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About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 24, 1915)
GLORIA'S GARDENER He Cultivated the Flower of Love in His Mistress' Heart. 1 By JOHN DARLING. Jamea Randal strolled slowly past the Woodvlns cottage. Certainly the lovely grounds were sadly In need of gardener's car and lust as surely were his (acted nerres In need of the restful tonlo that working In that garden would provide. He had taken the day In the eoun try that he might select a quiet boarding bouse In which to spend s month or two, but alas I The quiet boarding houses were so totally lack' lng In attractiveness that Randal had decided that ot two evils the lesser was the city boarding bouse. Even th appalling set of people In the city house was no doubt preferable to deadly monotony In the country. "But 1 would love to garden that bit of property," be sighed and would have passed the Woodvlne cottage for the last time save that a slip ot s girl at tbat psychological moment happened to come out of the vine- covered porch. Her hair was braided In a long sunny plait, and her smile traversed the distance between Ran dal and the porch. He retraced his footsteps and went up the path toward the girl. His walk was impulsive as were bis lnten tlons. The girl gazed questlonlngly at him though with a gleam of Interest In her eyes; eyes that were far seeing, as if they expressed the beauty of a great mind. "Is there a chance In the world that you require a gardener?" Ran dal asked as be reached the girl's side. "I certainly require one," Gloria woodvlne returned quickly, then with slight hesitation, "but I am not sure that I want one." "Oh," was Randal's ejaculation, "then do you perhaps know anyone who does both require and want my services?" "Yours? Are you the gardener?" She looked him up and down with dawning wonder in her eyes. "Yes. And I would have this bit of property looking like a show place In two weeks if you would let me There are wonderfift possibilities here," Randal said, and the peculiar look In his eyes brought a slight flush to Gloria's checks. "I couldn't pay very much," she said quickly, "because I keep this lit tle place up myself. My family con siders me mad for coming down here In the country to live. It Is my own retreat for writing and I have not been able to get someone to make It beau tiful, much as I wanted to." "If you permit me to pitch a tent down by that clump of Br trees and camp there I will care for the garden, plant some vegetables, get a few lay ing hens and help you a lot. Is It a go? I really need the work." Gloria looked rather startled but a tiny Smile played about her lips. As suredly here was a type around whom she might write a story. J3he would chance the trial anywayC it he did not please her she could easily dis miss him. "I am down here for absolute quiet and concentration," she told him. "I would have to ask you to go about your work without consulting me more than is absolutely necessary. My old black mammy will always be about" Randall looked searchlngly at Gloria Woodvlne. Suddenly he knew who It was she reminded him of. It was Freddy Woodvlne, but Randal bad not associated the name of the cottage with that of the girl. Now he knew who she was and his task be came one of trebled Interest. She was Gloria Woodvlne, Freddy's stater, and an authoress ot no small fame. "Sis Is a bit daffy," Freddy bad said on one occasion when Randal had wanted to meet her. "She goes off Into silences and retreats and never shows up until she brings a full-fledged novel back with her." "I will pitch my tent tomorrow, If it is agreeable to you," he said and realized that he could scarcely wait to shake the dust of newspaper of fices from his feet and take up bis abode in the garden of Gloria, As he traveled on the Long Island railway back to town all he saw as he went past villages was two long braids of golden hair that hung down Gloria's back. "Absurd," he warned himself, "and remember," be added to his mental conversation, "you are to consult her black mammy and not herself for anything you may require." And Randal found after a few days in Gloria's garden, that his nerves were beginning to respond to proper treatment, but that they were apt to play tricks when the girl with the sunny hair was anywhere in sight. He did not seek to talk with ber. All that ha wanted he obtained from Martha, and many a hint on cooking did he get from that source. , He prepared his own meals on his camp fire and altogether enjoyed his eo