Image provided by: Hood River County Library District; Hood River, OR
About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 21, 1916)
Sold Under a Binding Guarantee Money Back If It Fails K . For Mm or Btait HAN FORD'S Balsam of Myrrh A LI N I M H NT For Cuts, Bunu. Bruises, Sprains, Strains, Stiff Neck. Chilblains. Lame Back, OldSores, Open Wounds. and all External Injuries. Made Since 1846. 'sj Price 25c, 50c and $1.00 All Dealers & c- hnM m,- c& fill UVUIOia SYRACUSE,!.!. V m Monamobile Oils and Greases and FEDERAL TIRES AND TUBES Free Tire Service. "THE HOUSE OF SERVICE." MOTOR CAR SUPPLY CO., Inc. 33 Broadway No. Portland, Ore WEST COAST of MEXICO ELAINE'S GARDEN By CLARISSA MACKIE. It was such a hopeless looking gar den! Rather, It was a neglected back yard criss-crossed with clotheslines. bounded by two neat brick walls on either side and a shabby brick laun dry shed at the back which gave upon an alley. The rear ot Mrs. Frlck'a boarding house formed the fourth boundary, and from her window on the fourth floor Elaine Rogers could look down on the bleak squalldness of the neglected rectangle and com pare It, most unfavorably, with the green loveliness of the one next door. "Why don't 1 have a garden!" Mrs. Prick replied when Elaine questioned her. She laughed harshly. "And who would be getting three meals a day, eh? Suppose you all came In to din ner and found no dinner at all and me mincing around In a garden! 'Come Into my garden and eat by smelling of my flowers!' I'd say, Humph!" she ended contemptuously. Elaine said no more about gardens, but she continued to' look wistfully down at the neglected space and dream of what might be done with It If "If I had money enough," she sighed, but there never was money enough to spare from her salary as kinder garten teacher. Elaine was quite alone in the world and this was her first year at self-support. She had not known that boarding houses could be so drear, food so unappetizing, land ladles so hardened to anything that Best Land In Mexico. Two Croos Year without annroached heautv Irrigation, reasonable terms. pne low. Liter- .nr -i j i im -i. - it a ature and particulars, aiuw nuauiu I urn: Due eicmiweu Sitting here ana winning will not MEXICAN NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT CO. bring things to me. 1 must go out PORTLAND. OREGON atter lnem- Now- shaI1 1 8ttack Mr8 275 Pint Street. Double Tread Puncture Proof Tires Made from your old ones. Last long as Brand New TIKES Write us. OREGON VULCANIZING CO., 660 Washington St., Portland, On. LEARN WATCHMAKING Pleasant, profitable work not overdone; few monthB' learning; positions guaranteed; write for references and particulars. Portland Watchmak ing, Engraving and Optical School, 218 Common wealth Building, Portland, Oregon. Practical Lessons in Hypnotism 265 Pare Book. Contains full instructions for development and nractice of Hypnotism; Truth of this wonderful Science, 11.60. Purack Publishing Co., 828 Cham ber Commerce, Portland, Oregon. Wide Awake. An abnormally fat man lumbered In to a Pullman on a west-bound train, and set up a loud protest when he found that his berth was at the end of the car. "I can't sleep a wink If I'm over the car wheels. I won't close my eyes If you put me over the car wheels, porter.1, "Can't help It, sab.," said the por ter. It's the one that was sold you, and It's the only one there Is. You'll have to take a chair car and set up if you don't take this.'' The fat man finally decided to keep the berth, protesting to the last that he did not expect to close his eyes. Shortly his snores were heard above the rumble ot the train, but It was not until the train had a long wait that the sounds Issuing from the berth caused anything but amusement In the si lence, however, they got on the pas sengers' nerves, and by request the porter prodded him In the ribs. "My goodness, sab,!" demanded the porter. "If you makes noises like that when you'se lyln' wide awake over the - car wheels, what would you do If you was sound asleep In the middle of the car?" , ' Trying to Signal. "What did you tell that man who asked you If he could marry your daughter?" "I acted as grouchy as possible," replied Mr. Cumrox. "I couldn't tell him right out that Gladys has a sharp temper, but I though I'd sort o' hint to him that she might have inherited one." Washington Star. Objection Overcome. Nurse Tommy, it is naughty to nlay soldiers on Sunday. Tommy Oh, this is all right. It's the Salvation Army. Chicago Dally News. the Very Latest Chart and Instructions in Palm li ad