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About The Eugene weekly guard. (Eugene, Or.) 1899-1904 | View Entire Issue (April 13, 1901)
! EUGENE WEEKLY GUARD. HirmtlL EUGENE U - BUU»., Pr«vrl»l»r». OREGON. -■ Advice to heroes and statesmen: When about to write a letter, don't. Don't talk at ran«om. .Make every thing you say hit the mark or save your ammunition. I as never be for the two accomplish meats walk hand lu baud. The mollify lug iutlueuce of death. which Is so often felt In private family relations has been manifested on a large scale, internationally, since the death of Queen Victoria The English people have been often Irritated by the Germau Kaiser. His commercial aud naval schemes have seemed to them to be aimed against England. HI* message of sympathy to president Kruger, after the Jameson raid, still rankles In their memory, and more than om-e they have taken offense at some impulsive thing which lie has »aid or dore. But when, as soon as be knew that the Queen was seriously HI. he left the scene of the festivities with which the Prussian bicentenary had just lieen celebrated, aud hurried to the death chamber at Osborne, they were profoundly moved', all the more so because he waived official formali ties. and joined the waiting family group simply as the grandson of the Queeu. The same Influence was felt elsewhere. There was uo discordant note in the worldwide expression of sympathy. The French and Russian journal», whli-b are apt to lie critical. If not hostile, toward England. Joined In the tributes to the Queen. American journals were as cordial as if there never had been any Alabama < lalms or Venezuela difficulty or Alaskan bound ary or other vexatious question tie tween the two countries. Under the reciprocal kindliness thus induced, English Journals l»*gan to suggest that perhaps too much had been made-of annoying amendments to the Hay- Paumefote treaty, and that It might be well to concede to the United States the disputed points. So It came to pass that the good Queen, who has all btr life striven for peace. In her death rx- erted a strong Influence lu the same di rection. AOUT. GEN. CORBIN. Roee from « Los Cabin to Hia Frtieat Poet of Honor. Adjutant Geueral Corbin, who has now reached the grade uf major gen eral lu the regular army, was born tlfty-niue years ago at Batavia. Ohio, in a log cabin which Is still standing. He entered the Civil War a second lieu tenant in the Eighty-third Ohio Volun teer Infautry, July 'Jb. ls»ii, and has risen by merit through all the grades to that of major general of the regu lar establishment. He was honorably discharged from the voluuteer service on March UG, 1*06. with the brevet rank of brigadier general for meri torious service. Gen. Corbin's early ancestors were Virginians, aud be is a distant relative of Col. liicbard Lee. His grandfather was sergeaut of the Virginia line In the Bevulutlon. His great-grandfather moved to the mouth of the Maumee Biver In Ohio and later settled in Clermont, Ohio. Gen. Cor bin's father Is still living, at the age of Ktl. The Adjutant General is the instru ment through which the Chief Execu tive and the Secretary of YVar act He dare not usurp a single function dele gated to his superiors. Ills duty is to carry out in letter and spirit their or ders. He must be capable of advising when bls advice is asked; be must be an absolute master of details, and must tie able to answer questions relating to the army with accuracy. When war clouds gather It Is the busiest office of the Government. To call to the field 230,000 men, arm and equip them lu sixty days and at tend to the Innumerable details, as did Gen. Corbin during the recent war with Spain, Is a task so gigantic that none hut a man of extraordinary ability and physical strength could fill the place. And now he Is prepared to enlist, drill, arm, equip aud dispatch 100,000 men of a regular army 7 000 miles. Grant, I HORSE SHOE STYLES THEY ARE GREATLY VARIED DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. IN Nene Caa Equal America» Make» for Utility and Merit of Work ma»«*1 Manx Kinds o Iron Footwear *» Uae iu L a le leurs. Ou Twelfth street, near the new city hall. Is a show window that bolds mau y attractions fur bbrsemeu