centrlo actions more than anything be bad tried tor a long time. His holiday was going to be a great suc cess. The garden, too, responded to proper care and looked much like a dainty flower basket set against a background of tall chestnut trees. Vegetables which found their way to black Martha's kitchen and hence to the table of Gloria, were a great suc cess. The chickens, too, produced Gloria's breakfast, and Randal re joiced each day In the chance that bad sent him past Woodvlne cottage. I ,Glorla, apparently deeply engrossed with ber hero ot fancy, did, however, find time to discuss the new gardener with black Martha, and to learn from her faithful servant that Randal was all but a paragon. "He done cut down our 'spenses by half with his chickens and 'niatoes and onions. Seems lak I never could make 'em grow." Gloria bad also found many mo ments to spars while thinking out O - - " mw u- l ployed by watching Randal's strong J body as It Diowed or built chlr.cer. coops or gathered sticks for bis camp lire. Her speculating as to bis real reason for working In a garden was more vague than she liked. "I wish I knew," she repeated often to herself. It was her very Interest in him that kept Gloria away from Randal when she would often have strolled about seeking Information from him about flowers or cbattlna on reneral subjects. She was curiously shy about seeing him and wondered not a little at ber own silly reasons for not wish lng to see much of her aardener. She had been sitting at ber type writer for many hours and was Just stepping onto the porch when a great man threw bis arms about ber and held her struggling against him. "Thought I'd come down and car a surprise visit," the man told ber with a bearty laugh. "Sis, you are daffy to live all by yourself," Freddy Woodvlne told her for the hundredth time, "but It's jolly good to get Into the country for a day. Hope you don't mind and tbat I am not buttlnr Into one of those silences or some thing." Gloria laughed and bugged her big brother affectionately. "Hello I Who's the man in the tent?" Freddy cast swift eyes at bis sister. Much to Gloria's disgust, she blushed hotly. "That is my gardener he takes charge of the chickens and" "Guess I will go down and have a look at him." Freddy said with more or less brotherly Intolerance toward nis sister's mode of living. "I am not sure that It's resnectable to have a strange man camping in the garden," he flung back at her. Gloria was so Indignant that she flounced within the cottage to tell ber troubles to Martha. Had she waited until Freddy reached the tent she would have seen the delighted meet ing of the two men and would have beard the laughter that followed. She did, howevor. hear the returning foot steps of her brother, and, looking out. discovered that he was coming arm In arm with her gardener. Presented to her aardener in a mnat formal manner by her brother, she smiled the smile that Randal remem bered as having lingered on the first day of their meeting In Gloria's eyes. You are a pair of dlDDles." was Freddy's comment In a disgusted tone. I done knows he was a gentle- man," Martha said, as she stood In the doorway watching developments. "I suppose you will be telling me next that you two have fallen In love with each other," there was & hint of hope In Freddy's tone. You have no rleht to suDnasn &nv. thing of the kind." flashed Gloria. "Besides, Mr. Randal has not riven me a chance to fall in love with him even if I had wanted to." 'We can soon fix that un." lauehed itandal. 'The sooner my sister is tied un to a sensible man, the better off she'll be," Freddy said, and drew Gloria Into his arms. "Isn't that right, Martha? "It sure am. Mars' Fred." Martha nodded, grinning broadly. It s a great cltv Mr. Randal tn nnt the sensible man," Gloria laughed de murely. 'I can be anything from a lournal. 1st to a gardener," Randal told her. 'Surely being sensible Is not so dlffl. cult when there is bo much at stake." Gloria blushed with becoming mod esty. (Copyright. 