Valley record., February 21, 1889, Image 4

RESTAURANT HOGS.
GAUDY COATS-OF-ARMS.
Bob BarAvtt. Oweomoa < hm of ttoo Uaar-
ml Kigtola oi 1'IUMMhip.
“Inquirer,” of Fort Hamilton,
writes: “I sent this inquiry to the
leading journal of New York, ‘Is it
proper to make use of a coat-of-arms
derived from a female ancestor, there
being none in the direct line?' and
received from the editor the reply:
‘No. you can not use a coat-of-arms ot
a family whose name you do not bear.’
Is this correct?” We are surprised
that “Inquirer” should write to a New
York paper for information upon any
subject except its circulation. No, the
answer is not correct You can use
any coat-of-arms that your royal star- 1
spangled American pride has set its
Fourth of July heart upon. If you
fancy the Queen’s, you can and may
a use that, just, as freely and independ­
ently as though you sold soap for a
living. If you prefer that of the Im­
perial family of Germany, have it en­
graved on your stationery, painted on
your panels and embroidered on your
horse blankets, and if any editor in
New York tells you that you can't do
IL pin his scalp to the seam of your
leggings. If you can find no ready­
made soat-of-arms to suit your fancy,
any good stationer will have one
designed for you. Can’t wear any
coat-of-arms you want to. indeed!
That’s a sweet idea to Introduce in
this free land! Why, lots of our
. society people wear clothes that
belong to other people, eat food
they haven't paid for, live in
bouses belonging to other men, and
in some instances subsist entirely on a
“female ancestor whose name they do
not bear,” and yet we are told that wo
can not wear her coat-of-arms? Come
off. We can (and will) wear any thing
we can get on. And, indeed, every
American citizen should maintain a
good three-ply coat-of-arms. It costs
nothing, and is within the legitimate
reach of the humblest. In a demo­
cratic nation it is a choice boon. It
will keep a man warm, when his other
ooat in hoc sijno tribalis. It will lend
him dignity when his trousers are
fringed at the hem. It will f eep last
year’s collar from chafing his neck.
To the man who wants a coat-of-arms
it will be sweet to the soul and health
to the bones, and would be great medi­
cine to his brains, if he had any. Any
man in this country who can afford to ,
borrow a Sunday paper and study the
illustrated patent medicine advertise­
ments. and then goes hungry for a coat-
of-arms, wishing one, would perish of
thirst if he fell Into Lake Michigan.
Still, that’s the kind of a man, usually,
who pines for a coat-of-arms and hasn’t
the originality or courage to invent or
steal one. Bless you, simple ones,
’ there's no copyright on a coat-of-arms,
unless it's a soap trade mark or some­
thing of that sort In that case, hands
off. But if it only belongs to some
Queen or Emperior, or that sort of
person, why take it and use it; it’s
yours.
“Who »tesla mv coat-of-arms, steal» trash; ‘tls
something, nothing,
'Twas mine as rnich as It is Ills'll.
But he who lay» his thievish claws upon
The trade mark ot my Prime Leaf Lard,
Which coat me twenty dollars to design.
And two to oopyrlght,
Wul »mart tor It If there bo say law In all this
land.*'
— Burdette. in Brooklyn Bogle.
INSECT-EATING BIRDS.
«JU» *V>«y.JLa»a~Mta. HVAP* Away Oj
th* Deafroylng Hand of Mau.
Fifty years ago every farm in the
Eastern, Middle and Southern States
had from five to twenty acres of wood­
land. These lands not only served
many other good purposes, but were
natural resting plaoes for biydi, and
served them as safe shelter during the
heat of the day. These primitive for­
ests were the home of many species ot
birda Ttyi yriter-wfftl remembers the
delight ex^Jbrienced -tn going to the
woods in the spring of the year and
listening to the songs of the native
warblers as they returned from their
winter quarters at the South. The
shrill whistle of the quail was as fa­
miliar to thaaars of the farmer as
houyo»l±
The jserg^m of the
bluthjLeaikjf'thro
nqf’through the foresi clear
■ow On. of Then Spoiled a Fair body*»
tod a Beporter’a Appetite.
Speaking ot restaurants, bow they
hold the mirror up to the nature of
one's breeding! Let a man be lifted
never so high by the most skillful and
artistic of tailors, he will find his level
al the table. The failure of our res­
taurant. keepers to provide a number
<g small tables for two compels the
doubling, and frequently the quadru­
pling up procees.sotbat one has an ex­
cellent though ofttimes uncomfortable
opportunity of studying hi; dining
neighbor. I sat in such a position last
night. Being in baste to reach the
theater, my lady and I entered the
first restaurant we came to—and it is
called a good one—for supper. There
were no vacant tables, so 1 selected a
table at which was seated a very nice-
appearing mortal, well dressed, and
who gave the Impression of being a gen­
tleman of taste. His order was served
as we took our seats, and as we wait­
ed for ours we were regaled by as won­
derful an exhibition of gastronomic
gymnastics as » bad ever seen. This
gentleman of taste began with soup.
