The Eugene weekly guard., June 06, 1903, Image 2

TOPICS OF
THE TIMES.
A »oft answer often maketh a man
lick.
Thomas A. Edison’s pipe »till seem»
to be burning.
Women will tell you that they "aim "
It truth. Perhaps that 1» Why they do
Hot hit the target.
The first cigar and the first baby are
• like—you wonder why other people
Seem to like them.
If Hetty Green bad only l>een Kin­
sell Sage'» wife, then both of them
would now be satisfied with life.
"Speaking of unhappy lot»,’’ remark»
the Baltimore American, "what atmut
the graveyard?” Vaually the fence.
The Chicago ¡nilIce raided ten get-
rlcb-quick concern» In one week. What
a strenuous job, this keeping the fool
and his money together.
When revolutionists kill a President
In Honduras they cull It an accideut,
probably because of the well known
fact that accidents will happen.
It must have come easy for Adam
when he wished to flatter Eve. lie
could call her the fairest of her sex
without bothering Ida conscience In the
least.
There are a few people who strug
gle all their Ilves In the hope that some
day they may be wealthy enough to
exude aphorisms on bow to attain suc­
cess.
The typical American public official
never seems to doubt that he Is chosen
to make a judicious selection, of which
laws ought to be enforced and which
Ignored. Every sheriff or |s>llee chief
Is his own legislator nowadays.
Ixive of gambling in one form or an
other seems to be in the American
blood und the American boy 1» easily
led astray by temptations to "take
chances" on the various gambling
■«hemes that have been allowed to be­
come a part of the ordinary merchan­
dise of tlie shops that lie frequents.
These things should be put out of the
reach of our school children.
Marksmen are born, not made, as
Horary might have said. A man who
bad been In the navy only three week»
was a member of one of the crews
manning u six |H>und gun on a recent
target practice cruise of the Texas.
He aimed the gun the lirst time he
had ever done such a thing and hit
the target at u thousand yards. Then,
just to show that it was not luck, be
bit the target nine times more lu suc­
cession.
When street railways ls*gln to run
sleeping ears they will have Invaded
every field occupied by the steam rail­
way». In some parts of the country
freight Is carried In trolley curs; In
New York City express cars are run
under a street railway franchise; and
last month a .Massachusetts »tract rail­
way owner ordered a combination par­
lor, sleeping nml dining cur, which is
to be run over the street railway
tracks. He expects soon to be able to
go to New York and to Boston by trol-
'' '
—
The startling statement is made In
Minneapolis that of the forty one pria-
oners In the Hennepin County jail Uot
one Is above 23 years of age. The
coudltlou that brings alsiut this »fate
of affairs Is worth while Inquiring Into
A Hennepin County judge, comment
lug u|sm the situation, says Hint he l>e
Ueves tlie lucrease of crime among
young men la due to their la-lug forced
out of many sources of employment by
girls. The one tiling certain la the
fact that there are more young men
occupying cells In jails and pentten
tlarles than there were a few years
ago. ami It behoove» those persona w ho
Interest themselves In criminology to
Inquire Into the conditions that have
brought about this increase In the
crltuiual tendencies of young men.
The cost of extra knot» of high s|teed
was elucidated by recent experiment»
with a new armored British cruiser.
Ca|>e of Good Hojie, of 14,lt»i tons.
Ou her eight hour trial »lie made a
un-an s|H>ed of 23.06 knots. Iler coal
expeudltuie for various speitls was
plotted with surprising results. To go
from 11.6 knots to 23 knot» needed,
roughly, 2O.0UO additional horse power,
while the last knot alone absorbed
B.021 horse power. That la to say,
to progress from 22 to XI knots need«-«!
as much power as the total required
to drive the ship at almut 1(1 knot», or,
to put It In still another way, the
power needl'd to drive the Cape of
Gtssl Hope at full *is-ed would propel
two Similar vessels at alsiut 11» knots
The coal consinuptlou at full s|>eed
was. roughly, twenty »lx ton» per
hour; at IS* knots, alsiut 11 ton* per
hour. Again, at full spead tlie ship
Would steam 0.N5 knot for efl« h ton of
coal burned, while at IV knots the dis­
tant1* would ts> double for a similar
consuliqit lull of fuel.
