!
EUGENE WEEKLY GUARD.
HirmtlL
EUGENE
U
-
BUU»., Pr«vrl»l»r».
OREGON.
-■
Advice to heroes and statesmen:
When about to write a letter, don't.
Don't talk at ran«om. .Make every
thing you say hit the mark or save your
ammunition.
I
as never be for the two accomplish
meats walk hand lu baud.
The mollify lug iutlueuce of death.
which Is so often felt In private family
relations has been manifested on a
large scale, internationally, since the
death of Queen Victoria The English
people have been often Irritated by
the Germau Kaiser. His commercial
aud naval schemes have seemed to
them to be aimed against England. HI*
message of sympathy to president
Kruger, after the Jameson raid, still
rankles In their memory, and more
than om-e they have taken offense at
some impulsive thing which lie has
»aid or dore. But when, as soon as be
knew that the Queen was seriously HI.
he left the scene of the festivities with
which the Prussian bicentenary had
just lieen celebrated, aud hurried
to the death chamber at Osborne, they
were profoundly moved', all the more
so because he waived official formali
ties. and joined the waiting family
group simply as the grandson of the
Queeu. The same Influence was felt
elsewhere. There was uo discordant
note in the worldwide expression of
sympathy. The French and Russian
journal», whli-b are apt to lie critical.
If not hostile, toward England. Joined
In the tributes to the Queen. American
journals were as cordial as if there
never had been any Alabama < lalms or
Venezuela difficulty or Alaskan bound
ary or other vexatious question tie
tween the two countries. Under the
reciprocal kindliness thus induced,
English Journals l»*gan to suggest that
perhaps too much had been made-of
annoying amendments to the Hay-
Paumefote treaty, and that It might
be well to concede to the United States
the disputed points. So It came to pass
that the good Queen, who has all btr
life striven for peace. In her death rx-
erted a strong Influence lu the same di
rection.
AOUT. GEN. CORBIN.
Roee from « Los Cabin to Hia Frtieat
Poet of Honor.
Adjutant Geueral Corbin, who has
now reached the grade uf major gen
eral lu the regular army, was born
tlfty-niue years ago at Batavia. Ohio,
in a log cabin which Is still standing.
He entered the Civil War a second lieu
tenant in the Eighty-third Ohio Volun
teer Infautry, July 'Jb. ls»ii, and has
risen by merit through all the grades
to that of major general of the regu
lar establishment. He was honorably
discharged from the voluuteer service
on March UG, 1*06. with the brevet
rank of brigadier general for meri
torious service. Gen. Corbin's early
ancestors were Virginians, aud be is a
distant relative of Col. liicbard Lee.
His grandfather was sergeaut of the
Virginia line In the Bevulutlon. His
great-grandfather moved to the mouth
of the Maumee Biver In Ohio and later
settled in Clermont, Ohio. Gen. Cor
bin's father Is still living, at the age
of Ktl.
The Adjutant General is the instru
ment through which the Chief Execu
tive and the Secretary of YVar act He
dare not usurp a single function dele
gated to his superiors. Ills duty is to
carry out in letter and spirit their or
ders. He must be capable of advising
when bls advice is asked; be must be
an absolute master of details, and must
tie able to answer questions relating to
the army with accuracy. When war
clouds gather It Is the busiest office of
the Government.
To call to the field 230,000 men, arm
and equip them lu sixty days and at
tend to the Innumerable details, as did
Gen. Corbin during the recent war with
Spain, Is a task so gigantic that none
hut a man of extraordinary ability and
physical strength could fill the place.
And now he Is prepared to enlist, drill,
arm, equip aud dispatch 100,000 men of
a regular army 7 000 miles.
Grant,
I
HORSE SHOE STYLES
THEY ARE GREATLY VARIED
DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.
IN
Nene Caa Equal America» Make» for
Utility and Merit of Work ma»«*1
Manx Kinds o Iron Footwear *» Uae
iu L a le leurs.
