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About Hillsboro independent. (Hillsboro, Washington County, Or.) 189?-1932 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 6, 1907)
Weak Lungs Bronchitis For over sixty years doctors have endorsed Ayer's Cherry Pectoral for couchs, colds, weak lungs, bronchitis, con sumption. You can trust a medicine the best doctors ap prove. Thcntrustthisthenext time you have a hard cough. r had '"! ennrti fne nyr a vaar en BOII III .lll1 I" any '' ' '"'' It.r i ( l.frl I'wlnr.l and .1 K"n !. 1 ,.ii. man.) II I., all n fllai "It t.nr TtilS h1- Ih.y hata I WthiOLB, y Mad if hi J 0 Ar.rr. , l,o.ll, Ml . eta4ulurera f 7 SRSPAILU. PJ0 puis. aver a pins anep me oownn roajuitat Ail vesctsbie nr. gently laxative. ralM Preteaea. He 1rrtiMHl for boarders wbo Jked peschea," "Well?" "Well, I went there for tbe sunr tier." "And didn't be bsv any pssehes?" "Ob. there was a whola orchard of teaches, but there wasn't a girl on the ilace." Houston Puat wtit the Aaeleats. Tha Greek commands wu aiakiaf the llreult of the walla of Trov. iook.af for t vulnerable spot, when bia automobile (tuck (ait ia tba mud. "tie a bora !" Jeered tha Trojaa sen tinels on tbe walla. Smarting undar thalr ridicule, he went ind built a huge wooden hot. Tba raat history. Kdivlatfa Ksplaaattoa. Kdwln, aged 3, wbo fondled bla small fat overmuch and unwlnely, appeared before bla mother one day, bm little fare guiltily pained and a aratcb upou bla hand. "What happened?" she aked. "I beat the kitty a little," be an Id, briefly. Unlit thai War. "What do you think of tlieae minh room bala the woinco ar wear.ng?" ak- d tba party of tba firat part, aa over lord at the street corner. "Tbcy'ra not aa had aa tha honrytnooa laf." aaid bia confederate in crime. "Tba honeymoon hat?" "Yea; big enough for two." Until recently the most convenient way tf getting from England to Japan was hy way of Vancouver, a journey of twenty four daja. Thia time baa been rut down to aerenteen daya by way of Ituxaia. It la expected to still further rut I bit time when the Ruaxiun government lays a double track across tbe country. His Pie If oral aa Ameaded. "My platform," ahouted tbe orator, bringing kia flat down with a resounding thwack on the deck before him, "is, 'Leave well enough alone !' " "Beg pardon," whispered the chairman of tee mMtlnt. an mlvwi Mnatoa eltw n, pulling bia coat taila gently. " 'I-et well enough alone' is the preferable form." Trade that Kill. One of the moat dangerous of trade, a.vordli.g to the iMgrlm. "la the cover lug of 'y animals with aklu. chamois liili.r Lain used, for Instance, tot the elephants, cslf.kin for the bre, 1 fii an. I v.,.iraLlll fur 111 CMIUM ...v-n.. .r ..f .ure dt without ..ilu 1.. i,.i natural, so the , en model la drat di.-d Into glue, then ' aprnmied wiiu cn..5k dtwt: " aklu la put on. The chalk la ao Bee that It Una tbe air and la drawn Into the throat and lung A year of thia sort of work eften results la death. Another very Injurloua toy la tbe rub ber balloon. Tbe fumes and solvents u-. In reducing aheet ruhlr to the .L. ..-t.il.. rt.talnlna' Ita uei-eKary miunrae . strength aud the delug of the bril liant yellows, greens aud purple are must of tbeia prisonous. I Aa lafalllale Srea. I rirat Student What, you fereaaw that our tailor, poor chap, weuld in s dt . . The Reeond-Sure; oa tbe Bth ol last month he wunted aouie money from n.e!-Tranliited fer Tranaatlae tic Talee from Megjcndorfer Blaetter. riareare Klf". "I din't take any stock in tbe pnifes tlen of these politician," the visitor was remarking. "They've all got eome se.flB ..heme te put tareugh. You never caa tell what a man has up his sleeve." "I can. Mr. Jtiies." aaid little Clar ence, butting Inte the conversation. "You've got a eirty cuf up yeiua. I .aa see It." Whea It Rle. Teacher (of geography cla) Namt tbe larsent cily en ih Ohie river. SUaggy Haired I'upil Cincinnati, aia'am: but it ain't on the Ohio rivet only part of the time. Teacher Indeed ! Where Is It the real ef the time? Shaggy Haired Tupil In It. 