John Green Brady, the governor of
Alaska, has never known the name of
his father or mother Years ago w ben
he was a street gamin In New York
city, selling newspapers and Narking
•boa». be was just "Brady.” Bo the
>ther street aratw called litm. Otte day
with a carload of city waifs be was
shlp|ied out West Judge Green, of In­
diana. saw the carload 'of boy» and
told Ids wife alsiut the Invoice of
youngsters
Bhe thought they ought
to take one
“Very well." said the
judge. "1’11 pick out the toughest »peel
men of the lot." He selected "Brady "
Now. In homely phraseology, "Yon
can't never tell what may tic-ome of
a lousy calf.” Mrs Green got bold of
the boy's heart
Her refining influ­
ence soon bad Its effect on the young
liartiarlan He saw the world would
give him a chance Ambition »poke to
him. He clung to the name of Brady
and left all Ns Nd Uf* behind bin*.
Henceforth be was John Green Brady.
To make a long story »bort, the boy
went through the grades and high
school at the bead of bi» classes
Partly by bl» own efforts and aided
partly by Judge Green, he went
through Yale College. Then he was
sent as a missionary to Hltka. Alaska.
He tieeame the best loved man In that
country and was appointed Governor.
1 Boy. young man. whoever you are:
Turn toward the world a brave and
i smiling face and hold up your chin!
And womau: The turning of that
I «treet waif "Brady” wa» a nobler mlr-
iacle. and as great, as that wblcb
; turned the water Into wine.
OIK BUDGET OF Fl’N.
1
,
I
I
humorous sayings and DO.
INGS HERE AND THkRE.
Joke..nd Jokeut. that Aref.ppo.ed
OPINIONS OF GREAT PAPERS ON IMPORTANT SUBJECIS
Working Without System.
MAN who does forcible work must dismiss a sub­
ject from his mind w hen be Is done with It. This
increases the grasp and power of the mind and keeps
It clear for concentration upon the thing under con
Not so long ago an Instructor at an ■ideratlon. Nothing can be accomplished with half a mind;
eastern university said to bls da»», you must concentrate or focus all your powers upon the
"Always have a good book by you to thing you are doing. This you can never do when things
read when you ought to be doing some- by the score are half settled In your mind, continually
thing else.” Thia, like many other epi­ obtruding themselves for consideration, and hindering the
grams. Is not a rule rigidly to be fol­ thought of present problems.
lowed. The idea finds fuller expres­
When you have anything In hand, settle It. I»o not
sion In some recent advice from Sen look at It, lay It down, then look at something else and
I a tor Hoar: "Be diligent In your busi­ lay that down also, but settle things as you go along.
ness, but not diligent to the exclusion It Is a thousand time* better to make an occasional mistake
of everything else Bead. Take some than never to settle anything, but lie always balauclng,
good author and soak yourself In him. weighing and considering many things at a time.
The mau who does but one thing well
It 1» vigorous thought which count», A subject which
1» only a one armed man or a one eyed Is handled, so to speak, with the tips of the mental fingers
man.” It Is not right to read when
never amounts to anything, You must seize and grasp
one ought to be doing something else, with all your might the thing you are attempting, and do It
but it Is right to set aside some part with vigor and enthusiasm. If you wish to bear the stamp
of the waking hours, when the mind [of superiority when coinpleted. Another defect In your
is fresh enough to grapple with good work, which arises from the faults mentioned, Is failure to
Ideas, and use It in work of a different
complete things. Your work bears the impress of Incom
kind from that which we do for a live­
pleteness. and »items always to lack something.
lihood. For those whose chief occupa­
If you could overcome these defects, you might be suc­
tion is Intellectual, this secondary
cessful, for you really possess great ability, but lack defi
work should lie labor with the bands.
nlteness. Evidently your mind has not been trained to
But for most people It might well con­
exactitude. There has been carelessness In your education
sist In reading good magazines or
somewhere. It may be partly the fault of your teachers
IwHiks. Then- are so many cheap pock­
et editions of standard works that the or your parents In not calling your attention in early life
equipment for such reading is neither to those deficiencies. If this bad been done the task of
expensive nor cumbersome.
One's correction would have been easier than It is now. but the
principal occupation is supposed to till faults may still be overcome If proper diligence be used.
the pocketbook.
