Image provided by: Hood River County Library District; Hood River, OR
About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 29, 1915)
The Way of
By George Elmer Cobb
(Copyright. 1915, by W. O. Chapman.)
"New neighbors, Ezra," announced
"That o? Hope we don't lose them
as quick as we did the last ones."
"Maybe that was our own fault,"
submitted his wife. "They sort of
perked up with their stiff city ways
and It nettled me. You was down
with that spell of rheumatism most
of the time and Waldon was away at
school. It's lonesome and dismal to
see the place next door vacant all the
while. Besides, every new family we
win to stay helps the town. Let us
try and make this new family stay."
"Who are they?" Inquired Mr. Per
kins. Their name is Purtelle father,
mother, young lady."
"Just match us, don't they?" sug
gested Mr. Perkins. "Well, you're the
moving spirit, Janet, and me and the
boy will follow the leader."
i Ned Perkins and his father humbly
took heed to quite a lecture that eve
ning. Mrs. Perkins showed that she
not only had studied out a plan as to
the treatment of their prospective
neighbors, but had pursued certain In
quiries that had resulted In the glean
ing of a good deal of Information re
"They never lived in a country town
before, I understand," said Mrs. Per
kins. "Mr. Purtelle has Just retired
from business and his wife has worn
herself out with her social duties, fuss
ing for company, I suppose that means.
The girl Is Just out of school. She Is
In love with flowers, chickens, every
thing that grows and runs. They are
real nice people."
"I don't doubt It, if you say so,
Janet," observed her husband. "And
they will be good neighbors."
"You said a young lady In the fam
ily, eh?" remarked Ned thoughtfully.
"Yes, and you be good to her them,
Ned," warned his mother.
"I will, to her them," pledged Ned,
with a broad smile.
"Now the city people are slow to
get acquainted with," went on Mrs.
Perkins. "Don't Intrude yourself. Be
pleasant, but dignified. Show them all
Surreptitiously Placed In the Nests.
(the kindness you can. Above all, do
everything in your power to set them
in love with the country life. Now,
Ned, do spare enough time from your
athletics and fishing to pay some at
tention to these good people."
"Mother, mine," responded Ned with
sunshiny alacrity, "I'll do Just that
thing, and as to the fishing why, I'll
have thU Miss Miss "
"Miss Edna Purtelle."
"Yes, Edna a member of the An
glers' club inside of a week!"
"Don't be too forward, Ned," warned
That evening two big vans loaded
with furniture arrived, and nearly all
night long their drivers were putting
up shades, laying down rugs and get
ting the house generally in order.
It was not until after dusk the next
evening that two members of the Pur
telle family, mother and daughter, ar
rived. Ned was away fishing at the
time, but his mother Informed him of
the circumstances upon his return.
"The father must be detained in
town on business," surmised Mrs. Per
kins, "for he did not come with
' Ned was up bright and early. He
paced around the garden, and then
hearing a swish beyond the fence, man
high, that separated the two resi
dences, moved towards it As he tip
toed to look over, an eager, curious
faced girl likewise tiptoed, with tiny
feet resting on the inside stringer
She lifted to him a rosebud vision ot
! "You was peeping, I was peeping
oh, dear!" exclaimed the little maiden
breathlessly, Jumping down in confu
"Then we must be Interested In one
another," suggested Ned.
"Oh, I know I" fluttered Edna, "they
told me a boy lived next door."
"Boy!" began Ned resentfully, and
then audaciously: "I am the boy next
door, little girl."
. Edna pouted charmingly. She was
plucking at a rambler rose vine that
covered the fence, reached over It and
drooped in great fragrant clusters over
into the next yard.
"Ob, dear," she gasped, "1 musn't do
"Why not?" he Inquired.
"They're your rose."
"Not at all," declared Ned unblush
ingly. "The law on partition fences
out here in the country. Is that half of
it belongs to each adjoining tenant
and all that bangs over It."
! "Then I can pick all the roses I
"Why, certainly, and come over and
get as many more from our side."