He evidently is fond of soup. With one
hand clasping the plate, to tilt
it as the compound grew less, and
the other the spoon as Anson bolds his
bat when two men are out and three
on bases, he got on the outside of that
soup in five breaths, and with such a
noise as comes from the waste-pipe of
a nearly emptied bath-tub. He then
gave his attention to his fish, and but
for bis opportune coughing would have
certainly proved the worth of our fears
that some of the bones would be the
death of him. The fish dispatched, he
devoted bls energies to a nice-looking
sirloin, some potatoes and turnips. I
am sure he likes bash, especially when
prepared by himself; for, after care­
fully cutting the meat from the bone,
he cut it in small pieces, dumped the
potatoes and turnip on top, and, by
deft manipulation, had in the twinkling
ot an eye the throe ingredients mixed
with a thoroughness worthy of a better
cause. He has little use for a fork
when he eats hash. He prefers, as he
showed last evening, to get his knife
nicely heaped, using a crust of bread
for a pusher. How be got through the
dessert I don’t know. My companion
complained of a sudden faintness, and
I took her out in the air and we went
to the theater without supper.— Chi­
cago Journal.
—
' < •
■
THE LADY REMEMBERED.
f attractive Seat Ion of the Pumpkin Hol­
low Ladles' Literary Club.
In a town not far from Detroit the
ladies have organized a “Literary
Club." There are eight members in
the society, and by way of diversity
they give a “high tea” to eight favor­
ite gentlemen once a fortnight.
The other night “Robert Elsmere”
was brought up for discussion. No
one had read the book, but each indi­
vidual had seen fragmentary reviews
and all felt armed for the discussion.
“Let me see,” ventured Miss Wise,
“who is the author of ‘Robert Eta-
mere?’ I never can think.”
“Nor I.”
“I have forgotten—”
“So have I—”
“ I never can remember a new
author’s name two minutea ”
“ Nor L”
“Here comes Mrs. Almons; she will
know.”
Mrs. Almons was the president-
one of those self-sufficient people who
know how to poise the hoad and look
wise.
•
“Yes. Mra Almons is a walking
cyclopaedia,” offered young Mr. Bil­
lings. “Pray, tell us, madame presi­
dent, do, who wrote ‘Robert Els­
mere ?’ ”
“ Why.
Margaret
Deland.
of
course,” said the walking cyclopaedia,
with prompt decision.
“Oyee.”
“O yes.”
“O yea"
“Of course,” echoes a fourth voice.
“There have been three of these re­
ligious novels within a year, *John
Ward, preacher,’ written by----- ”
“Mrs. Humphrey Ward.”
“They say she named John after
her father,” prompted Mr. Blllinga
“O, how romantic.”
“ So,English. ”
“Decidedly,” continued Miss Wise,
“and ‘Love and Theology.’
Who
wrote that, Mra Almons? I never can
remember.”
“Mrs. Cardinal Woolsey,” answered
the president.
Then all fanned themselves and took
a sip of tea, while Mr. Billings as­
sured Miss Wise that he never knew a
woman equal to Mrs. Almons to re­
member namea — Dtiroil Free Press.
The many species of woodpecker
were watched with intense Interest as
they gtided up and down the trunks ot
the trees, over and anon rapping with
irresistible force with their powerful
beaks, and frequently drawing forth
somef hugv gqub that bad been sapping
the life of some monarch of the forest.
While watching those ever Industrious
and useful birds, a scarlet tanager, like
a flash of fire, or some other bright
bird, would flit by, happy and beautiful.
How is it now? The woodman’s axe
and the pot-hunter's gun can tell the
sad story. The birds have gone—no
home, no resting place, no safety any­
Marriage Not a Failure.
where. Looking at this sad picture,
one feels ready to exolaim with the
“ Marriage a failure! I should say
poet Burns:
not!" remarked an Oregon farmer,
Inhuman man! Curte on thy barbarous art.
whose opinion was desired on one of
And blasted be thy murder almin« eye;
the great questions of the day.
May never pity soothe the» with a sigh.
Nor ever pleasure glad thy oruel heart.
“ Why, there’s Lucindy gits up in
The birds that were so common fifty the mornin’, milks six cows, gits break-
years ago were mostly insect-eating fas', starts tour children to skewl,
birds, and destroyed millions of nox­ looks arter the other three, feeds the
ious insects, and were of inestimable hens, likewise the hogs, likewise some
value to the farmer and tiller of the motherless sheep, skims twenty pans o’
soli. Even the grain-eating birds con­ milk, washes the clothes, gits dinner,
sumed a large number of larvae. The et cetery. et cetery.
humming birds, supposed by many to
Think I could hire anybody to do
subsist wholly upon honey, consume it fur what she gits? Not much! Mar­
many small beetles and thrlps, and riage. sir, is a success, sir; a grot suc-
thereby confer a benefit to the florist taul” — Youth's Companion.
— Fick’s Magazine,
—The electric lights in Willows, Cal.,
— A lawsuit in New York has de­
veloped the fact that “after the owner
of a lot in Cypress Hills cemetery has
buried a deceased member of his own
family m it he is absolutely forbidden,
by a law under which the cemetery is
Incorporated, to ever transfer or sell
the lot outside of his family.”
—The Children’s Pudding.—Fill a
deep dish with apples cut up small; add
for a two-quart pudding one cup of su­
gar. one of water, a pinch of salt and
half a teaspoonful of either cinnamon
or allspioe. Make a crust as for bis­
cuit half of the usual rule being
enough; roll it to the size of the pud­
ding dish, which should be buttered
lightly, and bake half an hour, or more
if the apples are hard. This pudding
is often steamed instead of baked, and
eaten with sauce made of one cup ot
molasses, a spoonful of butter, a table­
spoonful of lemon juice or vinegar, all
boiled together fifteen minutea. — Chris­
tian Union
—To keep the hands from chapping:
Just before retiring wash thoroughly,
rub with a piece of lemon and dry on s|
soft towel. Then sub in a few drops of
oil of sweet almonds, draw on a pair of
large kid gloves, which |ou have pre­
viously smeared with mutton tallow.
