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About Coquille herald. (Coquille, Coos County, Or.) 1905-1917 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 21, 1913)
** ■ fea»/*: Racing in Ancisnt Rome. THE SKOOKU M RESTAURANT THE PARSON’S REM EDY B y M. QUAD C o p y rig h t, 1913, by A s s o c ia t e d e ra ry P re ss L it It was love that brought about the marriage of Abraham Scott, a young furmer. with Tilda Hastings, and for the first year they were very happy. Then it happened that Tilda’s mother A le x so n B u ild in g passed a week with them, and when E a s t End F irs t S t. ready to go home she said: “Tilda, I’ve been watching things since I’ve been here.” “Why. what is there to watch?” she asked. * P R O P R IE T O H “Henry’s tyranny over you." “Why. mother!” “It’s a fa c t If your father treated me that way oue of us would leave the house In short order!” “But 1 can't understand you at all. Just what has Henry done?” “He’s treated you like a child or a Envelopes, slave. I saw It the Irst day I was here, and it nmuzed me that you didn't Letterheads, show your spunk.’’ “Why. mother, how strange you Cards talk!” snid the wife. “Tell me one thing Henry has done that wasn’t Circulars righ t" ’Billheads & “I ’m going to tell you of more than one, Tilda. I’ve been setting them Statements. down on paper so as to be sure, and here they are: “The first day I was here he walks iu and orders you to melt some mut ton taller for a sore back cow.” “Why. he didn’t order. He asked me to.” “Don’t try to excuse him. There was a commanding tone In his voice. The AND second day he comes stomping in like a duke und calls out: “ ‘Hey. Tilda. I’m going to town, and don’t you forget to feed the hogs at noon.’ ” “But I don’t see anything wrong Call and see us or telephone about that.” was protested. “He wae going after nails.” and we will call and see you. I f “Well, I’d just like your father to we don’t do your printing wo both roar out at me like that just once! I’d tell him to go to Texas qulcker’n wink. On the third day your Henry hollered lose money. at you from the barnyard and wanted to know if the sheep shears were in the kitchen.” “But be wanted them, mother.” “ I s’pose he did, but he spoke like old Nero. If your father had called to me You never received a reply to It. and like that I’d have gone down there you wonder If it was delivered or If It with a club. On the fourth day, ns we was lost If your name and address was eating supper at 0 o’clock, the You must remembei h.id been on the envelope It would have clock stopped been returned to you If the addressee what Henry said?” “lie said it had stopped.” could not be found “Yes. but how did he say It? He Let us show you how cheap looked right ucross the table at you. und there was pounded glass in his w e can print 500 or 1,000 envel tones as he said: opes We will also print letter “ ‘Tilda, you forgot to wind up the heads The material, workman clock last night.’ ’’ “But I did forget, mother.” ship and price will be right. “And what if you did?” “ What do you want me to do. moth er?” “Assert yourself. Be the boss of the house. Have things go as you want them to. the same as I do. Your fa ther wouldn’t dare to pull a cabbage Regular as the Clock bead in the garden without asking ray leave ” The wife hadn’t looked upon hei husband ns a tyrant. On the contrary, she regarded him ns one of the kindest men she had ever heard of. She had First-class fare only................$7.50 no wish to meddle or boss, and she had felt that she was getting all the rights ^LJp freight, per ton 3.00 she could well take care of. But the mother had sowed the seeds of discon tent. and they soon sprouted. Tilda E. & E. T. Kruse began to find fault and tender advice 24 California Street, San Francisco and to even threaten suicide if her opinions were not deferred to. Henry figured out that the mother-in-law had For Reservations been talking and using her Influence against him. but he went ahead pa NOSLER & NORTON tiently and avoided anything like a Agents, Coquille, Oregon rupture. It was when the boy baby was born that Tilda’s mother said to her: “Now. you want to put your foot right down about a name for baby. I am sure Ileury will waut to call him James, after an uncle.” “But that’s a good name. Isn’t It?” “Tilda Scott, have you lost your senses ?” “I hope not. mother.” W ill Accept “Then perhaps you can tell me wbe the ravens fed.” “Moses, wasn’t it?” “Not by a Jugful! It was Elisha, and that’s