1915, by the MoClure News paper oynuicaie.J Iron In Water. Iron can be detected in water hv taste when there is one-halt unit of It to a million units of water; and more than four or flvn unit vnniH make the water unpalatable. In some mineral springs Iron Is the conatltu ent that gives the water Its medicinal value, but ordinarily, says the Youth's Companion, It is undesirable. If more than 2.6 units In the million are pres ent In the water that the laundress uses for laundering, the clothes will be stained. If more than two or three units In the million are In water tbat the paper maker uses, his paper will be stained. The ice made from wn. ter that contains iron Is cloudy and discolored. If much Iron Is In the wa ter that the engineer uses for mak lng steam, it will do harm, for it rnn. tains acids that, when set free in the boiler, corrode the boiler plates. The amount of Iron carried in solution by most waters Is, however, so small that the damage It does to steam hollers in generally not great. Water with a goon aeai ot iron in It has in manv in. stances caused great trouble and a. penBe In city water works, for iron so favors llie growth of crennthrlT musty, stringy bacteria, that the nlnon every little while become clogged with ii. Giant Grotto. The immense covern bearlnr thi name is situated near Trieste, Austria, and is said to be the largest known to exist It consists ot one vast chamber, 787 feet long, 433 feet broad and 452 feet high. There are three entrances, two In the root and one at the tdn nt the roof, which has recently been pro vided wun ladders with steps, so that visitors can safely descend Into the grotto. Once on tbe bottom, progress is easy. I ne cavern contains remark able groups of stalactites, some of them of gigantio size and others of bizarre shapes. The tallest stalactite has a length of a little more than 39 feet No side or underlvlnr have yet been discovered. The bottom ot the grotto Is 52o feet below the surface of the ground formlns the tnn of the roof, which In turn Is about 1 &so teet above sea level. After the Honeymoon. "I think bis love is growing cold." "Now, my dear, you mustn't Unas Ine things." 'It Is not Imagination. He reads a newspaper while I am sitting on Ms iap.- -s Something of tin Sort. "He posed as a railroad director." "Well, was It a fake?" "Not exactly. He presides over tbe information bureau at tbe Union station." In pfc Tl o IT thAtmc5gTif' YEARS! Years I What are years? Only 365 days I What ar 36S days, or any combinations of 366 days, compared with the unutterable past, whose dust Is being stirred by Europe's war, says Walter H. Main, In the Utlca Globe. It was a mere pebble In a mill pond that assassination of a petty ruler last summer but the ripples it start ed have not yet begun to lap the shores of the sea ot time along which hades ot the past hover, nodding to one another that humanity is ever the same, always seeking, always .variolous, always as ready to kill as was Genghis Khan, who slew his 6,000,000 or 6,000,000 and wept for more. Take that single city of Trebizond there on the Black sea, of which we have hardly heard, ot whose past we know nothing, and for whose trade Turkey and . Russia are struggling. What Is the commerce of New York for a single century compared with the commerce ot Trebizond for count less ages? We look with veneration on a build ing a century old; the Magna Charta we look upon with Its 700 years as of unspeakable antiquity; but here Is a city whose past trails oft into the dim realm of myth, to the tombs ot Pharaohs, to antiquity that ends In fancy. It was 1402 when Columbus stum bled on San Salvador and marked the beginning of our four centuries of continental history, four centuries that seem an interminable past to us, but which are as a dream which passeth In the night for Trebizond and its hin terland. In fact America would not have been disclosed for many years had It not been for the trade of Trebi zond. For Trebizond has been the outlet to the western world of the . , iWerr- V" t Cm I old fortress wonderful treasures of the Inscrutable East Was Great Trade Center. To Trebizond old Genoa turned when It wrested the sea power ot tbe world from old Venice. Many nations traded with Trebizond in its event ful past and everyone In turn waxed fat and prosperous and fell, until the Turk came to control the Dardanelles in 1463, and now Russia seeks to own the Black sea. It was because the Ottoman choked other traders that Columbus, the son of proud, rich Genoa, sought an all water route to the East. When the first prow from Europe grated on the shore ot the China sea and found the coral reefs of India, then began to dwindle that caravan trade which for ages beyond number had brought all the Orient, all Cathay westward In the shortest way. Then was doomed the camel traffic. It still persists; long strings of camels from the Orient still tread the streets of Trebizond, but there is a railway that brings goods to Datum, In Russian ter ritory, faster than camels can travel and Datum