That other pocket Success.
book, a copy of an English classic, 1»
a treasury always full. This reading,
Leprosy«
then, 1» not merely the lighter sort
NE medical surprise follows another. What seemed
done for relaxation In the hours of
more unlikely than that mosquitoes are the cause of
rest. It is work of an Important kind.
malaria and yellow fever? And yet such Is the fact
Every man owes It to society not only
now’ universally accepted. And who would have
to earn bread, but to be an Intelligent thought that the foremost cauae of leprosy, the most dread
citizen, with Ideas on life and knowl ed of diseases. Is the eating of unwholesome fish? And
edge of affairs. To fulfill this duty
yet, when this cause is once suspected a multitude of
he reads, and to make the reading ef­
proofs seem to support It, and an Investigation made In
fective he must approach It as serious
India brings back the report that sucli Is probably the
though joyous labor.
I fact. It seems that w here leprosy prevails, as In Palestine.
In large factories.
It 1» stated
that an unpleasant
and clear. 1,,
•-—.-----
-
b
Again, e»
von-
day will reduce
by
IUl'P the
lUT output
MUJ
‘'J 10
• " per
*--- cent. Again.
, -Ivn “ u
patber
invariably bring* forth a crop o <
* •
tinned hot wc_
--------------------
of passion, while the summer is also the season most pro-
llflc of suicide. Rain seems to exert a deterrent effect on
cloudy
erlme, and fewer deeds of violence are committed on
days than on bright ones.
fact la
Whatever there may be said to the contrary, the
degree
a
remarkable
undeniable that climate influences to
character and conduct.—Medical Record.
Improved Country Life.
OME of the most active and brainy business and
professional men In the cities came direct from the
farms, without capital save healthy minds and stom­
achs and strong ambition. Being eager and able,
they have worked their way to the top. And yet the
must not lie lost sight of that all country boys who gojo
of •«--
the poor
the city do not succeed. Some of ' the
' poorest
-
--
the -------
country.
In the slum» will be
In the city are
i-.~ C from
----- ---
-
found those who abandoned farm life under the impression
that a mere move lu the city would mean good living If not
wealth and ease. Such persons would not succeed any-
where. They have not the capacity for success.
Life lu the country, on the farm, however, Is not so
Isolated and cheerless as In former days. Good roads, the
the rural free delivery of
dally newspaper, ■, the
.— bicycle,
.
mall, the improved country school, the telephone, the neigh-
borhood church, have each contributed to lightening and
brightening life in the country. The farmer and his fam­
ily are now enabled to keep in touch with the outside
world, and as a matter of fact are generally better in­
formed with respect to current events of the world than
the average city family occupying relatively a similar
position as respects Income and social status. Those who
live In the country read and remember. Those who live
In the city oftener than otherwise read and forget, because
there are so many things to demand their attention. And
the Improvement of country conditions Is steadily progress­
ing They are much better now than they were ten years
ago. and they will be better ten years hence than they
are now. This ought to have the effect of decreasing the
drift from the country to the city, and It no doubt will do
so. Meanwhile, we say let the country boys of brains and
capacity come to the city. There Is room and a demand
for them. No city ever had too many country boys of the
right sort. They are the mainstay of the country. May the
rewards of their merit never be less!- Savannah News.
5 S
| Norway. Nova Scotia and Hawaii« fish Is a large Item of
Politicians declared twenty yenrs ago
As to Inherited Wealth.
food. This does not mean that tish, fresh or well cured,
that the reform of the civil service on
ILLIAM K. VANDERBILT is thus quoted In a
Ils unhealthy, nor that leprosy Is not, In a way. contagious;
the lines urged by the advocates of the
London weekly paper: "Inherited wealth is a
but merely that tish badly cured Is a disposing cause of
merit system was Impossible. Party
big handicap to happiness. It is as certalu death
the disease. To lie sure the theory has not yet become
organizations were necessary, they
If a man
i matter of settled medical science, but It Is one of those
said, and such organizations could not
to ambition as cocaine Is to morality,
suggestions which have possible validity and which will
be maintained without patronage. If
be the occasion of very
. careful
______ ______
„___________
Investigation,
with ____
the makes money, no matter how much, be finds a certain
the party workers were uot to lie re­
good hope that another dreaded disease will be first under happiness In Its possession, for In the desire to Increase his
warded by apisilntmeiit to office there
«food and then conquered and exterminated. That Is what business be has constant use for it. But the man wjio
would be no party workers. It was ! we have In large measure done with typhug fever nml yel inherits It has none of this. The first satisfaction and the
maintained that the merit system was
low fever, and expect to <lo w ith malaria and consumption. greatest, that of building the foundation of a fortune, Is
contrary to the genius of American
denied him. He must labor. If he does labor, simply to add
—New York Independent.