ng 10c. r'urack Publishing U.. sza mam ber Commerce, Fortland, Oregon. Frlck's back yard. No! But 1 can have a window garden of my very own and this southern exposure will be Just the thing," The next Saturday found Elaine, singing like a lark, arranging pots of geraniums and ferns and Ivy on the wide sill of her solitary window. She had placed the last plant and was loaning out to arrange some falling sprays of Ivy when something hap- pened something that brought frightened exclamation from her Hps and caused the young man walking in the garden next door to glance up with a startled expression of bis pale face. The tiniest potted geranium of a sweet-smelling variety went hurtling down toward him. Look out!" warned Elaine, but be did not move and the little flower pot sped to its mark between his eyes. - Elaine covered her own eyes for a moment, wnen sue witnarew ner hands the man was lying prostrate and a man servant was bending over him. Elaine flew down the stairs to the front sidewalk and hastened into the area of the house next door. Here all was Bpecklessly neat and bearing evi dence of well-to-do occupants. She rang the basement bell and a Hurried looking maid admitted her. A flower pot fell from my window and I am afraid It has injured the young man who was in the garden," hurriedly explained Elaine. The maid nodded. "Mr. Arthur Is in the dining room, miss. James Is dressing the wound while he waits for tho doctor." Oh, is he so badly hurt?" breathed Elaine. "It bleeds frightfully, miss. It struck him fairly between the eyes,' explained the girl. "It seems so strange that be did not move out of the way. He seemed to bo looking straight at it." Mr. Arthur is blind, miss," said the maid gravely. "Blln.:l!" cried Elaine pityingly; "Oh no how dreadful!" There was a murmur of voices In tho next room and a man appeared with a roll of bandages in his hand. Mr. Arthur wishes to know who is hero, Mary?" he said. The young lady next door. She camo to see If he was badly hurt. It was her flower pot that fell." Please ask her to come In here, Mary," said a man's impatient voice, and in response the three of them hastened to enter the open door of tho dining room. Elaine's victim was lying on a broad leather-covered couch and James' skillful hands had neatly bandaged his eyes. Elaine could only see a fine forehead, with dark hair brushed Arthur; "she went away without a word." "She was crying, I think, sir," ex plained Mary. Crying and for me?" lie jumped up and paced the floor restlessly. Later In the day, he told Mary to go and ask Mrs. Frlck for the name of the girl who had the window garden. Mrs. Prick cheerfully supplied the name, but ot Elaine's present where abouts she professed profound Ignor ance. I told her I wouldn t have any messing around with flowers and that my neighbors would be suing me for damages what with her carelessness In dropping flower pots about, and so she packed her trunk and went away good riddance I say," When Mary repeated this conversa- tlon to her master, Arthur frowned blackly. "If 1 hadn't been out thero listening to her singing, the pot would not have landed between my Inquisitive eyes," he groaned. '"' Three times during the ensuing week Elaine telephoned an Inquiry concerning Arthur's Injury, and when Mary told her the last time that all traces of Its had disappeared the in quiries ceased. It was six months after that when Arthur Pierce walking through the street heard Elaine's voice once more. She was singing the same v song and with her voice there blended a score of childish trebles. The kindergarten was a tiny, low roofed building, with casement win dows opening upon a sunny garden. Arthur leaped the fence and crossed the grass to the open window. With arms on the sill and his hat tucked under his arm, he listened, Btartng with all his might at the girl whose face he had never seen before, but whose voice had charmed him by Its sweetness during long hours while be had gone about with eyes bandaged after a delicate operation to save his vision. Now he could actually see her and she was as fair as her voice. He used to marvel how anyone could live In MrB. Frlck's dreary domain and sing so cheerily. Round-eyed children eyed him with amusement as they sang and it was a gurgle of merriment that attracted Elaine's attention. Her voice enled suddenly and the childish voices trail ed into silence. "What do you want?" she asked gravely. "I heard your voice singing," he said humbly, "and I wanted to ac tually see you." "Oh, are you Mr. Pierce. Won't you come In?" He