This faithfully followed at night to­
gether with reasonable care of the
hands during the day in windy, cold
weather will ensure a smooth skin for
post persons.— Hural New Yorker.
can be seen by the naked eye from the
town of Orland eighteen miles distant
—First dame—“I had four teeth ex­
tracted yesterday.” Second dame—
“Indeed, I did not know you had so
many left"— Detroit Free Press.
—Gum chewers should take warning
from the fate of a Newton, Conn., girl,
aged sixteen. A piece of gum slipped
down her throat and, lodging at the
entrance to the stomach, caused a fatal
ulceration.
—Two citizens of Washington, Ga..
started out in the early morn toward
the outskirts of the town, where they
were to fight a bloody duel. The way
was long, and when they arrived at
their destination one proposed a rest
before they commenced hostilities.
While they rested their rage cooled off.
and at last accounts they were still
— Cream Beets.—Cut three or four
boiled beets into pieces the size of a
grain of corn. Place in stew pan; to
one pint cut beets add one teacupful
rich, sweet milk, piece of butter size of
a butternut, or small egg. Salt and
pepper to season. Stew ten minutes
and serve hot.
—To whiten and preserve the teeth
fake one ounce of borax, and put it in
three pinta of boiling water; before it is
quite cold add to a teaspoonful of
ipirits of camphor. When cold put in
a bottle, and cork tightly. A table-
spoonful is to be used daily in the same
quantity of tepid water.
_
THE NEWSPAPER LIAR.
■«moron. Perk Tell» How He Got Is
Hie Work at His Kxprn.r.
I
I .. THE FIRST ROTHSCHILDS. ~
Under Whlel
I UnflavoraMr He ClreumetanoM
Started 1» Life.
Almost every daily paper of any pre­
tensions to greatness or enterprise
maintains a “humorist” on its staff, s
funny fellow whose business it is tc
make the readers laugh “ha! ha!” The
following item was written by one ol
those alleged humorists:
“Peck, ot Peck's Bun, won 44,000 on the elec
t'on, but bi- consc ence will not permit him u
keep it. He propose, te dispense it to oeedj
widow, in sums of ta) each. Every widow It
aeeo of cash should put in her claim at once.’
The laughable item was started the
Lord only knows where, but it it
going the rounds, and I am be­
ginning to get the benefit Of course
if I knew who the fellow was that
wrote the item I could kill him, and
that would break him of sucking eggs,
but he is “incog.” He is like the fel-
low who wi ites an anonymous letter,
One would think such an item could
not do any harm. It does no harm to
me, except to make my heart bleed
about twice a day. The fellow who
wrote it probably thought I would re­
ceive lots of letters from pretty widows,
and that I would have a picnic answer­
ing them. The facts are that 1 never
bet a cent on election, and never won
a dollar, and while I may occasionally
give a little money to the deserving
poor, I have no thousands of dollars
laid away for the purpose of aiding
widows or any other deserving class.
I wish the fellow who wrote that Item
to be cunning*could read some of the
letters 1 receive. If he could sit here
beside me, I could make him so
ashamed of himself that he would an­
swer these letters I am receiving, and
acknowledge that he was not only a
star liar but a foolish ass. These let­
ters are not from beautiful and “fly”
widows, with pearly teeth, red lips,
beautiful complexion, eoulful eyes, and
fat little hands, but they come from
old ladies seventy and eighty years of
age, who have been left alone, and
who are so poor and needy. They
never knew any thing about news­
paper liars, and take it for granted
that the above item is God’s truth, and
they picture to me their sufferings
and poverty and despair in such
terms that it makes me feel as though,
if I was able, I would support them all
in luxury as long as the precious
old ■ouls live.
They tell me
how to send the money, and
how much good it will do them
this winter. One poor, loving old
creature, ignorant of the ways of the
wicked world, shivering from insuf­
ficient clothing, has bought some
underclothes of warm wool from a
kind merchant, to be paid for when
^ie gets her twenty dollars from me,
and she writes such a glad letter of
thanks, and tells me that she believes
I must be a perfect image of her dear
boy who was so kind to her, but who
was killed at Antietam, or at least she
supposes he was, for she never heard
from him after that battle, and she
says I am so good she knows I will go
to Heaven, and she will pray for me
every day. What opinion will the in­
nocent old lady have of mo when I tell
her the story is all a lie, and what
opinion will she have of the liar who
wrote it to be funny. 1 think I will
pay for those underclothes for luck,
any way. Another letter comes from
a woman eighty-four years old, who
has been a widow for forty years, and
supported herself for thirty years knit­
tingsocks, until she became paralyzed,
and for ten years she has been in a
poor-house, bed-ridden. She tells me
what she is going to do with her
twenty dollars. With ten dollars of it
she is going to buy a blanket shawl
and some warm underclothing, and
some crab apple jelly, and a chicken
to make some soup, and a little china
concern which is used to pour liquid
nourishment into the mouths of those
who can not raise their heads. Five
dollars of it she is going to use to pay
a debt, money she borrowed nine years
ago to buy medicine, and with the rest
she is going to buy a crutch for a poor
girl whose limb is shriveled, and the
rest she is going to put under her pil­
low to be used when she is dead, to
paint the poor-house coffin in which
she will be buried, and buy a shroud
and bouquet of flowers for that occa­
sion. Well, I can see that poor old
woman cry when I write her that the
item is not true. I can see the tears
run down her wasted, wrinkled cheek,
and I wish the fellow that wrote that
item, and thought he was smart, could
see her as I do. But I guess I will
send her the blanket shawl, and the
china affair, and have the poor-house
folks inform her that her coffin shall
be painted all right, and that she shall
have a good send-off, with flowers.