aud lovers of Some xnen Sunday as a sort of tbe curious, says the fit. Louis Globe- sponge to wipe out the sins they com Democrat. It contains nothing but mitted during the previous six days. rusty, discolored horseshoes, but such 1» the variety aud character of the col A along other things, has Mrs. Nation lection that It is surpassed by but one smashed that old proverb about its be other in existence. Shoes ranging in ing dangerous to fool with edged tools? style and beauty from the dainty rac ing plate that bas been wurn by In the last hundred years Turkey has thoroughbreds in record-breaking per- lost about half of Its territory. This formam-es to tbe antiquated patterns looks as if somebody bad bevu using used more than 130 years ago are in the the Ottoman to walk on. collection, and about each shoe some thing of interest can lie told by F. U. Snow, the owner of the collection. The power» want to make progress Probably the oldest and most valued In the Flowery Kingdom, and thia de of tbe collection is a shoe known to capitation business la supposed to be have been made by a Pontiac Indian in one way of getting a bead. 1743. Tbe shoe was for years an ex hibit iu tbe Detroit Historical society's "Kidnapers arc bound to be caught headquarters, but came to its present in the long run.” »ays the Boston Her owner through a member of tbe Case ald. Let'« see— when were the kidnap family, lu wbose possession the shoe ers of Charley Boss caught? lias beeu kept fur generations. Con sidering the tools and the period, the Manila harbor is to be Improved, shoe is really au excellent piece of though It Is admitted that it Is much workmanship. Tbe calks, or toes, as less dangerous than when Admiral people unversed in shoeing lore would Dewey sailed Into It the Aral time. term them, are small, the whole shoe showing that, with the exception of tbe Aa to the la»h for a wife l»eater, w hy improvement In manufacture, tbe gen not tie him up securely and let the in eral conception of the horseshoe of that jured wife give him a good tongue lash period is still the basis of manufacture. ing In the presence of ail the neigh Other shoes of interest rarely seen In bors'/ these days are those for oxen. Each ox wore eight shoes in the old days, one A woman baa brought suit for di on either toe on each foot Like the It would be a misfortune If the pas vorce ou the grouud that her husband horseshoes of tbe early part of tbe cen refuses to eat her pies. Htlll, she would sion for "getting on” should narrow tury. those for oxen now used in the rather be u real widow b> the pie our educational Ideals and substitute west have been changed but little in re the man of facility In affairs and the route. cent decades. expert t<rr the man of broad culture Only «,330 new books were published and the man of freed Imagination. The The smallest shoes in the collection in th» United Stute» last year. Ilow- movement in colleges and universities are those of burros from tbe Rockies ever, people vainly looking for some to Intrisluce "practical" courses may and old Mexico. In contrast with them thing new to rend can always fall buck sometimes appear to he tending In that : the huge shoes commonly used in Eng ou thu magazines and newspapers. land aud Belgium are most noticeable. direction, but It is rather to lie regard Both the larger makes are clumsy and ed as an effort to give young men and Emperor William may Import the women a lietter Introduction to certain exhibit poor workmanship. The aver American lieu to Germany, but will the typical phases of actual life, says a age size of English shoes is greater time ever come when Hie politics of Chicago Tribune editorial, and to uf than that of any other country. Comparison of American horseshoes that country will permit of our election ford them lu certain lines that s|teclal roosters appearing In the public priuis lzed preparation for particular occu with those of other countries easily gives the palm to the manufacturers there? pations which, to a degree at least, can in this country. A specimen of the Is* more economically attaint*«! In an A Vanderbilt descendant has proved Institution than otherwise. The School French shoe of the variety known as capable of something more than »pend of Economies and Political Science lu "country shoe” shows clumsy work- ing aiii-estiiil money. It may yet lie tile University of Wisconsin has re 1 manship on a poorly shaped shoe with fashionable for hereditary Am rlcau cently announced certain modified and ' which s<|U«re-headed nails are used. wealth Io have brains and <ll»|H>»ltloU enlarged courses, Including one on w lien Secretary of War, wrote of Gen. From Arabia Mr. Snow has secured to use them. "Young Corueut’a" tirebox "Public Service and Diplomacy” and Corbin: "Made major tor gallaut aud two specimens of tbe shoes used uj>on shows some inventive power beyond another lu "Preparation for Journal meritorious service at Decatur.” He the famous steeds of tlie deserts. (Hie the mere tuleut uf devlsiug uew dissi Ism.” One of this country's greatest was also highly commended by Gens. Is a rougb-shui>ed plate uf hammered pation. editors once expressed the opinion that Glllan, Weed, Rousseau, A. McDowell. 1 Irun. From this blank the shoe Is shaped to provide wbat horseman know A woman who»» liusbaud beat her no one could Is* "prepared" out of hand McCook and Buggies, and Gen. Mer as "roller motion.” The toe is turned for journalism; and yet It is evident ritt ’ s Indorsement was, "Well worthy regularly uuce a day for forty years up at an angle of 45 degrees, the ends has at last appealed to the police. It Hint not only general culture but famil and fitted to be the head of the adju Is-lng slia|s*d and fastened together seems tlmt there was a point where iarity wltli eertaiu lines of Information tant general's department; cau be j with a rivet Instead of being welded as and thought furnish the journalist an trusted with Important duties. ” Avan a patient, loving woman could Gen. Corbin's personality Is striking. J in this country, fiueb a shot* would kill stand It uo longer ami the bead of the invaluable background for hl» work. ' a horse if used upon tbe cobble stones household tried it once too often w hen Training for public administration and Imagine a man « feet 1 Inches In for diplomacy 1» even more obviously a height, erect, soldierly, weighing about of fit. Louis. he started to take III» dally even Ise ou great present need ill tills country. Our 230 pounds, but carrying very little Probably as odd a sttoe as is found in the first day of the forty first year. easy theory tlmt the duties <>f public superfluous flesh and you have the the collection Is one that was used in life can. under our simple system, lie outline of the adjutant general of the Ireland. The iron shoe proper is of A cooking school for doctors Ims lieeu met by the ordinary citizen, is largely army. His complexion Is olive, eyes common imttern. save tlmt It has two established 111 Berlin, aud amoug the chargeable with our perulclous prat* brow n, nose aquiline, and the lines of lugs, or projections, plercvsl with screw numerous attends ills are physicians tie» of "rotation in office" ami with the Ills mouth well chiseled. He wears a holes. By means of screws the »hoe is from several countries besides Ger lack of vigor and efficiency In much of mustache and an Imperial. He can say fastened to a lioard platform two In many. Branch »cliools are to In.* open our public life. Tin* action of Madison "No" without the quiver of an eye or ches thick and ni>out twelve Inches ed lu other European capitals. The University Is a part of a general move the flutter of n muscle, and uo one cau square. Wlien It Is desired to use tbe miMileal man needs to be a gissi nurse, ment during the last ten years among say that lie was ever known to lose horse upon one of the peat bogs the lie ought to be able to apply the prlu American Institutions of higher learn his nerve In a crisis. wooden platform Is screwed or bolted clples of wholesome cooking likewise, Ing. tile valuable effects of w hleh. fast to the horse's shoe. Despite the if need to*, ill preparing delicacies for though not conspicuous as yet, are Simple C'oiinlry Living. the sick room. A supervision by the bound to be Increasingly felt as time A iiiiin muy enjoy bounding health, awkwardness of such foot wear the wear and know very- little about the cause of ers soon lesrn to avoid stumbling and doctor. himself