came in and Elaine gave him a seat on the low platform. "You can see?" she said gladly. He explained the nature ot his tern- porary blindness. "I'm glad It happened," he said bluntly. "If it hadn't I never should have met you," "Some day I shall have a real gar denwith worms and caterpillars aud everything," she laughed to cover her confusion. "I'm sure you will," he said with sudden gravity. The next day he bought an old fashioned place in the suburbs. For months he supervised its repairs and remodeling, and one October day be took Elaine to see it and asked ber to be his wife. "I really can't resist this lovely garden," she said, with a happy smile. (Copyright, 1916. by McClure Newspaper Syndicate.) THE HUNTER'S FRIENO. In a hut on the side ot a mountain lived an old hunter all alone. He bad only one room, which was very scant ily furnished, and he cooked his meals In a fireplace. You need not pity this old man, tor he would rather eat his food cooked in this way than in any other. He had a bunk built in the room about halt way up the wall, where he had to climb a ladder to reach it, and when he went to bed he covered himself with a big bearskin. Beside the bunk a gun bung on the wall, where he could quickly reach It If it were needed. Across the door at night he fastened a big bar, tor he did not. intend that anyone should enter while he was asleep. The old hunter bad set a trap by bis door, and one morning be found baby bear caught In tt by the left hind paw. He very carefully opened tbe trap and took the little fellow out. Then he took Johnnie Bear, as ha named him, Into the cabin, and very tie, Helpful Suggestions. "Mv brain is on fire," tragically ex claimed Johnson as he threw himself down upon the sofa and held his head. "Why don't you blow It out?" ab sent-mindedly asked his roommate. Bm0othly back, the end of a handsome Lehigh Burr. Should It Be True? Here's some strange news. A sclen tist says that women are talking less, and if the decline keeps up the women of 2900 will forget to use their only weapon. "Women are not the persist ent, animated conversationalists that thoy were twenty years ago," says the learned man. "Take, for instance, women in restaurants and at public places of all kinds, where they are seen freely moving about with men Everywhere you see the men taking not only their own share In the conver satlon, but even leading It In many cases. At receptions, too, and at pub 11c dinners, the fair Bex seems, lor some time now, to be letting the reins of conversation slip from their hands One explanation for this queer state of affairs Is that women, with their growing Interest In outside doings, I; business and politics and In the stren uous pursuits of careers Independent of men, are becoming more and more self-absorbed." And only the other day a man sued for separation because his wife had a habit of waking him up in the dead ot night to nag him. j Strong on Figures. "How Is the new bookkeeper on figures?" "Always runs to the window when a good one goes by. Louisville jour ler-Journal. Cynic Defined. A cvnlc Is usually a person who Im agines he is smart enough to be polite and ill-natured at the same time. Washington Star. Peace at Any Price. "Do you let your wife have her own way?" "Certainly, and most of mine." Bos ton Transcript. Many Folks Do. "Does he borrow trouble?" "Gosh, no! He goes out and buys It" Life. L a, a . C Gee Wo staceassfal Horn Remedies Bis successful herb al remedies cure all kinds of ailments of men and women with ont Mention, used from the wonderful Chinese herbs roots. buds and vegetable, which are unknown to the medical science or wis country. Writ for blank and circulars. Send stamp. CONSULTATION FREE. Address The C Cee Wo Chinese Kedicina Co. 16HV, First St.. Portland. Or. Mention Paper. P. N. U. No. 3, 1918 VHEN writing to eatvertlsers, sis I " tioa (his paper. nose and Arm, well-cut Hps, 'I nm so sorry!" she breathed Im petuously. That's the voice!" he cried excited ly. "You were singing," he went on eagerly. 'Yes." she replied. "You sounded bo happy I was wish ing I could see you my confounded eyes" he ended abruptly. 