political institutions. Only the Invet­
to what may be an over-sufficiency.’’
erate spoilsman, of whom there are
Why should Inherited wealth be “a big handicap to hap­
few left, holds this view to-day. Bo
As to Ciimate and Character.
piness?’’ Why must the possessor of it labor "simply to
great 1» the change thut has come
I.IMATE has an undoubted Influence on the charac- add to what may be an over-sufficiency?” Why should a
ataiut In flie sentiment, not only of
ter. Persons take from atmospheric conditions and man who gets millions from his father be unable to make
the politician», but of the general pub­
surroundings many of their mental attributes; they himself the architect of his own happiness? Great wealth
lic, that little attention was attracted
seem to absorb Into their being something nkln to the Implies great care. It also Implies an opportunity to do
to the announcement by the national I 'Uniate and environment. Those bom and reared In a rugged,
good that Is denied to people of more restricted means.
Civil Service Commission that It had vlld and bleak country are generally ruggVd, hardy and stern
The opportunity to do good Implies the certainty of a re­
extended the rules so as to cover Into [themselves, while tltose brought up In a rich, warm and
turn In the truest and most lasting kind of happiness, the
the classified service all ap|»ilntlve po­ genial climate and surroundings are themselves usually of
happiness that is born of doing unto others even as you
sitions not expressly excluded by law. I i generous, easy going nature. The London Evening Stand
would that they should do unto you. Instead of being “cer­
The first Civil Service Commission put crd. of a recent date, discusses the subject ami says: "In
tain death to ambition" Inherited wealth ought to give to
less than 11.000 places 111 the classified lands of the sun, where the earth oflVrs the neceasltles and
ambition the very highest and noblest stimulation. It
service to be iilh-d by competitive ex­ I luxuries of life almost w ithout labor, man Is sapped of
ought to encourage men who can think at all, to think
amination. This number has grown ■nergy. and leads a lotos existence. No effort Is demanded
of simply
adding
less of themselves and more
of others.
to Invest
their
mon
to what
may
be ­
until more than 112,000 were so filled of him, ami the capacity to do dwindles within him. 111-
ey not with the de»re to add to the sum of human happl-
prior to the latest revision of the rules, lolls sensuously In the lap of nature, a materialist and
tin over-sufficiency, but by lessening tlie sum of human
which has Increased the number by without ambition.
ness and contentment
The rich man who «fiends his
some thousands wore. A similar re­
A temperate, bracing climate Is the most healthy, both misery and Ignorance.
form In the manner of making appoint for Jiody and mind. The strong air Imparts force of char
money, acquired either through Inheritance or thrift, entire­
ments has been going on In many leter as well as power of limb. No one Is superior to atioos
cities and States, resulting In the .pherlc condition»; It affects all, though sometimes uncon ly upon himself and upon his Immediate family, deserves
to feel that the hypertrophy of Ills bank account Is "a big
transformation of the executive offi «clously. Investigations In schools show that pupils are
cers from (aitronage mongers, or em­ able to do their best work when the weather Is cold, calm handicap to happiness.” If he wants to feel differently he
may do so through a very simple and obvious choice.—
ployment agents. Into efficient admlnls
Brooklyn Eagle.
tratora. All concerned have profited
got ikeered an' run. an' got sep'rated was extended beyond the hour for
liy the change. Besides freeing the ex­
in de dark. Den d«> farmer mu*' hab Rex'* retirement. As usual, the dog
ecutive officer» from the ¡a-st of place-
Pete Might Have
lost sight of de man he wa* chasin', displayed his *leepllness and evident
hunters, the reform has opened the
an' den he »«»es Pete an' chases an' opinion that the gentleman was out­
disir of public service to every young
Proved on Alibi, 4 cotehes
him.”
staying his welcome, but no notice
man capable of doing Ills work better
“But why didn't yo’ go up an’ re- was taken of him until, with an air of
than bls competitor. He does not have
lat«> de real state of de fae's?"
<le*poratlon, he marched Into the parlor
to follow a party leader about and
"Ah doan' b'lleve In convictin' any
"Wai, Ah didn't «'pose «h-y'd b'lleve with one of the caller's rubbers, laid It
plead for appointment, but after he man on subeum»tanshal evldeuce.”
gets on the eligible list he Is likely to said the deacon to a New York Trib me. an' Ah was sk«>ered dat If Ah said at Id* f«*et. and then quickly return«*!