Ou Twelfth street, near the new city
hall. Is a show window that bolds mau y
attractions fur bbrsemeu aud lovers of
Some xnen
Sunday as a sort of
tbe curious, says the fit. Louis Globe-
sponge to wipe out the sins they com
Democrat. It contains nothing but
mitted during the previous six days.
rusty, discolored horseshoes, but such
1» the variety aud character of the col
A along other things, has Mrs. Nation
lection that It is surpassed by but one
smashed that old proverb about its be
other in existence. Shoes ranging in
ing dangerous to fool with edged tools?
style and beauty from the dainty rac
ing plate that bas been wurn by
In the last hundred years Turkey has
thoroughbreds in record-breaking per-
lost about half of Its territory. This
formam-es to tbe antiquated patterns
looks as if somebody bad bevu using
used more than 130 years ago are in the
the Ottoman to walk on.
collection, and about each shoe some
thing of interest can lie told by F. U.
Snow, the owner of the collection.
The power» want to make progress
Probably the oldest and most valued
In the Flowery Kingdom, and thia de
of tbe collection is a shoe known to
capitation business la supposed to be
have been made by a Pontiac Indian in
one way of getting a bead.
1743. Tbe shoe was for years an ex
hibit iu tbe Detroit Historical society's
"Kidnapers arc bound to be caught
headquarters, but came to its present
in the long run.” »ays the Boston Her
owner through a member of tbe Case
ald. Let'« see— when were the kidnap
family, lu wbose possession the shoe
ers of Charley Boss caught?
lias beeu kept fur generations. Con
sidering the tools and the period, the
Manila harbor is to be Improved,
shoe is really au excellent piece of
though It Is admitted that it Is much
workmanship. Tbe calks, or toes, as
less dangerous than when Admiral
people unversed in shoeing lore would
Dewey sailed Into It the Aral time.
term them, are small, the whole shoe
showing that, with the exception of tbe
Aa to the la»h for a wife l»eater, w hy
improvement In manufacture, tbe gen
not tie him up securely and let the in
eral conception of the horseshoe of that
jured wife give him a good tongue lash
period is still the basis of manufacture.
ing In the presence of ail the neigh
Other shoes of interest rarely seen In
bors'/
these days are those for oxen. Each
ox wore eight shoes in the old days, one
A woman baa brought suit for di
on either toe on each foot Like the
It would be a misfortune If the pas
vorce ou the grouud that her husband
horseshoes of tbe early part of tbe cen
refuses to eat her pies. Htlll, she would sion for "getting on” should narrow
tury. those for oxen now used in the
rather be u real widow b> the pie our educational Ideals and substitute
west have been changed but little in re
the man of facility In affairs and the
route.
cent decades.
expert t<rr the man of broad culture
Only «,330 new books were published and the man of freed Imagination. The
The smallest shoes in the collection
in th» United Stute» last year. Ilow- movement in colleges and universities
are those of burros from tbe Rockies
ever, people vainly looking for some to Intrisluce "practical" courses may
and old Mexico. In contrast with them
thing new to rend can always fall buck sometimes appear to he tending In that
: the huge shoes commonly used in Eng
ou thu magazines and newspapers.
land aud Belgium are most noticeable.
direction, but It is rather to lie regard
Both the larger makes are clumsy and
ed as an effort to give young men and
Emperor William may Import the women a lietter Introduction to certain
exhibit poor workmanship. The aver
American lieu to Germany, but will the typical phases of actual life, says a
age size of English shoes is greater
time ever come when Hie politics of Chicago Tribune editorial, and to uf
than that of any other country.
Comparison of American horseshoes
that country will permit of our election ford them lu certain lines that s|teclal
roosters appearing In the public priuis lzed preparation for particular occu
with those of other countries easily
gives the palm to the manufacturers
there?
pations which, to a degree at least, can
in this country. A specimen of the
Is* more economically attaint*«! In an
A Vanderbilt descendant has proved Institution than otherwise. The School
French shoe of the variety known as
capable of something more than »pend of Economies and Political Science lu
"country shoe” shows clumsy work-
ing aiii-estiiil money. It may yet lie tile University of Wisconsin has re
1 manship on a poorly shaped shoe with
fashionable for hereditary Am rlcau cently announced certain modified and
' which s<|U«re-headed nails are used.