"Oh. I couldn't do that without ask-
Ing mother," demurred Edna, and ran
Into the house.
Ned was charmed. More than that,
he was smitten. He managed to be at
his post In the garden Immediately aft
er breakfast He observed Edna look
ing wistfully towards the cherry trees
at the back of the Perkins house.
"1 never saw cherries grow before,"
she said wistfully.
"Why don't you get a basket and
pick some?" he insinuated; "la your
"Why, yes. That strip back of you
Is free to you. Lot law out In the
country, you know?"
Edna regarded him keenly and sus
piciously, but her face was an inno
cent blank. The audacious fellow did
not explain to Edna that it was a con
tinuation of the Perkins lot that went
around the new neighbor's domain.
She went wild with delight as he
got a stepladder, held the basket and
let her pick the ripe, bursting globes
in "her orchard." In fact, up till near
ly noon they were together and Ned
forgot all about his fishing.
Later that day a coop of chickens
arrived. Edna called over the fence
to know If Ned couldn't come over and
get the new arrivals into the chicken
house. This led to an Introduction to
Mrs. Purtelle, who showed herself
well pleased with the young man.
"And when will there be some eggs?
When do the chickens lay most?" flut
"Why well, night times mostly," re
ported Ned unflinchingly.
"Then there will be some fresh eggs
for breakfast In the morning!" cried
There were, notwithstanding that
Ned had discovered that the Imported
brood consisted mostly of roosters. In
the morning with a scream of wild Joy
Edna discovered nearly two dozen
eggs, surreptitiously placed In the
nests before daylight by the obliging
Again a day of rare companionship,
Cupid forging the chains closer and
closer as the sunny hours went by.
Then Edna was full of the theme of
the little chicks. A "setting" was duly
provided for by Ned.
And when will the little darlings
be ripe?" Inquired the eager novice In
"Well." responded Ned slowly with
cold devoted serenity, "with warm
weather, by morning."
Oh, I shall be awake at daylight!"
declared the excited enthusiast.
'So will I!" vowed Ned, and was.
At the weird hour of midnight he had
substituted a new brood of their own
for the setting.
Mr. Purtelle arrived at the end of
the week. He stared hard at Edna, as
she Introduced Ned, as If he were
some old-time chum. .Then there was
a closer acquaintance of the members
of the family all around. One day the
truant pair came home consciously
"I've asked her and I love her," Ned
told Mr. Purtelle promptly.
"Humph!" growled Mr. Purtelle,
good naturedly enough," and what
about the false pretences of cherries,
eggs and the like?"
"Oh, that shows his kindly dlspost
Hon, papa!" chirped In Edna, "I saw
through the humbug of his "lot law'
and twelve hour chickens all the time,
but he was so obliging so so anxious
to please me, that I led him on be
cause why, because," acknowledged
the blushing maid, "I I loved him.'
What He Meant
Many years ago there was an Ameri
can missionary located among the In
dians In the far West who was ot a
hospitable turn ot mind. Ho alway
kept bard cider on the premises. I
any one ot his widely scattered flock
ot Indians chanced to call upon him
he would bring them forth a Jug of
It. One day a strange Indian called
one whom he had never seen before
evidently an unconverted heathen, so
far as, Christianity was concerned
but converted to the consumption of
alcoholic beveragoa. He, as It tuine
out, had been coached after the man
ner of a student at a university. His
acquaintance with English was lim
ited. He opened tiro upon the aston
lulled missionary thus: "Abraham, Ja
cob. Jonah, Job, Satan, Beelzebub,
and then paused, evidently expecting
a reply. "What on earth do you
mean?" asked the missionary, he not
having been christened after any
them, drawing himself up lu a digni
fied manner. The Indian pithily re
plied: "I mean cider."