Ah was wlf Pete dat night Ah might for the other, which he placed besld«*
be selected to till the first vacancy. In maii.
I h > wlf him fo' de nex' six mont’s.”
any list of bloodless revolutions the
It. Then, with a triumphant gleam In
"Dat’s right,” said Uncle Ned. “Ab
"An- how do yo' account fo' de chick­ III* eyes, he backed off anti »total look­
establishment of the merit system In knowed of n ease tnahself when Ah
the United States civil service should was a young man. many yeah» ago. ing what Pete's wife was cookin' de ing at the stranger as if to say, “There!
nex' mawnln'?"
lie Included.
■ Do you understand that hint?”
where an Innervent man was sent to
“Wai, dat chicking an' anudiler one
His second exploit was even more
jail fo' stealin' chicklugs w hat was tuk
The ItoeXIng of laikr Erie.
by auudder pusson. His name was Pete stole from au entlahly dlff'rlnt remarkable. On thl» occasion a half­
Th« 2ftO mile trough of l^ike Erie Iles
Pete Jackson; he was a married man coop de night befo’ he got in trouble, dozen p«*>ple had lx*en playing whist
approximately lu the direction of the
an* had a fambly. au' de fambly had so his wife had chicking* to cook fo’ with his master and mistress. When
west to southwest wluds which pre
tbe game was over, between ten and
a appetite fo' chicking*, au' a farmer two days hand runnln'."
vail In that part of the couutry. Thus
1 In de nelghliorhood had de chicking*. 1 “But doan' de hull affair t'row some eleven o’clock, they still stood or sat
the lake offers an excellent op|Kirtunl
Wai. de farmer missed chicking* ebery doubt on d<- prewallin' opinion dat de about the room, engaged lu conversa
ty for studying the effects of the wind | wun*t In awhile, an' he kep' hl* eye lef hind foot of a rabbit am lucky?" 1 tion.
upon a large body of enclosed water,
Rex was tired, anti thoroughly out of
i peeled, but he didn't find out je»’ who 1 "Ah doan' know a* It doe*. De jedge
and very Interesting these effects
No one aeem«*d to give a
I tuk ’em. only he 'speeted Pete, case only gave Pet«« two mont's, an' ebery hum r.
sometimes prove.
Rhythmic gnat*
thought to him. an«! nothing that he
he was de near«*»' nlggah. But one body fought he'd get six."
product a rocking motion, and great
I «•ould do attracted any attention There
[ night when de farmer keni out of hl*
A VERY IMPOLITE DOQ.
blows from the west or southwest, house wlf a shotgun he seen a man jes'
were too many visitors to urge them all
like that, for Instance, which accom­ gwlne away from de chicking coop, an’
He Reminded I.ate Guests that It to depart by producing their overshoe»,
panied the Galveston
hurricane In he chased him. But de man wa* spry
even If they wore them, but a brilliant
W ■■ Time for Departure,
September 1!»»». sweep the liquid
an' de farmer didn't cotch hlm. au' he
A man tn New York State, wrlt.-s » Idea came to him lie dashed up stairs
tswly of the lake eastward, and some­ ! Io»‘ sight of him somewhere» In de
to th«> sleeping-rooms, seized his mas­
times cause a rise of eight feet or dark, an' w h<* he kem to de turn In <*omw|M>i>dent. Is the owner of a small ter's nightgown, which lay ready for
but pur«*-bl •.aied Sky«* t,*rrier. natn«*d
more at Buffalo In the course of a de road he didn't know which way to
use upon the l>ed. and dragging it be­
few hour*. As soon as the maximum ■ go. But putty soon he seen a man Rex, whose intelligence Is remarkable. hind him. spread It at his master s
Some of Rex's bright performance»
force of the gale has itataed, the wa­ I runnln' an' he fol 1er,*«! him along de
feet In the parlor la-low in full view
ter swings back. Continued rocking» [ twistin'» an' turnin’» of de road till de «*ertalnly »re the result of reasoning of tin* assembled guests.
power,
which
used
to
b*
r*garded
as
are observed on days when the mau ketu to Pete Jackson's house. De
the gift of the human family only. | This stratagem was a brilliant suc-
strength of the wind fluctuate*.
| farmer k«vtch«*d him right at de door—
R«'X sleeps at th«* foot of his master's ' <■«'•». for. amid shouts of laughter and
l de man was Pete Jackson an' he lual. upon a soft rug of hl* own. He | the consternation of the master, tbe
Widding Xwniverssrlna.