'And I have made them worse," trembled Elaine, very near tears. "Hardly the earth and the plant were loosened from the pot and struck me first, breaking the blow of the pot Itself. Doctor Hurd will fix that up tn a trice. Toll me what you were doing, please." Elaine sat down and told him about her window garden and how It bad been inspired by. his own well-kept plot nest door, He listened eagerly and nodded his head many Unit's as if be understood just how fhe felt about boarding houses and liack yards that ought to he gardens and persisted In being hack yards. By the time she bad finished, the doctor arrived and she listened palpi tating!?' to his report. "A hnrt bruise It won't help the eyes any," growled the physician. Elaine turned to go. There was nothing ViiC could do save to express her coLtrilli.il for the accident The doctor looked at ber severely, the maid was quite haughty i.nd James wore a look of stern disapproval. Tho dnor closed behind her and Mien Arthur Pierce lifted bis head "Who went out?" he demanded aharply. . Clio young lad,' murmured tbe snald. "6be didn't say anything." protested Fruit Diet and Beauty. A diet of oranges will clear muddy complexions and reduce supers bun dant curves. Lemon, taken internally, quenches thirst and prevents the bad habit of overindulgence In ice water. Lemons clear the skin, assist diges tion and have a tendency to rid one ot obesity. Applied externally, they are a bleach wblch will remove stains from fingers and neck, freckles from arms and cheeks and other sallow blemishes. Pineapple will sweeten tbe voice, restore the quality If it has grown husky and assist digestion, which means that it will help to beau tify the complexion. Apricots are used tor the same purpose and are much favored by tbe Orientals. Remote Possibility. "Gadson Is a crank about chimneys. He has all sorts of more or less ar tistic chimneys rising from bis coun try home." "What's the Idea?" "I don't know, but he seems to be an optimist." "In what particular?" "He evidently diesn't think his place will ever be a target for Zeppe line." Growing Lonely. "What Is your object In wanting your wife to vote? "Well," replied Mr. Meekton. want somebody besides me to afraid ot what she Is going to say, Drank the Milk Very Greedily. CAP A Lawful Revenge. 'I'm laying for that motorist that almost knocked me down, and when I catch him, I'm going to glvo him such a pair of black eyes he can hardly see out of them." 'Aren't you afraid ot being arrested tor assaulting him?" 'How can I be? Hasn't the law said motorists must' have their lamps dimmed?" Baltimore American. Acts as a 8hleld. "I don't like to have my husband prop up a newspaper at the breakfast table. Do you?" "Oh, I don't know. It keeps the grapefruit from spattering as far as it otherwise might." Louisville Courier- Journal. Incredible. "Nero fiddled while Rome burned." "I don't believe It," replied the man who likes to disagree. "No violinist with Nero's political pull would have permitted a pyrotechnic display to go on as a rival performance. Washing ton Star. CONSUMPTION TAKES 350 PEOPLE DAILY Over 330 people succumb to con sumption everyday In the United States. Science proves that the germs only thrive when the system Is weakened from colds or sickness, overwork, confining duties or when general weakness exists. The best physicians point out that during changing seasons the blood should be made neb and pure and active by tak ing Scott's Emulsion alter meals. The cod liver oil in Scott's Emulsion warms the body by enriching the blood ; it peculiarly irengiaens me lungs ana inroat, wane u upbuilds the resistive forces of the body to avoid colds and prevent consumption. If you work Indoors, tire easily, feel languid or nervous, Scott's Emulsion li the most atrengtriemngtood-mediclne known. It is totally free from alcohol or ani stupefying drug. Avoid substitutes, 1HI Scott St Bowas. Bloomncld. M. 1. Useless Question. "Would your wife vote for you as a ITTI F RfiY WSC; nFSPFRATF candidate for office?" " " - I ,., J. ,t,l, 1 UUU V UllilK lUCIO D 11 , 119. Ul Ul J bothering my head about that," re plied Mr. Meekton. "I don't believe Henrietta would let me run In the first place." Washington 8tar. Jack, Completely Out of Patience With Whole Tribe of Women, Calls on Father for Help. Jack disliked being kissed. One Jay he was klssod a lot. Then, to make matters worse, on going to tbe picture palace In the evening, Instead ot his favorite Indian and cowboy pictures, there was nothing but a lot more hugging and kissing. He re turned home completely out ot pa tlence with the whole tribe of women After he had been tucked Into bed bis mother came to kiss him good night. He refused. Mother begged and begged till at last, In disgust, he turned to bis father, who was standing In the door way, and said: 'Daddy, for heaven's sake, give this woman a kiss! 8tate of Preparedness. "Do you approve of preparedness?1 'Yes," replied Senator Sorghum. " haven't got the