Resurrecting a Dead Battery,
A clock having an electric contact
stopped with the contact closed, so
that when It was started up a couple
ot hours later, the battery was so far
polarized that It could not operate the
magnet to which It was connected
To wait till the battery could recu
perate would mean leaving the mechan
ism out ot use for some hours. The
battery consisted ot three Leclanche
cells. Five dry cells were brought in
to use. Connected in series, the ter
minal wires were touched to the ter
minals ot the exhausted battery, slno
to slno and carbon to carbon. After
30 seconds ot this reverse current the
battery was fully restored and ready
In a certain town lu the south ot
Scotland there dwelt a policeman with
unusually large feet
One night, after he had retired to
rest, be was disturbed by a noise at
the back ot his house, and on going
out to ascertain the cause ot It he
found that his garden was overrun by
a number ot boys.
Robert angrily demanded what they
wanted, and received the following
reply from one of the urchins as he,
disappeared over the garden wall:
"Oh, we're lukln' for ins o' your
auld butcs to mak' rabblt-hoose wl'."
A Witch That Is 'Seen but Not Heard.'
If a watch or a small clock Is to be
kept on a table by a sick bed, a good
plan is to cover the watch or clock
with a tumbler. It will then be seen
but not heard.
Dally Optlmistlo Thought
Not everyone Is a huntsman that
blows a horn.
Him Utilizing It.
Something Happened Which Was
Worth Ten Such Thoughts as Had
Come to the Scribe So This
Particular Gem Was Lost
One day the Observer had an Idea.
It is a rare experience, and the obvi
ous thing to do was to' get it down on
paper Just as quickly as the speed
limit on his old typewriter allows.
He grabbed a shoet of paper, rammed
It Into the typewriter, and started
reaching for the first letter when the
office door opened and a lady came in
The lady, whose home is Jiear Mil-
ford, extended a piece of paper and
some money, with the remark that It
was a subscription bill, somewhat
overdue, which she had como in to
pay. Glancing at the paper the Ob
server had a shock which drove that
incipient Idea Into the remotest cor
ner of his belfry, where it seems to
be lost forever. He is absolutely un
able to remember what that Eroat
thought was about, what stirring
gleam of sense was about to be born
and given to the world. This is his
The bill which was extended for
payment was dated May, 1894.
The explanation was that an old
trunk in the attic was wanted for use,
and in cleaning it out, among a lot
of old receipts and papers, they had
discovered this old bill. The system
of filing bills and receipts was such
as to make these honest people quite
sure that the bill had not been paid.
The lady was assured that if there
was any record of the account, now 21
years old, it was In the cobweb-encrusted
old books in the garret, that
the account was outlawed anyway, and
that very likely a duplicate of the bill
had been paid 20 years ago. She was
obdurate. She had come to pay that
bill and get a receipt. An offer to re
ceipt It for half the amount was not
satisfactory. It was her rule, and her
husband's, to pay In full for everything,
and she had traveled several miles to
settle an account old enough to be a
legal voter. She paid and took her
receipt, and if she did not then and
there create a world's record for de
ferred payment Bhe made one which is
As stated, the bill was paid but the
"idea" was gone. However, the idea
was probably worth about twenty
cents, which Is one-tenth the amount
of the bill, so if anybody else can dig
up any antique accounts and pay them
they are welcome to drive out, shoo
away, slaughter and swat any and all
budding notions, at any time, any
place, day or night. Milford Cabinet.
EASY TO HAVE PURE WATER
Simple Filter That May Be Construct
ed Wherever Campers Are on
Banks of a Stream.
A simple Alter and cooler that any
one the least Ingenious cau prepare is
described In detail In the Journal of
the American Medical Association.
With it pure water may be obtained
from any stream of water.
A large pail with a stout handle is
the host receptacle for the water.
hole is punched in the bottom and over
It a tlu box Is soldered. The floor of
the tin box one of the kind in which
candy is packed may be used is per
forated with holeB and a spring is at
tached to the cover und the bottom of
the box. The spring is inclosed In a
tube made by rolling up a sheet of tin,
obtained, with solder, from tin cans.
A chain Is attached to the watertight
cover ot the box and the box is tilled
with alternate layers of charcoal and
Suspended In the stream, the pall
soon lllls up with the filtered water.