has the trade. But Trebizond is still a metropolis, and the dust ot Trebizond which is disturbed by the war strife carries with it the romance ot the race and brings up a mirage to the fancy that includes the brave figures ot a past as old as humanity. I Mystloism of Far Cathay, i When you feel that dust ot ages ris ing and smell the sandalwood and 8plcery of the East and the same pun gent odor of the camels that you may have noticed in new America on cir cus day, you lose all sense of time; you lose view of the land beyond the west ern sea, the land America, so new and fresh and inexperienced with a mere two or three centuries behind it; you lose all tangible things; you be come Infected with the mysticism of the East. For the nonce you forget time; you are transported to the Bag dad of the Arabian Nights; you re- Bumper Crops In Russia. Russia apparently has plenty ot men still In reserve. Her wheat crop, ac cording to estimates published by the International Institute of Agriculture, will be about 40 per cent larger this year than last, and the winter rye yield about 20 per cent larger. The war, Instead ot decreasing the amount of farm work in Russia, has stimulat ed It, and the promised crop yield in dicates that more men are employed In agriculture this year than there were last year. Whatever happens, Russia Is not going to be starved out Hartford Courant. Arcadian Disturbances. The noises ot the night can be Just as aggravating In the country as in the city. To be sure, there Is not the clang of the trolley, but the clang of the cowbell in the still watches of the night can be just as Irritating to the nerves of the citizen who Is try ing in vain to woo slumber. These moral reflections are Induced by the fact that a resident of Carman was seen chasing a cow around a pasture Celd about 6:30 o'clock one morning I KM H ffF rHfc VJVfJr member Harun al Rashld, Genghis Khan and the rest of the half real, half mythical betnp that peopled the fanciful days of your childhood whsn you lived within the pages of romance and the tales of wonder from the East captivated you. But the trail does not stop there with the heroes of the tales that cams to barbarian Europe Just before mod ern life dawned, when the Marco Po los boldly penetrated past the gates to the East. Tbe dust of the city of Trebizond, which lies thick, dates back beyond the Crusaders. The bridles of their horses Jingled, the armor of the warriors of the Cross rattled within this same city of Trebizond there on the Black sea. Remanee In Its 8plcery. Try to read Its story as a history and, you are hopelessly lost in a list of meaningless names. Absorb it as a romance, as you. absorb India In Kip ling's "Kim," and the city of Trebi zond Is of entrancing Interest. The earliest navigators, tbe Phoe nicians, piled the Black sea and did carrying trade for the caravans from the East. Then Britain was but a wild place, Inhabited by savages, where the low, black ships of the Phoenicians got tin from the mines to trade at Trebizond for the Jewels of India and China. Britain . we con sider old, with Its ruins, about which cling the story of the Roman soldiers. But this was even before Rome en tered the world stage. It was when Hiram of Tyre was bringing cedar for Solomon to build his temple. It was when Joseph was the wheat king of Egypt and before then, even. It was heaven knows when It was. Trebizond was a metropolis when the earliest man tn the West and bis wom ankind began to covet the silk and gold and jade and perfumes of the JPU f , If v or trebizond East. Even Egypt, the Egypt of 6,000 years ago, was a flippant youth when the Orient was hoary with age not hoary with years, years are not a measurable standard to use hoary with age, eons and eons of time. Bound the West to the East. The dust of Trebizond was tracked there by countless caravans of pa tient camels through countless cen turies. The route they followed was the slender thread of a trail that for centuries bound together the East and West the West vigorous in its crude barbarity, ornamenting itself with the Jewels and silks of the East. Between . the avarice of the West and the riches ot the East nature had put a barrier of mountain and desert which could be penetrated at only a few places. Unerringly, with the ex perience of ages, the caravan leaders picked the trail. It ran south 600 miles from Trebizond to Bagdad, the Bagdad ot the Arabian Nights and Harun al Rashld; it broke over into Persia on the east and ran 350 miles to Ispahan; then wound among