wealth Io have brains and <ll»|H>»ltloU enlarged courses, Including one on
w lien Secretary of War, wrote of Gen. From Arabia Mr. Snow has secured
to use them. "Young Corueut’a" tirebox "Public Service and Diplomacy” and
Corbin: "Made major tor gallaut aud two specimens of tbe shoes used uj>on
shows some inventive power beyond another lu "Preparation for Journal
meritorious service at Decatur.” He the famous steeds of tlie deserts. (Hie
the mere tuleut uf devlsiug uew dissi Ism.” One of this country's greatest
was also highly commended by Gens. Is a rougb-shui>ed plate uf hammered
pation.
editors once expressed the opinion that Glllan, Weed, Rousseau, A. McDowell. 1 Irun. From this blank the shoe Is
shaped to provide wbat horseman know
A woman who»» liusbaud beat her no one could Is* "prepared" out of hand McCook and Buggies, and Gen. Mer
as "roller motion.” The toe is turned
for
journalism;
and
yet
It
is
evident
ritt
’
s
Indorsement
was,
"Well
worthy
regularly uuce a day for forty years
up at an angle of 45 degrees, the ends
has at last appealed to the police. It Hint not only general culture but famil and fitted to be the head of the adju
Is-lng slia|s*d and fastened together
seems tlmt there was a point where iarity wltli eertaiu lines of Information tant general's department; cau be
j with a rivet Instead of being welded as
and
thought
furnish
the
journalist
an
trusted
with
Important
duties.
”
Avan a patient, loving woman could
Gen. Corbin's personality Is striking. J in this country, fiueb a shot* would kill
stand It uo longer ami the bead of the invaluable background for hl» work.
' a horse if used upon tbe cobble stones
household tried it once too often w hen Training for public administration and Imagine a man « feet 1 Inches In
for diplomacy 1» even more obviously a height, erect, soldierly, weighing about of fit. Louis.
he started to take III» dally even Ise ou
great present need ill tills country. Our 230 pounds, but carrying very little
Probably as odd a sttoe as is found in
the first day of the forty first year.
easy theory tlmt the duties <>f public superfluous flesh and you have the the collection Is one that was used in
life can. under our simple system, lie outline of the adjutant general of the Ireland. The iron shoe proper is of
A cooking school for doctors Ims lieeu met by the ordinary citizen, is largely
army. His complexion Is olive, eyes common imttern. save tlmt It has two
established 111 Berlin, aud amoug the chargeable with our perulclous prat*
brow n, nose aquiline, and the lines of lugs, or projections, plercvsl with screw
numerous attends ills are physicians tie» of "rotation in office" ami with the
Ills mouth well chiseled. He wears a holes. By means of screws the »hoe is
from several countries besides Ger lack of vigor and efficiency In much of
mustache and an Imperial. He can say fastened to a lioard platform two In
many. Branch »cliools are to In.* open our public life. Tin* action of Madison
"No" without the quiver of an eye or ches thick and ni>out twelve Inches
ed lu other European capitals. The University Is a part of a general move
the flutter of n muscle, and uo one cau square. Wlien It Is desired to use tbe
miMileal man needs to be a gissi nurse, ment during the last ten years among
say that lie was ever known to lose horse upon one of the peat bogs the
lie ought to be able to apply the prlu American Institutions of higher learn
his nerve In a crisis.
wooden platform Is screwed or bolted
clples of wholesome cooking likewise, Ing. tile valuable effects of
w hleh.
fast to the horse's shoe. Despite the
if need to*, ill preparing delicacies for though not conspicuous as yet, are
Simple C'oiinlry Living.
the sick room. A supervision by the bound to be Increasingly felt as time
A iiiiin muy enjoy bounding health, awkwardness of such foot wear the wear
and know very- little about the cause of ers soon lesrn to avoid stumbling and
doctor. himself competent to cook w hat goes on.
bls happineaa; and alas! a man may make surprising headway. Similar
be orders for the patient, would turn
suffer nil the woes of dyspepsia, anti shoes are worn iu the peat bogs of
many a kitchen Into a serviceable addi
have no certain knowledge as to the California.
tivù to bls equipment.
Among the new varieties of shoes are
ciiusc* of his misery.