'ADVICE TO VICTIMS BELMA'S PEXFEP.EXC3. PImmI IllaueJf. Mlsa Canatlqne You evidently have a pieaaant disposition, Mr. Saplelgh. At least you aeeaa to be easily pleased. gaplelgh Why do you aw think I am aw easily pleased? Miss Oauetlque By the way In wMoa you laugh at eome of your wn re narka. Oa Aeeeaat a( Dltaaoa. Visitor And you have been feeding the doga, Bobby? Oracloual All of them are wagging their tails with the exception of the dachahund. Bobby Oh. be will wrg bli tall after a while. You aee It takes a long time for his good humor to get from bli bead to bis tall. After He'd Ba leataaeed. Lawyer (In courtroom) What tlms have you got, plae? Trimmer (at trial table) I can't tall you until after tun trial C. Gee Wo "U Tha well knnwa rallnhla ft fill IMF VlllllbJb Root and Herb DOCTOR l ttimlp lift atnrlr f htkI hi-rlm nni In thwl ly rl iMUVfri'l Hnl im kiv M-laVidwM I M I If tllr-.lui In Mrrcury, Pnivons r Drug. lid-Hc Currt Without OprtM(on, or Without I lie Aid of Hntl lit stiinriiiitH In i'nr t'ntttrrh. Art tints. Lung. rtiriMt. KlHMinialtiarTl. NtrVfiiianHs. NtTMMlw ltitv. (MtiHfh l,i-r, Ki lnHf I rx.-ii ln- n-n ,-t MainLouti. fuitMal W i'Hk lie" nl All lri h1 ln'Hn. A SUKE CANCER CURE mt Received from Pi'kint. ( kina Safe. Sara and Rrllable. ir von ark ah n"i i ii. ixiy-T delay. IiKLAVM AKK IiaNi.KUDI m. COINSUL.TATION I lvi:ij 'X 7' p.Bnnt mil. writ fnrrtrptn Hlnnk and rlrea Iiip In. lo-a ! .r' n .n i. thfo i.r.p. o i't:ishKaiMiiiNrcn. St 1 2 t irat Hi , Cor M.irriMin. l'urtluit, Orvtfno. flau M.nilon Thia l'iir. Catarrh Is a Constitutional Disease J It orii;imit'S in impure blood ana requires coiiHtitiuiniittl treatment, acting through and purifying the blood, tor iu radictil .and pi rinaui-nt -cute. lus sr.MMi ennatltuttonal retneuy M Hood's Sarsaparilla In usual liquid form or in chocolated tab let known a6arsatabS. l(XJdo.HP$l. Nasal and other local forma of catarrh are promptly relieved by Antiseplets or fJatarrlutK, ., (lruirKWia or nmi, C. I. Hood Co., Lowell, Mass SPECIAL HOLIDAY OFFER! Mull a my smew tiifMiir with i wt orler for SI nd mm will Mml you bvitiit if ill photo lHruDiont of twin, frninl In hBl nu-t- frnmt like 'ut: ottiili nifruur nl frftiitsi L'xln inch We .( nil ol rnlnnfiny end kolAb ItUS READERS HOW TO fROMPTlV CDRI RNtuMATliM AT HoMf. Direction, to MU Simple Prep-at. and the Doa to Take Over cornea Kidney whI BUdder Trouble Promptly. There ia so much Rheumatipm STery. rheie that the follow log advice; by an eminent authority, who wre.ior ru era of a large Kaatern daily Jper, will be highly appreciated by tuffer: Uet from any good phaimacy one half ounce Fluid Kitract Dandelion, one 3unce C mpound Kargon, three ounces f romnound Hyrup Karaapar.lla. Shake theee well la a bottle and take in ti.aBnoonful donee alter eacn meal n.l at benltime: also drink plenty of mui water. It ia olaimed that there few victims it this dread and torturous disease wbo will fait to nnd ready relief in tms tlmple home made mixture, and in most cases a permanent core S tbe re- alt. This simple rectpe is said to strength na and cleanse the eliminative tlsaues )l the Kidneys to that they can filter md strain from the blood and system :he poisons, acids and watte matter ahicb cause not only Kheuanatitki, but aumrrous other diseases. Every man ar woman here who feels that their kid neve are not healthy and active, or who suffers from any nnnary trouble what- iver, should not nesitute to make up this mixture, as it is certain to do much good, and may save you from much misery and suffering after while. Takes at Hta Ward. Master Walter, aged 0, kad aatea tbe sort portions ef his toast at breakfast. anel