The Maupin times., November 19, 1915, Image 6

Sign Number
Twenty-One
By DORIS ADA MATTESON
(Copyright, Hit, by w. a. Chapman.)
Tom Stlbbg was Just Rotting the lust
of a sixteen-sheet poster In place on
Sign 21 of the Universal Advertising
Syndicate, when the ladder under him
snook. He looked down quickly.
"Hello, there!" he shouted, "What
ever are you about?"
A man bad come rushing around
the corner at a high rate of speed.
As he turned It he glanced backward.
This caused a stumble. His hat foil
off. The next moment he was up the
ladder. He was a nimble, quick-acting
-Individual, for like an acrobat he
pullod himself up alongside of the bill
poster. Then he grabbod the long
flaring paste brush from his hand and
gave him a blow directly under the
chin. Tom Stlbbs went headlong to
the Inside edge of the sidewalk,
uttered a groan and lapsed into In
sensibility. i Almost Immediately two police offi
cers came dashing around the street
' corner. They glared ahead, but the
object of tbolr pursuit had vanished.
"Where's he got to?" panted ono of
the officers.
"Bloss me, If I know!" rotortcd the
other. "Must have slipped into some
doorway."
"No aha!" ejaculated his compan
ion and he stopped and picked up the
tell-tale hat. Then he glanced up at
the sign and the ladder set'agalnst it.
Thero the bill poster substitute was
Industriously wielding the paste
brush.
"That'll do, my hearty!" sang out
the officer, drawing a weapon. "A
clover trick that, but we've got you.
Come down and give up your booty
and arrange for a good long terra, for
you've grabbed something .worth
while this time."
Dut the man on the ladder had no
thought of giving In so readily. He
continued to manipulate the brush for
a moment or two. Suddenly he
whirled about. Bang! went the
brush, directly Into the face of one
of his captors. Splash! the contents
of the pall deluged the pther. Trust
ing to their momentary discomfiture
the thief, for such he was, sprang to
The Fleeing Man Threw Up His Arms.
the ground from the ladder and start
ed down the street.
"Halt, or I fire!" rang out from ono
of the officers.
The speeding fugitive disdained to
reply.
The officer did fire. The fleeing
man threw up his arms, whirled about
and went down like a clod. The offi
cers ran up to the spot where he lay.
"Done for," reported ono of them
oberly "shot directly through tho
hoart."
"Where's his plunder?"
They searched, but In vain. Then
one of them summoned a patrol
wagon. A crowd gathered, but dis
persed as victim and officers rode
away to the station. All the general
public knew of the case was the In
formation furnished by the dally
prints the next morning. This was to
the effect that Barney Flynn, profes
sional thief, had snatched a wallet
containing a very valuable document
from an old gentleman named Row
land Waldron, bad fled with it, was
pursued and shot dead, but the wallot
not found.
Either Barney Flynn had passed It
to some unsuspected and undiscov
ered accomplice, or had flung It into
hiding in some obscure spot along his
route.
Two days later there appeared in
the newspaper an offer of $5,000 for
the recovery of a blue oblong wallet
bearing the initials In gilt, "It. W"
and containing a will signed by Abner
Waldron.
Just one week after the shooting
of the criminal a young man passed
and repassed Sign 21 of the Universal
Advertising Syndicate. Ten times,
twenty times. In fact all through the
long afternoon this Individual went
over the brief route that Barney
Flynn had followed. Always his eyes
were on the ground.
This was Adrian Noble, and he had
set himself to attempt to win the re
ward offered for the oblong blue
wallet. Noble was not a detective,
but an accidental acquaintance with
one of the officers who had pursued
Flynn had put him In full possession
of all the circumstances of the case.
So Impressed was he with the convic
tion that In some mysterious manner
the thief bad secreted his booty be
tween the point of robbery and Sign
21, that ho bad scanned every hole In
the sidewalk, bad probed undor it, and
ha-1 Tcit fntn areas and past drain
age ratings, boring to find a clue.
"It's like looking for a needle in a
haystack!" he slghod rather disap
pointedly, as, for the fl ninth time per
haps, ho cams to a liult In front ol
Sign 21.
It wns a large framework of smooth
boards covering the front of a fifty
foot lot between two brick buildings.
