PAGE FOUR
Fooling the
War and Rumors of War Within the Human Body are Daily
Incidents How we Deceive our Best Friends
WE ARE prone to deceive our
friends and the rhagotytcs
are no exeoi'tiou. Ttio l'ha
goevtes are our best aud
most intimate IrienJ and yet we take
no thought for their perennial willing
ness to light for us our battles aud
every chance we get to tool theui wo
accept with unlailiug enthusiasm. Tho
1'hagocytes are the police of the body,
always ready to club some offeudiug
bacillus over the head and run him iutj
the lockup. The Phagocytes are. tho
standing army of the body, only they
do not stand still long at a time, so
busy are they iu putting down insur
rections on the part of genus thought
thoroughly naturalized or in repelling
invasions on the part of alien microbes.
Let something go wrong and the Pha
gocytes are there in a jiffy, foot, horse
and dragoons, putting up a tight that
makes the heroic memory of the Tro
jans pale into cowardly insignificance.
Kvery- day the Phagocytes have their
rounds to make aud their fights to
fight, brief, hand -to-hand and eye-to-eye
encounters with hostile bacilli, and
oometimeg there are general alarms and
fierce, long conflicts with a determined
enemy. That's when we start in fool
ing the Phagocytes.
Let us say that we have a cold in
the head. A lot of hostile bacilli am
encamped in the sensitive membrane
up there, having the unlawful time of
their lives, rioting joyously in the mis
ery they are dealing to us. But, they
have forgotten iu their unholy mirth
the army of the Phagocytes. These in
trepid organisms need no formal call
to battle, no definite declaration of
war, no official proclamation beforo
they cross the border into the territory
of the enemy. Upstairs they rush, all
hands to breakfast!
Soon, there is a fight in progress.
Xo, not "soon," but immediately. Tho
bacilli of the cold, base despoilers that
they are, grapple with the Phagocytes.
Why shouldn't theyf Even a rat will
fight, once he's cornered. The little
devils of the cold must fight or be de
stroyed. So, there is a battle that is a
battle and the arena which we. are
rings and resounds and has trouble
a-plenty with consonants and vowels.
Then, when the ravages of war become
too much to bear, we start in to fool
the Phagocytes.
You see, we know that the Phago
cytes are in the blood and blood is
what we do not want up there in the
war district. Bather, we would starve
out the enemy. We prefer to wage a
Fabian campaign, to make cunctatory
war. But the Phagocytes first-class
fighting men, they cannot understand
military delay of any sort. They en
joy Light-Brigade charges, forlora
hopes, dashing maneuvers, but the prin
ciples of scientific warfare are to them
a closed book. No, there's no use in
reasoning with the Phagocytes. There
they are, in deadly embrace with the
bacilli of the cold, knee-deep in gore
and impregnated with the lust of
slaughter. They wouldn't come down
and quit any more than a bulldog will
let go as long aye, and longer as he
can know and feel anything. The Pha
gocytes are enlisted for the war; they
intend to fight it out on this line if it
takes all summer.
So, we, for whom the Phagocytes are
doing yoeman service, fool them. We
put on our other end a mustard plas
ter. We put the counter-irritant on
the calves of our legs and we put our
feet in mustard water, sizzling hot.
Ouchl
This false alarm is soon received by
the Phagocytes, engaged in unrelent
ing, savage, quarterless war 'way up
there above the equator. One can
imagine the little soldiers taking coun
sel among themselves:
"Yes, we have a very fine scrap on
our hands here right now and it's get
ting better all the time, but there must
be something fierce coming off down
toward the south. At that, we'll have
For Sale or Trade
on Terms to Suit
One of the most profitable, full bearing
apple orchard! in the Hood River district.
Owner not practical fanner; anxious to dis
pose; price reasonable; terms to suit; sale or
trade. Property includes 6 acres 17-year-old
trees; 8 acres 8-year-old trees; 16 acres 7-year-old
trees; 6 acres pasture; 20-inch water rinht;
6 room house, barn, apple house, span of
mules; one 3-year-old mare; one Jersey cow;
100 chickens; wayon, hack, buggy, gasoline
sprayer and inumerable farm implements.
Also 21 shares of stock in Hood River Apple
Growers Union.