encouragement I'd like for preparedness for war. But nobody can ever say that I wasn't prepared for an argument. Washington Star, Comfortable Solitude. "Aren't you afraid to be alone In the woods?" asked the sympathetic man, No, sir, replied the old guide "when I'm alone In the woods nobody Is liable to pick me for a deer. It s the only time I feel safe." Washing ton Star. No Cause for Alarm. The Pessimist It Is only a matter of time until the land tn this country will not produce enough to support the Increasing population. i The Optimist Oh, don't let that worry you. Our population Isn't going to slop over so long as our medical colleges continue to turn out more than 7,000 embryo physicians annu ally. , Various Substitutes. 'Do you think money is essential to happiness T" 'Not absolutely. I know several women who are perfectly happy accu mulating soap wrappers and tobacco coupons. Louisville Courier-Journal, UOWAKD II iMdflll. M. ROHTon - imw ana flasmtsL a. Colorado. SneWm Driceei Uold. Sll.er, Land, tl. Gold. Sll.er. ho: Gold. Wo; Slag or Copper. II. Mailing envelopes a id full prlosllal feat oa application, joatrol ana umpire wana unit, llrraosi UarboaaU national aw Funs R ShipDirectto New York, the International Fur Market, and Secure the Highest Cash Prices. Why Jap to the middleman, who Suit eventually sell your fun ia 8W York 1110 mak hia nro&l ml sl you? We pay the highest market paces. Uurmrthoaaoteradini aauMailTiiberaj. Weaevereha eommuaions, giving you full value tor your nin. Write far our price Eat and specUl as. DAVID 6LUSTEIN&BR0, ftutwt OrtmMfif Ruw Fur ieeusj IMff. 27th St New York. N.Y. TYPHOID! Is no more necessary than Smallpox, Aim experience has demonstrated the almolt mlrticulous sfr Cacy, and harmtestnen, of Antityphoid Vaccination. Be vaccinated NOW by your physician, you and your family. It is mole vital than house insurance. Ass your physician, druggist, or send for "Hsv you had Typhoid?" telling of Typhoid Vaccine, results from use, and danger from Typhoid Carriers, frit CUTTU LABORATORY, BMr.rJ.CY, CAL tessucie vaccinss a siauaa unoss u. a. aov. ucsnse carefully washed tbe poor cut foot and bound It up with some healing salve. Johnnie Bear seemed to know that the hunter was helping him, and he did not bite or try to get away. He made a funny little noise like a baby ben It Is hurt. Then the hunter armed some milk and put tt In a bot- whlch he gave to the bear. John nie Bear took the bottle In both paws and held It up to his mouth and drank milk very greedily. Then tbe hunter fixed a bed for him and put a log on the fire to keep the place warm while he went for a bunting trip. Johnnie Bear slept all day, and when the hunter returned at night he tried to run to meet him, but his poor foot hurt him so be had to He down again. Several weeks passed before Johnnie Bear's foot became quite well, and he always limped because tbe trap had cut so deep. .The little fellow became quite fond of tbe hunter and would run to meet him at night, and when the hunter brought tn his game, Johnnie Bear would poke it with his nose and paws as though to tell thi Lunter that be had done well. One day be did not run to meet the hunter, and when night came be did not come to his supper. The old hunter began to look around the cabin, and he found the footprints of two bears. One was Johnnie Bear's, which he could tell by the light mark which the lame foot made, and the other was of a big bear which had enticed Johnnie back Into the woods. Tho hunter felt very lonely and looked for Johnnie every day for a long tlmo, but after a year had gone by gave up hopes of ever seeing Johnnie again, A long time after this the hunter was going through a part of the wood that was filled wttb bushes and vines and In some way his feet became entangled and be fell, breaking his arm. His gun fell some distance from him, and as he went to pick It up he saw a big mother bear with two cubs coming toward him. She was growl ing and showing her teeth, and the hunter felt that he bad little chance for escape from a tight. He wondered how the fight might come out. He braced himself against a tree and waited for the bear to come up. Ue held his gun In his left band. In tending to use It to beat ber of! as long as possible. Just then another bear came In sight, and the poor hunt er gave up all hope. But all at once the first bear stopped and looked at the other boar, IheS suddenly walked toward him. Both stood and looked at the hunter, wbo did not move Sud denly the second bear growled strange ly, and the first bear walked