It was about twenty fnct high.
"I've got an idoa!" suddonly ex
claimed the young man. "Suppose the
thief throw the wallet over the top
of the sign Into the vacant lot be
yondwhy not? Ah! a llttlo door,
This may bo worth Investigating."
Way down at ono corner end of tho
big sign, sure enough, a narrow door
showed. The poster sheets covering
It had boon cut so the door would
swing Inwards. Noble pushed It open.
He supposed this was a convenience
for the owners of the signboard, so
they could got behind tho sign to re
pair it or strengthen Its supports when
nocossary. What was his surprise,
howover, to find steps leading down
Into the vacant lot, about Its middle a
wandering tool shed, made over into
a quite presentable living structure.
And what the further surprise ol
the young violinist struggling for a
living, to observe neat attractive flow
er beds In front of the little house,
and seated In Its doorway a charming
young girl, sewing. She looked
startled as the young man somewhat
em bar rosed came towards her, his hat
In his hand, an apology for Intruding
upon his lips.
Naturally Adrian Noble explained
to the young lady his mission. Sho
was Immediately Interested and heard
of the case for the first time. She was
drawn Irresistibly towards her hand
some, bright-faced visitor. She even
Joined him In the search for the bluo
wallot, but the quest was fruitless.
Gradually Noble loarned hor strange
history. Hor father owned the lot.
It was valuable, but he had spent all
ho had In litigating with a claimant.
All the time In thoir humble abode,
however, he had kept In possession.
Mr. Warren worked in a factory near
by. Zella helped by keeping house
and Bewlng for a dopartmont store.
They had managed to clear the lot
between thorn, but the taxes were be
hind. Another thousand dollars saved
and thoy could borrow enough to build
a store structure and receive a good
Income from the investment.
After that Adrian Noble forgot all
about the blue wallet In becoming a
regular visitor to the place. Those
two Innocent spirits seemed made one
for the other and John Warren did
not object to their new friend.
One evening Noble arrived at the
lot to And the sign In ruins, a severe
windstorm had blown It down. Tho
sign owners had given It to Warren
for kindling wood and were going to
build an entirely new one. Noble as
sisted In pulling the mass apart and
piling up the loose board. Suddenly
he uttered a wild cry.
"Tho blue wallot!" he shouted.
Yes, thoro It was pastod under the
postor Bhoot as a hiding place by the
dead thief and come to light at last.
And so the reward was gained, giv
ing to John Warren the meanB of re
trieving his advorse fortune, to Adrian
Noble enough to marry on and be
happy.
AGES OF VARIOUS LANDS
Many European Countries That Can
by No Means Be Considered
as Old.
Compared with Fiance and Oer
many, Switzerland Is old. Under Na
poleon's patronage tho sturdy llttlo
Alpine states were united into an In
dependent, but rather looso, federa
tion In 1803. In 1848 a new confed
eration wus forrood, modeled on that
of the United Status, and holding the
cantons together in a more Btrongly
centralized federal power. In 1874
a revision of tho constitution gave
still greater power to the central gov
ernment. It Is Interesting to note that
at the congress of Vienna the powers
of Europe agroed never to violate the
neutrality of Switzerland, or to at
tempt to move troops through the
passes of the Swiss alps.
Greece has been an Independent
kingdom since 1832, Roumanla since
18l!2, Bulgaria since 1885. Montene
gro became Independent In 1878 and
wus made a constitutional monarchy In
1905. The Portuguese republic was
established In 1910. Turkey's new
regime Is five years old.
Russia stands, alongside of Eng
land, as our rival in point of age. Tho
empire of the Romanoffs has changed
but little since the time when Ivan
the Terrible, in 1554, threw off the
Tartar yoke,
Whale Frees Companion.
The rescue of a harpooned whale by
another Is the story brought to Bos
ton by Capt Louis Lopes of the whal
ing schooner Whyland. The Whylaad
was off Cape Hatteras six weeks ago,
and a big whale was harpooned by one
of her crew.
The men were pulling In the line
when another whale came into view,
and maneuvered for a position be
tween the harpooned whale and the
whaling boat. The second whale bit
the connecting rope, Captain Lopes de
clares, and In a short time had set Its
companion free.