Then, by loosening the chain, the
spring cover drops back watertight on
the box, and the whole pail, full ot Al
tered water, Is ready to be carried off
To Honor Old-Time Governor.
Descendants of the Wyandotte and
Delaware Indians will take part In the
placing ot a marker on the grave ot
William Walker, territorial governor
of Kansas and Nebraska, at Oak
Grove cemetery September 29.
Mayor Green appointed the follow
ing committee: E. P. Hetsler, I. H.
Gard, Edwin Heren, B. R. Lane, Sam
uel Beaty, 0. K. Sorvlce, Mark Arm
strong, Mrs. J. A. Hale, R. L. McAlpine,
Frank Betton, W. W. Zane, Miss LIda
B. Conley, John McAlpine, John Cas-
key and J. L. Smalley. Not all ot
the committee are of Indian descent.
Some are descended from the early
The monument Is being placed by
the Society of Daughters of Founders
and Patriots of Amorlca. Governor
Capper will attend the exercises and
the governor of Nebraska also has
ben asked to bo present Kansas
Their Long Kid Gloves.
Some Ingenious women lu Ireland
have found a use for their discarded
long white or colored kid gloves.
These they turn Into a lining for
waistcoats for the men of army and
navy, who And that the kid makes the
waistcoat windproof. It takes a num
ber of pairs to line one garment, there
tore the demand (slgreat, and a brisk
collecilou goes on.
aim iMiiuinuji mo snraiii MMMIIUU
WH ' if i ' mi
OR many years the MiBkito 1
Indians of Eastern Honduras
have been raising the Mace
donian cry to the Moravian
missionaries among their race
In Nlcaraguan torritory. Thanks prin
cipally, to the selfdenial offerings of
the Blueflelds Moravian Sunday
schools, it became possible in the
spring of last year for two of us to
visit every Misklto village of Impor
tance in this neglected and dark part
of Honduras, writes Rev. Theodore
Reinke In the Christian Herald.
Bidding farewell to civilization at
the little town of Puerto Cabo Graclas
a Dios, at the northeast corner ot
Nicaragua, about thirty or thirty-five
miles ot beach were traversed the first
day. Two days were spent in an In
dian village at False Cape, where there
is a small, wattled, leaf-thatched meet
ing house, and where there are a num
ber ot Christians and candidates, all
under the care of the missionary sta
tioned at Cabo Graclas a Dios. We
told these people our errand and called
for volunteers to accompany us. Aft
er several palavers, two men and
three women were found willing to
go. On their advice we adopted the
plan pf visiting the Inland villages on
our way west and touching at the
coast villages on the return.
All this country is Hat and scarcely
above sea level. A group of villages
cluster about the mouth of the Karuta
river, which empties into the Carib
bean at False cape. From here it is
more than a day's travel up river to
the next group of villages, called Laka.
We encamped the first night in a lit
tle banana clearing, where the owner
of our Immense dugout canoe had a
thatched shed, On landing, a few
little monkeys were spied, and great
was the delight among the natives
when one was shot, for their flesh Is
prized. In a short time the bare shed
was magically transformed While the
women were busy baking and peeling
green bananas, and boiling coftee
around the Are, the rest were bringing
in the great banana leaves for beds on
the ground. Each member of the party
had his own square cloth mosquito bar,
which affords some privacy In addition
to protection from bloodthirsty In
socts. These little shelters were
quickly hung In a row, and a minia
ture white city was the result. The
effect was quite striking In the light
of the pitch pine torches, which flared
fitfully ns we read from the Misklto
Testament stories from the life of
Live on Little Islands.