But, O. wouldn't I like to catch the
fellow who wrote that smart Aleck lie
about me. If he had a heart I could
show him some of the results of his
work, and make him cry at a mark.
How much trouble can be caused in­
nocent people by such a fellow, who
draws a salary for being “funny.”—
Pe'Fs Sun.
Mr. Rambo's Mistake.
USEFUL AND SUGGESTIVE.
—If any plants have been nipped by
frost, water very sparingly until fresh
leaves have unfolded.
—Hoarseness may be relieved by eat­
ing freely of fresh raw egg beaten
thick with fine white sugar.
—Grained woods should be washed
with cold tea, and then, after being
wiped dry, rubbed with linseed oiL
—An egg for an invalid, to be pala­
table and digestible, should be beaten
very light, and then steamed two min­
utes.
—Whether a lamp explodes or is over­
turned, the only rational attempt to ex- ,
tinguish the fire is by smothering.
Water only spreads the oil and thus in-
cre ises the evil.
—Dried Preserves—Any fruit which '
has been preserved in sirup may be
drained from the sirup, dried slowly,
sprinkled with powdered sugar, and
packed neatly in boxes.
—For colic, a cold, a fever, convul­
sions—indeed, at the outset of an at­
tack of most any infantile derange­
ment a bath is invaluable, and not in­
frequently the only remedy required.
—Cheap Dinner Dish.—To each
pound of beef minced fine add one-half
pound of grated bread, season to taste,
and mix with two beaten eggs. Put
in a greased mold and steam two
hours; serve turned out with mashed
potatoes.
—Do not take either very hot or very
cold foods or drinks, they crack the
enamel of the teeth, and thus destroy
them; they also weaken the salivary
glands, enfeeble the stomach, and im­
pair digestion.
—Five cents worth of vaseline, which
is tasteless and odorless, will cure all
the chapped hands, sunburned faces and
cracked lips, heal all the sores, burns
and abrasions with which a family would
ordinarily be afflicted.
—When the cork is taken from a full
bottle of ink, if you don’t know where
to put it, just stick a pin in the lower
end and bend it into a hook, then hang
the cork on the bottle. Bend the hook
so as not to interfere with using ink,
and then you have it always handy.
Few boys ever started in life undei
more unfavorable circumstances, and
with less prospect of fame and fortune,'
than Meyer Anslem, the founder of th«
great banking-house of Rothschild,
and the man of whom Wilhelm, Land­
grave of Hesse, exclaimed in his en­
thusiasm. “Such honesty never hat
been known in this world!” Not only
was Meyer Anslem poor, but he be­
longed to the then despised and per
secuted race, the Jews. Living in thii
later day, when much of the hatred
and prejudice felt against the Jews hat
given way to more just and liberal sen­
timents. we can hardly understand with
what extreme contempt and loathing
they were treated in young Anselm’f
day. As a specimen of it, however,
we read that in Frankfort-on-the-Main,
the city where he was born, the Jewt
were so detested by the other inhabit­
ants that they were compelled to live
in a certain quarter which was shut in
by gates. During the day they might
go about, but at night they must all re­
tire to their own quarter, and there the
gates were locked, so that they should
not venture out again until morning.
If by any chance a Jew was found out­
side the “Judengasse” after a certain
hour he was put to death. Think what
chance a poor little lad like this had
of becoming one of the wealthiest and
most distinguished personages of his
age! Yet he did it, and that too by nc
Other means than behaving with the
utmost uprightness and honesty.
To add to his other misfortunes,
young Anselm found himself at the age
of eleven an orphan. Now his pros
pect was darker than ever, for the
Jews are nearly always kind to theit
children, and do all that they can tc
give them a start in the world. In some
way or other, however, he secured
some little education, and as a young
man wo find him employed in a bank­
ing-house in the town of Hanover. He
was in no hurry to go into business foi
himself, as so many young men are, at
it is not until he is in his thirtieth
year that we find him back in Hanover,
established as a broker and a money­
lender, with a red shield (Rothschild)
The Chill Riant
as a sign hung over his shop. Here he That seta the naked branches a-quivering, is
not
felt
by
the
wealthy valetudinarian indoors,
did an excellent business, establishing
but not all the covering that can be piled on his
the reputation for honesty that led te warm bed, nor all the furnace heat that anthra­
cite can furnish, will warm his marrow when
his good fortune.
chills and fever runs its icy fingers along his
So enormous is the amount of busi spinal column. Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters is
thing to infuse new warmth into his chilled
ness done and the influence exerted bj the
and anguish frame, to remedy the fierce fever
the Rothschilds that it is currentlc and exhausting sweats which alternate with the
Dumb ague, ague cake, billions remit­
said of them that on two or three oc ehill.
tent—in Bhort, every known form of malarial
casions they have successfully exertec disease is subjugated by this potent, and at the
same time, wholesome and genial medicine.
themselves to preserve the peace o Billiousness, constipation, dyspepsia, sick head­
loss of appetite and sleep, kidney trou­
Europe. Their house now has its estab aches,
ble, rheumatism and debility are also remedied
lishments in London, Paris, Vienna and by it. Use it with persistence to effect a thor­
Frankfort, and its agencies in New ough cure.