The harpooned whale went oft with
the iron sticking in its body and 20
feet of rope trailing and the men wore
unable to get another shot at either.
Possible Explanation,
"What do you suppose Shakespeare
meant by Cleopatra's 'infinite va
riety?' " queried the literary boarder.
"The Infinite variety of the an
cients," replied the bachelor with the
absent hair, "is belloved to have been
synonymous with the continuous
vaudeville of today."
Trinity Church on Valuable Ground.
The land at the head of Wall street.
New York, on which Trinity church
and cemetery stand, comprises a plot
391 feet long by 227 feet broad, val
ued at 17 million dollars.
His Favorite Route,
"The doctor told Toniktns he must
walk three miles every day."
"Where docs he take It?"
"Around ft pool tabio. generally,"
Boston Transcript.
m
a
AUDIENCE, HALL
A CERTAIN lady in a big Ameri
can city was once heard to re
murk that sho had lived for
three years In Mandalay. An-
omer in tne same room saiu,
with evident surprise:
"Is Mandalay really a place? I
thought It was Just in a song!"
Mandalay Is not only a real city but
an extremely interesting one, which
no tourist to Oriental lands can afford
to miss. It Is the bulwark of Buddhism
In Burma, and the most truly Burman
city that can be found.
A lively American sight-seer can
"do" Mandalay in two or three days,
but mare time could well be employed.
A pleasant trip for the first afternoon
Is one to the Arakan Pagoda, In a
suburb called Shanzu. Mandalay deals
In superlatives, and In this pagoda Is
a figure said to be tho largest brass
Image In the world. Except for the
face, It is completely covered with
gold leaf. Among other curios are
queer armed figures and three-headed
elephants In steel. -These were
brought from Arakan at the time of
the British occupation, and after a
rather varied history finally found a
resting place here. In recent years
this pngoda has acquired much fame
as the tomporary repository of the re
puted remains of Buddha.
"Mandalay hill" is a morning's ex
cursion and requires an early start.
This ascent of over 500 feet la made
up of a series of steps flanked with
shrines. At the top lives an especial
ly "holy" monk, who supervised the
construction of the huge building re
cently erected to afford a permanent
mausoleum for the remains of Buddha.
Naturally this spot Is held in high rev
erence by the Buddhist community.
Tho temple which crowns the hill con
tains a big gold-leaf-covered wooden
image, standing with outstretched
hand, forellngor pointing towards the
door. It has boon facetiously suggest
ed that the gosture means, "You go,"
for while this Image was In process
of construction there was a current
prophecy to the effoct that once it saw
completion the British would leave
Mandalay and the old line of Burman
kings would be restored.
View From Mandalay Hill.
The view from tho hill is magnifi
cent. Spread out in panorama lies the
whole of Mandalay, with its stllt-ralsed
houses and spreading trees, its few
church spires and its hundreds of
white and gold pagodas, while, as a
background, rise the hlllB, green,
black or purple In the changing light.
On the opposite bank of the Irrawaddy
river, one can descry on a clear day
the Molngoond pngoda, a huge stone
structure, reputed to be the largest
ploce of solid masonry in the world.
Near it, but Invisible at that distance,
is the Becond largest boll in existence.
At certain seasons of the year these
places may be visited in a government
launch, but at other times, when na
tive sampans are the only means of
transit, the trip is not often attempted.
At the foot of the hill is the place
where the Buddhist scriptures are en
Bhrlned in 450 tiny pagodas, with a
table of the law to each one. There
is a legend that these sacred books
were, lu former times, written on palm
leaf and carried about in three bas
kets, one above another, on a man's
head. Hence, thoy were rcforrod to
as "The Three Baskets of the Law."
Finally, one king realized that some
MADE A SLIGHT MISTAKE
Little Woman Must Have Been Em
barrassed by Error Which In
volved Stranger.
Officer O'Connor's attention was
first attracted to a trim little woman
near his corner a day or two ago.
when she ran boldly across "the safety
xone markers and ducked In front of
an approaching street car. O'Connor,
who Is a traffic policeman, makes it
a point to sej that the safety lone
markers are dead lines, and he start
ed toward ihe woman. It was his con
clusion she needed special instruc
tion in -atoty iouts.
He reached her in time to see her
take a firm hold cn the coattalls of
a figure turned away from her.