"I'm o continued dyspeptic; that's those with a rubl>er heel plate or cush
“I am no longer young,” said an
tin* reason I look so old." said Mr. Hol ion. designed to break the coucussiou
Alaska pioneer the oilier day. “but 1
lander. gazing almost enviously at the of the heavy blows struck by horses
expect to live to s< e a continuous line
I re<I bronze face of hia former chum at j i when moving rapidly over granite pave-
of railway from New York Io HI. l'e
college, who had dropped down from l I menta. Such shoes are worn by the
tersburg by way of Berlug Strait, 1U
the country Into Mr. L'ollander's city | ’ horses In the city ambulance service.
fact, work on one of the connecting
Among the other curious in the collec-
office.
links will I m * Ix-guu within a year.” The
"Wliat you nets! la simple country I tlon are mule shoes from Havana and
Hoe be referred to will extend from
food, man,” said his old friend, clap Santiago, one from Guayainoa. Porto
Port Y aides on the sea to the Yukon
ping him beartly on the shoulder. Rico, near which battery A came so
river at the mouth of the Tnuana
"Home ami visit my wife* and me on close to a baptism of fire. Shoes from
From this |>oint another mad Is project
When Thomas sings his nightly lays.
the farm for a while, ami we'll set you Australia and from a dozen other coun
ed to Nome, ami If that should lie built,
111» hearers know the pai» it brings
up. It's rich city living that's too much tries. all of which are little better in
a railway across the strait to Siberia To hearts as desìi—for fulsome praise
for you. Now take breakfast, for In workmanship that those used In this
might become at least a poaalbUMy. If
lie cares not Iior whose soul he wrings.
stance. All I have Is two gtssl cups of country half a century ag<*. and not
expanding trade should demand such
coffee, n couple of fresh doughnuts, a equal to the shoes worn by tbe average
a road, ueliher the engineering nor the llrnciith the moon's bewitching rayn.
bit of steak with a baked potato, some dray horse In this country. Though
Ilin voice it »oar«, an it had wing»,
financial difficulties would be Immr
fresh biscuit or muffins, and either many nailless shoes have ts-en Invent
mounts tde. It Is an luteresting thing A ud many a li»t*nvr guerdon pays.
griddle-cakes or a piece of pie to top off ed. they have never been successful.
When Thoma.’» aiugi«!
lo speculate about, at any raie.
with. What do you have?”
aw the
loudly wwingw
CHINESE TEACUPS.
The city man hsiked at bls red cheek
It la not only the rural resident from
ed friend, who stcssl waiting for the
up the creek that buys gold bricks.
They Are Rapidly Growing in Favor
ecmfirumtlon of 111» Idea.
in W rstern Countries.
Sometimes Important sales of this sort
"A cup of hot water and two slices of
of merchandise are made to wise one»
Although It Is several centuries since
dry toast." he responded, soberly. "But
who dwell In cities. A certain "pro
Occidentals adopted Chinese tea as a
Carious Church Hull» of Bulrushes If you think a simple diet like yours
feasor" of fortune telling appears to
dally tieverage It is only of late that
The first pints* of worship lu Western would help me. I w ill make one more
have done « |>artieularly neat piece of
they have Is-gun to use the Chinese ten
Australia was quite unique l*oth from attempt to I m * a healthy man.”
gold lirlck work lu au Eastern city. He
service. Like all Mongolian Institu
Its frail form of const ruction and also
has t»een telling some of the social
tions. It is the opposite of our own. The
Ilusinrs* lleflire Pleasure.
the sei eral purisme» to which It w as
lights of that town that bls Insight luto
An English commercial traveller, for service consists of a metal stand in
devoted. Tills remarkable
building
the future would be wonderfully sharp
whose pushing Americanism a Liver which rests a large cup. Over the cup
was made at Perth, then merely a town
•ned if be were allowed to sleep over
pool pa (ver vouches with great en fits a saucer and alongside of It Is sta
•Ito. by soldiers of the 2nd Company
nlgbt ou Jewelry belonging to hia clE
thusiasm, started out after a country tioned a little cup scarcely larger than
«3rd Keg|ment shortly after the de
an egg The tuetal stand la of brass < ■
ente. He Intimated that the larger the
order.
tach mint arrived at the Colony In
Happening to arrive at the village on limine, though wealthy mandarins ut
quantity ef precious metal be had to
sleep on. the better he could forecast 1K3B and was composed almost entire the day of a festival, he found the shop silver aud even gold. The large cu
future events. One of tils clients «■« ly of bulrushes In addition to this of his customer dosed, and learned should tie of the handsomest porcelain.