the mountains and plains east, always east, 75G miles to Kandahar in Af ghanistan; then up to Kabul 400 miles farther and to Jelalabad and through old Khyber pass into India a full 2,000 miles as the camel trails. At Khyber pass the caravans divid ed, going Into far Cathay, Into Cash mere's lovoly vales, Bung by Lalla Rookh's minstrel prince, to mysteri ous Mongolia, to all the oldest tribes on earth, who made the luxuries for the rest of the world. This is the storied city, whose dust is being Btlrred by the warriors of this the twentieth century. Perhaps the very gunpowder that may yet awaken the echoes in the old camel-trod streets is now being made tn a factory In that crude, upstart land, America, which Columbus stumbled on when he was hunting around for a way to cir cumvent the Ottoman, to beat the camel drivers by getting there with a ship. recently, trying to capture her in or der to get the bell with which she was adorned. Duff erin (Manitoba) Leader. "Talk" Kittle Understood. The girl was making cookies. Little Mary was toddling round the kitchen. The big house cat bothered the little one. "Tell Kittle to go out," she de manded to the cook. The latter was busy, so spoke rather perfunctorily. "Kittle, go out! Go out. Kittle!" A disgusted look came over the toddler's face as she said: "Kittle don't under stand that talk. Speak to her with the broom." Newspaper Holders. A simple newspaper holder can bs made by cutting away a portion of one side of an ordinary clothespin, drilling a hole through the thick end for a screw or nail, and fastening It in nlace where desired. Another way Is to split off one side of a clothespin and cut the bottom of the remaining Dart ta pering as shown; then drill a hole to avoid splitting the piece and fasten tn a convenient place. MKEE HANS' DREAM. Hans and Martha were an old cou ple who lived In a little bouse on the bank of a river. Hans was a miller. He was a very cross man and found fault with poor Martba, blaming her for all tbat happened to displease blm. His breakfast was too hot or too cold, and his dinner was too late or too early. If many people came to the mill with corn to be ground he fussed because be bad to work so bard to support her. When tbey did not come he grumbled because he had two to feed and so little work. Poor Martha was very patient and bore It without complaining, but she sometimes wished he would be a little kinder to her. for she worked aa hard as he did, sometimes helping him in me mill. One day It was cold and Hans came In and sat by the Ore. Where is my piper he asked. Martba told him she did not know. "If you would let It alone," be said, "I should know where to find It" He found fault with the dinner; It was not what be wanted. v "It Is all we have in the homo " mIh Martha. "That Is just it" reDlied Hana "If I did not have you to suDnort I could have better things to eat." But who would cook it?" asked Martha. Hans told her he could cook well enough, and better than she did, for tbe pudding tbey had for dinner was burnt Just then he nut his hand In his pocket, and there was his pipe. Mar ina saw him smoking, but said noth ing, and kept on with her work. All at once Hans saw an old woman standing beside him. She hod nn a long black cape and leaned on a cane. On her head she had a queer hat with a peak at the top. 'So Martha Is a nuisance to von." she said. "Well, what can I do to nelp you? You can have vour own way if you will tell me what you want" Hans removed his nine from his mouth-and looked at her. "How did you get in here?" he asked, for he was sure she did not come in through the door. , "I came down the chimney." she an swered. 'Well, you better an hack." unld Hans, for he did not like to have peo ple take him by surprise. 'No,' said the old ladv. "not until I have satisfied your wants. Do you wish to live- here alone and not be bothered by Martha?" I should have more if t didn't have her to support," said Hans, feeling that he must defend himself In some way. 