piled the crusts on his plate. Wbeo I was a little boy." remarked bla father, wbo sat opposite kirn, "I al ways ate the erne's of my toast." "Did you like themf lugulred his effwprlna;, cheerfully. "Tea," replied the parent "Tou may have these," said Master Walter, pushing his p!ate across the table. Harper's Weekly. $100 Reward, $100. The readera of thia t aper will ba stream) to ram tn at there ia at let one JrvadiJ dmeaiMi hat aclence baa been able to cur IB all In iiaxri, and that la Catarrh. Haifa Catarrh Jure la the only poeltlv curennw known to in meilU'ftl fraternity. Catarrh Ua n a conttltu lional dUvaae. requirm a eimaitlutlonal trt-at-nnnt llaU'sCatarrhCureta.aken internally, wtinn directly in Ihehlondand mucnuaur- out heavairm, therehv dmt'uylngtbelo.iif if the rit-ftoe, andglvlnat e pat enl hy I'liiMinii nuthe ronstltu lon and uumtine: nature In (inlli ita work. The prn- rnutnr have an much luitli tn lt' uratly"pw- naren noiiaraairany jm hat they ffer One Hi! "in that It fails to rare, bend for 111 of leetlmohiall. JkllreaK J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, l. Kulil by all druiialma, 7V. Take Uall's Faiui.y Cilia for constipation. Mora Appropriate. .'T.oing to pny simie of your son Otto's bills?" liiURlied tbe caller. "Yea," alghed the tienevolent father, "Otto la a very wild youth. ' I should have called hltn Auto." "Autor "Yea; he'a rocb an expermlve aport, and It won't be long before he wlli be a broken-down sport" .aa Liked ike F.asu.k Thai Soaad-- 'h lllaker. The first day Helma came abe niude gingerbread, ami jiut eleven teMspoou fuls of soda In it. "Tou ask tiie 'Ifvpn she explained to her dlnupi.,iiwl uilslrena as they mrveyed together i1(! .i,.k!y i-olored re sult. "No, Beliua, 1 salj one. On. 1 muai have said 'a lev, teaaiMiiful." " That's so," belma agreed, triumph antly. "She looks so sweet and bright." Mrs. VankurHti iimtMeU to ber husbsnd thut night, "that I clu-t help glvitig her credit tut uiur lutelllgeui'e than the hue." "Oh, I Imagine ( intelligence Is there," he answered. "It takes pa tience, of oourw., to teach tbeiu, but she eouiprolieuded perfwtly when I siHike to her." "Yes: sud unit did you sny? 'Good evening?' You'd have a merry time, though, teucblng ber to cook, with your vouabulury. iour uiotlier told me her self thut even y.iur buby talk was in words of three syllables." "Nmiaeuae:" Dm he laughed as he said It, A month bad passed when Mrs. Van kuran cuuie aiulllug luto her husband's study. "I've Just had one of my ridiculous encounters with Seliua." she said. "I noticed the three layers of her cake spread out iu tbe pantry, and aaid, 0 Seluia, you burned oue, didn't you? That's too bud; To my surprise, she straightened up and answered, 'No.' 'Why, yes,' I told her. 'Don't you see this black edger 'Yea,' she said, 'I see burned, but not too bad.' I thought she was being saucy, so I rebuked her. and she got Solemn, and 1 don't know where It might have led If she hadu t happened to say, almost with tears, '.Not two bad one bad.'" "There's s lewtou for you, though," Mr. Vankurun rejoined, after the laiiKh. "I'd siikrireet that you avoid Idiomatic expressions." At thut luataut Scltna apenred In the doorway to any that the Chinese laundrytuan was there, and wanted to know how soon he must bring back Mr. Vaukuruu'a linen. "Tell him there's no Immediate ex' Igeney," the master of the bouse re plied, carelessly, and bent to his writ lug. while Belma stared. "No hurry, Belma," Mrs. Vankursn supplemented, but before the door had fairly closed behind the girl she turn ed on her husband. "Of all messages to scud to a Chinaman by Selma ! 