Wetbiliifl ahull ersarie*: First year, yanked him along an' bad him juggetl. is a dog of good habit», la tter iH’liavi-d , callers «aid good night.
cotton wedding; second year, patter But Pete hadn't n» chicking» wlf him than many children, lu fact; but. like
Curling Stary,
weildlng, third year, leather wedding; when he was cotch«*!. an' de farmer a child, he Insists upon his rights; bls
An ostentatious curler said
to tbe
fifth year, wooden wedding; seventh fought, mebbe. he was sk«»ered away own *|»»t t«cfore the fire*, hl* ow u corner meml i*rs of bls rink:
from
de
coop
befo
’
he
got
any.
of
th«
1
s«ifa.
bls
own
bed
and.
what
ia
year, woolen wedding; tenth year, tin
"Don't you bother about cutting
"But when «le farmer xamlned de most Interesting, bls own tMsltime.
wedding, twelfth tear, the wedding of
samlwtchea. We ll take tbe bourn-e out
■Ilk and flue linen; twenty first year, <*oop he made sure dey was chicking*
Often lu tbe evening when visitors of the other fellow.. I haTe arranged
china wedding: the silver wedding mimin' from de day befo'; an' In de remain Iteyond ted o'clock. Rex enters with a farmer to send down a pot of
cvmea at the end of the twenty fifth mawnln' he went to Pete's house' an' tbe parlor, walks anxiously about, am! Irish «tew *’
year; the pearl wedding Is the thir­ dere was Missus Jackson glttln' a II«*» down In the very midst of the circle
Tbe di
» the envy of the onhwk
tieth anniversary; the ruby wedding chicking ready fo' dinner. l*e farmer with a wtwri«*l air that cannot be mis­ on, arrh
•eforv the game was fin
cudn't
understan'
how
»he
got
dat
taken.
If
the
visitor»
still
remain,
he
la the fortieth, and the golden wedding
imbed, an
keep It warm top coat«
the fiftieth; the diamond wedding 1» chicking so quick from Pete, case l'été will rise and yawn. th«»n mildly whine, were pu
t It-
When the gun
didn't have time to go Into de bouse ami with rapidly wagging tad s**k his
the sixtieth.
Pixy" tbe party made
when he was cotch«*!. but dem was de master's side, snd look espsctanlly up
enjoy the »pedal luxury,
Wegro Children Horn White.
fac’s In de case, an' L'été wa* sent up into bls face, as If to say, "Why don't
t the coats there was a
In a contribution to the Revue F:i lie done trle«l to 'stabllsh a alleyby. tb«-y go, so that we may retire?"
uTJu
of ,h* **
cyclopedlque. a German physician who but dey wudn't listen to him. Bo Pete
If all th«’*e tactic» fall, he will drop
•Ited its way through tbe
had spent »everal year» at Klien Popo. did time fo' st«*alln‘ dem chicking« hl* ear» and tall and walk to the door,
tom of tbe kwh.
In the African Togiiland. »ay» that the what he nebhah stole."
sometime* giving a sharp, cm*» bark,
stage« of color through which negro
The larges« of CrremeH,«.
"Am yo' shush be wa'n't guilty?" his whole manner Indicating deep dis
i (table« pa" In the equatorial region» s»k«*l the deacon.
The people of Lincoln. N«-b p. a
appro« «| of such late hours.
ate as follow»: At birth they are the
"Blitiah. Ah was wlf him dat night,
1 wlce In hi» life he has done more having tbe laryeat creamery m
I Mio* color as European Infants Af sa' he didn't steal no chicking» at all than to hint at hts wish«*» on o«'eaal«>n« I world, not only in rapacity for
I ter two or three months the skin turns He was in a graveyard glttta' de lef j of this kind.
I making, but tn the «Ixe of the
| a lUac color Ten day« later It Is a bln«! foot of a rabbit, an' be done got
On* wet evening a stranger, who and the Raor space of the bulMln«
! light cbeatnnt shade; and It Is only it. When we was coinin' home we waa exiling upon Rex's mistnsw. left
Between tbe age« of io «nd 1
at the end of three or four mouth« that beerd de nolce of de farmer chasin' his rut»ber« near the ball d.s.r With
[ froy'» favorite threat with his
th* skin become» complete!/ bine*.