rude little edifice being used on Sun tl it the m in himself was at the <<-.« It Is very rarely plain. The commonest
the wife of a well known utanufae
days
for Divine worship It sometimes bratlou a mile out of town. At once be variety have a monocrome Held on
turer. who willingly gave up her jew
elry a txt what gold coin she had In the servisi as an amateur theater during •el out for the spot, aud reached the which are enameled leaves and flowers
the wirk, and was used during the ground just In time to see his »bopkeep tn color, Another lieah'iful variety Is
house The next dsy the professor had
whole time as a l*arracks.
t-rcllmb Into a I hi 1 loon procured for spe made of crackle ware, on w hose aw-
left town. Ills ln»|H-vtk>n of the future
dal ascensions.
face la wreathed a bronze dragon,
was perfectly satisfactory to him.
Ingenious.
The man of trade was equal to the oc fiwatow cups are generally decorated
An Invention for polishing hard wood
easlon. He step|ied forward, paid bls with little craba. fishes, beetles or lo-
“I would joyfully, many a time," said tloora has lieeu brought out In Europe
fare and climbed Into the car Away rusts In natural color and high reilef.
a famous singer th« other day, "ex This new Idea consists of a brush, call
went the t*all>*on. and was hardly above while Nanking cups are tinged with
ed
the
sandal
brush,
w
hlcb
Is
made
to
change all my public ov at loon fur my
the tree-tops when the commercial tra sang de boeuf. Imperial blue, ar I tupe
UHtfher's knowlmlge bow to prepare a fit on th»* shoe. It Is fastened to the
veller turtle«! to his astonished victim, rial yellow. The saucer should be of
palatable meal."
Nevertheless, so foot by strap« of soft uiatrrlaL The and -a d |s-rauaalvely but tr Un pban ly
the saaie material, according to the
fashhmable bar« culinary am! house ¡»ilisher skate» over the floor and Is
“And now. sir. what can 1 do for you tastes of the owuer.
thus
enable»!
to
do
hia
work
better
and
hold »ubjets become, that "my moth
tn calk-oea?*"
The service 1« placed before the
er's pie«" have foriuldabl« rivals tn quicker than by any other procrun
quests at the beginning of the meal. A
Knightly W arthrr oT Old.
“my dasghtrr's doughnut«“ Even col
Medieval knights often ¡wk a volun small quantity of tea leaxeu la thrown
leg ate atraws show w bh-h way tbe
tary
oath that they would never spare Into the large cup, covered with boil
w Ind blow s. Tlvenvee re- eully chuneti
ing water To keep the steam In the
the life of au enemy.
for senior theses la sever»! lending
saucer la Inverted over the cup. It la
w Otnen's college« Inelmte "The Ker
allowed to stand for two minutes and
vsnt i*roblcin.~ "Household Ecuoom-
then the guest, holding the large cup
les” ami “Foods In Kelatioo to Intel
with the thumb and middle finger and
lect amt Vanity.” and stand In market
guiding the saucer with the forefinger,
contrast with tbe poetic so-1 platitudln
strains and pours the fiuld Into thq lit
nus graduating ensays of only a genera
tle cup It seems simple, but until a per
t:on ag<> To be "a g»»wl bou««-ke»-i»er
•on ba» practl’-ed repeatedly It Is a very
•aid fibakaprate. "<<*•*• as fairly a» tn
dlfilcult task. The average Orddcntal
MJ .... a great scholar.' Today
mcuM u.s fii.g' rs anJ drop» the tea on
’ the table and uft* n lets fail the <ug
and sam-vr together. The large cup will
fill the small cup tbren times, aud then
boiling water is again poured over th«
leave«. If the leaf be of fine quality
tbe seevud drawing la about as good as
the first After tbe second drawing Is
finished tbe cup la removed, the spent
haves are thrown away and a frenu
supply Is put In their place. The ser
vice Is a very Important element in the
Chinese bouaebold. The cheapest set
cunts ten cents in China and twenty-
five cents In New York. The figures
run up from this Umlt. and when crack
le ware, porcelain aud silver stands are
employed they reach $3 aud f<i.—New
York Evening Post
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
ed Mr. Murphy. “’Deed it is, chile,”
said the old woman; ’"deed it is.