competent to cook w hat goes on. bls happineaa; and alas! a man may make surprising headway. Similar be orders for the patient, would turn suffer nil the woes of dyspepsia, anti shoes are worn iu the peat bogs of many a kitchen Into a serviceable addi have no certain knowledge as to the California. tivù to bls equipment. Among the new varieties of shoes are ciiusc* of his misery. "I'm o continued dyspeptic; that's those with a rubl>er heel plate or cush “I am no longer young,” said an tin* reason I look so old." said Mr. Hol ion. designed to break the coucussiou Alaska pioneer the oilier day. “but 1 lander. gazing almost enviously at the of the heavy blows struck by horses expect to live to s< e a continuous line I re<I bronze face of hia former chum at j i when moving rapidly over granite pave- of railway from New York Io HI. l'e college, who had dropped down from l I menta. Such shoes are worn by the tersburg by way of Berlug Strait, 1U the country Into Mr. L'ollander's city | ’ horses In the city ambulance service. fact, work on one of the connecting Among the other curious in the collec- office. links will I m * Ix-guu within a year.” The "Wliat you nets! la simple country I tlon are mule shoes from Havana and Hoe be referred to will extend from food, man,” said his old friend, clap Santiago, one from Guayainoa. Porto Port Y aides on the sea to the Yukon ping him beartly on the shoulder. Rico, near which battery A came so river at the mouth of the Tnuana "Home ami visit my wife* and me on close to a baptism of fire. Shoes from From this |>oint another mad Is project When Thomas sings his nightly lays. the farm for a while, ami we'll set you Australia and from a dozen other coun ed to Nome, ami If that should lie built, 111» hearers know the pai» it brings up. It's rich city living that's too much tries. all of which are little better in a railway across the strait to Siberia To hearts as desìi—for fulsome praise for you. Now take breakfast, for In workmanship that those used In this might become at least a poaalbUMy. If lie cares not Iior whose soul he wrings. stance. All I have Is two gtssl cups of country half a century ag<*. and not expanding trade should demand such coffee, n couple of fresh doughnuts, a equal to the shoes worn by tbe average a road, ueliher the engineering nor the llrnciith the moon's bewitching rayn. bit of steak with a baked potato, some dray horse In this country. Though Ilin voice it »oar«, an it had wing», financial difficulties would be Immr fresh biscuit or muffins, and either many nailless shoes have ts-en Invent mounts tde. It Is an luteresting thing A ud many a li»t*nvr guerdon pays. griddle-cakes or a piece of pie to top off ed. they have never been successful. When Thoma.’» aiugi«! lo speculate about, at any raie. with. What do you have?” aw the loudly wwingw CHINESE TEACUPS. The city man hsiked at bls red cheek It la not only the rural resident from ed friend, who stcssl waiting for the up the creek that buys gold bricks. They Are Rapidly Growing in Favor ecmfirumtlon of 111» Idea. in W rstern Countries. Sometimes Important sales of this sort "A cup of hot water and two slices of of merchandise are made to wise one» Although It Is several centuries since dry toast." he responded, soberly. "But who dwell In cities. A certain "pro Occidentals adopted Chinese tea as a Carious Church Hull» of Bulrushes If you think a simple diet like yours feasor" of fortune telling appears to dally tieverage It is only of late that The first pints* of worship lu Western would help me. I w ill make one more have done « |>artieularly neat piece of they have Is-gun to use the Chinese ten Australia was quite unique l*oth from attempt to I m * a healthy man.” gold lirlck work lu au Eastern city. He service. Like all Mongolian Institu Its frail form of const ruction and also has t»een telling some of the social tions. It is the opposite of our own. The Ilusinrs* lleflire Pleasure. the sei eral purisme» to which It w as lights of that town that bls Insight luto An English commercial traveller, for service consists of a metal stand in devoted. Tills remarkable building the future would be wonderfully sharp whose pushing Americanism a Liver which rests a large cup. Over the