away with the two cubs. Then the second bear came nearer, and as be walsed the hunter saw that he limped. It was Johnnie Bear, and In some un known language he had sent the other bear away and saved the hunter's life. He did not come any nearer tbe hunt er, but only looked at him as though to say: "You saved my life once, now I have paid my debt to you." Then he limped away In the direction the other bears bad gone. Perhaps the mother bear was Johnnie's wife, ind the cubs were their children. Who can tejl? The True Reason. "People say this man could have bad ny office he wanted, but he chose pri vate life." "Don't you believe that, my son, said the vetoran campaigner. "Many Her Jewels. Mrs. Subbubs I wonder where lit tle Willie and David are? Did you see anything of my jewels as you came along, Mr. Nexdore? Nexdore Yes, I did, ma'am. Your jewels are in soak. I saw them swim ming in the river. Boston Transcript. man gets the credit for refusing all political preferment when, as a matter of fact, lie merely bad sense enough to know that he could not get the one Job he'd set his heart on." Might Be Worse. You see before you," said the mel ancholy man, "a plaything of fate.' What's the matter with you?' asked his friend. I was Just about to mortgage my house to buy an automobile, when tt burned down." X'niph! You've lost your house, but the chances are you've saved your neck." Recommendation Not Necessary, "So you're going to leave us, Mary." "Yes, mum. I've got to."' "And do you want me to give you a tetter of recommendation?" 'It ain't necessary, mum. The man I'm going to work for Is willing to take chances. I'm leavlu' to get man ried." Pacific Ambition. "Caligula wished that Home had a single neck, so that bo might sever It at a blow. Times are different. Now I wl3h that 1 could build a graphophono big enough to record the voice of the people." Wifehood Her Aim. First Girl Student Are you going to try for an M. A. next? Second Girl Student No; I'm going to try for an M. R. S. Boston Tran script TRY THIS EASY WAY TO CLEAR YOUR SKIN WITH RESINOL SOAP Bathe your face for several minutes working the creamy lather into the skin gently with the finger-tips, men wash off with more Reslnol Soap and warm water, finishing with a dash of clear cold water to close the pores Do this once or twice a day, and you will be astonished how quickly the healing, antiseptic Reslnol medication soothes and cleanses the pores, re moves Dimples and blackheads, and leaves the complexion clear, fresh and velvety. In severe cases a little Res lnol Ointment should also be used. Reslnol Soap Is sold by all druggists. Three In One. "Now this typewriter is equipped with all the summer attachments." "Summer attachments?" "A small mirror, a miniature clock and a thermometer; everything a girl has to consult frequently." Louisville Courier-Journal. Next Door. "How's your marksmanship?" asked the bandit chief. "Improving," replied the trusty lieu tenant "I tried out a man this morn ing In a shootlug-across-the-border test." "Did he hit his mark?" "No. But he came close. He aimed at New Mexico and hit Arizona." Washington Star. His Device. "Hullo, Toml What's this I hear about your having some labor-saving device?" 'It's true, all right, I'm going to marry an heiress. 'Boston 'Iran, script Touching the Doctor. "Oh, doctor, I feel funny Inside!" "What have you been eating?" "That's juBt the trouble, doctor. I ain't had nothing to eat for a week, Can you spare a copper?" Firefly. Indirect Victim. ' '"I see you have a cold like every body else." "This lBn't a cold. I simply got hoarse telling all my friends how to cure their colds." Washington Star. A Theory Only. "This Is a free country." "Yes, In theory." "Why, what do you mean?" "Isn't It composed mainly of mar ried men?" Baltimore American. A DAINTY DISH. Capable Crying. "I hear that beautiful actress wept copiously at the proper places during her trial." "Cry? She made the official court crier look like a rank amateur. Louisville Courier-Journal. TIv Healthy, Strong, Beautiful Fye Oculists aud Physicians used Murluo Kye Remedy many yearn before it was olTered as m Domestic Eye Medicine. Murine Is SHU Com pounded by Our Physicians and guaranteed by them as a Reliable Roller for Eyea that Need Car. Try It In your Byes and In Baby's Eyes- No Smarting Just uye uomiort. ouy uuriu of your DrugRiat accept no Substitute, and if Interested write for Bok of the Eve Free. MliUlNU KVlfl KKMEUlf CO., ClilCAUO Lessons In Memory. Jaffrey How do you suppose that dear old man remembered exactly