"What's the matter, lady?" the po
liceman inquired, when be noted the
coattall death grip.
"He's my husband, Mr. Policeman,
and bo won't come home," the wom
an wailed, facing lb policeman, but
never releasing her grip,
Tho man looked around in a sur-
OF ROYAL PALACE
day they might be lost or dostroyed,
so he conceived the Idea of preserving
the records on stone.
Palace of Theebaw.
A step only from religion to royal
ty, for a short drive brings the traveler
to the old fort, with its dry moat and
curiously carved gates. Within Its
walls is the Palace of Theebaw, the
last Burman king. The various rooms,
once so sacred to those of kingly
rank, are placarded now, and the most
democratic tourist may thus realizo
that he is in "The Lion Throne Room,"
"The King's Audience Chamber" or
"The Queen's Private Apartments."
Nothing remains of past splendor save
the vacant rooms with their great teak
beams, covered with fast-disappearing
gold-leaf, the gaudy colored glass dis
plays and cloudy mirrors in tarnished
frames. One visitor relates that as he
was wandering about in one room he
heard from another the strains of
"Home, Sweet Home" executed by a
young Burman upon an obviously new
English mouth-organ. He could not
help wondering how much that palace
had boen a home to its royal inmates.
Close at hand la the King's Watch
Tower, a tall cylinder surrounded by a
winding Btair, which leads to a sum
mer house on top. This was built In
a month under pain of death. The
king had so taxed and oppressed the
people that ho feared them and dared
not go out of his palace grounds, so In
order to see what was going on in the
city he had the tower built. Today it
la still accessible to those travelers
who will make the climb "at their own
risk." The visit to the palace is not
complete without a glimpse into the
museum in the same grounds. Here
are exhibited life-sized effigies of Thee
baw and his famous warrior queen, as
well as courtiers in their robes of
state. Here, too, are the royal palan
quins and countless smaller relics of
the court. The feeling of the pathos
of past grandeur haunts one as he
leaves this place.
Tug of War for Rain.
These are tho main sights of Man
dalay, but the city Itself in Its every
day garb has a picturesque interest
not to be overlooked. For Instance, if
the rains be late, a tug of war, in
which men, women and children par
ticipate, is not an unusual sight. The
people hope In this way to appease
the unfriendly spirits that are keeping
back the rains.
For those who are interested in tho
spread of Christianity among these
people, there are numerous mission
schools that Invite the attention. A
drive out to Aungblnte is an afternoon
well spent. As one nears this hamlet,
the attention Is arrested by a long
whiya bridge, both unique and useful.
It was built by an old Buddhist wom
an, who thought to gain "merit" by
the act. The goal of the journey, how
ever, is a small mission chapel, which
stands on the site of the prison where
the pioneer missionary, Adoniram
Judson, suffered so terribly a hundred
years ago. His persecutors are long
dead and forgotten, but he lives In the
memory and affection of many hun
dreds and thousands, while the scene
of his trials shares prominence with
the king's palace and Buddha's tomb
as a place worth seeing when one is
"off to Mandalay."
Optimistic Thought,
To the brave n.an every land is a
native country.
prised manner and In a flustered way
denied the accusation of the woman.
When she beard the voice she slowly
released his coattalls. A dismal look
came Into her eyes. "I beg your par
don," Bhe said to the accused man,
but her face was turned to the po
liceman. The man gathered his coattalls to
himself and walked hurriedly away.
O'Connor Just grinned to himself.
Indianapolis News.
Mercury Aids Plants.
A scientific investigator of Europe
has discovered a new method of de
stroying fungous disease and house
hold pests by the use of mercury. In
inclosed spaces the mercury Is em
ployed In the form of vapor. Id other
cases it Is injected In metallic form
directly Into the circulating fluids of
the plant The growth of the plant la
not only not disturbed, but Is in most
cases actually assisted.
Happiness In Moderation.
"Look about you for the man who
is happiest In his success. You will
bud ului of moderate habit"
NO PLAGE LIKE II
By CATHARINE CRANMER.
(Copyright, 181S, by the McCluro Nowpa-pi-r
Syndicate.)
On a pay day the president of tho
firm sent for Alfred Reed and informed
him that ho had been promoted to the
position of assistant sales manager at
a substantial Increase In salary.