York and other great cities in bott He that saveth his dinner will have the more
hemispheres. Their name is a syn supper.
onym for wealth as in earlier days il
White Elephant of Siam, Lion of Eng­
stood and still stands for fair dealing. land, Dragon of China, Cress of Switzer,
—Harper's Young People.
land. Banner of Persia, Crescent of Egypt-
UNNECESSARY WORK.
it Can be Avoided by System itizing
House and Kitchen Duties.
The amount of unnecessary exertior
given in this country to the accom­
plishment of any task hits long been a
subject of comment among wise men.
Individuals so seldom choose the quiet,
systematic way, allowing each detail
of their task to follow the other in
regular order till every thing is done.
In no place is want of system so sorely
felt as in the household. The erratic
housekeeper is responsible for more
than half the ills usually attributed to
untrained servants. The fact that serv­
ants in this country are sally un­
trained is a reflection against theii
mistresses. It requires a large amounl
of patience to take a green girl and
train her to the work of a refined
household. The reason so many girli-
give up their work in anger
as
a hopeless task
is
thaï
they are taught without system t<
go from one thing to another,
and can never feel that the tasks oi
the day have been rounded each to
completeness. The worker who does
not feel some pleasure in a success­
ful
accomplishment of well-done
work must have a low, brutish na­
ture. It is the unnecessary steps the
girl takes usually that weary her, and
these the careful housekeeper always
seeks to save her from. Uneducated
people are ofteD very obstinate, but il
they are once showu or made to com­
prehend a system by which all theii
work can be done in order and timt>
saved for themselves, they will usually
prefer it It is certain that Vi method­
ical households the servants usual!;
remain longer and there is less com­
plaint than in easy-going homes where
rules and hours are scorned. In one
house the servant knows every hour of
the day what is expected of her. There
is but slight variation in the work
from week to week. The servant's
time to herself may be limited, but she
is always sure of that time. It is not
taken from her on trivial pretexts,
while she in her turn knows too well
that any appeal to set aside the allotted
tasks will be of no avail. There are
few housekeepers who can not remem­
ber kitchens where no large amount of
work was done, yet every one was for­
ever in a hurry, rushing “thither and
yon,” and the tasks of the day seemed
to be forever undone; and others where
an immense amount of work was ac­
complished by the same number of
hands, yet the kitchen was cleanly,
and the quiet manners of the workers
hardly gave sign of what was being
done. If there was extra work, it was
carefully planned out and ordered by
the kitchen clock. Is there any reason
that a girl trained to the easy way of a
systematic household should not prefer
it to the disorder and drudgery of “go-
easy” homes.— N. Y. Tribune.
door of Mr. Rambo’s office
opened and a lady stood irresolutely on
the threshold.
“Thunder and lightning, Nancy!
Shut the door!” exclaimed Mr. Rambo,'
glancing hastily up from his account
book. “ Were you raised in a barn?
Do you suppose 1 want to freeze to
death on account of your confounded—
I beg your pardon, madam. I thought
it was my wife. 1 was expecting her
at the office about this time. Certain­
ly, certainly, madam. I’ll subscribe
—In Kentucky — “First Citizen —
for the magazine with pleasure. Put “No, sir; we can not account for the
medown for two copies.”— Chicago sudden death of Colonel Gore.” Sec­
tribune.
ond Citizen—“Had he been drinking
any thing?” First Citizen—“ Nothing
—A party of prospectors beaded by to hurt Let’s see! I believe he did
McDonald, the half-breed, who induced take a glass of milk yesterday.” Sec­
the Flathead Indians to divulge a long ond Citizen—“That explains it! The
kept secret as to the location of some water in it killed him.”—Dr-: fee’s Maga-
remarkably rich mines in the Blackfool tine.
country, while clambering aver the
—“Well, William,” said Mr. Hard­
deep mountain sides were horrified tc
find the skeletons of two white men. head to his new confidential clerk,
One had a bullet hole through his fore­ “you are in a first-ciass position now
head, and both had evidently been at a good salary. I sliall expect you
killed by hostile Indians. Beside the to be faithful and diligent; in fact to
skeletons Jny a small pile of quartz. It make all my interests your own. It
is supposed they were the first pros­ won’t be necessary, however, for you
pectors and pioneers of the Blackfoot to make love to the type-writer. I’ll
Hills, and for years had lain on the hills. attend to her mvself.”
—A much traveled goat is aboard
—Fissure ot the lip, or chapped lips,
the
United States sloop of war Galena.
is an annoying trouble, and unless it is
properly treated is generally somewhat It is a pet of the sailors, and as such
obstinate. Journal of Health advises, has journeyed up and down the Atlantic
as the quickest way to cure it, to draw coast and among the West Indiea It
a stick of lunar caustic over the wound, eats with the men, and goes around
slightly burning the same. The opera­ among the mess chests and mess tables
tion is painful only for a moment, and as independently as would any officer.
improvement commences at once. Af­ It understands the boatswain’s pipe as
ter cauterizing, “camphor-ice" should well as the sailors, and whether sway­
be frequently applied, and, as a rule, ing or squaring the yards, making sail
the wound will heal in three or four or at drill, “Billy” is at the head.
days.