the name you want to givs baby.” “But I’m sure Henry won’t like I t ” It so happened that Henry overheard most of the conversation as be was training a vine by an open window. He didn't walk in and order the moth er in law out of the house, but he sauntered off to the home of the par son whose church he and his wife at tends! and stated his case down to the -ON- baby, then added: “My wife is to threaten to Jump into tlie horse pond if 1 object to the name.” “You have a horse pond?” “I have, sir." “How deep is the water?” “About four feet.” Every Part of Ihe Art of “The mother-in-law Is about five feet. I believe.” “Thanks,” said Henry. “1 have the idea.” has had O u r Careful Henry got home Just as the mother- Attention in law was leaving the house. He picked her up and carried her to the pond and heaved her in. When she waded ashore he heaved her back. When this performance had been re It is our business, so it pented for the fifth time he asked: "Have you anything to say to me?” is necessary that we use “Y yes!” was gasped In reply. “Baby the very best and latest ran bo named James, and I’ll never darken your door again.” methods to turn out the And pea re came back and never left tlie household again What should wt best work possible do without the parson.* to advise us? Rooms in Comietion GEO. C. THERAULT o , , , YOU WANT THEM WE PRINT THEM T h a t L e tte r— Str. Elizabeth San Francisco an d Bandon THE HERALD & Fi rew ood SUBSCRIPTION LAUNDERING Our service is at your command. If you arc not already a cuntomer we would l>c glad to add you to our host of satisfied patrona. B U TTE R W RAPPERS AT THE COQUILLE LAUNDRY & ICE CO. H ERALD O F F IC E A im -lent Home had its racing and ita popular and well paid Jockeys Bet ting ran high, and tlie excitemeut of the people over the races und their favorite color frequently led to blood shed Caligula—he who made a con sul of his horse—passed most of ills time rioting with the charioteers. The circus was the place for the racing It Required Very Careful The largest of them, the Circus Maxi mus, about 21,000 feet long, could ac handling commodate 480,000 spectators. Seven times was It necessary to race round the spina, a low stone wall running By OSCAR COX down the center of the circus. The jockeys drove in a light chariot—usual ly four in each race—and wore close Murk Hudson was station agent at fitting tunics and leather caps of dis tinguishing colors. That the profes ‘ I’euibutou Junction. Mark was in the sion was a paying one we learn from freight house one morning looking over ancient writers, money prizes and the boxes and hales scattered about wages being paid. The Jockey Cres- when be heard a wagon drive up out cens at the age of twenty-two bad side uud stop. A young man about amassed a fortune, and Diodes, the eighteen years of age entered and said: king of jockeys, left to bis sou more " I ’ve got a box out here I ’d like to than $1,000.000 ship to Hallowed. You w’uut to be mighty particular about it because it Beyond Words. When Senator James Hamilton Lew contains s e e th in g breakable.” “That’s all very well so far as I am is was practicing law In Seattle he had for a client an old lady who was af concerned, but I can’t answer for the dieted with asthma. She came four case after the box leaves my keeping.” *Tve marked instructions on the lid,” times a year to have the colonel make out her pension papers. The colonel replied the youngster. "Come out and never failed to show a tender solici have a look.” tude In her welfare and always re The agent west out with the shipper ceived a wheezy but pleased response and saw a box about five and a half One morning when the colonel asked feet long, tw’o feet wide aud eighteen his question about her health the old inches high. lady turned to her granddaughter, who “Corpse?” he asked. accompanied her. and motioned. The “No. hut it's the next thing to it; it’s girl stood and stared. The old lady a skeleton.” wigwagged frantically. The girl look “A skeleton! Isn’t that a queer thing ed stolidly at her. The old lady wheez for you to he shipping from this ed ami coughed and punted. The girl point?” exclaimed the agent suspi stared straight before her. ciously. Finally the old lady burst out furi “Well, yes: it would be without an ously : explanation. I saw an. ad. in a news “Drat you. Mary Louise! Didn’t 1 paper the other day for a skeleton. I tell you you would have to talk for knew they had one they didn’t need In me? Can’t you see 1 can’t say a word the physiology lecture room of our to save my life?”