'No Immediate exigency, " she quoted. merrily. "When you've studied Anglo- Saxon simplicity as long as I have. sir, I'll ask your advli-e about Idioms and things." It was undeniably her hour of tri umph, but her bumbled husband would have given mucli to hear a little dia logue which took place between mis tress and maid the next day. "Mr. Vankurm talk nice Kngllsh more nlca as Mn. Vaukuran," the girl announced, calm.i. I "What makes r think moV "Oh, his wonla kniud so hlk'h! I like rer much learn his Knglisb." Youth's Com pu lion. II vlaiklaftaa Were 'twere. Two promlueut society women f fl'ashlngton were sested In the gallery reaerved for tlie families of Congress men. 1 What a grind body of men! ei- I claimed the younger of the two euthu- alaatlcallv. - . . . i i ..i. . 1 1 .. i i . 'IK you think eof asked the Other Happiness aim rum iniiis uii i mow. demurely. leuge or ine woriu s ucst pro nics. "Why. of course I do. Bee how alert ! products of actual exct Hi n e an1 nd busineeslike tiiey aie. I a;a sura . rvaaoiiablo claims truthfully pu s. iit J One of the Essentials ot the happy comes of to-day It a vast fund of Informal i;-i as to the beat methods of promoting l,i a't!i ui.d iV Twa A ere Varaas. Ia Belgluns a two-acre holding Is aufflclent to snalataln a farmer and bla fiunlly. The typlesl two-acre farm In Hard Kaavrh. Tbe aumerous "help" who have "had had good characters but lent them" are worse off than the dauiei.tle asea- tloned la Illustrated Bits, whose search for aaployaaeat was hindered by aa outeward circumstance. Said tbe mu ter of tbe beuse to aa applleaat: "Caa't yen lad any werk st alir "Plasty, sir; but everybody wants refereo6ee frees soe last employer." "Cas't yeu get thamT" "No, sir. lias beea dead tweaty eight years." Te Break In New Shoes. Alway hake in Allen'a Fnot-Eane, a powder It run. hut, awt-ating, achlnf, awollen feet tiri'i riiriin, inruwing naili and bunlom. Al til itregiitia and aiio aieri-s, D.iut accen iiit ul..titutB. amlemalirIFKEt. AUdreai Allen B.01mntel, L Uoy, N. Y. Areardlast to Itnlaa. Pentry You can't leave. Soldier Tut I have the captain's oral permission. Bentry (Importantly) Let's II Motto per Rldere. LEQAL KT01IATI05. One who wrongfully obtains from a tranxportatlun compiay possesMlon of It) naKXnite to which be It nut eutltled, by placing the wrong clwok on It, with I Intent to appropriate it to his own use, Diatrict Attorney Jerome of New Tort 1 held. In Aldrlch vs. Peonle (111 ). 7 mre) "W sinu atvifta . , - ( r."!;"'a"m. to'Sl ' "'"""' rnaj : L. R. A. (N. S.) 1140, to be guilty of ":.MJ!inn"M,id , 'stinr. cooking strange di.bea and making ' larceny. larniiure. i The conductor of t freight train Is jjr relura ai- CEO. M. STRONG U1W Pi.kSl. PortUad, Orrcoi P. H. U. N. 4 -07 tyilKM wrlllna to ad vt.rtlara plaaae IT menilfin thia fmper. NGRAVING Write Us PLATES TOR PRINTING MICKS-CH ATTEN Portland Oregon l. Vitn ra and all Wrrvnoa Dtaoaaai nuy rurwi rv nr. Klme'a Url rmrn n,r rnr.h. I trial bntUan P"T Si. Vitna ff 10 Prmanai rirv Hainrwr. IraaiiM. iir. H. U. k in.. UL. lul Arch bu. Piill..!-, improve Your Bakind K C BaWnrr Powder will do It ! Get a caa Try it for your favorite cake. If It dpesn't raise better, more evenly, higher, if It isn't daintier, more delicate in flavor' we return your money. Everybody agrees K C has no equal. tar .ess' I J IIM & If Ult.afl' BAKIWG POWDER Pure, Wholesome, ' Economical. W. L. DOUGLAS $3.00 & $3.50 SHOES T;;Vo. -jsmois ton tvr nr MiMsre orv TMjrM LV. T 111 e,rf.fi $25,000 I ""-"eweevV.l Reward ) w ohm rnr. RFKS W . Po.,I .I,.,, wm hy more r.nrl. In all walk, odife than any ni'iar mate l. Iierauaa ol thir eirvilvnt aivle. enev-ninng. an 1 .niairi r v.n i( qualm.. 1 h.U-rfn.n oflh.l.nh.r. an. I o'lir material for aa fr o the tin anrl erv !. I of the muiai i . Inohe l after bv lh.r.l aorapleieoraariiiaiinnot au:naia.l.n'. loraineaaa l iuimi-ii.muin, woo rvapive lba biaIM. wacv. ri Im i u weul.lthea an.k-rx... hy laev k.T ar one" ami am nf a'r .l le l.ai any mner make Sb"i adunrr. and ho eonmuihip raaaot Mmild If I eeuld tali voa at ravlaraaf aoinnaa al Hrarktaa Ma an.l.Ko you hn eanifully W. .. 