cup was made at Perth, then merely a town •ned if be were allowed to sleep over pool pa (ver vouches with great en fits a saucer and alongside of It Is sta •Ito. by soldiers of the 2nd Company nlgbt ou Jewelry belonging to hia clE thusiasm, started out after a country tioned a little cup scarcely larger than «3rd Keg|ment shortly after the de an egg The tuetal stand la of brass < ■ ente. He Intimated that the larger the order. tach mint arrived at the Colony In Happening to arrive at the village on limine, though wealthy mandarins ut quantity ef precious metal be had to sleep on. the better he could forecast 1K3B and was composed almost entire the day of a festival, he found the shop silver aud even gold. The large cu future events. One of tils clients «■« ly of bulrushes In addition to this of his customer dosed, and learned should tie of the handsomest porcelain. rude little edifice being used on Sun tl it the m in himself was at the <<-.« It Is very rarely plain. The commonest the wife of a well known utanufae days for Divine worship It sometimes bratlou a mile out of town. At once be variety have a monocrome Held on turer. who willingly gave up her jew elry a txt what gold coin she had In the servisi as an amateur theater during •el out for the spot, aud reached the which are enameled leaves and flowers the wirk, and was used during the ground just In time to see his »bopkeep tn color, Another lieah'iful variety Is house The next dsy the professor had whole time as a l*arracks. t-rcllmb Into a I hi 1 loon procured for spe made of crackle ware, on w hose aw- left town. Ills ln»|H-vtk>n of the future dal ascensions. face la wreathed a bronze dragon, was perfectly satisfactory to him. Ingenious. The man of trade was equal to the oc fiwatow cups are generally decorated An Invention for polishing hard wood easlon. He step|ied forward, paid bls with little craba. fishes, beetles or lo- “I would joyfully, many a time," said tloora has lieeu brought out In Europe fare and climbed Into the car Away rusts In natural color and high reilef. a famous singer th« other day, "ex This new Idea consists of a brush, call went the t*all>*on. and was hardly above while Nanking cups are tinged with ed the sandal brush, w hlcb Is made to change all my public ov at loon fur my the tree-tops when the commercial tra sang de boeuf. Imperial blue, ar I tupe UHtfher's knowlmlge bow to prepare a fit on th»* shoe. It Is fastened to the veller turtle«! to his astonished victim, rial yellow. The saucer should be of palatable meal." Nevertheless, so foot by strap« of soft uiatrrlaL The and -a d |s-rauaalvely but tr Un pban ly the saaie material, according to the fashhmable bar« culinary am! house ¡»ilisher skate» over the floor and Is “And now. sir. what can 1 do for you tastes of the owuer. thus enable»! to do hia work better and hold »ubjets become, that "my moth tn calk-oea?*" The service 1« placed before the er's pie«" have foriuldabl« rivals tn quicker than by any other procrun quests at the beginning of the meal. A Knightly W arthrr oT Old. “my dasghtrr's doughnut«“ Even col Medieval knights often ¡wk a volun small quantity of tea leaxeu la thrown leg ate atraws show w bh-h way tbe tary oath that they would never spare Into the large cup, covered with boil w Ind blow s. Tlvenvee re- eully chuneti ing water To keep the steam In the the life of au enemy. for senior theses la sever»! lending saucer la Inverted over the cup. It la w Otnen's college« Inelmte "The Ker allowed to stand for two minutes and vsnt i*roblcin.~ "Household Ecuoom- then the guest, holding the large cup les” ami “Foods In Kelatioo to Intel with the thumb and middle finger and lect amt Vanity.” and stand In market guiding the saucer with the forefinger, contrast with tbe poetic so-1 platitudln strains and pours the fiuld Into thq lit nus graduating ensays of only a genera tle cup It seems simple, but until a per t:on ag<> To be "a g»»wl bou««-ke»-i»er •on ba» practl’-ed repeatedly It Is a very •aid fibakaprate. "<<*•*• as fairly a» tn dlfilcult task. The average Orddcntal MJ .... a great scholar.' Today mcuM u.s fii.g' rs anJ drop» the tea on ’ the table and uft* n lets fail the <ug and sam-vr together. The large cup will fill the small cup tbren times, aud then boiling water is again poured over th« leave«. If the leaf be of fine quality tbe seevud drawing la about as good as the first After tbe second drawing Is finished tbe cup la removed, the spent haves are thrown away and a frenu supply Is put In their place. The ser vice Is a very Important element in the Chinese bouaebold. The cheapest set cunts ten cents in China and twenty- five cents In New York. The figures run up from this Umlt. and when crack le ware, porcelain aud silver stands are employed they reach $3 aud f<i.