—Saturday Evening college. I'm a Merton student, and l Post. bought it. I’ve sold it to the advertiser and have made some money on it—that Ugly Buckingham Palace. Is. if I get It there without breaking Buckingham palace provoked charac any of the bones." teristic expressions of contempt from Merton college was six miles dis Mr. Creevy. “The new’ palace still re tant from the junction. There wrns a mains the devil’s own.” he wrote in co-ed Institution connected with it. 1828. And in 1835, after he had been The box was lying on its bottom, and over it. lie wrote: “Never was there tacked to the cover was a card on such n specimen of wicked, vulgar pro which were written the instructions: fusion. It has cost a million of money, Breakable Keep this side up most of und there is not a fault that has not the time. Stand on end occasionally for been committed In it. You may lit* awhile. On one end was another card stating sure there are rooms enough and large enough for the money, but for stair that when the box was stood on end cases, passages, etc., I observed that that end was to be up. Iu no case instead of being called Buckingham palace It should be the Brunswick ho tel. The costly ornaments of the state rooms exceed all belief in their bad taste and every species of infirmity. Raspberry colored pillars without end that quite turn you Stek to look at, but the queen’s papers for her own apart ments far exceed everything else in their ugliness and vulgarity.”—London Spectator. SHIPPING A SKELETON W h ir« Cato W as Remembered. In 1798 the little settlement around Fort Schuyler, New York, aspired to the dignity of a village charter and the question of a new name arose. A number of the citizens met In Bagg’s tavern to discuss the matter, and it was decided to draw lots for the name, each person present to deposit In a hat a slip of paper with his choice written thereon. The first name drawn ont was to be the one accepted. Thir teen slips were deposited, and the first one drawn forth chanced to be that w’ritten by Erastus Clark, a man or scholarly interests, as was Illustrated by his choice. He had done honor to his favorite Roman. Cato, by inscrib ing on ids slip the home of Cato’s adop tion in Africa. Thus was Utica. N. Y.. uamed.—Ladies’ Home Journal. A Collector’s Bequest. ‘My wish is that my drawings, my prints, my curiosities, my books—in a word, these things of art which huvs been the Joy of my life—shall not lx? consigned to the cold tomb of a mu seum aud subjected to the stupid glance of the careless passerby. But I require that they shall all be dispers ed under the hammer of the auction eer, so that the pleasure which the ac quiring of each one of them has given me shall be given again in each case to some inheritor of my own tastes.” -From the Will of Edmond de Gon- court Reasonable Suspicion, “I don’t know what to think of my husband.” ‘Why?” ‘He seems almost too good lately to he true. When 1 got him to help me rearrange some of the furniture yes terday he skinned his knuckles and didn’t blame It on me.”—Chicago Rec ord-Herald. To Remove a Splinter. Wash with soup and water. Dip the member In diluted alcohol or pour this over It Sterilize in alcohol a needle and the fingers of the hand that is to hold the needle; then pick out the splinter and pour diluted alcohol into the wound. Mothers’ Pensions. The Idea of granting pensions to mothers In recognition of the service they rendered the slate originated In Australia, where women vote. Brown's Son. The ending “Ing" to a surname aim- ply means “son of ” Thus Browning means “son of Brown.” and Dunning "Dunn’s son.” What wealth It Is to hare such friends that we cannot think of them without elevation - ‘Thoreau. POLK’ S' * Business Directory ( K. PO LK <t CO.. 8 R A T T L E STEAMER BREAKWATER “CORPSE ?’’ ASKED TH B MAN ON TH E CAR. was the other end to be up. Hudson looked at tin* box meditatively and rend tlie directions. “What’s tin* use of being so careful w ith a skeleton?” he asked “If it isn’t packed properly 1 don’t want to ship It. or if 1 do it must be at the owner’s risk. If It is packed properly it sliould stand ordinary handling.” “I’ll tell you.” said the shipper, as suming a faraway expression. “Those bones were once the framework of a beautiful girl.” “How do you know’ that?” interrupt ed the agent. “Tliat’s the tradition in college.” re sumed the youth. "Now, in packing it I couldn’t divest my mind of what it had been in life. It seemed horrible to put the poor creature in cotton or ex celsior or anything like that. I couldn’t do it. I’ve put her in just as she would like to be put in If she w’ere alive, lying peacefully upon her back, or when that end Is up and this one down she stands like a beautiful statue -th e Venus de’ Medici, for instance.” Tlie speaker was so affected that he w iped moisture from his eyes with his handkerchief. “I don’t think,” snid the agent, “that I’ll receipt for the article. If 1 should make myself responsible for a medical Venus or anything like that and there should he a breakage, with claims against the road for big damages. I’d ¡ got fired.” There were a few moments of delib erative silence between the two. after which the shipper said: “1 expect you’re right about it. 1 wouldn’t assume the risk if 1 were you. If some galoot of a hnndier should stand the box wrong side up It Have you paid I I KIME & VON PEGERT !( S H O R Bosburge-Marshfie d Auto Stage N A T IO N A L B A N K Coquille Herald Q> (6 • X «-IrO CHICHESTER S PILLS in AHON * u \ lm >. m i nr. UK IH a m o m V a j a i PRINTING > r H a m U r iv is Tlit’o. bergraa.nShoe Mfg.Co. the printer? Incorporated. Manufacturers of The Celebrated Uergmanr. Shoe Ln.Me*! Ask your if 1 Ur-.igtfUt ? r / A | The Strongest and Nearest Water .* ..r J llr n n d / A \ U i (’ hi'A-terV l>lai l ’Ut* m R eg an.l I tiol.l « n lilhcVV/ ' Pr iof shoe made for logpers, m ner = botcA. sealed with « Blue Ru h.-.n. T a k e no o th e r Ruy o f tump » prospectors and mill men. D l!'Sfo\ l> URANI» r f f . l *~ f r year known as B est. S afest. Alway* Reli.iM« 1 ¿1 Thurman Street SOLD BY ORUGfilSIS LVlftVVIHLÜ^ L Farmers and Merchants Bank FIR ST O REG O N a n d W A S H IN G T O N ] A D irecto ry o f e a c h C ity, Tow n and V illa g e, givin g d e scrip tiv e s k e tc h of e a c h place, lo ca tio n , popu lation, te le grap h . shipping and b a n k in g p o in t; also Classified D irecto ry , co m p ile d by business and p rofession might break the skeleton’s neck Th ;t would knock off a big sum from f> R. 8. K nowlton , President Guo. A. R obinson , Vice-Pres. 1 value Besides, consider wliut it or «* R. H. M ast , Cashier. ! was. How would you like to havt j sister of yours sent off in a box aid stood wroug end” — "Oh. give us a rest on that part ! the buaJuRcs. I understand that you I got a piece of merchandise to be sh j pod at the ordinary rates.’’ COQUILLE, OREGON “ You haven’t uuy feeling." the oth r continued. “1 can’t resign all that i > I mains on earth of what was once a Opened for Busines March. 1890 ! delicate girl to such bauds as youi I’m going along with the box inyse f. so that I may see It Is handled tend*; correspondents : ly. Will you tuke it on those terms? I.add & Tilton Hank, Portland First National Bank, San Francisco “Well. yes. 1 don’t mind If you II National Park, New York First Trust £ Savings, Coos Bay take the responsibility.” The agent took hold of the box ai d was proceeding to remove it w’hen lie discovered that It weighed soinethli g like a hundred pounds. "That’s the heaviest skeletoa 1 ev.*i OLD RELIA BLE—EQUIPPED WITH WIRELESS handled." he remarked. “How many have you handled?" a s » ed the shipper. “1 don’t know that 1 ever baudK <! ALWAYS ON TIME any." “Then how can you tell what one o! Sai s from Portland at 8 P. M., t them should w’eigh? Take hold of that Every Tuesda * end and I’ll take this. Now she goes ’ Sails from Coo* Bay at Service of Tide And the box was carried into tl e Every Saturday freight station and stood up on tin* Tickets on «ale 10 all Eastern points and information as to routes right end. Then the ugent went to a o and rates cheerfully furnished desk and. taking a blank receipt, aski d the young man ills name. W. L. K 0 LM, Agent Phone M ain 181 * “John Smith,’’ was the reply. “Any middle name?” “No." “Where to?” > O 0O O 0© O O O O O O O O O O O © O O O O 0O t ’Tlallowell.” Fred Von Pegert Hallowed was a town some twenty C. I. Kime miles distant. “You don’t need tlie name of the per son the skeleton was when alive, do you?’’ asked Mr. Smith. The agent turned from his writing MECHANICAL and. looking the shipper in the face, said: “Young man. will you be offended if 1 say something plain to you?” “No; drive on.” G e n e r a l flacksmithing, “You’re tlie biggest fool that ever Wago.i Making, .Machine came into this station." \N ork, Patten. Milking ai d “You’ve lilt it right, pard. I en Casting, Automobile Work. tered college ten years ago. and I’m a freshman yet. I’ve been turned back C O Q U I L L E , OREGON with nine classes 1 was to have been graduated with the class of (J4. Now * > 0 0 0 0 0 > o q q o o o p p o o o o q o <> o o < > c I am at the foot of the class of ’14.’’ "Oh, give us a rest. I’ve something to do besides chinning with an idiot There’s your receipt. I’ll put the I h ».\ on tlie next train that comes along, at 12:05. That’s an hour." Via Coquille and rtle Point “Isn’t there a train before that time?” “No.” l-cav« 8 Marshfield...... 5 a. in. At tliis point a carriage was driven Arrives Roseburg 1 p. m. up to the passenger entrance of tli • Leaves Roseburg (i a. m. station, and Dr Bidwell. president of Arrives Marshfield afternoon. Merton college, and Dr Arabella C’u.\ ton. president of tlie woman’s colleg. Make reservations in advance at üv\ I of the same institution, alighted. Tli • Drug Store, Marssfield. agent, who had charge of both the pn senger and freight departments, we - Stages, M jrlle Point to Roseburg, Carrying Baggage and United Stales Mail proceeding to the ticket office win i Mr. Smith stopped him and said: J. L. LAIRD, Proprietor “See here, old man; don’t talk about Office at Laird’s Livery Barn, Myrtle Point, Both Phones that skeleton I ’m shipping. These tv * prexys were opposed to the sale, an 1 they might not like to see it go." A l SHINE, V.-Pres. “Oh, 1 mind my own business.” re A J. SHERWOOD Pres. I . H. HAZARD, Cashier 0. C SANFORD, Assi. Cashier plied the agent and went on Ids way. while Mr Smith put himself out of sight among tlie boxes in the freight house. OF C O g U I U U B , OREGON. “Have you seen anything,” Dr. Bid well asked the agent, “of a young mu a and a young girl going off on any of T r a n ^ a c t a a G e n e r a l B a n k i n g the trains?” “No; 1 haven’t.” was the laconic re Beard of Directo ra. j Correspondent» ply. Dr. Bidwell turned to Dr. Caxtop P. O. Dement, A. J. Sherwood, j National Bank o Commerce, Nvw York l and remarked. “Do you suppose they L. Harlocker, L. fi. Hazard, | Urocker Wool worth N’lBjtnk, Sun Fran i have gone from the upper station?" Isaiah Hacker. R. E. Shine. ! First Nat’l Bank of Portland, Portland. “They may.” replied Dr. Cuxton. “When does the next train pass?" EIE the agent was asked. “At 12:05 “ After a consultation the two pres, TH E dents decided that Dr. Bidwell should go to the upper station and Dr. Cnxton should remaiu and watcli the 12:05 train. Other college officials were tak ing care of other routes. Dr. Bidwell drove off. leaving his colleague in tlie waiting room. When the 12:05 train came along the agent wheeled Mr Smith’s box on a truck to the bag is now fully equipped with modern gage car, and it was lifted inside. faces of type and accessories “Corpse?” asked the man on the car. for the execution of “No; skeleton.” “Mighty heavy skeleton.” Meanwhile Mr. Smith, when sure he was not observed, swung himself on to the rear platform of the last car of the train When the train was receding in tin* distance and President Caxton was leaving the station Mr. Smith made his way to tlie baggage car and saw that the box rested in a comfortable po sition for its contents till Hallowed was reached, then superintended its in 0 W removal Into the freight house of that station. Calling for tools, he opened the box and handed out as pretty a structure of bones with appropriate flesh as had ever been shipped by that in a style unexcelled and at prices or any other railroad equally as inviting as can be "Can you direct me." he said, “to a parson?” obtained from others “Certainly.” said the astonished agent "You’ll find one right under that spire you see over there.” point ing. "Tlie parsonage is next the church.” Tlie girl, a student of the woman’s college of the university, clung to Mr. Smith, whose real name was Jim S e vens. a sophomore, and the two bur ried to the clergyman’s house and were there united in the bonds of mat rimony. That ended the curriculum of both Mr Stevens and his wife ns college students The affair created consider able commotion In the men’s und wo PRINTED PROMPTLY men’s colleges, and the faculties of A N D ACCURATELY both institutions seriously considered the separation of the two on the ground that they furnished too favor H nhle opportunities for elopement» P obtland , 0 * * o o * . W ork entrusted to us will receive the personal supervision of a pratitical printer who takes pride in the proper execution of every detail El Give Us a Trial Order