1om a. thmt are aiaaa yea k.J.I iheiraharw. Si batter, thi itfWMr make ' ' - . rfoe W I. liooabas tbiw. Tf heaa.? ? " T" Mr 04.OO ft.OO OUT COOtShm i CUIION TlwaaaiuiM hay W T.. loee lea t.ui. I. Setaaaary. Aa ynur d aeaieyeyliare Aa Arllat. "The man who painted that spuri ous picture was sn srtlst. at all vents," aaid the connoisseur. "I don't know about him," answered Mr. t'mnrox ruefully, "but the desler who sold It to me was." Washington Star. held. In Vaor vs. Atlantic Coast Line U. C. (N.C.),7I. B.A. (X. S.) 0.-H), to have no Implied authority to engage the services of a persiD to assist In liandllug freight, for which he Is to ret'elve passage on tl) trsln, so as to qtltle such person. In case of his In lury, to bold the carrier liable to ao mployer. To determine the degree of the crime f one who by menus of false connec tions conveva irna ar..,tiwt hla meter and "uM It npon his property without tunag in. wetnwg period. having It measured. It is held, in Woods vs. Teojile (III.). 7 I. It. A. (X. S.) fill), that the taking during each day Is not to be regarded as a separate of fense, but that the value of the gns wrongfully consumed during the period during which the fnlse ctmii''tlou Is In use at one time will be cuiiildered. The trespass necessnrj tcV constitute larceny Is held. In Toimlewskl vs. State (Wis.), 7 I It. A. (X. 8.) T.Vt. to be absent where a property owner, upon being informed of a design to steal his property, places it upon s platform where the Intending thief Is planning to get It, with Instructions to his serv ant In chnrge of the platform to de liver It to tlie one who will call for It, so that when the Intending thler srrlves he Is treated as having a right to the property. lea perfect. Antomoblllst Say. I w.nt this mask changed. It doosu't cover my face euf. floleutly. Clerk-Put It's the regular thing. ' Automobll 1st Can't help that, I find that the people I run over are apt to regnlie me. SINKS AND DRAINS A FREQUENT ,. CAUSEJDFTYPHOID. 'urify These and You Will Be Safe From Contagion, HSINFECTINS THE ONLY PREVENTIVE ma. k SIMPLE, SAFE AND SURE METHOD mm'rPe0"' bra''" rWn- sad free rom verm Influenre. I, , ,,( lil. e there I. no oor.,,0,, for alarm. It I. al ,.v, . to , ,,,,, on ; .i"?'.'??"' '"".ntlon t, B Than a ta. el h, lior dirfct at lie human im H' rai hii l "''"I" a. a Mintl I'lnwiirintl irn .m ,T 'n'rirr-yl barmleea to "em. than I. Il.irav. n"n an'i ua.d for "ner- o'l-i preyMntlve l.t,.il l.ltl Hobbr aa Beee. Little Hobby wrote an essny on bees as follows: "The bee Is a queer sort of an l sect, that gives people a few points that they don't atinrpriata The nueen hZ" lr.:'t';'M bo"ap ib J.mt like tn t-es hoiiiw. ins urone bee IS like pa; tie don t care much about work. There sre other kinds of ,.. including po litical bees, quilting beo and husking bees. Hut the best beea of all are th kissing beee. There Is a kissing bee tn our parlor every Sunday night and 1 get a nickel not to tell shout It w nen It comes to a choice, of bees, give me a kissing bee every time." Chic go News. A freak. John, what was that swful noise In the bathroom Just now J" TJont worry, my dear," replied John, aleevlly. "it was merely a crash. mwei rsiiing.- Mllwaokee rtIoel. . Most of us go through life on this principle: If we AWf, hnrry we will "u.lul,M.. , """"'Sirorii uncleanly lealnl ZnJ,lTn"''y, ' sni r.n.ni,,n of i,, i. i "'Intlon tn th H..,.. L " n'1 who raome. erl... ' i J. n, ." ."""1 'or num. irtir.e la the en..h... ""''will clan eyerv t hruh" i n!,,l 1 ' r.l.nin rm,e d make Adaiatybook In eou. -.n.j laat" will k.... . ' Jlale ?Jswi?rrss W PMIM aa a. . Utm. win, sv. " "-mm.i9ir ss m tTAsBtsfL Airf. Sk.. Revet Itlll. Tnej," called Ur. Harkec, fM the front porch, "where is that bahyt Just now he was In the dining