—New York Evening Post SUPPOSE WE SMILE. ed Mr. Murphy. “’Deed it is, chile,” said the old woman; ’"deed it is. 'Taln’t right for it to be so hot this-a- way. 1 tell you. forty years ago, when the blessed Lawd made the weather, we didn't have these stewing days, honey, no, 'deed, we didn't; but now these biggety men up at this here weather office bus the making of tbe weather, they does send us anything they please, and they ain't skillful, chile, they ain't skillful.” Ixtrd Rathmore has told a friend how he om-e took "Guida" iu to dinner aud how disappointed be was to find that the novelist devoted nerself to the dishes rather than to intellectual re- fresliment. He said at last, in despair at having only been able to get "Yes” aud "No" in answer to tbe different subjects lie introduced: "I’m afraid l'ui singularly unfortunate in my choice of topics. Is tlier i anything we could talk alMvut to luterest you?” To which tin* chronicler of Society's shortcom ings replied: "There Is one thing which would interest me very much. Tell me atsiut the duchesses; 1 have written altout them all my life and never met one yet,” Not long ago an American professor attended a reception in the royal pal ace. given by the Kaiser to an associa tion of scientists, at which William ap peared in the gorgeous robes of royalty, precevlevl by liveried chainlx*rlaius bearing the crown and Insignia. It was a most impressive display, and when the professor came away he said to a friend: "1 am a republican to tbe back bone, but I believe that if monarchs are necessar“ they should !>e monarchs to the last hit of gold lace, just as William is Kaiser.” The next day his friend had an audience with the Kai ser. and In the course of the conversa tioti told him what the American pro fessor had paid. The Kaiser laughed heartily. “That is exactly what 1 be lieve." he said; "Dorn Pedro of Brazil illustrate*! the folly of trying to be a republican on a throne.” bard for you, with such a large family, to live on such a small Income.” "But," replied the family man, “con sider how much harder it would be for my family if 1 were to die on it.”—Phil adelphia Press, HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Pleasant Incidenta Occurring the WorldOver ba> mgs ll»»t Ac « Cheer ful t» Old or Young-Funnx oele».- tiuna that L»er> budjr W ill Enjoy. E enlnir It Pn, "They have a new barber th« x Baltimore where every featur* i, ' oa auilseptic p'lnclplea.” I'* "It s a pity they cannot carry r , the point where some of the ;.a;'r * could be treated to an antiseptic fcJ? before entering the place.”—t'lev, Q plain Dealer. He Was One. Snappy—That's what jars me. Sappey—What's that? Snappy—Oh, some people are net* “Yes; she rejected him after accept satisfied to take things as srt, ing attention# from him for a year but always want to luiow th# »Q “I think he was entitled to more con and wherefore. sideration." Sappey —That's so. I wonder why “O! I don't know. I think she was is.—Philadelphia Press. considering him all the tlme.”-Puck. I-hoc kin a. After the Be»t One. .»♦»WF W 0 0» »»»••»♦*♦♦♦»♦■ Huskinby ichuckliuglyl— It wui 1- ♦ GOOD below zero by my thermometer at 5 : Short Storie$ o’clock this mornin', an' III Badg< ly s sn'y showed nine below at thet hour. Iiubenhay (disdainfully?—Hub! Mine »♦♦»»♦»♦»»»»»♦♦♦♦♦♦♦»♦♦♦♦I registered twenty-three below at that nooijT, very time. Huskinby—By gosh! How much will Tbe painter Ylukart, who was some times ns taciturn as Yon Moltke, sat yew take tew boot an' trade?