It was the day that Alfred long bad
sought, and worked all the harder
bocause It came not. He folt a doep
satisfaction not only because it was
the reward of his labors, but because
It would enable him to ask Mabel El
liott to marry him. Mabel was a pretty
little auburn-haired stenographer In
another department of the office, and
although Alfred had paid her much at
tention and given hor good evidence
that he cared for her he had felt that
he must wait until he had a substantial
salary before he asked hor to marry
him.
At the first opportunity after being
told of his promotion, he went over
to her desk to ask her to go to dinner
and the theator with him the next
evening. As ho approached, a blase
salesman of perhaps forty was just
leaving and was saying something
quite confidentially In an undertone.
Alfred frowned unconsciously, for he
knew tho man was unfit company for
any girl, and to see blm talking fa
miliarly to Mabel made Alfred want to
take her away where she would be
safe from such prowlers, as he In
wardly termed the man.
"Has that old bloat been ogling you
again?" he asked. But as soon as he
spoke he realized that he had let a
proprietary note get Into his voice.
Mabel, being young and 'pretty and
auburn-haired, didn't like the idea
of being approached without due pro
cedure according to the usual rules of
the game.
'If you're speaking of Mr. Acton, I
think you're putting it rather strong,
for he certainly knows how to be nice
to a girl. And Just because I wrote
two or three letters for him he wants
to take me to dinner at tho best hotel
in the city." Mabel was childishly
frank and only slightly resentful of
Alfred's remark. - "And maybe I don't
like to sail Into a big dining room
with a man who knows Just how to do
things. It's a real adventure, Al
fred, and adventures don't come along
every day to red-headed stenogra
phers."
'Mabel, I came here purposely to
ask you to go out with me tomorrow
evening," said Alfred. "If you'll go,
we'll make It as much of an adven
ture as I know how." And ho added
a more explicit invitation, which
Mabel accepted with only moderate
enthusiasm, for there was in her
the spirit of daring that made her
want to throw off conventions and
accept Acton's invitation in spite f
Its being a sort of unwritten law
about the office that stenographers
who went out with that type of sales
men were running a risk of being
undesirably classified.
The next evening, when they en
tered the big hotel dining room.
Mabel was a lovely picture in a soft,
white gown, a black velvet hat set
at the correct angle on her glistening
auburn hair and her eyes almost a
match in color for the violets she
wore. Alfred tried to make the grand
entry as though accustomed to it,
but the very effort made success im
possible, and he was painfully con
scious that Mabel would realize that
he was not a man who knew "Just
how to do things."
In some way, though, they man
ged to get seated, and while looking
over the menu Alfred regained out
ward composure, though he was un
pleasantly conscious of the proximity
and veiled ocrutlny of ' the waiter.
Conversation lagged somewhat and
Mabel cast many an admiring glance
at the bare-shouldered, soft-gowned
and sleek-coiffured ladies who lan
guidly passed accompanied by men in
evening dress. Conversation Beemed
to lag with many of the couples, too.
but the orchestra played loudly from
popular light operas and occasionally
a high soprano contributed an aria.
"Isn't it lovely?" asked Mabel.
"I'm glad you are enjoying It; but
It looks to me like a lot of these regu
lars are not enjoying It at all. See
how bored this couple over here is?"
And he Indicated with a glance a
handsome woman and broad-looking
man near by.
"They must live here for that table
was held for them, and I saw them in
the parlor without hats or wraps
when we first came in." Mabel's ob
servation of all these details brought
a slight smile from Alfred.
"Well, married people with no home
but a hotel are likely to be bored
with each other and with everything
else, I should think."
"Mercy! I don't see why; I think
It's lovely to eat in hotel where
there's music and flowers and no
housework to manage and lots of
pretty things all about." Mabel's eyes
swept the room as she spoko.
"Maybe you don't soo why people
get bored with It because you don't
see the main part of their lives, but
only a llttlo of the glitter on the
outside."
They wore destined to have a
glimpse underneath tho glittering
surface, 'though, for the voices of
tho bored-looking couplo near by grew
nudlblo. There was a tenseness la
the mnnnor of this couplo that seemed
to extend from thorn to those near
them, and although Alfred and Mabel
tried to keep up thoir little conver
sion, it In no way Interfered with
ihclr heailng every word said by
their neighbora at that other table.