room, then I saw hin la the parlor and bow he haa vanished again." "There he Is oat oa the front steps," replied Mrs. Harfcer with a smile. Oh, George, Isn't be a picture 7 n a l Tea, regular moving pie. rare." "Is be a man wbo uses good Judg ment?" "Excellent. Hut be always puta It to uae about a day too late." Milwaukee Sentinel. Itolllngstoue NomoMi Tea; I uster lie a poet Tatteredon Torn I often wondered bow you got your stsrt. rhlladelphla Iteoord. Lady (age 7) How much Is that, please? Stallholder (st booth of church fair, sge 0) How much haa your mother given you to spend? 1'utich. Friend What's tbe matter, old boy? You look dlsapiiolnted. Algy I thought I bad apiendlcltls, hut the doctor said It wss only Indigestion. Court Jour nal. Tatlence They say your brother used to have great luck as a fisherman. I'atrlce Yea, he did have. Nearly v erybody used to believe him. Youkers Statesman. "Yon lire nuUlde of the city limits? low far outside?" "(loudness knows. ! don't It's about fifteen minutes the Other side of where the map stops." "hlcago Tribune. Landlord (to new tenant) I suppose you would reoulre a bathroom In the house? Teuant Ob, we dou't need a bathroom. We go to sea every year. efeggendorfer Itlaetter. Uttle Willie Suy, I'a. what Is the I i (Terence between "well" and "good?" I'a I have noticed, my son, that about the only time you are good Is when you ,re not well. Denver rot, "Yes, sir," said the man In cell 711. "time was when I was admitted to the ery best bouses." "And what brought you here?" "They caught me coming out." Youkers Statesman. Miss diddle So she's really engaged to Mr. Sllmui. Ihi you think he's really a good match? Miss Knox Well, he's s regular stick, sud he's got a red head! New York Daily Mall. Harold I aupjiose, I'ucle George, you objwt to these things because I lunale tlu amok. I'ncla llMirire. Vot at all. lnv bov. I ohlect to tliejn because vou I yard. ethiile th aaioke Milwaukee SeutU Dl 1 know I did, net. "What's that you're so busy writ ing? You're regularly perspiring over it." "My wife Is giving an address on 'Women's Hlghts' to-morrovr; and I am preparing It for her." Lustlge Blaet ter. Dolly No, I won't wash my face. I Just hate te wash my face! Grand ma Naughty, naughty ! When I was s little girl I always washed my face. I hilly Yes, sn' now look at It! Cleve land Lender. "Frau Lehmann was saying some aw ful things about you ye: terday." "Well. did you stick up for me?" "Oh. no, I wanted to hear It all, so that I could tell you about It afterwards." riu geude Itlaetter. Mr. Orthodoxer Hut surely, sir. Dr. Ileirlar doesn't advertise? The Ldltor Well, no, not directly, but when busi ness Is dull he often sends me a cneck for Inserting pie and pastry recipes. Llpplncott's Magazlue. ' The Hev. J. Tut, tut! How dare you come before me and ask me to mar ry you when he Is In that disgraceful condition? Would Ite-Urlde Weel, sur. plciist, sur, he'll no come when hes sotier. Illustrated Hits. Lawyer And do you thluk that the -t.h .mi. arira man wno nas run nj j" bruiuMi her aome time? Husband- No, he can't have known her long. oW he would never have run away wun her. Meggendorfer Hlsetter. Diner Walter, bring me ft cutlet. and also a big bone ror my aog. i will nay extra for that Walter Yea, sir. Diner (when the cutlet arrives) Wliere Is the bone for the dog? w alter In the cutlet sir. Meggendorfer Ulaetter. I supimse you vlsltetl all the points ... IV Gorge WssUlngton could coiae uses and which have attained to world- to Cougresa be would be proud of such , wj0 acceptanco through the approval a dsxallng sHacIe." ' of the Well Informed of the World; "I fear, deer," remarked the elder of , .... a tear, u , ., mot of Individuals only, tut of tlie the two seriously, "that ir George . Wa.blntoa were to come back aud see W-T 've the happy faculty , f Coctfress he would lose 