'Taln’t right for it to be so hot this-a-
way. 1 tell you. forty years ago, when
the blessed Lawd made the weather,
we didn't have these stewing days,
honey, no, 'deed, we didn't; but now
these biggety men up at this here
weather office bus the making of tbe
weather, they does send us anything
they please, and they ain't skillful,
chile, they ain't skillful.”
Ixtrd Rathmore has told a friend how
he om-e took "Guida" iu to dinner aud
how disappointed be was to find that
the novelist devoted nerself to the
dishes rather than to intellectual re-
fresliment. He said at last, in despair
at having only been able to get "Yes”
aud "No" in answer to tbe different
subjects lie introduced: "I’m afraid l'ui
singularly unfortunate in my choice of
topics. Is tlier i anything we could
talk alMvut to luterest you?” To which
tin* chronicler of Society's shortcom
ings replied: "There Is one thing which
would interest me very much. Tell me
atsiut the duchesses; 1 have written
altout them all my life and never met
one yet,”
Not long ago an American professor
attended a reception in the royal pal
ace. given by the Kaiser to an associa
tion of scientists, at which William ap
peared in the gorgeous robes of royalty,
precevlevl by liveried chainlx*rlaius
bearing the crown and Insignia. It was
a most impressive display, and when
the professor came away he said to a
friend: "1 am a republican to tbe back
bone, but I believe that if monarchs
are necessar“ they should !>e monarchs
to the last hit of gold lace, just as
William is Kaiser.” The next day his
friend had an audience with the Kai
ser. and In the course of the conversa
tioti told him what the American pro
fessor had paid. The Kaiser laughed
heartily. “That is exactly what 1 be
lieve." he said; "Dorn Pedro of Brazil
illustrate*! the folly of trying to be a
republican on a throne.”
bard for you, with such a large family,
to live on such a small Income.”
"But," replied the family man, “con
sider how much harder it would be for
my family if 1 were to die on it.”—Phil
adelphia Press,
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidenta Occurring the
WorldOver ba> mgs ll»»t Ac « Cheer
ful t» Old or Young-Funnx oele».-
tiuna that L»er> budjr W ill Enjoy.
E enlnir It Pn,
"They have a new barber th« x
Baltimore where every featur* i, '
oa auilseptic p'lnclplea.”
I'*
"It s a pity they cannot carry r ,
the point where some of the ;.a;'r *
could be treated to an antiseptic fcJ?
before entering the place.”—t'lev, Q
plain Dealer.
He Was One.
Snappy—That's what jars me.
Sappey—What's that?
Snappy—Oh, some people are net*
“Yes; she rejected him after accept satisfied to take things as
srt,
ing attention# from him for a year
but always want to luiow th# »Q
“I think he was entitled to more con and wherefore.
sideration."
Sappey —That's so. I wonder why
“O! I don't know. I think she was is.—Philadelphia Press.
considering him all the tlme.”-Puck.
I-hoc kin a.
After the Be»t One.
.»♦»WF W 0 0» »»»••»♦*♦♦♦»♦■
Huskinby ichuckliuglyl— It wui 1-
♦
GOOD
below zero by my thermometer at 5
:
Short Storie$
o’clock this mornin', an' III Badg< ly s
sn'y showed nine below at thet hour.
Iiubenhay (disdainfully?—Hub! Mine
»♦♦»»♦»♦»»»»»♦♦♦♦♦♦♦»♦♦♦♦I
registered twenty-three below at that
nooijT,
very time.
Huskinby—By gosh! How much will
Tbe painter Ylukart, who was some
times ns taciturn as Yon Moltke, sat yew take tew boot an' trade?—Puck.
for an hour une evening at dinner next
Inaide the .Man,
,
to the soubrette. Josephine Gallmeyer,
First Grip
Germ—Ugh!
What s
without volunteering a word. Finally
wrong with this man’s protoplasm any
she lost patience, and exclaimed:
"Well, dear master, suppose we change how?
Second Grip Germ—Oh, he s taking
the subject”
ten grains of quinine every three hours;
The fullowing unique claim is posted let’s vamoose.—Ohio State Journal.
on a mine in the Grand Encampment,
Hut
in Wyoming: “We found It and we
McSwigan — I don’t like that goat thet
claim it by the right of founding it. It's
“By gum! ef the women in ther dty
our’n. It's 730 feet in every direction comes into our back yard.
ain't so bold an brazen that er modest
Mrs. McSwigan—But-----
except southwest and northeast, and
one hex ter bang out er sign tollin' er-
MiS wigan—Exactly; that’s why I bout it.”
there is 300 feet on each side of this
writin', It's called the ‘Bay Horse,’ don’t like it.—Ohio State Journal.