4« man what stvl* Je chicking» an' w* th* privlleg* of an -Id frleud. his «all
■ 1» that be wlU leave home.
W
to Have Been Recently Born-Sax>>'*• |
sod Datag.tbat Are Old,Cariou. and
Laughable—The Week’. Humor.
Postal Clerk-You'll have to put an­
other stamp on that letter.
Miss Pert—Why?
Postal Clerk-Because It’» over­
weight.
Miss Pert-But. gracious! Another
»tamp would make it still heavier.—
Magazine of Humor.
Th. Clever C.bbT
It was a busy thoroughfare |. r,
burgh, and as tbe eld lady w .
hausted with the at!r and bu«m ?'
hailed a pussing cab. The drivw
at her side in a moment. Upenin
door, be stood ba«’k to allow ’h/
to enter
She made one or two weak eff
but was unable to mount the
and at last, looking lmpluringi.
driver. Bhe said:
• » « th*
"Help me In, my goN man for r.
very old.”
The driver gently as*lsted hu f,
Into the cab. and then he gan.»?
said:
uu?
"Well, mem, nae matter wbat ...
you are, you dlnna look It."
***
His fare was increased by a sblll
when the old lady reached her
nation. And he deserved It.— a ^^T
Kxtra Cureful with Hi. Auto,
Johnson Is very careful how he
handle* his new auto, Isu t he.
"Careful? Why. he's positively fool­
ish that way. lie’s got so he won t
run over a iarge man because of the
jolt to the machinery.”- Kansas City
Journal.
fact
Careful Tommy.
“Tommy!" cried Tommy* mot.
from the window, "didn't I tell
uot to sit down on the damp ground e"
"Yes, mamma." returned Toium,
ain't doing It. 1 wiped this gras* wlth
a towel before I sat down ."-[‘in.
burg Press.
A Mutter of Weight.
Doing Hl. Beat,
"In order to be successful th«>se dajf
renuirkeil tbe west side pbHo«opta
"a young man should apply hlmsetf
constantly.”
"That's me,” rejoined tbe youth with
the shortwrd«T salary, "I've been call-
Ing on au heiress every evening tur
three months.”
M i.under.tood,
"Sir. you look like an optimist. Too
have a happy countenance. Lend m#
a dollar."
"My friend, do you know why I look
happy? It's because 1 haven't auj
wealth to bother me ."-ClevehM
Plalu Dealer.
Good Practice.
Mr. Gunner—I tell you this automo­
bile is hard to control. I should have
She- Have you derived much bene­ tried to manage something unruly be-
fit from cycling. Mr. Pounds?”
fore I called myself a chauffeur.
He—Oh yes. Why, I'm much thin­
Mrs. Gunner (sweetly)—Why didn't
ner than I was!”—Punch.
you try the cook?
A Writer of Nonaen.e,
To Its Detriment.
"My dear friend, allow me to Intro­
“One thing can be said about our
duce to you Monsieur X., a man who opera houses,” remarked the Observer
write* mor«’ nonsense than anyone of Events and Things; “too much at­
living.”
tention seeni* to have been given to
”1 see, he's a journalist!”
the acoustic pro;w>rti«’s of the boxes."
"No. he's a legislative stenographer.” —Y’onkers Statesman.
—Paris Figaro.
The ¡veal Article.
Not Braia Work.
"Well, Rudolph, you now have the
opportunity of gazing on the great
man killer.”
"But, old chap, I don’t see any Ben­
gal tigers around her.”
"Who said anything about tigers?
That little man on the corner is a
chauffeur."
An Eaater Chirp.
First Chick—Oh, you needn't put on
so many airs. Your mother was uot a
lady.
Second Chick—Huh! My mother was
a high-priced Incubator, while yours
was only a common old ben.
What Started the Scrap.
Larry—Ol'd hov yez to know thot
me grandfather nlver showed his ht?els
on th’ batthlefield.
Denny- Bedad, thin, O1 suppose he
ret rated back wn rds.
A Spell of Letter».
If an S and an I and an O and a U,
With an X at the end, »pell 8u,
And an E and a Y' and an E spell an I,
l*Tay, what is the speller to do?
