8B — THE OBSERVER & BAKER CITY HERALD
Mom on fi xed income supports
a house full of freeloaders
DEAR ABBY: My grandson, his girl-
friend and, recently, my son (who had to
move in) are living with me. She is the
only one working.
My grandson has been sitting on his
butt the last 2 1/2 years and does min-
imal work here in my home. All three
of these “adults” live here for free. I
am 79 and on a fi xed income. I pay for
everything.
They were supposed to be saving
money so they could get a
place of their own. That’s
a big joke. All they do is
spend, spend, spend. They
sleep all day and play
games on their computers
all night. I have seriously
considered shutting off the internet
(which I pay for) to see what they would
do.
I have been talking to a counselor due
to my stress and anger issues. The coun-
selor has strongly advised me to evict
them.
My daughter told me if I do, I’ll never
see her or my two young grandchildren
again. She means it.
I’m tired of being the caregiver. I
feel used, but can’t set boundaries very
well. I’m also afraid of my 24-year-old
grandson, who has terrible anger issues
and who put his fi st through a wall when
I called him lazy.
Should I put them out or, to keep
peace in the family, continue to let them
use me?
— USED UP
DEAR USED UP: There will never be
peace in your family as long as you allow
yourself to be held hostage by threats and
intimidation. Your anger and boundary
issues will resolve themselves if you act
on the advice your therapist is giving you
and evict these parasites.
First, discuss this with a lawyer to see
what steps you must take, and because
you fear your grandson will become vio-
lent, you may need help from the author-
ities to guarantee your safety from him
when he goes.
As to your daughter, I predict she’ll
keep the grandchildren from you only
until she needs something — so be pre-
pared. And please, continue talking
to your therapist, who seems to have
more of your interests at heart than your
family members.
THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2020
COFFEE BREAK
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our
mid-40s with two kids (9 and 6). We are
in the early stages of our estate planning,
and of course the topic of who would
look after our kids has been discussed.
Our fi rst choice has lovingly agreed to
have our kids join their family if my wife
and I should die.
However, many estate planning forms
ask if there is a secondary option on
who we want to be our children’s guard-
ians in case our primary
choice can no longer fulfi ll
that role. How do we tact-
DEAR
fully ask our second choice
ABBY
if they are willing to be the
backup? I worry that the
couple may be offended that
they aren’t No. 1, and this may cause ten-
sion and seriously damage our relation-
ship with them.
— PARENTS IN A PREDICAMENT
DEAR PARENTS: Do not offer apol-
ogies or explanations unless you must.
Simply ask the backups if they would be
willing to step in “should the need arise.”
If you are pressed about why they are not
your fi rst choice, answer honestly.
Your reasons should be respected.
This is not a popularity contest; it is a
serious consideration for the future of
your children.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I live
quite far from town and spend a lot of
time in the car — usually his. He bought
some air fresheners for his car, which
made me nauseated and gave me head-
aches. I asked him to please remove
them, but he refused because he doesn’t
want to waste the $2.50. He said he likes
the smell.
Abby, we have two other vehicles we
can take. I felt it was such a small thing
he could do to make me feel better. He
doesn’t agree. What is your opinion on
the matter?
— STUNK UP IN FLORIDA
DEAR STUNK: You may be allergic
to something in that air freshener, which
is why you got the headache and became
nauseated.
Asking your boyfriend to remove
it was a small thing — not like asking
him to remove a limb. If he were less
self-centered and more considerate, he
would have accommodated you.
In my opinion, you should take one of
the other cars when you drive together.
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