00 time In do-, selecting and obtaining the best tie liverin- another farewell address." world anord. Llpplncott's. One of tbe 1 products of that c!as, of known component parts, an Ethical remedy, approved by physician and commended by the Well Informed of ! tbe World as valuable and whole- 1 ... M ir ...Hua I .1 I n. x. 1 I I . that country coatalns a patch ef wheat . ' . . ... . nn, or rye aad another of barley. Another get , boneflclaI e(f(.Pls aways t)uy fair portion grows potatoes. A row of j,e genuine, manufactured bytbs cabbage grows all round on the sloping ; California Klg Syrup Co., only, and sides of the ditches, with a row of for sale by all leading druggists. unlans Just outside, leaving bare walk-1 Ing room between them and tbe grain. The ahade trees round the bouse are pear trees. Every foot of lend Is made to produce, aad tbe faraier keepe pigs snd chickens. Bfreaaaaa Manae CwaalaaT "IlaUy snackerel !" excluliued the freckled lad who waa peering over the rail of the drawbridge. "Just look how yer brother Petey can swliu. Why, b an go like a caaoe." "Yep," replied the other lad. solemn ly, "and he remJads me ef a canoe. " '"Oanoe ate caa glide ao good?" "Naw, 'eaaae he Is going to get pad dUtd whea he gets home." Faoalalaltv. There oace wae a maid named McGianity, Tbe fairest ene ia tbe vicinity, Phe leved a yeusg man Names Patrick McGano Hut wedded a rich eld affinity. Hlx Tou aaid your gun would shoot Illxr Ifa marked to shoot only 430 yards Dlx I know, but there are two bar rel. THE MAN MO SWEARS BY THE FISH BRAND SLICKER is the man who has tried to get the same service out of some other make cwi:e AWS'JJO Clean L Ignt Dura We Guaranteed TVer proof OJwl Sold Every here D ULraJ '?a r.iiSv'i -' 11' of interest while you were abroad?' said one young woman, "No," answered the other, "we were so busy addressing post cards to our friends that we hadn't time to do mucu sigiseeiiiK. Washington Star. "The great corporations which con trol general necessities," said the man of unusual theories, "should lie regard ed merely as servants of the public." Yes," answered the weary-looking cm- ... . . trlaH trt Anlltml ten, out nine juu r-. a house full of servants? asiungwn Star. Mrs. Gadsby And you liked Home heat of all the Eurotsnn cities you vis ited? Mrs. Newrlche ( enthusiastical ly )ifs far suix-rlor to all tbe others. Whv my dear, in Home one ran uuy souvenir postals for a penny that cost two or three times as much anywnere else. ruck "To-morrow," announced R-year-old Sidney, proudly, to his kindergarten teacher. "Is my birthday." 'Why," re- rned she. "it Is mine, too." The boy's face clouded with perptexl'7. nd, aft er a brief silence, he exclaimed : "How did you get so much blgger'n mc?" Llpplncott's Magnzine. No Geoffrey," protested tbe beau tiful girl, "yu mustn't do that I have never allowed a young man to put his srm sround my waist" "Thst being the case, Gwendolen," he snswered, aadly. but with Inexorable firmness, "vou will have to take your head off my shoulder." Chicago Tribune. Flaarraaaa'e Lark. The Judge For two yenrs you men have fished together, peaceably, and yet vou fought over this fish, The SiKirtsmao You see, your hon or this Is the first one we ever caught Translated for Transatlantic Tale from Meggendorfer Itlaetter. He Kite Waat'e laalda. ping What are you ordering, old man? Bang Chicken pte. Join me? Blnff All right ; IU lef It wlUh ywa, A Sabatltate. "Teu're rather a young man to be left In charge of a drug store," asld tbe fuasy old gentleman. "Have you any diploma T" "Why er no, sir." replied the drug clerk, "but we have a preparation of our own that's Just as rood." Philadelphia Press. The Kind You Have Always llnurrlit lii borna the Biirii-i-tlire of CbttS, II. Fletcher, anil liun tn waiie .. 