Then if also an S and an I and a G
And an H E I) spell cide.
There'« nothing much left for the speller
to do
lint to go and commit Siouxeyesighed.
Buying Election Bete.
Doctor—You will have to stop mental
work for a year.
"But, doctor, my Income would cease.
I write short stories for the niaga
zines.”
“Oh, well, you can keep right on st
that.”
Night Owls.
“Isn’t It ridiculous to call servant
girls 'domestics?' ”
"Because they're mostly imported,
eh ?”
“No. I had In mind the fact that they
never stay at home at night.”—Phila­
delphia I’ress.
Advertising Trick.
“Yes,” said tbe circus owner, "put in
th«> program: 'Don’t fall to see tbe won
derful hippopotamus.' ”
“But
suppose the hlppopotaniut
doesn't arrive?" spoke up the »dvertia-
Ing agent
“Well. I gu«*ss you bad better say ’hip­
po.’ Then If the hippopotamus does not
materialize we can say it refers to tbe
hippodrome.”
An All-Around Joke.
Helen—When you anil Jack were sit­
ting out on the porch last night wh*1
did your aunt say?
Ernie—She said It was cool and asked
If I had anything around me. 1 t«U
her yes; some heavy black cloth.
Helen—Ah, a shawl?
Ernie—No, Jack's coat sleeve.
Cause for Alarm,
He Election time always helps my
father'» business.
She—Gracious! What Is his line?
He—He's in the hat business.
In the Good Old Time*.
Call« r—Your grandpa must be a very
old man, isn't he, Rudolph?
Little Ru«lolpb—I should say so.
Why. he remember* when parents us«*d
to take their little boys out lu tbe w « mh 1-
»hed to lick them.
Positively Brutal,
Husband I wish I knew where I
could fiml a buried treasure.
Wife Never mind, dear. I'm your
treasure.
Hutitaiid Yes. but you are not bur­
ied.
Explained.
Mr». Hauskeep-You said the job
would «-vst |13. Here you r, .ent .
bill for SU.
Painter-Yes'm. You see. I got
to
thinkin' over It afterward, and
I
thought you'd be * uperstltiou»
l ^_
about It
— Philadelphia Press.
Valek Reply.
"Plesse send me ten buck» ' " tel*.
graphed the slangy College böy
The
old man frowned and wlred back-
Am'.Iv'?\hW" ” Ind"n
Apply to tbe t arlisle scbooL"
'ery Mmilar.
The lank Individual draw bis bon»
■M up Wfora the d.UpM.ted .b«nTy
be
juiced. •
"Any foN I could
—
see a cyclone bad
ben along." L Cowled the nativ« with
the brown pipe.
“F.x, use ni, t
•irxflgvr 1 thought per
•a K ä A V —a.
--- —. C.4MLD-
o..
u;-^^!
"Say, d«x’tor," exclaimed an exelt*
man as he dashed Into tbe pill dispen*
er's private office, “I want you tojiute
an examination as to my sanity.
“What reas«»n have you for liellev.’f
yourself a candidate for tbe p»<M"
cell?" asked the M. D.
"Well, I buppened to run aero»» •
package of letters this morning tbs-
wrote to my wife during our co
ship," was the sfgnlfieaut reply-
To Complete Hl« Edrc.ti»».
“Where's your boy going »Ber
leaves the model school.’
.
“To some school that aln t n> ■
guess, to learn reading, writlni
figuras.”—Judge.
Language.
language Is the subtlest
ever play«*«! on by man. It»
1
are Illimitable—that is. they ar*’
ed only by the powers of the t>'
mind and soul. In all
tion». Tbe power of word» or »1
exceed» that of music. I*'*““
gttage is more than music an'
includ«*» music. Language. B
hands of a master. Is progoa®
every meaning.
,
A nation's langunge 1» 4t
.
expression and a mold t 't’
ter. reflecting from century to
the development of It» «'Ivilb-"*
Its advance In Intellect»»! a —gi
culture. In learning and «o
The flexible Greek tongue
product and tbe Instrument ’ —¡g
tie Greek tntellwt.
UDe
qualiti«*» of the class »I*’ ,
Roman declare the dignl .'
virile energy which »'f
from the old Roman.
The man who Invest» b-
get-rich quick scheme »* J«
bother about making hl»
______________ -—
A crank Is a man with •
and a small coMclencS.
»