—Puck. for an hour une evening at dinner next Inaide the .Man, , to the soubrette. Josephine Gallmeyer, First Grip Germ—Ugh! What s without volunteering a word. Finally wrong with this man’s protoplasm any she lost patience, and exclaimed: "Well, dear master, suppose we change how? Second Grip Germ—Oh, he s taking the subject” ten grains of quinine every three hours; The fullowing unique claim is posted let’s vamoose.—Ohio State Journal. on a mine in the Grand Encampment, Hut in Wyoming: “We found It and we McSwigan — I don’t like that goat thet claim it by the right of founding it. It's “By gum! ef the women in ther dty our’n. It's 730 feet in every direction comes into our back yard. ain't so bold an brazen that er modest Mrs. McSwigan—But----- except southwest and northeast, and one hex ter bang out er sign tollin' er- MiS wigan—Exactly; that’s why I bout it.” there is 300 feet on each side of this writin', It's called the ‘Bay Horse,’ don’t like it.—Ohio State Journal. Another Chance. and we claim even th« spurs, aud we Professional Ruteno Susan—I just bate these conundrum don't want nobody jumping on this fiends. Bay Horse—that's what's these trees Kitty—Indeed! Why? is around here for, and we’ve got the Susan—Because the other evenin, same piece of rope that we bad down Mr. Stubblus asked tne "Will you be iu old Missouri.” my wife?” and when I said "Yes," he During a confirmation tour in tbe dio said he would give rue another guess.- cese of Peterborough, tbe late Bishop Detroit Free Press. of Ixmdon put up one evening at ao Love in a Cottage. old manor house, and slept in a room you be satisfied with love In supposed to lie haunted. Next morning a cottage?” be asked. at breakfast the Bishop was asked “Yes.” she replied, confidently, foe whether be had seen the ghost. “Yes.” she had heard that the cottage wm he replied, with great solemnity, "but located at Newport,—Philadelphia Rec- 1 have laid the spirit; it will never trou ble you again.” Being further que» tloned upou tbe subject, the Bishop The Unconquerable. said; "The ghost instantly vanished “Why don't you discourage him If when I asked for a subscriptio n tow ard you II you don't care for him?” Irate Householder—Say the restoration of Peterborough Cathe “Oh, b? won’t be discouraged. He stop playing "Hot Time,” I'll give you dral.” is really in love.” a nickel! Tim Murphy, the popular comedian, Antonio—“Holy City.” five cents; Characteristic, saw au old colored woman sitting un "Hot Time,” ten cents. “Woman has no sense of humor.” der an awning fanning herself, when “No; but she seems to have an awful he was In Washington, D. C. "It's Insurance Papers Please Copy, "I should think It would be pretty sense of being humored.” dreadfully hot, isn't it, mammy?” ask Her Opinion of Compliments, “No.” said Miss Cayenne, “I don’t care for people who continually pay compliments.” "But it shows an amiable disposi tion.” "Perhaps. But to me the habit re minds me that some pt*ople are willing to pay only what costs them nothing and wliat they dou't really owe.”— Washington Star. Girls t'snallv Do. “Have you Moore's poems?" Inquired the sweet young thing. "I think so. miss; I'll look in a min ute.” replied the clerk in the book store. "By the way, here’s a tine new Mr. Tattered Hedges—Howily, Bill, story just out. It's called ‘Just One whatcher think of me new Baglai Kiss.’ and---- ” overcoat? “I want Moore.” she Interrupted Well, Wetli haughtily.—Philadelphia Press. "Old Crouch went to the masquerade the other night disguised as a bear." Might Rcsnlt Fatally. “Did anyone recognize him?" "Nobody but his wife.”—Detroit Free Press. Present Needs. "Yes, that's a beautifully bound book of your sermons. Mr. Straitlace. Well, no, George hasn't read it yet. He only has time to read at night, you know. Yes, he understands it's for the eavinj of souls. But George is so practical. He thought he'd rather save his ejrea first."—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Correct, if Xot Grammatical. Woman—If yon will saw that wood for me I will give you a good, square meal. Tramp—I would, lady, but I had my How You Spend Your Life. Did you ever stop to inquire bow you fortune told yesterday and the gypsy actually occupy the hours of your life? said heart disease was going to carry Sup|H>sing you are an average business me off, so I must be very careful. man, how will your account on the book Foe the L.