Another Chance.
and we claim even th« spurs, aud we
Professional Ruteno
Susan—I just bate these conundrum
don't want nobody jumping on this
fiends.
Bay Horse—that's what's these trees
Kitty—Indeed! Why?
is around here for, and we’ve got the
Susan—Because the other evenin,
same piece of rope that we bad down
Mr. Stubblus asked tne "Will you be
iu old Missouri.”
my wife?” and when I said "Yes," he
During a confirmation tour in tbe dio
said he would give rue another guess.-
cese of Peterborough, tbe late Bishop
Detroit Free Press.
of Ixmdon put up one evening at ao
Love in a Cottage.
old manor house, and slept in a room
you be satisfied with love In
supposed to lie haunted. Next morning
a cottage?” be asked.
at breakfast the Bishop was asked
“Yes.” she replied, confidently, foe
whether be had seen the ghost. “Yes.”
she had heard that the cottage wm
he replied, with great solemnity, "but
located at Newport,—Philadelphia Rec-
1 have laid the spirit; it will never trou
ble you again.” Being further que»
tloned upou tbe subject, the Bishop
The Unconquerable.
said; "The ghost instantly vanished
“Why don't you discourage him If
when I asked for a subscriptio n tow ard
you II you don't care for him?”
Irate Householder—Say
the restoration of Peterborough Cathe
“Oh, b? won’t be discouraged. He
stop playing "Hot Time,” I'll give you
dral.”
is really in love.”
a nickel!
Tim Murphy, the popular comedian,
Antonio—“Holy City.” five cents;
Characteristic,
saw au old colored woman sitting un
"Hot Time,” ten cents.
“Woman has no sense of humor.”
der an awning fanning herself, when
“No; but she seems to have an awful
he was In Washington, D. C. "It's
Insurance Papers Please Copy,
"I should think It would be pretty sense of being humored.”
dreadfully hot, isn't it, mammy?” ask
Her Opinion of Compliments,
“No.” said Miss Cayenne, “I don’t
care for people who continually pay
compliments.”
"But it shows an amiable disposi
tion.”
"Perhaps. But to me the habit re
minds me that some pt*ople are willing
to pay only what costs them nothing
and wliat they dou't really owe.”—
Washington Star.
Girls t'snallv Do.
“Have you Moore's poems?" Inquired
the sweet young thing.
"I think so. miss; I'll look in a min
ute.” replied the clerk in the book
store. "By the way, here’s a tine new
Mr. Tattered Hedges—Howily, Bill,
story just out. It's called ‘Just One whatcher think of me new Baglai
Kiss.’ and---- ”
overcoat?
“I want Moore.” she Interrupted
Well, Wetli
haughtily.—Philadelphia Press.
"Old Crouch went to the masquerade
the other night disguised as a bear."
Might Rcsnlt Fatally.
“Did anyone recognize him?"
"Nobody but his wife.”—Detroit Free
Press.
Present Needs.
"Yes, that's a beautifully bound book
of your sermons. Mr. Straitlace. Well,
no, George hasn't read it yet. He only
has time to read at night, you know.
Yes, he understands it's for the eavinj
of souls. But George is so practical.
He thought he'd rather save his ejrea
first."—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Correct, if Xot Grammatical.
Woman—If yon will saw that wood
for me I will give you a good, square
meal.
Tramp—I would, lady, but I had my
How You Spend Your Life.
Did you ever stop to inquire bow you fortune told yesterday and the gypsy
actually occupy the hours of your life? said heart disease was going to carry
Sup|H>sing you are an average business me off, so I must be very careful.
man, how will your account on the book
Foe the L.-in Hord.
of time appear when It is balance! nt
Rigby—Was the banquet an enjoya
the end of three-score and ten years? ble one?
The largest item will tie sleep, which
Sturgis— t-rom the landlord's point of
has consumed twenty-five veara- -a lit view. yes.
