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About The Monmouth herald. (Monmouth, Or.) 1908-1969 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 21, 1913)
PAGE FOUR Fooling the War and Rumors of War Within the Human Body are Daily Incidents How we Deceive our Best Friends WE ARE prone to deceive our friends and the rhagotytcs are no exeoi'tiou. Ttio l'ha goevtes are our best aud most intimate IrienJ and yet we take no thought for their perennial willing ness to light for us our battles aud every chance we get to tool theui wo accept with unlailiug enthusiasm. Tho 1'hagocytes are the police of the body, always ready to club some offeudiug bacillus over the head and run him iutj the lockup. The Phagocytes are. tho standing army of the body, only they do not stand still long at a time, so busy are they iu putting down insur rections on the part of genus thought thoroughly naturalized or in repelling invasions on the part of alien microbes. Let something go wrong and the Pha gocytes are there in a jiffy, foot, horse and dragoons, putting up a tight that makes the heroic memory of the Tro jans pale into cowardly insignificance. Kvery- day the Phagocytes have their rounds to make aud their fights to fight, brief, hand -to-hand and eye-to-eye encounters with hostile bacilli, and oometimeg there are general alarms and fierce, long conflicts with a determined enemy. That's when we start in fool ing the Phagocytes. Let us say that we have a cold in the head. A lot of hostile bacilli am encamped in the sensitive membrane up there, having the unlawful time of their lives, rioting joyously in the mis ery they are dealing to us. But, they have forgotten iu their unholy mirth the army of the Phagocytes. These in trepid organisms need no formal call to battle, no definite declaration of war, no official proclamation beforo they cross the border into the territory of the enemy. Upstairs they rush, all hands to breakfast! Soon, there is a fight in progress. Xo, not "soon," but immediately. Tho bacilli of the cold, base despoilers that they are, grapple with the Phagocytes. Why shouldn't theyf Even a rat will fight, once he's cornered. The little devils of the cold must fight or be de stroyed. So, there is a battle that is a battle and the arena which we. are rings and resounds and has trouble a-plenty with consonants and vowels. Then, when the ravages of war become too much to bear, we start in to fool the Phagocytes. You see, we know that the Phago cytes are in the blood and blood is what we do not want up there in the war district. Bather, we would starve out the enemy. We prefer to wage a Fabian campaign, to make cunctatory war. But the Phagocytes first-class fighting men, they cannot understand military delay of any sort. They en joy Light-Brigade charges, forlora hopes, dashing maneuvers, but the prin ciples of scientific warfare are to them a closed book. No, there's no use in reasoning with the Phagocytes. There they are, in deadly embrace with the bacilli of the cold, knee-deep in gore and impregnated with the lust of slaughter. They wouldn't come down and quit any more than a bulldog will let go as long aye, and longer as he can know and feel anything. The Pha gocytes are enlisted for the war; they intend to fight it out on this line if it takes all summer. So, we, for whom the Phagocytes are doing yoeman service, fool them. We put on our other end a mustard plas ter. We put the counter-irritant on the calves of our legs and we put our feet in mustard water, sizzling hot. Ouchl This false alarm is soon received by the Phagocytes, engaged in unrelent ing, savage, quarterless war 'way up there above the equator. One can imagine the little soldiers taking coun sel among themselves: "Yes, we have a very fine scrap on our hands here right now and it's get ting better all the time, but there must be something fierce coming off down toward the south. At that, we'll have For Sale or Trade on Terms to Suit One of the most profitable, full bearing apple orchard! in the Hood River district. Owner not practical fanner; anxious to dis pose; price reasonable; terms to suit; sale or trade. Property includes 6 acres 17-year-old trees; 8 acres 8-year-old trees; 16 acres 7-year-old trees; 6 acres pasture; 20-inch water rinht; 6 room house, barn, apple house, span of mules; one 3-year-old mare; one Jersey cow; 100 chickens; wayon, hack, buggy, gasoline sprayer and inumerable farm implements. Also 21 shares of stock in Hood River Apple Growers Union. Write immediately for terms and particu lars. This is absolutely a