Write immediately for terms and particu
lars. This is absolutely a snap and a money
making proposition.
harry McAllister
Ciuto of Coucru BUf . PortUnd, Oreioa
The Bread
SAY TMiM,OLD
Spoilt I've G-OT
A SCHEME THAr
WILL LAND US ,
A SttUARe MEAL.
Phagocytes
these fellows too dead to skin in two
or three more battles, and it might be
worth while to go below and see what's
doing. We can come back any time
aud polish off this gang here."
So, off rush the Phagocytes, still
spoiling for a fight, happy-go-lucky
little warriors. They reach the hot re
gion and they gird up their loins, hitch
their breeches, spit ou their hands or
do whatever a Phagocyte does when he
prepares for the lists. Then they start
to wade in. Imagine their blank
amazement when they find that there
is nothing into which they can wade,
no foe to fight, no drunk and disor
derly bacilli to run in, no anarchistic
demonstration to disperse. Nothing to
do at all and a fine chance to fight
passed up. So, the Phagocyte stand
around with their hands in their pock
ets for a while and send out scouting
expeditions, Still, they find nothing
and they start back to the battlefield
they've left so recently, only to find
all the enemy dead and littering the
field. So, we reckon, the Phagocytes
swallow their disappointment some
how, cord up the deceased aud start out
on a humdrum existence of peace.
That, friends, is what we call fooling
the Phagocytes,
There is something human about this
business of making false alarms for
the Phagocytes to answer. A good
many of us spend part of our time
fighting for folks who don't appreciate
the sacrifices we make or the love we
bring to them. We are all of us, if
our hearts are clean, of the spirit of
Don Quixote, after all is said and done.
We are like the Phagocytes, useful usu
ally and sometimes foolish and in the
way. When we are in the way well,
then there is some sort of a mustard ap
plication to call us to other scenes.
There are many human Phagocytes and
every day these are being fooled.
Surveying the Congo
The use of modern methods for lay
ing out frontier lines in the colon
ies is well brought out in the work
which is being done in the Congo
region. According to a recent treaty,
France eeded a certain amount of ter
ritory in Africa to Germany in ex
change for concessions in Morocco,
so that this led to expeditions on
the part of both countries in order to
fix the boundary lines. Captain Peri
quet states that wireless telegraphy
will be used for the first time on a
large scale so as to determine lati
tudes exactly. Wireless stations now
exist in the French possessions, also
in Cameroon and Belgian Congo, and
all these are to be utilized by the
expeditions. They will carry im
proved kites for mounting the an
tennae wires, also the necessary wire
less posts. For taking the latitude
they use prism astrolabes which give
very close results. These measure
ments will be combined with plans
drawn op on the spot by the alibade,
this latter being used especially for
the important points. Once in pos
session of the data, they will draw
up a map of the frontier region on as
large a scale as possible. Other sci
entific work will be done at the same
time, which is likely to be valuable,
such as hydrography, orography, ques
tions of population, botanical and eth
nological research, terrestrial magne
tism and the like.
Land
Opportunity
$1.50 an acre per month buys
10-acre (arm, that will make,
you independent (or life.
Located in Moses Lake Valley,
east of (amous Wenatchee
district.
For illustrated booklet, address
HALLETT BROS.
DeptM lOSPikeSt,
SEATTLE, WASH.
and Butter Question: Thick and Thin
rsaJrn FTC
rs eam7
Hidden Lake
Is Big Boon
Discovery of Water Underground
in Washington County Great
Benefit to Whole District
THE discovery of what appear
to be au immense underground
lake, underlying the entire cen
tral portion of Grant County,
Wash., is responsible for tho preseut
activity in the Moses Lake district,
regarding which meution was made iu
these column last week. Land that
was once considered practically worth
less, because of the lack of water, is
uow being reclaimed by the use of
pumping plants, which furnish an eco
nomical means of aupplyiug water for
irrigation from a source which aeema
to be inexhaustible. The result is that
barren wastes of volcanic ash aud
sagebrush are giving way to thriving
orchards, aud alfalfa and garden
fields of prclifio production. The soil
is remarkably fertile and produces
heavily whenthe science of irrigation
is applied.