how much he paid for his gold tooth, which he bought 40 years ago? Agnes Why, I suppose he carried It in his head. Lampoon. - Shake Into Tour fsnoea A1W VW-F.aaa. a nowdr for the feet. Tt cure painful, swollen, smarting, sweating feet Make new shoes easy, nolo oy an unis; gtores. Don't accept any substitute. Ramp! rUhlB. Address A. 8. Olmsted. L Koy, M . X. Unlimited Quantities. "Did Mother Eve really dress In leaves?" "So we are told, my child." "What a lot of old clothes she must have had to give away In the fall!" Louisville Courier-Journal. Their Utility. "If everything has a use, what are Idiots good for?" "Well, if it wasn't for idiots, were wouldn't be anybody to look for gas leaks with a lighted candle or to rock boats." Baltimore American. Had Part of It Already. "01, Oi!" chortled Casey, "an' did Maloney give yez th' black oye?" "He did not," retorted Murphy with dignity, "he gave me only th' black. Ol hod th' oye ahl th' time." Medley. Mild Way of Saying "You Llel" Hobbs (telling a tall story) I as sure you, old man, If I hadn't seen It myself I wouldn't believe it. Dobbs Then you'll understand why I don't. Boston Transcript Natural Effect. "I wish, ma, you wouldn't call me your lamb before people." "Why not, Willie?" "Because It makes me feel so sheep ish." Baltimore American. Ancient Achievement "Is all this about the Trojan war?' ask)d the student. "It Is," replied the professor. "Well, somebody was a wonder to get all that past the censor." Favorite Office Motto. "Do It now" Is a favorite motto that hangs In tbe business office of thou sands of prompt and successful busl ness men. Every boy who expects to succeed should bang the same motto In bis heart, and "Do it now." Good Training for Boys. The care of animals Is good training for any person, 'especially a boy. Be sides Increasing bis love for dumb things. It makes blm careful, syste matic and neat, provided he cares tor them in tbe besl manner. What's thnt noise?" Four and twenty blackbirds baked In a pie, your majeBty." "Take 'cm back to the chef and tell him to bake em till they don t feel like singing. 1 can't eat rare birds.' Of Course, There Were. "Pod. In the days when people used to fall down and worship the sun" "Well, my boy?" "Were there a lot ot heat prostra tions?" Baltimore American. , Seems Probable. "There is still said to be shortage in dyestuffs for ladles' hosiery." "Um. Another white Christmas." Louisville Courier-Journal. What We've Come To. 'In the old days when a man de clared himself a Roman citizen no one dared harm him." "True. And nowadays when a trav eler In a foreign land says he's an American citizen, oftlclals In gold braid seem to think It's some kind of joke. That's Different "It doesn't pay to argue with your wife." "I never get a chance to, but she sometimes argues with me." 8lang In a Hat Store. "What can we do for you, strt" "I want to buy a silk hat" "Yesslr. Jim, show this gentleman some periscopes." Kansas City Jour nal. Quite True. Wife Mrs. Brooks says society Is hnllnw that there Isn't anything In It- Husband-Well, there Isn't anything ,ng in anything nowadays, my dear, if you don't put something In It Judge, Money Saved. Ever make any money in the stock market?" "No, but I've saved a lot by not play- Taking Life Easy. "How's your son?" "Fine! He's taking life easy since he graduated." "What's he doing?" "Sticking pigs at the abattoir." Carefully Prepared. "Does your husband make a report to you of how he employs his time?" "Yes. But he censors it"-Washington Star. 7jf3sHf Milker ' 1b2jf h always a y eow. K2tj5r I "Ins eowa in ten can ba , boia a. sttaar heallliy and profitable if th JTS tlrstaisnot reduced muk yield is 1 yeeognlaed as a danger signal. J fcAeowseanosuanybetooedopbythswof A- kow-Kurs. the areat eow medicine. IJsed toe I twenty years for the mm and pre""!""? or ADor El tion. Barrenness. Milk f"r'8r??"n1 U" II Appetite, Bunches and Ketsiued AfterUrta. If Bold hydruaiHsta and feed dealers ia He sad II packages. f I Dairy AteocUtioa Ce( I Lyndonvill. I flf Jl Naturally. Lawson What did you think when you realized that your automobile was turning turtle the other day? Dawson Well, my first thought was: 1 am In tbe soup Watch Your Colts For Coughs, Colds and Distemper, and at the first symptoms of ny auch ailment, give small doses of that womlvful remedy, now the most used In existence SPOHN'S DISTEMPER COMPOUND 10 cent! and H a bottle; 15 and 10 th dosen, of any drug, gilt, barneu dealer, or delivered by 8POHN MEDICAL CO., Chsmleta and Bacteriologists, Qoihtn, Ind., U. . A.