snap and a money making proposition. harry McAllister Ciuto of Coucru BUf . PortUnd, Oreioa The Bread SAY TMiM,OLD Spoilt I've G-OT A SCHEME THAr WILL LAND US , A SttUARe MEAL. Phagocytes these fellows too dead to skin in two or three more battles, and it might be worth while to go below and see what's doing. We can come back any time aud polish off this gang here." So, off rush the Phagocytes, still spoiling for a fight, happy-go-lucky little warriors. They reach the hot re gion and they gird up their loins, hitch their breeches, spit ou their hands or do whatever a Phagocyte does when he prepares for the lists. Then they start to wade in. Imagine their blank amazement when they find that there is nothing into which they can wade, no foe to fight, no drunk and disor derly bacilli to run in, no anarchistic demonstration to disperse. Nothing to do at all and a fine chance to fight passed up. So, the Phagocyte stand around with their hands in their pock ets for a while and send out scouting expeditions, Still, they find nothing and they start back to the battlefield they've left so recently, only to find all the enemy dead and littering the field. So, we reckon, the Phagocytes swallow their disappointment some how, cord up the deceased aud start out on a humdrum existence of peace. That, friends, is what we call fooling the Phagocytes, There is something human about this business of making false alarms for the Phagocytes to answer. A good many of us spend part of our time fighting for folks who don't appreciate the sacrifices we make or the love we bring to them. We are all of us, if our hearts are clean, of the spirit of Don Quixote, after all is said and done. We are like the Phagocytes, useful usu ally and sometimes foolish and in the way. When we are in the way well, then there is some sort of a mustard ap plication to call us to other scenes. There are many human Phagocytes and every day these are being fooled. Surveying the Congo The use of modern methods for lay ing out frontier lines in the colon ies is well brought out in the work which is being done in the Congo region. According to a recent treaty, France eeded a certain amount of ter ritory in Africa to Germany in ex change for concessions in Morocco, so that this led to expeditions on the part of both countries in order to fix the boundary lines. Captain Peri quet states that wireless telegraphy will be used for the first time on a large scale so as to determine lati tudes exactly. Wireless stations now exist in the French possessions, also in Cameroon and Belgian Congo, and all these are to be utilized by the expeditions. They will carry im proved kites for mounting the an tennae wires, also the necessary wire less posts. For taking the latitude they use prism astrolabes which give very close results. These measure ments will be combined with plans drawn op on the spot by the alibade, this latter being used especially for the important points. Once in pos session of the data, they will draw up a map of the frontier region on as large a scale as possible. Other sci entific work will be done at the same time, which is likely to be valuable, such as hydrography, orography, ques tions of population, botanical and eth nological research, terrestrial magne tism and the like. Land Opportunity $1.50 an acre per month buys 10-acre (arm, that will make, you independent (or life. Located in Moses Lake Valley, east of (amous Wenatchee district. For illustrated booklet, address HALLETT BROS. DeptM lOSPikeSt, SEATTLE, WASH. and Butter Question: Thick and Thin rsaJrn FTC rs eam7 Hidden Lake Is Big Boon Discovery of Water Underground in Washington County Great Benefit to Whole District THE discovery of what appear to be au immense underground lake, underlying the entire cen tral portion of Grant County, Wash., is responsible for tho preseut activity in the Moses Lake district, regarding which meution was made iu these column last week. Land that was once considered practically worth less, because of the lack of water, is uow being reclaimed by the use of pumping plants, which furnish an eco nomical means of aupplyiug water for irrigation from a source which aeema to be inexhaustible. The result is that barren wastes of volcanic ash aud sagebrush are giving way to thriving orchards, aud alfalfa and garden fields of prclifio production. The soil is remarkably fertile and produces heavily whenthe science of irrigation is applied. The underground lake which has been the menus of this remarkable change is located iu an ancient course of the Columbia Kiver. The