"Harry Lyons. I'll collspse If this
goes on an hour longor." The hand
bosno woman had hor hands clenched
In her lay.
' You mean you'll have this whole
room full of people soo you make a
dunce or you reel f, if you're not care
ful," said tho man, with quiet sar
casm. "What do I core for this room full
ol poopio? I'm sick of them and of
everything. Wo've mado a complete
mesa of our llvos."
"And wbo luads the mess; I won
der? How u''iy women know when
'hey are woll off? I daro lay most
people who. would see you living in
this big hotel with nothing to do but
dress up and come and go as you
please would think you were having
things pretty easy, and yet you talk
of collapsing, You have had homes,
but none of them suited, and now
with the finest suite in tho best hotel
In town you are less contented than
ever."
"Woll, you have thought of nothing
but making money and have left me
nothing to do but spend it."
"Whon we had our first homo out
In Woodlawn I had to hustle to meet
tho payments, but It was too quiet
and tho days were too long for you;
then moving from one apartment to
another and taking up with a swifter
set of people at each move, we've
finally landed where we are, with not
a single roal friend about us Just be
cause we haven't been real oursolves.
I'd have beon glad enough to be at
home many a night that we have been
gallivanting around."
"Oh, of courso, a woman always ex
pects to be blamed when things go
wrong; since Adam's time men have
been entirely consistent in that one
way."
Just at this point an elderly gen
tleman diner called tho head waiter
and sent him to the orchestra loader
with a message written on a visiting
card. A moment later, the singer,
responding to an encore, smiled In tho
direction of the elderly gentleman
and In her clear voice began to sing
"Home, Sweet Hame."
Mabel was fascinated with the fate
of the handsome woman who had
been quarreling with her husband.
At the first few words of the song
her eyes had a scared expression,
then a faraway, Infinitely sad one,
and gradually her head sank lower
until her chin rested on the roseB at
her corsage. The man lighted three
cigarettes and threw them aside in
an incredibly short time. When tho
singer reached that line about "An
exile from home, splendor dazzles In
vain," the woman's hoad came up
quickly and she looked appealingly
at her husband.
Then she attempted to rise, but
grew white and swayed, the man Just
barely managing to catch her as she
fell. Many diners rose, but the hus
band held his wife with one arm and
held out the other hand warningly to
those about him. Again the tense
ness extended to all the people near
him. Just as the singer concluded the
song, the woman raised her head and
without seeming to know that any
one but her husband was near, said
In a pitifully tired voice. "Our exile
Is over, Harry; let's go home."
Mabel and Alfred were perhaps the
only ones who knew all that she
meant. When they were putting on
their wraps afterward Alfred saw
tears in Mabel's eyes,- but neither of
them spoke until they reached the
sidewalk.
"I've seen enough of glitter tonight;
lot's not go to the theater," said
Mabel. And when they reached her
little home in an old-fashioned flat
Alfred told of his promotion and se
cured her promise to help him build
a home like which no place would
ever be found.
STUDENTS LAZY, SAYS HIBBEN
Princeton Head Blames Colleges for
Making Work Agreeable to Those
Who Attend.
'The intellectual pampering of col
lege students, according to a theory
that the road to knowledge should be
smooth and pleasant, was condemned
by John Grier Hibben, president of
Princeton, at the eighth conference of
masters of church schools, at St.
Luke's school, Wayne.
"If I were asked to name the great
est defect of the present undergradu
ate," said President Hibben, "I would
say it was his tendency to postpone
until tomorrow the task of today. Col
leges connive in this by making his
work agreeable; the teacher at once
helps him over any difficulty. Men in
the world must earn their daily bread
by the sweat of their brows, but the
student can acquire knowledge quite
vicariously, without having to exert
himself for it. He should be made to
think his way out of difficulties for
himself."
Pictures of War Scenes.
Kinematograph pictures are to be
taken at the British front. The war
office has, Bays a London newspaper,
decided to follow the example of the
French In this respect. It has not yet
been decided whether the pictures will
be taken by a big private firm or
whether the war office will employ its
own operators. In the meantime all
the recognized film producers have of
fered their services, and leading man
agers are being consulted by the au
thorities. It will be recalled that the
war office banned cameras on the
British front quite early In the war,
notwithstanding that the French offi
cials gave facilities for photographic
records of the fighting on their side
to be taken. "No camera, if you
please," is Sir John, French's formula
to those seeking permits to visit the
lines.