The Laka villages are widely scat
tered. To roach the first village ot but
five houses, we had to tramp for two
hours aud at last wado almost knee-
deep in mud and water. The people
elect to live on little Islands In the
midst of these flats on account of their
cattle; but In the dry season the water
is so low that all their food supply,
principally bananas, has to be carried
by ponies or women from the river
Our hosts showed us a great deal of
kindness. We were given the freedom
ot the largest house and were provided
with bananas, casava, eggs, fowl, and
cocoanuts. As far as we could dis
cover, these people had never come
In contact with the Gospel; but they
were glad to listen, and not only re
ceived us hospitably, but furnished us
with horses and guides, and did all
they could to help us on our way, with
no thought ot remuneration. They
were far removed from traders as well
as missionaries. The housewives were
Hadn't Brought Him Luck.
Mrs. Winkle (meeting btm at the
door "Oh, John, I'm so glad to see
youl Baby Isn't well. I think there
is a bad leak In the boiler. I have
the bill tor the taxes, the clothesline
fell down In the mud, the cat has
eaten up the goldfish, and Walter has
sprained hla inkle, so you must go
for the doctor at once. Anything new
happen to you today, dearest?" Mr.
Winkle "Nothing woith mentioning
except that on my way home I found
a four-lcovcd clover." Woman's
Good Deeds Have Reward.
Never did any soul do good, but it
came readier to do the ramo again,
with more e-ijoyxont Never was
lovo, or g.atl'.i-de, or bounty prac
ticed but with Increasing Joy, which
made the iractleer still mors in lore
with the fab: act
Wh woman begins Id show In
terest la politico tjforra, YaU Is an
Ird'caitoo the debt on her church has
o cleared oft.- -Topeka CipltaL
more Industrious than their more civ
ilized sisters farther south. A crude
native loom stood against the wall.
ana samples of heavy cloth, or
canvas, made from cotton which hers
grows on plants the size of trees,
were In evidence. Hammocks made
of cord spun from the Inner bark
of the mahoe tree were plentiful.
The art of tanning leather and mak
ing moccasins is also known.
A seaward village was made the next
stopping place. An honest old man
who was our host begged us to appeal
to the English King for redresB against
what he regarded as the oppression ot
the government officials, who visit
them occasionally and tax them for
their cattle. The old man supplied us
with two boats and accompanied us
with his chief wife on the long jour
ney to Tansen on the Inland side of
Lake Karataska. As we were cross
ing the lake so wide that in some di
rections one cannot see the shore
the wind began to rise, and we were
In danger ot being swamped.
Back of this immense Karataska
lagoon are four other large lagoons,
into one of which the Ibantara river
empties. About Its shores there is a
small Misklto population. A man of
this neighborhood, who had the prom
ising name of "Morning Star," owned
a large dugout canoe, which he
agreed to lend us and :o accompany
us on our way. His was the only
family at home In his little village,
everyone else having crossed the Kar
ataska lagoon to attend a "Slko," or
ghost-expelling drinking bout. Morn-
tnt Star's mother-in-law was a most
repulsive-looking . creature a good
model for a witch ot Endor painting
but when we left her she said: "Pray
Down the Butuk River.
Fourteen hours of paddling and sail
ing brought us through three of the
lagoons to the small settlements along
the Butuk river. We had great diffi
culty In securing transportation down
river. A boatload of merchandise,
mainly rum, had been brought over
the route the day before, and almost
every man was suffering from the ef
fects of its presence in this region.
In 12 hours' travel vith the river
current, we did not encounter a single
human being nor any habitation of
man. The banks of the river, how
ever, literally swarmed with iguanas.
It was the time of the year when
they lay their eggs, and wherever
high sandbank stood out it was honey
combed with their burrows. Our peo
ple , caught them with their hands.
Iguana flesh Is supeiior to chicken,
though the eggs are not as good
At the mouth of the Plantain river,
between Black river and Brewer
Lagoon bar, a few Indians ot the
Paya tribe were encountered.
Half a day's march from the Kruta
river we reached the Kaukirra group
of villages the poorest houses of any
we had yet seen. Hero we discov
ered a heathen preacher, who actually
possesses part ot an English Bible,
which of course he cannot read.
tew families from Grand Caymans live
in this neighborhood, and raise cat
tle and cocoanuts.