He got a big price for a
tle more than one-third of your life. It tulgb.y
poor layout—Boston Tran-
counted rapidly during childhood, less •cript.
rapidly In age. and was at a minimum
during the working days of middle life
Friendly Interest.
“She fell in love With me at the last
Those working days will count twenty
one years, and In the course of them i Covent Garden ball, old man!”
you w II! read for two years and write
"Really? How were you disguised,
tor a year aud seven months. The next old fellow ?”—Scrape.
Item w ill be that of pleasure, which
Hani
n«rii to i eci de.
will have cwnsumed nine years, and
' How that woman glared at you»”
your walking will have rousumed six
“Yes; rve either bowed to her when
and one-half years more. Then your
eating acwunta will show that you I don t know her. or else 1 know her
have sat at the table, stood at lunch and haven't bowed to her.”
counter* or cuddled elsewhere for five
*"« <1 Like Some.
years. You will also have a dressing
“YY hat do you find In that stupid old 1
account of three and one half years, paper to keep you »» busyr petulantly ,
which will have been devoted to but asked Mrs. Youngcouple,
J
toning and unbuttoning - remember It
I was ju,t imping at the m<>
I
Is a man who Is being considered. In market,
market." be
he answered.
this dressing account you w 111 find eight
"»»b- Jo they bare a money market’
charge,! to Iwthlug account and seven Are there ever any bargams.'"-ludj
•
nufwvlia
months to shaving. New York Herald. ana polis Pre».
Krattle’s Pr*.poee,I I anal.
Seattle pur|»*».-s to build a canal
eight miles long from Puget sound to
l-akr Washington, which Is twenty
mile« long snd 300 feet deep, and will
make an Ideal harbor.
A rood many women too food to gu»
stp take care to Invite several lively
gns«lp« to tbeir parties, la order to
keep the gne*ts from going to sleep.
The man who never forgives a favor
or forgets an Injury ;su t apt to maks
a desirable friend.
Johnny—Pa, Aunt Hanuah says boil»
are healthy. Shouldn't she say ‘ health
ful?”
Wise Father— Well, your aunt didn't
mean to be grammatical, but I guess
she was this time. It Is the boll that
is healthy, not the fellow who carries
it around.—Boston Transcript.
M ise Eird,
“Give us a proof of your boasted
wisdom,” cried a lot of chattering
magpies to the owl.
"I will,” he said, and flew away.—
Philadelphia Times.
Her Triumph.
"She seems so happy. Did she marry
him for love or for tnorey?”
“Neither. She took him to spite a lot
of other girls."—Chicago Times Herald.
No Chance to Talk.
Black —Mumsey Is not a good conver
sationalist.
W hite—No, he was the only boy in *
family of nine children,—Cleveland
Leader.
Invented by a Lunatic.
The resident physician of one of the
largest lunatic asylums In Great Briaia
stated, as an Instance of the cleverness
of lunatics, that a very valuable im
provement connected with machinery,
and now in daily use everywhere, was
invented by the inmate of an asylum,
well known to everyone by name. A*
the inventor was afterwards quite
cured, and tiec-ame a prominent tu*a*
the physician did not give any details
but the Invention, designed and nndel-
led as a diversion while absolutely in
sane. has brougbt him In thousands of
Vus I tiled.
*^’¡°n Foreman 1 m you thlnk JOU pounds. Another lunatic invented *
simple automatic contrivance for the
can boss a gang of men?
bead of a lawn-tennis racquet. fo pick
Mr. Bear-I think so; I've
bad my up the balls and alxvlish stooping R
own way during thirty years of
mar- acted perfectly, and the asylum doctor
tied life.—Obi» state Journal.
advised bls friends to secure a pat*nt
for him in case he should become ctlfkA
— _ »elcme Mead,.
The B-es Mr Bjonson. if yon p„.t
keep Op wilh xour
«1
t an't luist Forever.
Hopely—"What seems to trouble yo»f
babyr
b>
th » m * *'’ “> be*r that I’ve
I'upley (wearily?—“I auppose it tr<*
ln^
*U *‘”u< ,b,t 1 w«» Jo
hies him to think that eventually k*“
in« emwtgh work for two t» n
li. pr,^
1 1
hJianapo hare to go to sleep at night."—Fb-**'^
pbia Press.