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About Baker City herald. (Baker City, Or.) 1990-current | View Entire Issue (April 30, 2020)
8B — THE OBSERVER & BAKER CITY HERALD Mom on fi xed income supports a house full of freeloaders DEAR ABBY: My grandson, his girl- friend and, recently, my son (who had to move in) are living with me. She is the only one working. My grandson has been sitting on his butt the last 2 1/2 years and does min- imal work here in my home. All three of these “adults” live here for free. I am 79 and on a fi xed income. I pay for everything. They were supposed to be saving money so they could get a place of their own. That’s a big joke. All they do is spend, spend, spend. They sleep all day and play games on their computers all night. I have seriously considered shutting off the internet (which I pay for) to see what they would do. I have been talking to a counselor due to my stress and anger issues. The coun- selor has strongly advised me to evict them. My daughter told me if I do, I’ll never see her or my two young grandchildren again. She means it. I’m tired of being the caregiver. I feel used, but can’t set boundaries very well. I’m also afraid of my 24-year-old grandson, who has terrible anger issues and who put his fi st through a wall when I called him lazy. Should I put them out or, to keep peace in the family, continue to let them use me? — USED UP DEAR USED UP: There will never be peace in your family as long as you allow yourself to be held hostage by threats and intimidation. Your anger and boundary issues will resolve themselves if you act on the advice your therapist is giving you and evict these parasites. First, discuss this with a lawyer to see what steps you must take, and because you fear your grandson will become vio- lent, you may need help from the author- ities to guarantee your safety from him when he goes. As to your daughter, I predict she’ll keep the grandchildren from you only until she needs something — so be pre- pared. And please, continue talking to your therapist, who seems to have more of your interests at heart than your family members. THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2020 COFFEE BREAK DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our mid-40s with two kids (9 and 6). We are in the early stages of our estate planning, and of course the topic of who would look after our kids has been discussed. Our fi rst choice has lovingly agreed to have our kids join their family if my wife and I should die. However, many estate planning forms ask if there is a secondary option on who we want to be our children’s guard- ians in case our primary choice can no longer fulfi ll that role. How do we tact- DEAR fully ask our second choice ABBY if they are willing to be the backup? I worry that the couple may be offended that they aren’t No. 1, and this may cause ten- sion and seriously damage our relation- ship with them. — PARENTS IN A PREDICAMENT DEAR PARENTS: Do not offer apol- ogies or explanations unless you must. Simply ask the backups if they would be willing to step in “should the need arise.” If you are pressed about why they are not your fi rst choice, answer honestly. Your reasons should be respected. This is not a popularity contest; it is a serious consideration for the future of your children. DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I live quite far from town and spend a lot of time in the car — usually his. He bought some air fresheners for his car, which made me nauseated and gave me head- aches. I asked him to please remove them, but he refused because he doesn’t want to waste the $2.50. He said he likes the smell. Abby, we have two other vehicles we can take. I felt it was such a small thing he could do to make me feel better. He doesn’t agree. What is your opinion on the matter? — STUNK UP IN FLORIDA DEAR STUNK: You may be allergic to something in that air freshener, which is why you got the headache and became nauseated. Asking your boyfriend to remove it was a small thing — not like asking him to remove a limb. If he were less self-centered and more considerate, he would have accommodated you. In my opinion, you should take one of the other cars when you drive together. ed ne ORE M Show Listings, rds, o w s s o r C , u Sudok ts r o p S , h c r a Word Se ...? e r o M & s e Quizz Let Your GRADUATES’ Accomplishments SHINE! With college commencements being canceled and uncertainty with high school graduations, HONOR YOUR SENIORS in this special way with a custom 18” x 24” corrugated plastic, double-sided yard sign! 2020 SENIOR Order by May 8th and we’ll deliver to your door before Memorial Day! SAMANTHA BACON ENTERPRISE HIGH SCHOOL 2020 SENIOR SCOTT DAVIS LA GRANDE HIGH SCHOOL 2020 SENIOR Just $ 9 each 2 $ 9 4 / 2 r o SHANE ADAMS BAKER HIGH SCHOOL Call to place your order today! 541-624-6008 Check out our new TV Magazine Y R E V E Y A D R SATU BLACK E LOGO REVERS LOGO R - COLO G N CHAN BAR CA