Kruta was reached on Maundy
Thursday, and we bad a real mission
ary meeting on Good Friday. That
night we Journeyed on to Cabo Gra
clas a Dios and arrived there on the
morning of our twenty-ninth day. hav
ing covered, as nearly as we can es
timate, a distance ot from 460 to 475
A Philadelphia police magistrate
was called on to decide the owner
ship of a dollar bill which was found
In the street by a negro and claimed
to have been lost by a white man.
After hearing the story of each claim
ant the court said: "I believe the do!
lar belonged to the white man.
since the negro found It he Is entitled
to a reward. I therefore decree that
each take fifty cents and call It
Many questions have been ask"d
in regard to the probable fate or new
stars, after they have ceased to at
tract special attention. It has been
shown that such stars which have ap
peared In recent years have been con
verted Into nebulae, and later, In
many cases. Into extremely faint stars
of apparently normal condition.
Up to Oneself.
"Ton can't buy happiness, ner bor
row trouble," said Uncle Eben. "Dey
both Jos' comes natural to yoh os
Soldiers in Modern Warfare Need
rightful Detonation of Modern Guns
Would Speedily Cause Deafness If
Most Elaborate Precautions
Were Not Taken.
The soldier who plugged up his ears
oefore going into battle would have
been considered effeminate in the last
entury. The horrid din of war, fully
is the poets have expatiated upon it,
included until recently no sound pow-
rful enough to split the drum of a
man s ear, or to rack his nerves to the
hroshold of insanity. Things are dif
ferent nowadays. It Is absolutely nec-
ssary to guard the ears in some effec
tive way when one is in the vicinity of
big gun. Even with due precaution
the gunners themselves often suffer
oin deafness, as is noted by C. V.
Boys. Our quotation below Is from an
abstract of Mr. Boys' note:
"The sudden access of pressure In
the neighborhood of a gun at the mo
ment of firing imposes so great a strain
on the drum of the ear that deafness
is a usual result. The Increase in
pressure In the modorn gun, and the
high pressure still remaining when the
rhe Mallock-Armstrong Ear-Defender
In Detail- A, B and F Are Washers
E Is the Sensitive Diaphragm
That Records the Lightest Sound C
and D Are the Stops That Limit the
Vibration and Shut Out the Deafen
ing Din of the Guns The Small
Drawing 8 hows the Exact Size.
shot reaches the muzzle, make the con
ditions more serious than they used
to be until comparatively recently. Not
only those who are near the gun when
fired, but those also In the neighbor
hood of bui'atlng shells, bombs or ex
plosives are liable to suffer In a simi
lar way even if they are not otherwise
"A. Mallock, who has for many years
conducted investigations in connection
with artillery, has invented an 'ear-defender,'
the object of which is to pro
tect the drum of the ear from very
sudden and violent access of pressure,
while still allowing the minute varia
tions produced by ordinary sounds to
be received with but little loss. The
defender consists of a containlng-piece
made of ebonite and shaped like the
pieces used In the game of halma, and
of about the same size. The ball end
Is very finely milled and It Is made to
fit the passage of the ear, there being
five sizes, differing very slightly in dl
menslons in this part, to suit different
people. The piece is pierced centrally
by a hole one-fourth Inch In diameter
at the small end, and gradually enlarg
ing toward the other end, where it
opens Into a recess five-eighths inch In
diameter. Into this are fitted in order
a flat-ring washer, a disk of fine wire
gauze, a very thin flat-ring washer, a
delicate diaphragm, a very thin flat-
ring washer, a disk of fine gauze and a
Mr. Boys goes on to explain how this
device protects the delicate membrane
of the tympanum from the ear-splitting
noises of battle while permitting the
wearer to hear ordinary sounds dis
"When a pair of defenders is placed
in the ears the thin diaphragms, un
touched except near their edges, whore
they are held, are free to take up
aerial vibrations and to transmit them
to the ear-passage. Thus ordinary
sounds are heard with little loss.