'Very well." said the nlrt lndv "von can be alone. I will take Martha with me, and here Is a chicken for your dinner." And ehe took a nice, fat chicken out of a bag she had under her cape and cut it on the table and then disappeared. Hang thought she had enne nnqtnlra to Martha, and be laughed to himself, tor He was sure Martha would not go with her. After a while he became "So Martha Is a Nuisance to You," She Said. anxious and colled, but Martha did not answer. He went upstairs, but he could not find her. Then he remem bered what the old lady said, that she came down the chimney. He was sure if she tried to take Martha up the chimney that Martha must be there now, for Martha was very stout; so he looked, but could not see anyone. "Let her go," he said at last "1 will have all the chicken for myself, and I will make a pudding that I can eat" He looked at the fire, but it had died out; he tried to build it and then put on a kettle of water for the chicken, but he did not know whether it should be boiled or baked, and he did not know how to do either. He next went to tbe closet and brought out some flour, which he mixed with water, and without greasing the pan, put the mixture in it and put it in the oven. Then ho saw that the fire was out and the chicken was Just as it was when he put It in tbe kettle. He was cold and hungry, and it was getting dark and he could not find a taper to light the lamp. He began to think ot Martha; that perhaps he found too much fault, and he came to the con clusion that he was better off with her than without her, but how was be to get ber back? He decided to go to the roof and look down tbe chimney; perhaps she was stuck at the top. He went up on the root and climbed to the top ot the chimney and looked down, when Bang! he lost his balance and down he went "My goodness!" said Martha, "yon have dropped your pipe and yoa near ly jumped out of the chair. What is the matter with you?" Hans looked around. There was Martha, and the Are was burning brightly. He did not say anything, for over the Are he saw a kettle. "Where bave you been?'' he asked, after a while. "1 bave been right here," answered Martba, "but you have been asleep and snored terribly." When Martha went Into the closet Hans peeped Into the kettle, but be saw potatoes, not chicken; then be slyly opened the oven door, and In there be saw baking beautiful brown biscuits, a kind of which be was very fond. Tbat night at the table Hans ate bis supper with a relish and even praised Martha's cooking, which surprised ber very much, and later, when Martha' was washing the dishes Hans came' up behind ber and kissed ber. "Martha," he said, "you are the best wife a man ever bad." Martha's old face lighted up and . she wondered what bad come over blm, but she only1 smiled at him and kept on with her dishes. DEVICE FOR A WATCH CHAIN Diminutive Carp or 8uckr Arranged by Recent Invention to Be Worn aa Charm or In Pocket The Sclentlflo American In describ ing a toy or amusement device In vented by B. O. Wakefield ot Rogers, Ark., says: This Invention Is a toy or amuse-, ment device, having preferably the Amusement Device. form of a diminutive carp or sucker, and adapted to be worn as an append age ot a watch chain or as a badge or carried in the pocket. A ribbon Is wound on a roller or a drum journaled In the hollow body of the device, and, In practice, It bears photographs or other pictures of persons, landscapes or other things, or is provided with printed matter ot any desired charac ter. LESSON OF SUFFICIENT REST One of Hardest Tasks for Grownups to Master and Not Surprising That Child Ignores It It has been observed that while we are trying to do something for the child who is overworked, we need to remember the other danger of over play. Parents and teachers too often fail to realize the injury that may come thro-ugh the exciting stimula tion of games carried to excess. Most children need to be restrained now and then in the matter of ex hausting exercise. The lesson of suf ficient rest is one of the hardest which grownups have to learn. It is not surprising that children do not know how to observe It Yet many cases of nerves and ir ritability could be traced directly to the fact that a child has been allowed to run from morning till night with no relaxation at a time when the de mands of youth make rest especially needful. It is better to insist upon plenty of sleep and quiet than to pun ish a youngster for the natural result of a fagged body. Haverhill Gazette, HE WAS SLOW BUT THOROUGH Quality of His Work Spoke Well for Boy Engaged to Pull Weeds Out of a Lady's Garden. A lady engaged a boy to weed In her garden. He started to do the work as Bhe directed, and she went about her household duties. After a half hour had elapsed she looked out the window and saw the boy at about the same spot she had left him. "Pretty slow," said the lady, and again went about her work. Another half hour elapsed, and again she looked out the window. She noticed that he had done very little more, and said to herself, "I wish I had secured