hls life? Truly this was of his youth to pay for a gasoline .Judging from the flaming appear
cluded in his revision of the tax
ger march on the sidewalks of j bad.
chariot, and when at last the task ance of hordes of our fair (?) sex, levying basis can grasp the fact
We believe Henry Ford’s plan
New York; how one woman lost I
On the other hand, there was | is finished. Io, the thing is junk j we take it their veneer was applied
of developing timber resources on
10 pounds in a week; depression the sun to warm him, the moon J and he needeth another. He piant- I by the latter method. Sorry to that if It takes a certain sum of his plantations In South America
sinking into a depression; Herbert 1 to guide him at night, the warm 1 eth corn in the earth and tilleth it have neglected this timely bit of money to educate Juckson coun for shipment into this country tells
ty’s students, lessening the amount
Hoover paging Ike Coffman.
spring showers to make things diligently, he and his servants and counsel so long. Careful Investlga- collected to pay this expense by a great deal about tho Insincerity
♦ ♦ ♦
grow, the cool bubbling spring his asses, and when the harvest is ; Hon. however, reveals to us that one means or another in no way of our national leader* who suppos
Famous Last Words:
to quench his thirst. Now all of gathered into the barns, he oweth j beauty of this type Is only skin saves the taxpayers anything—for edly have the interests of their
When do we eat?
this was good, but at times they the landlord eight dollars and forty deep anyway and sometimes not if a certain sum must be raised for [country at heart, if Ford's philan
were unkind. The hot sun was i cents more than the crop is worth. i even as much as that.
education, eliminating Income from thropy were anything but a cheap
unbearably so. The moon would He borroweth money of the lend-1
♦ ♦ ♦
one source merely places a greater way of buying publicity we be
‘Survival of Fittest’
stay away for a time; the rains ers to buy pork and molasses and j
lieve he’d look to the absorption
While debating the cons and
burden on some other.
would continue until the floods i gasoline, and the interest eateth
of our own timber resources first
pros to the prohibition question
Is Rule on Paper Day were
another hazard; the spring
up all he hath.
our lame duck congress almost
We note with Interest that Med- and keep his Brazil lumber out of
would become dirty and his
ford, renown as the best lighted the United States at least until the
He begets sons and daughter:) I incorporated free wheeling and
As a reporter was casting about drink
was distasteful;
the and educateth them to smoke cig-
no brakes while their subjects
little city on the Pacific coast, is lumber business of his countrymen
for the new or unusual tid bits In
clouds that brought the rain [ arete and wear a white collar, and , are consumed with hunger, ! to cut out a portion of its remark could be pulled out of the slough.
news, a letter crossed the path and
would hide the sun and he Io, they have soft hands and neith thirst (?) and high taxes,
able street lighting system. Mali
furnished the following paragraph
would be cold and miserable, er labor In the fields nor anywhere
New Medford headquarters for
Nero, hang up the fiddle and 1 Ing the depression mighty con
of interest:
Surely they must be angry.
The Miner have been established
the bow!
(
splcuous,
we
’
d
say.
under
the
sun.
The
children
of
his
I
"If you could see how we pounce
In Jarmin & Woods drug store,
♦ + +
They surely must be alfvo.
are ornery, and one of them
upon The Miner when it arrives, The rocks, the trees, the wind, loins
nhone 6fl.
Regarding
We also note, with a bit
becometh
a
lawyer
and
another
you would be convinced it is a very the sun; everything was like sticketh un a filling station and
much appreciated gift. We act like
himself. When things pleased maketh whoopee with the sub
a bunch of hungry wolves. The law them they were kind; otherwise stance
thereof.
of the survival of the fittest is i angry. Since their feelings
practiced, or something on that or seemed to be directed to him i He goes forth in the morning on
der, and since I am slightly more he must have either pleased or the road that leadeth to the city
and a jitney smiteth him so that
fit than the rest of the bunch, sym
displeased them.
his ribs project through his epi
pathy is in order for the rest of
Right there he had to ask dermis. He drlnketh a drink of
the family.”
By way of Information, the let himself another question: What whoopee juice to forget his sor
rows and it burneth out the lining
shall I do to please them?
ter was a message of appreciation
He felt that if he didn’t things of his liver. All the days of his life
to one who sent a subscription to |
this paper as a Christmas gift. The wouldn’t work out as planned. he ffndeth no parking place and
new subscriber had already made[ Sometimes things were easy, tormented by traffic cops from his
a lasting friendship with The Miner whereas at other times, try as going forth until he cometh back.
he might, a mysterious some An enemy stealeth his car; phy
before he received it as a gift.
thing interfered and in spite of sicians remove his inner parts and
himself he failed.
his teeth and his bank roll; his ar
Today, lacking a more intel teries hardeneth in the evening of
POTPOURRI
ligent explanation, we attribute his life, and his heart bursteth try
success or failure to good or ing to keep the furious pace. Sor
bad luck. We know that inani row and bill collectors followeth
The Ghost of the Heavens
mate objects are not alive but him all the days of his life and
The zodiacal light, most pro
we are not as far from our prim when he is gathered to his fathers,
nounced during October, Is a
itive friend as we would like to the neighbors sayeth, “How much
ghostly glow which appears In
believe when dealing with the did he leave;” Lo, he hath left it all.
the eastern sky an hour or two
chance element in life.
And is widow rejoiceth in a new
before dawn. It is broad at the
Next Week—The Primitive So coupe and maketh eyes at a young
sheik that sllcketh his hair and
base and tapers upward toward
lution of the Chance Element
j playeth a nifty game of golluf.
the south. Astronomers believe
Woe is man! And from the day
Editor’s Note — Address all
it Is sunlight reflected from the
questions and comment to The of his birth to the time when the
many small bodies revolving
Philosopher, care of The Miner. earth knoweth him no more, he
«round the sun within the earth's
J laboreth for bread and catcheth
>rhlt
*
the devil. Dust he was in the be
Subscribe for The Miner today. ginning, and now his name is mud.
^©. 1*11. Western Newspaper Union.
1
Send In your subscription today. —Rotary Punch.
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