Image provided by: Josephine Community Library Foundation; Grants Pass, OR
About Illinois Valley news. (Cave City, Or.) 1937-current | View Entire Issue (June 21, 1945)
Illinois Valley News, Thursday, June 21, 1945 Fun for the Whole Family THOUGHTS ON HORSE racing SPARKY WATTS By BOODY ROGERS r HÊY7 WHAT’S TH’ CAUiE OF ALL TH« N0«£ IN HERE —OH -OH—1 SEE! Horse racing is a form of compe tition between horses to determine what shape the customers are in. • It Is a demonstration in durability for all participants except the horses It is a type of sport that combines all the features of a subway jam. a food riot, a Christmas shopping rush and a panic in the madhouse. • A man can get the same sensa tions in any subway station during the rush hour for a nickel. And in addition he won't have to listen to any tips that the local can beat the express if the smart money is up. REG’LAR FELLERS—Elevating Literature By GENE BYRNES Racing is proof of the claim that, for a chance to lose $2 swiftly, a man will undergo al] known forms of inconvenience and torture, provid ed they are endured in an aroma of steamed frankfurters, beer. B O and fresh roasted peanuts. an N that ' s right '] 1 WANT TWO J 1 WANT VOLUMES OF 5MOOTZS SOCIAL LIFE. Once horse racing may have been the Sport of Kings. Rut the prole tariat has taken over. If a king gets to his seat today with no ribs broken you know he had the king’s horses running interference for him. OF A FIREFLY ! Where once a few thousand per sons spent leisurely afternoons, tens of thousands today blitz the tracks, panting, popeyed and perspiring as they reproduce Custer's Last Fight with the tomahawking done in tech nicolor. ( thought .) When pari mutuels stepped into American racing brotherly love, or- der, dignity, common sense and laws regarding mayhem flew out the window. Window is right! We used to go to the track now and then for recreation. Now we go a couple of times a season to take off weight, test our stamina, and get a fair idea of what Indian warfare was like. We used to see a horse occasional- Now we do w ell if we see a horse’s ears. Once we watched ’em come down the stretch, neck and neck. Now the best we can do is to get it by loud speaker while hanging onto our watch, pleading for the women and children first and wondering where our hat went. Once inside it is every man for himself and no accident or health insurance sold on the grounds. • • ♦ THE JAI* LEADERS TO THEIR EMPEROR We offer our apologies, As planes above you swarm, For putting you upon a spot And making it so warm; We’re sorry bombers do Your royal dwelling skirt; Excuse it, please, if it appears That we have done you dirt! The We are so very sorry that You even smell the smoke And that our busy firemen The royal grounds must soak; We abjectly apologize And shed a bitter tear That war we planned so far away Should ever come so near By BOB KARP By J. MILLAR WATT POP—Prepared for Postwar Activities FOKTHE BACK HALF It is distressing just to know That “«moke gets in your eyes”— And for each whiff of it we are Glad to apologize; We're sorry that you had to know Ttie brutal facts of life; We hoped to run this conflict as Our little private strife Again we do express our grief; We’re broken hearted, too, When we see war so near at hand It’s right next door to YOU We didn't plan our war that way It Alls us with remorse. So. once more, deep apologies To you and TO YOUR HORSE! President Truman's old home at Independence is being painted. All we hope is that, as President, he will gel a better paint job than most folks are getting these days. Ye ed had the barn painted twice in the last three years and the first heavy rain washed it off. What are the painters using for paint today? Anri if so why perpetuate the custom of thinning It out? Good luck. Harry; you'll need it! ‘ Hotels will not be permitted to collect service charges on long dis tance phone calls, the U S Supreme court announced "— News item. Wanna bet’ (an You Remember— 4uuy buck ■< fieri u bull her't uifu thought nothing of asking him to hring home a <(e«A? toil uhrn the rutty u«< thought to be l/ie feu riarrgrrout branch of the ■err if e in u artima? • • • '1 think that's definitely an old fashioned idea. Aunt I.ucy! I ve been eatin' stuff like this for years and I never put on weight!" Buck's having a bad time of it again . that pilot eats a whole box of peanut brittle every time he goes up!" I Federal Reserve board is against liftin*. i • strie lions against time payments in buying new auto mobiles. It realizes that newi hi history have Americans been so lit tle apprehensive about going into permanent hock r