When, however, the violent impact duo
to gun-fire or explosion in the neigh
borhood occurs, the diaphragm Is
brought up against the wire gauze, by
which further movement is checked,
also the injurious increase of pressure
Hence the ear is defended."
Teach Art of Cooking.
The world's greatest cookery uni
versity is In London, England. More
than one hundred London county
council schools and similar institu
tions are itrtolleges. Its undergrad
uates are men of the new army who
have come up from the camps at Al-
dershot and other training centers
throughout the country and its tutors
and lecturers are the woman experts
in domestic economy who teach the
girls in the London elementary
schools the theory and practice ot
plain cooking. These women for the
schools are now on holiday ought to
be enjoying their long vacation, but
they have sacrificed a fortnight ot it
in order to teach the army how to
get something fit to eat. The soldiers
are living in college. Each class la
billeted in the school in which It is re
ceiving instruction and has the run ot
the playground tor purposes of sport,
which here, as elsewhere, forms so
Important a part of the national sys
tem ot education.
Plan a "Dead Beat" Gallery.
The formation of a national gallery
containing detailed information ot
"dead beats," Is one of the aims ot the
Retail Credit Men's National associa
tion, which recently closed its sessions
at Duluth, Minn. The Idea Is to send
detailed Information about chronic
"dead beats" from city to city.
In the hour of adversity be not with
out hope, for crystal rain falls from
black clouds. Nizaml.
There are now 57 bird reserves in
the United States where wild fowl
may live unmolested.
X ' 1 i 1 .
'iii ' X
Oiomrr vanes S
accord i'nq r
HARD TO PLEASE EVERYBODY
Constant Round of Gaiety Got on
Nerves of Convict Who Wanted to
Meditate Over His Sins.
"We are now approaching our state
penitentiary, where the honor Bystem
Is In force. Those men In dark blue
suits who are playing golf are con
victs." "Prison life isn't hard for them, I
"Oh, no. I also hear cheering and pre
sume a baseball game Is going on
somewhere in the vicinity. Every eve
ning there Is a moving picture show to
entertain the prisoners."
"I don't suppose any complaints are
"Not many. However, an honor man
walked away only last week."
"He left a note to the warden, say
ing he had to go to a place where he
could meditate over his sins, as the
constant round of gaiety In prison was
getting on his nerves." Birmingham
Clergyman It is bad to lose a hus
band, madam, but I am sure that as he
was such a good man he is happy
where he is.
Widow Oh, but I know he isn't
Widow Because he said he could
never be happy without me.
A Valued Immunity.
'So you bought one of those auto
mobiles they tell so many funny sto
"Yes," replied Mr, Chugglns. "And
It is saving me a lot of trouble and
wear and tear. When your friends
tell you jokes about your car they
don't expect you to ask them to ride
around in" it."
More Distinct Still.
'What I admire about that prima
donna is that she enunciates every
"You admire that in her singing,
"TJmph! You ought to hear her
enunciation when she gives her man
ager a piece of her mind."
At the Pool.
"Isn't that a beautiful picture!
Psyche at nature's mirror a young girl
gazing at her reflection in the pellucid
"Bah! 1 don't care for that kind of
"I suppose not. If you gazed into
the water, you'd see an old crab."
He Our marriage was certainly a
She And the worst of It Is that
there are not enough assets left to pay
"This society 'Raffles.' Now, how
did he operate?"
"Well, first of all, he learned how
"Then he sought a first-class tailor,
liter that It was easy."
A Silent Jolt I '
"What do you think of my week-old
whiskers, Miss Cutting?" asked young
"They look more like weak young
whiskers to me," replied Miss Cutting
with a cruel intonation ot sarcasm.
"A successful resolution for a club
drnner is different from any other
kind of motion."
"How is that?"
"It is carried and laid on the table
at the same time."
Requires Some Skill.
"What's Dobbleday doing now?"
"Hes engaged in some horticultur
"Yes. He's cultivating two society
Cause and Effect.
The One So old Graspitt Is dead,
eh? Did he leave very much?
The OtherYes, he was compelled
to leave everything. That's what kl .ed