-in Hord. of time appear when It is balance! nt Rigby—Was the banquet an enjoya the end of three-score and ten years? ble one? The largest item will tie sleep, which Sturgis— t-rom the landlord's point of has consumed twenty-five veara- -a lit view. yes. He got a big price for a tle more than one-third of your life. It tulgb.y poor layout—Boston Tran- counted rapidly during childhood, less •cript. rapidly In age. and was at a minimum during the working days of middle life Friendly Interest. “She fell in love With me at the last Those working days will count twenty one years, and In the course of them i Covent Garden ball, old man!” you w II! read for two years and write "Really? How were you disguised, tor a year aud seven months. The next old fellow ?”—Scrape. Item w ill be that of pleasure, which Hani n«rii to i eci de. will have cwnsumed nine years, and ' How that woman glared at you»” your walking will have rousumed six “Yes; rve either bowed to her when and one-half years more. Then your eating acwunta will show that you I don t know her. or else 1 know her have sat at the table, stood at lunch and haven't bowed to her.” counter* or cuddled elsewhere for five *"« <1 Like Some. years. You will also have a dressing “YY hat do you find In that stupid old 1 account of three and one half years, paper to keep you »» busyr petulantly , which will have been devoted to but asked Mrs. Youngcouple, J toning and unbuttoning - remember It I was ju,t imping at the m<> I Is a man who Is being considered. In market, market." be he answered. this dressing account you w 111 find eight "»»b- Jo they bare a money market’ charge,! to Iwthlug account and seven Are there ever any bargams.'"-ludj • nufwvlia months to shaving. New York Herald. ana polis Pre». Krattle’s Pr*.poee,I I anal. Seattle pur|»*».-s to build a canal eight miles long from Puget sound to l-akr Washington, which Is twenty mile« long snd 300 feet deep, and will make an Ideal harbor. A rood many women too food to gu» stp take care to Invite several lively gns«lp« to tbeir parties, la order to keep the gne*ts from going to sleep. The man who never forgives a favor or forgets an Injury ;su t apt to maks a desirable friend. Johnny—Pa, Aunt Hanuah says boil» are healthy. Shouldn't she say ‘ health ful?” Wise Father— Well, your aunt didn't mean to be grammatical, but I guess she was this time. It Is the boll that is healthy, not the fellow who carries it around.—Boston Transcript. M ise Eird, “Give us a proof of your boasted wisdom,” cried a lot of chattering magpies to the owl. "I will,” he said, and flew away.— Philadelphia Times. Her Triumph. "She seems so happy. Did she marry him for love or for tnorey?” “Neither. She took him to spite a lot of other girls."—Chicago Times Herald. No Chance to Talk. Black —Mumsey Is not a good conver sationalist. W hite—No, he was the only boy in * family of nine children,—Cleveland Leader. Invented by a Lunatic. The resident physician of one of the largest lunatic asylums In Great Briaia stated, as an Instance of the cleverness of lunatics, that a very valuable im provement connected with machinery, and now in daily use everywhere, was invented by the inmate of an asylum, well known to everyone by name. A* the inventor was afterwards quite cured, and tiec-ame a prominent tu*a* the physician did not give any details but the Invention, designed and nndel- led as a diversion while absolutely in sane. has brougbt him In thousands of Vus I tiled. *^’¡°n Foreman 1 m you thlnk JOU pounds. Another lunatic invented * simple automatic contrivance for the can boss a gang of men? bead of a lawn-tennis racquet. fo pick Mr. Bear-I think so; I've bad my up the balls and alxvlish stooping R own way during thirty years of mar- acted perfectly, and the asylum doctor tied life.—Obi» state Journal. advised bls friends to secure a pat*nt for him in case he should become ctlfkA — _ »elcme Mead,. The B-es Mr Bjonson. if yon p„.t keep Op wilh xour «1 t an't luist Forever. Hopely—"What seems to trouble yo»f babyr b> th » m * *'’ “> be*r that I’ve I'upley (wearily?—“I auppose it tr<* ln^ *U *‘”u< ,b,t 1 w«» Jo hies him to think that eventually k*“ in« emwtgh work for two t» n li. pr,^ 1 1 hJianapo hare to go to sleep at night."—Fb-**'^ pbia Press.