The underground lake which has been
the menus of this remarkable change
is located iu an ancient course of the
Columbia Kiver. The Columbia has
performed some strange feata in her
day, and this is one of the strangest of
them all. The lake is several miles
in extent and crops out in various
places throughout Grant Couuty. These
visible portions of this immense body of
water are known as Moses Lake, Brook
Lake, Bound Lake, Black Rock Lakes
and Willow Lakes, and they form the
outer rim of an area about 40 miles
long and 20 miles wide.
One settler who lives in the inter
vening country carried his water in
barrels for three years, hauling them a
distance of 16 miles. He never thought
of digging a well because the country
looked so much like a desert that he
never dreamed of finding such a thing
as water beneath the surface. But one
day he was induced to dig a well, and
he struck an abundant supply of water
at 40 feet. This caused a furore. One
settler after another begin sinking a
well, and every time that this was
done water was encountered. The re
sult is that today the entire country
is dotted with wells, and many pump
ing -plants have been installed, irrigat
ing from 10 to 4,000 acres each.
Discovery of water caused a rush,
and practically all available land has
been taken up under the homestead of
desert act. Much of this land is now
being placed on the market by com
panies that have become heavily in
terested in the district, and the coun
try is being rapidly developed. Wen
atchee capitalists have invested (4,000,
000 in the Moses Lake country and are
now improving their land by setting it
out to commercial orchards. The or
chards that have already been devel
oped in the Moses Lake district yield
as heavily as those of Wenatchee, it
is said, and the fruit produced is
shipped through the Wenatchee Fruit
Growers Association.
One company, Hallett Bros., main
taining offices at 106 Pike St., Seattle,
has recently published a handsome
booklet descriptive of the district, and
the Great Northern Railrond is also
sending out considerable information
regarding it.
Looking It Over
HIRAM MAXIM, the man who
invented an instrument that
makes the discharge of fire
arms practically inaudible, has
announced that he has a machine with
which he expects to make cities noise
less. "The device will shed silence as
a lamp sheds light," he is quoted as
having said. It is stated that the
Maxim silencer can be placed between
the source of noise and the persons af
fected by it and absorb all racket.
People who like to Bleep late of morn
ings may buy one of Maxim 'a inven
tions and put it in their windows, thus
defying the milk man and the early
street cars.
.'
Hollow Horn Bear of South Dakota,
an Indian chief, wants to present
Woodrow Wilson with a peace pipe on
the day of his inauguration, as a fea
ture of that ceremonial occasion. If
the president-elect will allow Hollow
Horn Bear to present the pipe, a dele
gation of chieftains will journey to
Washington and will invest the giving
with tribal ceremony.
President Taft believes that public
WELL GO DOWN,
TO Joe SMITHS
FOOD f ArTfR.V
AND BET HIM
Four dollars
that we can
EAT SIXTEEN
PbVNpoF
SlPl AIM CTVenis
-.1. J
spankers should know the Bible. Ho
lays that men who speak with telling
forco are those "who are able to give
illustrations from Holy Writ, who aro
familiar with the stories of Holy Writ
and who can tell them to their audi
ences." In Chicago three) policemen attempted
to break up a ball to which they had
bevu denied admittance. The officers,
with half a down citiens whom they
enlisted in their cause, were ejected
from the hall with much damage, after
a riot iu which shots wore fired by the
blueeoats. Tho officers lost their
stars, also.
Here's a fine rase of freak legisla
tion and it isu't from Oklahoma, either:
A bill lias Wu introduced in tho Mis
souri legislature prohibiting women
wearing dresses that button up tho
back, unless the buttons be as large as
silver dollars. The bill provides a fine
of from (1 to $3, with a fine for per
siatent offenders,
i
The congregation of a church on
Long Island is engaged in a war of
words concerning the pronunciation of
"Jerusalem." A young lady soloist,
singiug "Tho Holy City," made It
"Jor u-soe-lum." Rev. Charles E.
Gregg was shocked at this. Straight
way, he wrote a letter to the singer,
upbraiding her for her pronunciation.
He declared that the syllable "sa"
should be pronounced "ser" or "snr."
The congregation took up the question.
Dictionaries helped little and it's be
ing fought out yet.