SUACOBS OH
euralgia,.
For
Never haggle about the basket If you get the
fruit
CONSUMPTION CURED.
An old physician, retired from practice, hav­
ing had placed In his hands by an East India
missionary the formula of a simple vegetable
remedy for the speedy and permanent cure of
Consumption, Bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma,
and all Throat and Lung Affections, also a posi­
tive and radical cure for Nervous Debility and
all Nervous Complaints, after having tested its
wonderful curative powers in thousands of
cases, has felt it hiB duty to make it known to
his Buffering fellows. Actuated by this motive
and a desire to relieve human Buffering, I will
send free of charge, to all who desire ft, this re­
cipe, in German, French or English, with full
directions for preparing and using. Sent by
mail by addressing with stamp, naming this
paper, W. A. NoYzs, US Ptwer's Block, Roches-
There is winter enough for the snipe and the
woodcock too
Ret Rid of That Bad Taste.
When you wake up in the morning with a
bad taste in your mouth, with your throat and
tongue dry and a yellow coating on your teeth
and gums, don't imagine it was all caused by
what you ate the night before. Of course every­
body does that and everybody “swears off” from
again eating such food. The trouble is that
your liver Is clogged, your kidneys are over­
worked and your bowels are not doing their
duty. Take^from three VFtcn of B banoreth ' s
P ii . ls and note the sud'den and wouderful
change in your system.
Squeeze not the orange too hard, lest you have
a bitter juice.
V«r Yaars.
ralwtla.. Okl» Som ST. IMS.
k fcril «Mrti n tly tor amral yw» vie* ■»»
nifi*. Gl nm S ìm klM, ttiat «V Jaaata MH
vatMnA
rata» 1» « wMtte.
irgest Seedsmen
_____ ». a muuu, t. k .
M vtvt Ani«. K. Oikory. ni.. M*y 1». liM
«y wU, ma tmbM witk areniate M» «Are
■aiv u< ferite et li Jarefe OfTwaa a.vw
»•«ila» agata.________ BXSXT SXCXXMXYXX.
BaUaa«. ni., May n, 1»M.
Bara kaawa eaaaa «f aaaralfia (ina a» te
*aatant»kaaan<ky M. Janha OU.
i. M. BAAW, Dngftet.
AT BBVS4tm~An~DBALBU.
After All.
THE CHARLES A «MELE! CO.. Baiti«»«*, EA
When the stomach chimes the dinner hour
wait not for the clock.
Is the only Private Dis­
pensary in Portland or on
the Northwest
Coast,
where patients are success­
fully treated for all N EK V-
orB, CHRONIC AND
PRIVATE DISEASES in
youn$ or old, single or
mar nt d, such as
LUST MANHOOD.
Nervous debility, seminal
losses, failing memary,
syphilitic eruptions, ef­
fects of mercury, kidney
and bladder troubles, gon­
orrhea, glre¿, stricture etc.
In the world.
O. DR. FERRY & CO., Detroit. Mich.
C<DA FILIATION
FREE.
SEEO ANNUAL
For 1889
mil be mailed FREE
d all rpplicants, and
last yehr’s customers
it < rdering it. /Rroia.
1
in existence-
I G^'/n F
I »houid b«.nJ for »t
Address
TM CHARLES A VOCELER CO- SMOwte. EA
VASELINE PREPARATIONS.
Gn receipt of postage stamps we will send free
by mail the following splendid articles :
One Box of Pure Vaseline, -
- IO eta.
One Box of Vaseline Camphor Ice, 15 cts.
Qtie Box of Vaseline Cold Cream,
15 cts.
No Vaseline is genuine unless our name is on
the label. C h * sebkoi ' oh M anit ’ o Co., 24 State
st., New York.
to BN a «lay. Samples worth KR.1S
FRHE. Linesnot under horses'feet.
Write Hr.-water Narety Rein
Holder Co., Holly, Mich.
Having for the past four or five years been troubled
with pimples and blotches on my fac» and body, and
finding no relief in any of the chemically prepared
soap« and medicine» prescribed for me by physicians,
I concluded to try your 8. 8. 8. remedy, and have
found great relief in the same, four bottle» clearing
my skin entirely. I cheerfully recommend your
medicine to all who are in the poeition that I bave
been in. You can use this letter and my nam» as a
testimonial to the merits ot the 8. 8. 8. remedy.
Very truly yours,
A ltbid P. Rosnrsos,
320 Sansome St, 8an Francisco. Cal.
Bend for our books on Blood and Birin Dlx-
eases and advice to sufferers, mailed free.
THE SWIFT 8PECIFIO CO.,
Drawer 3. Atlante, G i.
A PROMINENT MERCHANT IN TROUBLE.
Old moneybags mopes in his office all day.
As snappish and cross as a bear;
The clerks know enough to keep out of his
way.
Lest the merchant should grumble and
swear.
Even Tabby, the cat, is in fear of a cuff.
Or a kick, if she ventures too near;
They ail know the master is apt to be rough.
And his freaks unexpected and queer.
Asthma, Concha, Colds, Croap, In-
fluenza, Bronchitis, Catarrh, Whoop­
ing-Cough. Loss of Voice, Incipient
Consumption, and_aU Throat and
Long Troubles.