'z personal sunerviMou iir atvt-t- y-i. ... . to deceive you In thin. CnuntcrfclU, Imitations, anl JiiHt-as-frood" are but Kx pert men t, and endanrer tua health of Children lixperlence against ljzperituvuu What is CASTORIA CastoHa is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, l'nre aorlc, lrop and Hothliijr Syrup. It i l'leasimt. It coutaiua neither Opium, Morphine nor other .Narcotic substance. Its aee Is Its guarantee. It destroys Voriii and allays Fcverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and lna Colic. It relieves Teethlnsr Troubles, cure Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulate" the Stomach and ltowels, Bivlner healthy and natural sleep. The Children's PanaceaThe .Mother's Friend. The Kind You Haye Always Bouglit Bears the Signature of Use For Over 30 Years. icavaua aaaieaav. TT aueaav avacaT. annn erry. Ever Tfcae. "Whst has come over the spirit of Haskln's dreams?" queried Raymond. "He has quit talking agnlnst magnates and trusts." "He bought his first block of sfocfc last week," replied Haskln's partner, conclusively. RHEUlViLATIS M CAN NOT BE RUBBED AWAY It Is perfectly natural to rtib the spot that hurts, und when the mtiscle. nerves, joints and bones are throbbing' and twitching" witli the pains of Rheumatism tlie sullerer is apt to turn to the liniment bottle, or some other external application, In an effort to get relief from the disease, by producing tounter-irritation oa the flesh. Such treatment will quiet the pain tempo rarily, but (tan have no direct curative effect on the real disease because it does not reach the blood, where the cause is located. Rheumatism is mora than etin deep it is rooted and grounded in the blood and can only ba reached by constitutional treatment IT CANXOT BR RUBBED AWAY. Rheumatism is due to aa excess of tiric acid ia the blood, brought about by the accumulation ia the system ef refuse matter which the natural avenues of bodily waste, the Bowels and Kidneys, have failed to carry oft. Ihis refuse matter, comiasr ia contact with the different acids cf the body, forms uric acid which is absorbed into the blood and distributed to all parts cf tha body, and Rheumatism gets possession of the system. The aches and pains are only symptoms, and though they may be scattered or relieved for a time by surface treatment, they will reappear at the first exposure to cold or dampness, or alter an attack: ct Indigestion or other irregularity. Kiicuma ti.m can never be permanently cured while the circulation remains saturated with irritating, pain-producing uric acid poison. The disease will shift from muscle to muscle or joint to joint, settling oa the nerves, causing Inflammation and swelling and such terrible pains that the nervous system is often shattered,' the health undermined, and perhaps the patient becomes deformed and crippled for life. S. S. S. thoroughly cleanses the t loxl and renovates the circulation by neutralizing the acids and expelling all foreign maueruomuie system, it warms and invigorates the blood so tliat msn-aa cf a weak, sour stream, constantly deposit ing acrid and corrosive matter ia the mus cles, nerves, joints and bones, thebody is fed and nourished by rich, health-sustaining blood which completely and permanently cures Rheumatism. 8. S. S. is composed f both purifying and tonic properties Inst what is needed in everv case, of Rheu matism. It contains no potash, alkali or other mineral ingredient, but is made entirely of purifying, healing extracts and juices cf roots, herbs and barks. If you are suffering from Rheumatism do not waste valuable time trying to rub a blood disease away, but begin the use of 8. S. S. and write as about your case and our physicians will give yon any information of adTkcdeaued free of charge and will send our special treatise on Rheumatism, tiux a win tpcctno co atuwta, oa. PURELY VEGETABLE "' Te.. Harvard Lampoon. aw save iud to take a reek