a man for this iob: it will not be finished today at this rate. At the end of another half hour she concluded to speak to the boy and hurry him up, so out to the yard Bhe went. She stopped suddenly. It was true that not very much of the garden had been covered. The boy was slow, that was sure, but such a job of weed in 2 as he had done! Not a single stray piece ot grass was left. It was as clean as could be. She stood and looked In amazement. There was Just one word for it thorough. Instead of telling him to do the work faster, she said: "That's fine. That'n the kind of weeding I like to have done every time. Exchange. The Minister's Mistake. In a small country church, not long since, a little child was brought for ward for baptism. The young minis ter, taking the little one in his arms, spoke as follows: "Beloved hearers, no one can fore tell the future of this little child. He may grow up to be a great astrono mer, like Sir Isaac Newton, or a great labor leader, like John Burns; and It is possible he might become the prima minister of England." Turning to the mother, he inquired: "What's the name of the child?" "Mary Ann," was the reply. Lon don Tit-Bits. Jlmmie's Stunt A small boy was Jumping up and down and giving vent to shrieks, shouts and exclamations. Shaking her parasol at the young sters who watched the proceedings In great glee, an old lady ejaculated: "Aren't you ashamed to make that little boy cry like that?" "He ain't crying," one of the lads explained. "Jtmmie Is gtvln' a lmlta tion of a cattle train. I I I ft CAP aund PLENTY OF BREAD LEFT OVER Mr, Smith, In the Amen Corner, Of fered Suggestion to Help Out Car tain Young Minister, One Sunday morning a certain young pastor In -bis first charge an nounced nervously: "I will take for my text tbe words, "And they fed five men with 6,000 loaves of bread and 2,000 fishes.'" At this misquotation an old par ishioner from his seat in the amen corner said audibly: "That's no miracle I could do it myself." The young preacher said nothing at the time, but the next Sunday he announced the same text again. This time he got it right: "And they fed 6,000 men on five loaves of bread and two fishes." He watted a moment and then, lean ing over the pulpit and looking at the amen corner he said: "And could you do that too, Mr. Smith?" "Of course I could," Mr. Smith re plied. "And how would you do It?" said the preacher. "With what was left over from last Sunday," said Mr. Smith. Advance. Unavoidable. "I believe you are the same man who was here about a year ago," said the housewife. "Maybe so, mum," replied the tramp. "I was In these parts." "And you haven't found any work to do yet?" "Only what was wiBhed on me, mum, by one or two hard-hearted Judges." Sizing Up Father. "Mother, Is my father the greatest man in the world?" , "No, indeed, my dear." j "But he's a greater man than George Washington, Isn't he?" ! "Certainly not. Why are you ask ing such foolish questions this morn-' lng?" "I was Just wondering why you ever married him." Please Remember. Mrs. Meeks This paper says no parental care ever falls to the lot of a single member of the Insect tribe.' In general, the eggs of an insect are destined to be hatched long after the parents are dead. Mr. Meeks Now, dear, you know, why you have no right to call me an insect, I hope. HE SHOWED HIM. "You didn't know that girl was mar-. rled?" "Not until I was nrintlne a kins nn her lips and her husband showed me that I was making a typographical error." His Courage Failed. "Did you speak to father about me. Arthur?" "Yes, I did, dear, and he agreed with me heartily." j "Then he said I might marry you?'' "Why er no. I didn't quite get to' the point of asking him. I Just said you were a fine girl." A Work of Art "How'd you happen to buy so much stock In that fake gold mine, Hiram?". "Th" feller who was sellin' it said it was gilt-edged." "Pshaw I They all say that" "But by cracky, he showed it to ma an' it did have a gilt edge." Matter of Color. , Parson Snowball Dat youngest bov ob yourn do seem to be one ob de pestiferous kind, deacon. Deacon Flatfoot Dat's what he am, parson. He shore am de white sheep ob mah flock. Anent Cheese. Bacon It's funny about cheese. Egbert What is? "It never gets on Its last legs " "Is that right?" "Sure thing; the older It esta tha more life it has." Guess Too Much. Dubklns seems to think doctor pend a great deal on guess work In handling a patient" "You don't believe that do you?" 'No. Guess work Is more annarn when they make out their billa."