-•
J. R. CATES & CO., PR0F8.
What makes the old fellow so surly and grim.
And behave so confoundedly meat: ?
There's certainly something the matter with
him—
Is it stomach, or liver, or spleen ?
-
We've guessed it — hia liver is sluggish and
bud.
His blood is disordered and foul.
It’s enough to make any one hopelessly mad.
And greet bls best friend with a growl.
To correct a sluggish or disordered liver, and to cleanse and purify the
blood and thereby sweeten the temper, Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery
has no equal. It improves digestion, builds up the flesh, invigorates the
system, dispells melancholy, and makes life worth living.
IT IS GUARANTEED
to benefit or cure, if taken in time and given a
fair trial, in all diseases for which it is recom­
mended, or the money paid for it will be refunded.
417 Bansome Btreet, San Francisco, Cal.
Copyright, 1888, by W orld ’ s D ispensary M edical A ssociation , Proprietors.
DR. PIERCE'S NEW BELT
AND SUSPENSORY.
CATARRH ™ THE HEAP*
no matter of how long standing, is per­
manently cured by DR. SAGE’S CATARRH REMFDV.
50
hr
^DWIGHT'S?
Rather than the Chsapest
PORTLAND BUSINESS
COL’XGE.
Perfect equipment, tlieiough instruction, eStal'i.
lished reputation,growing popularity. Business,
Shorthand, Common Schoo I and Penmanship Depart­
ments. Students admitted at any time. Cata­
logue and specimens of penmanship sent free.
J. A. WESCO.Bee’s. A. P. ARM8TR0HCI* Prin.
b o
--------- TREATED FREE
D
Positively Cured with Vegetable Remedies.
Havecnred many thousand cases. Cure patient«
Srenounced hopeless by the best physicians From
rst dose symptoms rapidly disappear, and tn ten
days at least two-thirds of all symptoms are remov­
ed. Send for free book of testimonials of miraculous
cures. Ten days treatment furnished free by mall.
If yon order trial, send 10 cents In stamps to pay
postage.
Dll. H.H. GREEN A SONS. Atlanta, Ga.
if you order trial return thia advertisement to ua
Al ■ Bl Aft 1st Premium* 25,000 in use,
Ml A 111 I IX 20 years Established. New
I B mm I m IW r patented Steel Tuning De­
vice, m use in no other Piano, by which our Plano«
stand in tune 20 yean, good for 100 ; not affected
by climate. No wood to split, break, swell, shrink,
crack, decay, or wear out; we guarantee IL Ele­
gant Rosewood Cases, 8 strings, double re [eating
action; finest ivory keys; the Famous ANTISELL.
Call er write for Catalogue, free. T. M. ANTISELL
PIANO CO., Manufacturers, Odd Fellows’ Ball, Mar.
ket and Seventh Streets, San Francisco.
BUY
THE
BEST.
TH« COW BRAND.
- TO MAKE -
DELICIOUS BISCUITS
or
WHOLESOME BREAD
USE
D wight ’ s C ow -B rand S oda °"S aleratus .
ABSOLUTELY PURE.
ALWAYS UNIFORM AND FULL WEIGHT.
*• »«re that thar» la a picture of a One on your package and y au wUl h*r»
TAKE NO CHANCES.
MEXICAN SALVE
THE
CREAT HEALER.
Cures Cuts, Sores, Salt Rheum, Boils.
Pimples, Felons. Skin Diseases, and all
ailments for which a salve is suitable. Foi
taking out soreness and healing it act“
like magic. 2ft cents a box. at al) druggists.
E1FINWAY MEAMLH, PkAalta
Ol LllinA 1. BACH. Gabler, Roeni-
For the Care ora Cough or Sore
Throat, “Brown's Bronchial Troches” are a sim­
ple remedy.
Portland. Oregon.
Al Dru«ri»ia and Dealert or tail kg matt on r»
«MplyBeta. (5 taxcea «1.00) to M mm ». A ir A
»oil m rvoeipl i-cem Stamp.
They who have little butter mint be content
to spread thin their bread,
Many a good dish is spoiled by an ill sauce.
NOS. 133 and 134 THIRD STREET. 1
D M F ebbt AC o ’»
WiSS*
FOR DYSPEPSIA.
WELL DRILLS
On account of their inability todtgest food, will
find a most marvelous food and remedy in
Ncott’» F.mulHlon of Pure Cod Liver Oil
with Hypophosphites.
Very palatable and
easily digested. Dr. 8. W. C ohen , of Waco,
Texas, says: “I have used your Emulsion in In­
fantile wasting with good results. It not only
restores wasted tissues, but gives strength and
increases the appetite. I am glad to use such a
reliable article.’’
S
Diamond Vera - Cura
AN AU STOMACB TROUBLES »UCS AB:
t»«l »a» U aa. Iaw-»toaaak, Baatttera, Bauaa. »14-
Sia aaa. OnaUyaUaa. Fullaaaa aftar aaUa», faa<
Btetag la ika Moate aa« tlaagraaaMaMaa*, «aS-
tag. Xwr»—Mi aad Low-Spirit».
PRIVATE DISPENSARY.
Ferry’s Seeds
FERRY A CO are
nowMged to be the
Why Laura Last Her Beau.
Laura once bad an affluent beau
Who called twice a fortnight, or so,
Now she sits, 8unday eve,
All lonely to grieve,
Oh, where is her recreant beau,
And why did he leave Laura so?