Columbia has performed some strange feata in her day, and this is one of the strangest of them all. The lake is several miles in extent and crops out in various places throughout Grant Couuty. These visible portions of this immense body of water are known as Moses Lake, Brook Lake, Bound Lake, Black Rock Lakes and Willow Lakes, and they form the outer rim of an area about 40 miles long and 20 miles wide. One settler who lives in the inter vening country carried his water in barrels for three years, hauling them a distance of 16 miles. He never thought of digging a well because the country looked so much like a desert that he never dreamed of finding such a thing as water beneath the surface. But one day he was induced to dig a well, and he struck an abundant supply of water at 40 feet. This caused a furore. One settler after another begin sinking a well, and every time that this was done water was encountered. The re sult is that today the entire country is dotted with wells, and many pump ing -plants have been installed, irrigat ing from 10 to 4,000 acres each. Discovery of water caused a rush, and practically all available land has been taken up under the homestead of desert act. Much of this land is now being placed on the market by com panies that have become heavily in terested in the district, and the coun try is being rapidly developed. Wen atchee capitalists have invested (4,000, 000 in the Moses Lake country and are now improving their land by setting it out to commercial orchards. The or chards that have already been devel oped in the Moses Lake district yield as heavily as those of Wenatchee, it is said, and the fruit produced is shipped through the Wenatchee Fruit Growers Association. One company, Hallett Bros., main taining offices at 106 Pike St., Seattle, has recently published a handsome booklet descriptive of the district, and the Great Northern Railrond is also sending out considerable information regarding it. Looking It Over HIRAM MAXIM, the man who invented an instrument that makes the discharge of fire arms practically inaudible, has announced that he has a machine with which he expects to make cities noise less. "The device will shed silence as a lamp sheds light," he is quoted as having said. It is stated that the Maxim silencer can be placed between the source of noise and the persons af fected by it and absorb all racket. People who like to Bleep late of morn ings may buy one of Maxim 'a inven tions and put it in their windows, thus defying the milk man and the early street cars. .' Hollow Horn Bear of South Dakota, an Indian chief, wants to present Woodrow Wilson with a peace pipe on the day of his inauguration, as a fea ture of that ceremonial occasion. If the president-elect will allow Hollow Horn Bear to present the pipe, a dele gation of chieftains will journey to Washington and will invest the giving with tribal ceremony. President Taft believes that public WELL GO DOWN, TO Joe SMITHS FOOD f ArTfR.V AND BET HIM Four dollars that we can EAT SIXTEEN PbVNpoF SlPl AIM CTVenis -.1. J spankers should know the Bible. Ho lays that men who speak with telling forco are those "who are able to give illustrations from Holy Writ, who aro familiar with the stories of Holy Writ and who can tell them to their audi ences." In Chicago three) policemen attempted to break up a ball to which they had bevu denied admittance. The officers, with half a down citiens whom they enlisted in their cause, were ejected from the hall with much damage, after a riot iu which shots wore fired by the blueeoats. Tho officers lost their stars, also. Here's a fine rase of freak legisla tion and it isu't from Oklahoma, either: A bill lias Wu introduced in tho Mis souri legislature prohibiting women wearing dresses that button up tho back, unless the buttons be as large as silver dollars. The bill provides a fine of from (1 to $3, with a fine for per siatent offenders, i The congregation of a church on Long Island is engaged in a war of words concerning the pronunciation of "Jerusalem." A young lady soloist, singiug "Tho Holy City," made It "Jor u-soe-lum." Rev. Charles E. Gregg was shocked at this. Straight way, he wrote a letter to the singer, upbraiding her for her pronunciation. He declared that the syllable "sa" should be pronounced "ser" or "snr." The congregation took up the question. Dictionaries helped little and it's be ing fought out yet. In Switzerland s village has gone on T "- wis x WStHsPZt tip- X We want you and each member of your familv to 'rin a CUP f tne est CbfTee ever roasted since the Arabians