Some Recompense.
"You've had plenty of rain in your
section."
"Yep. Hurt my crops, too."
"Will you loBe much money?"
"No; I'll break about even by haul
ing autos out of mud holes." Louis
ville Courier-Journal.
Ought to Sell.
"At last I have perfected It."
"What is the invention?"
"In case your auto hits anything,
this device makes a cloud of smoke
for you to get away in. No chance of
Identification."
I'sual Use.
"Senator Wombat got an appropria
tion to do some public building."
"And what is be going to do with
It?"
"I hear be la using It to repair his
fences."
His Observation.
Bleeker I see by the papers that an
Ohio man has got Into a lot of trouble
through marrying two women.
Meeker Huh! Most men get into a
lot of trouble by marrying one woman.
CAP
SUCCESSFUL RUSE OF WOMAN
Mrs. Gadspur Got Benefit of War
News by Telling Husband of Love
Letters on Back Page.
"Any war news In the paper today?"
asked Mrs. Gadspur of Mr. Gadspur,
who was deeply absorbed In the morn
ing "Banner."
"Urn," was Mr. Gadspur's only re
ply. "I saw yesterday where the Turks
had lost a large number of men In
the bombardment of the Dardanelles."
No response.
"And the allies won a victory over
the Germans."
Mr. Oadspur took a swallow of cof
fee and. again disappeared behind the
paper.
"I see on the back page," contln.
ued Mrs. Gadspur, leaning over the
table as If to scan the headlines bet
ter, "that the love letters of a beau
tiful divorcee were read in court."
"Umph! There's nothing new about
the war," said Mr. Gadspur, quickly
reversfag the paper. While .he was
searching for the love letters of a
mythical divorcee Mrs. Gadspur
glanced at the front page, which was
now turned toward her, and learned
from letters a foot high that one of the
greatest battles of the war had Just
been fought.
Juvenile Logic.
"Mamma," said small Edgar after
glancing over his Sunday school les
son. "I don't believe Solomon was half
as rich as they say he was."
"Why not, dear?" queried his
mother.
'"Cause," replied the youthful stu
dent, "it says here, 'And he slept with
his fathers.' If he had been so very
rich I guess he would have had a bed
of his own."
How It Ended.
Uncle John Are you still quarrel
ing wIUi your neighbor because his
eat dined on your canary?
His Niece No, Indeed; that's all
over long ago.
Uncle John Well, I'm glad to hear
you have buried tho hatchet.
His Niece But I didn't bury the
hatchet, Uncle John; I buried his cat.
A SAD BLOW.
"Yaas, my trip to Europe was com
pletely spoiled at the very last, don't
you know?"
"How was that?"
"One of the labels came off my suit
case and got lost."
Proof Positive.
"Do you drink coffee?" asked ths
doctor of an aged patient. '
"I do," replied the other.
"Don't you know," continued th
wise 51. D., "that coffee is a slow poi
son?" "Yes, very slow," answered the old
man. "I have taken it daily for nearly
eighty-seven years."
Approached the Wrong Man.
"Sir," said the mendicant, "I hav
been without work for 18 months."
"You lucky devil!" exclaimed Mr.
Plodswortb, who has recently bees
putting In 4$ hours a day on reduced
alary. "Allow me to congratulate
you."
Then he hastened on.
One Can Sometimes Tell.
Foed Mother My dear, I don't be
lieve that young man who called on
you last evening is much of a society
man.
Pretty Daughter But he seems to
be very .intelligent.
Fond Mother Yes; that's the trou
ble. Literally So.
She Are the Howlers very high
toned people?
He High toned? I should say they
are. When they quarrel you can heat
them two blocks away.
Aids to Oratory.
"Demosthenes put pebbles In hii
mouth to improve his oratory."
"Well, he had to use the facilities
that were available. Cough lozenget
hadn't been invented then."
Locating the Trouble.
"Jobktns Is always imagining that
there Is something wrong with him."
"What do yon think it ia?" .
"Hit imagination."