Why he saw that Laura was a languishing,
delicate girl, subject to sick headaches, sensi­
tive nerves and uncertain tempers; and know­
ing what a life-long trial is a fretful, sickly
wife, he transferred hiB affections to her cheer­
ful healthy cousin, Ellen. The secret is that
Laura’s health and strength are sapped by
chronic weaknesses, peculiar to her sex, which
Ellen averts and avoids by the use of Dr.
Pierce’s Favorite Prescription. This is the only
remedy, for women's peculiar weaknesses aud
ailments, sold by druggists, under a positive
guarantee from the manufacturers, that it will
give satisfaction In every case or money will
be refunded. See guarantee on b-ttle wrapper.
Children Starving to Death
THE VAN MONCISCAR
NEW, PERMANENT CURES.
(Pat. Oct. 11, ’87) c ares all
Nervous and Chronic Dis­
eases of both sexes. Price
and upward. -lend 2c
Double Eagle of Russia, Star of Chili, The tor sealed pamphlet No. 2.
UIPTIRR ft ruptured
Circle of Japan, Harp of Erin.
To get these buy a box of the genuine send stamp for Pamphlet No. 1.
PILES. New Invention. Send 2c
D r . C. M c L ane ’8 C elebrated L iver fbrPamphlet
No. 3. Address;
P ills , price 2ft cents, and mail us the out­ M. E. T. C».,7M Sacramento St., San Francisco, Cal.
side wrapper with your address, plainly
written, and 4 cents in stamps. We will
then mail you the above list with an ele­
gant package of oleographic and chro­
matic cards.
F leming B ros ., P ittsburg , P a .
LHSVple DUMJ i U Laa~a ta
FOR EVERY PORROSE.
Sold on Trial !
Investment small, profits
large. Send 20c for mailing
large illustrated Catai;>srue
with full particulars. Man­
ufactured by
GOULDS & AUSTIN,
1ST A 109 ImUe St.,
CHICACO. ILL.
Pianos; Burdett Orguni, bar'd Instromanta,
'took of Sheet Music and Books. Bands sn
Eastern Prius MATTHIAS GRAY ilO.
street, Ban Franninoi
A PUFF
of Seal of North
Carolina Ping
Cut will convince
any Smoker that it is the finest Smok­
ing Tobacco ever sold on this Coast.
Don’t be fooled by cheap imita­
tions. Always ask for “Seal,” and
see that yen get the genuine.
Big u naa given auiv«g
sal »ailafactlon in the
cure of Gonorrhoea and
Gleet. I prescribe it and
feel aafe in recommend-
It to all sufferera
If afflicted with Sore Eyea, use Dr. Iaaac
Thompaon’a Eye Water. Druggists sell it 25c.
TRY G ermea tor breakfast.
J. STOKER, E.D.,
Decatur, IIL
PRICE *1.00. .
Sold by Drugciata
x^fULLWEfO^y
PURS—.
PISOS CURE FOR CONSUMPTION
THE SPRING MEDICINE YOU WANT
Paine’s Celery Compound
Purifies the Blood,
Strengthens the Nerves,
Stimulates the Liver,
Regulates the Kidneys and Bowels,
Gives Life and Vigor to every organ.
There's nothing like it.
“ Last spring, being very much run down aad
debilitated, I procured some ot Paine’s Celery
Compound. The use of two bottles made me
teel like a new man. As a general tonic and
spring medicine, I do not know ite equal"
W. L. G reenleaf .
Brigadier General V. N. G., Burlington, VL
»1.00. Six tor »5.00. At Druggists.
The BUYEBS’ GUIDE la
Issued March and Sept.,
DIAHOND DYES
each year. It is an ency.
clopedia of useful Infor,
mation for all who pur*
chase the luxuries or the
necessities of life. We
can olothe you and furnish you with
aU the necessary and unnecessary
appliances to ride, walk, dance, sleep,
eat, fish, hunt, work, go to church,
or stay at home, and in various sixes,
styles and quantities. Just figure out
what is required to do all these things
COMFORTABLY, *nd you can make a fair
estimate of the value of the BUYUBB’
GUIDE, which will be sent upon
receipt of 10 cents to pay postage,
O
M aking
MONTGOMERY WARD A CO.
1U-114 Michigan Avenue, Chicago, HL
We wish a few men to
sell our goods by sample
to the wbolaale and re-
_ .
talltrade. Largest manu-
rrsln .urllne. Enclose 2-cent stamp. Wages *3 per
Day. Permanent position. No postaja answered.
Money advanced for wages, advertising, etc Ueu.
tennlal MauuBrturtag Co, iiariusUSkla
SALESMEN
B. H. F1MM, Aaaayrr aud Aualytleal
Cheualet. Laboratory, IM First aL, Portland.
Or. Analyses made of all substances.
N. P. ». U. No. 271—S. F. N. U. No. 348
i/se
It Now!
. “Having used your Paine’s Celery Compound
this spring. I can safely recommend it as the
most powerful and at the same time most
gentle regulator. It is a splendid nerve tonic,
and since taking it I have felt like a new rnan.’*
R. E. K nokb , Watertown, Dakota.
W elis . R ichardson t Co. Props. Burlington, VL
LACTATED FOOD
THE BEST
CIO TII ING!
For MEN AND BOYS at
Lick Hou«e Block, San Franciaco,
MANN & BENEDICT,
c . c ’^ tî SS’ZÏ o .
27 Years In Present Location.