discovered this King of food beverages The mod expensive modem roaster operated by (killed coffee expert are preparing in Portland a coffee that should be on your table. The goodness, the rich aroma of the best berries, i kept in the roasted grain. By a procet that ha been perfected recently, it is possible to serve in the cup the stimulating coffee essence that Nature planned for the benefit of man. The coffee berry is ground, but (till retain the strength that make it the cheering, stimulating cup that quickstep a man toward hi daily dutie in theflTbming and bring comfort to hi after-dinner rest. We know that yott are anxious to know the name of this Coffee Write your name on the coupon in the corner, and mail it right now btfor you for ft it. Fill in the number of person in your family, and by return mail we will send you, postpaid, without any expense to yountlf, a cap of cofftt for oach and tmtry on of yoa. u a a o a p GENTLEMEN Kindly mail m FREE of CHARGE and post-paid cup of Coffee for a family of. person Name. Address I I f Sa.smith.Thinand) ("ALL RIGHT.' I WILL feET YOU S WHERE IS Jt3 1 FOUR DOLLARS THAT J M$ W6CAN EATSiyTEErVC Crl ftlUR DOLL fVRS? mr VPOUNOS OF SIRLOIN wjk? rl m - ill , csking-) jinri ii ii ii i m i m win i ve-ec: i w n.iww. vsjsiiiiitrfr . m swy-i. amm,it i ' ' . in n I, a strike. The entire town is Interested, lndominl la on strike against tho fed eral government. For several years tho inhabitants have been petitioning for a road through the mountains to the nearest MwU towns, so that it would not be necessary, ai at present, to cross tho frontier Into Italy for pro visions, A campaign of pusslvo re sistance was inaugurated to emphasise the grievances of tho vitiligo. Tho town officials have resigned and there I none to enforce the laws or to col lect taxes. No one will become a can didate for office, t The legislature of Nevada has put the Reuo divorce market out of busi ness, practically, Tho assembly of luw makers has passed an amendment to the divorce lnws making one year's residence in the state compulsory upon persona wishing to obtaiu divorces, in stead of six months, the law's present requirement. Business men of ltono objected to the amendment and main tained a lobby to work against it. Patrolman Uolcomb, of San Diego, may lose au arm, a the result of be ing bitteu by a girl. He arrested her ou a charge of disorderly conduct and she bit his band. He paid no attention to the wound, which has become infected. California may have one of the most severe "gun-carrying" laws in the country, if the bill introduced by As semblyman Ambrose of Los Angeles be comes a law. He would make the car rying of a concealed pistol a felony, as well as the carrying of a black jack, billy or a pair of brass knuckles, Tho carrying of any other sort of weapon, 0 0 0 o o mwm 7t. Of course we will also send you the name of the coffee. If yoa want to ticklt your potato and main your stomach happy, fill out the coupon at once and lend to Straight Results, Coffee Dept. Inter-State Publishing Co. A3 Don't Win concealed, ia also s felony, The carry ing of any firearm, inch as a shotgun or a rifle, iu any public placa by any person not a rltlr.cn of the Uaitod Mates la also mndo a felony, To "Rube" Marqiinrd, famous pitcher for New York's team In tho National League, came a most humiliating ei peritince in poknua tho other dny. Marquurd, who ia traveling about the country doing a vaudeville turn, es sayed to catch s baseball thrown from the Old National Hank building. A great crowd watched Mm aud laughed as he missed two balls. Marquard, made peevish, offered $.10 to anybody in the throng who could do the trick. His offer was accepted by W, K. Crow foot, a photographer, who caught the first ball thrown, Marquard made good hia promise and disappeared, fol lowed by the hoots of tho crowd. It Is now considered certain that Oregon will not have a "Blue Sunday" law. A bill proposing to close on the seventh day all amusements, such si theater and baseball parks, ba been, killed by the state legislature, i . John A. Hogg, of Vancouver, Wash., braced himself with a poker, which ho rested against a cook stove, wbilo he turned on an electric light. Hi hand wn severely burned by the elec tric current. He was held a prisoner a moment, but broke the connection by throwing his whole weight onto the light fixture. Massachusetts socialists defend the red flag, their party's emblem, by saying that it t the "flag of hu manity and the flag of peace." 0 0 0 o o ; Failing Building PORTLAND, OREGON a Meal By EVANSON