In Switzerland s village has gone on
T
"- wis x
WStHsPZt tip- X
We want you and each member of your
familv to 'rin a CUP f tne est CbfTee ever roasted
since the Arabians discovered this King of
food beverages
The mod expensive modem roaster operated by (killed coffee expert are preparing in
Portland a coffee that should be on your table.
The goodness, the rich aroma of the best berries, i kept in the roasted grain. By a procet
that ha been perfected recently, it is possible to serve in the cup the stimulating coffee essence
that Nature planned for the benefit of man.
The coffee berry is ground, but (till retain the strength that make it the cheering,
stimulating cup that quickstep a man toward hi daily dutie in theflTbming and bring
comfort to hi after-dinner rest.
We know that yott are anxious to know the name of this Coffee
Write your name on the coupon in the corner, and mail it right now btfor you for ft it.
Fill in the number of person in your family, and by return mail we will send you, postpaid,
without any expense to yountlf, a cap of cofftt for oach and tmtry on of yoa.
u
a
a
o
a
p
GENTLEMEN
Kindly mail m
FREE of CHARGE
and post-paid cup of
Coffee for a family of.
person
Name.
Address
I I f Sa.smith.Thinand) ("ALL RIGHT.'
I WILL feET YOU S WHERE IS
Jt3 1 FOUR DOLLARS THAT J
M$ W6CAN EATSiyTEErVC Crl ftlUR DOLL fVRS?
mr VPOUNOS OF SIRLOIN wjk? rl
m - ill , csking-) jinri
ii ii ii i m i m win i ve-ec: i w n.iww. vsjsiiiiitrfr . m swy-i. amm,it i
' ' . in n I,
a strike. The entire town is Interested,
lndominl la on strike against tho fed
eral government. For several years
tho inhabitants have been petitioning
for a road through the mountains to
the nearest MwU towns, so that it
would not be necessary, ai at present,
to cross tho frontier Into Italy for pro
visions, A campaign of pusslvo re
sistance was inaugurated to emphasise
the grievances of tho vitiligo. Tho
town officials have resigned and there
I none to enforce the laws or to col
lect taxes. No one will become a can
didate for office,
t
The legislature of Nevada has put
the Reuo divorce market out of busi
ness, practically, Tho assembly of
luw makers has passed an amendment
to the divorce lnws making one year's
residence in the state compulsory upon
persona wishing to obtaiu divorces, in
stead of six months, the law's present
requirement. Business men of ltono
objected to the amendment and main
tained a lobby to work against it.
Patrolman Uolcomb, of San Diego,
may lose au arm, a the result of be
ing bitteu by a girl. He arrested her ou
a charge of disorderly conduct and she
bit his band. He paid no attention to
the wound, which has become infected.
California may have one of the most
severe "gun-carrying" laws in the
country, if the bill introduced by As
semblyman Ambrose of Los Angeles be
comes a law. He would make the car
rying of a concealed pistol a felony, as
well as the carrying of a black jack,
billy or a pair of brass knuckles, Tho
carrying of any other sort of weapon,
0 0 0
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mwm
7t.
Of course we will also send you the name of the coffee.
If yoa want to ticklt your potato and main your stomach
happy, fill out the coupon at once and lend to
Straight Results, Coffee Dept.
Inter-State Publishing Co.
A3
Don't Win
concealed, ia also s felony, The carry
ing of any firearm, inch as a shotgun
or a rifle, iu any public placa by any
person not a rltlr.cn of the Uaitod
Mates la also mndo a felony,
To "Rube" Marqiinrd, famous pitcher
for New York's team In tho National
League, came a most humiliating ei
peritince in poknua tho other dny.
Marquurd, who ia traveling about the
country doing a vaudeville turn, es
sayed to catch s baseball thrown from
the Old National Hank building. A
great crowd watched Mm aud laughed
as he missed two balls. Marquard,
made peevish, offered $.10 to anybody
in the throng who could do the trick.
His offer was accepted by W, K. Crow
foot, a photographer, who caught the
first ball thrown, Marquard made
good hia promise and disappeared, fol
lowed by the hoots of tho crowd.
It Is now considered certain that
Oregon will not have a "Blue Sunday"
law. A bill proposing to close on the
seventh day all amusements, such si
theater and baseball parks, ba been,
killed by the state legislature,
i .
John A. Hogg, of Vancouver, Wash.,
braced himself with a poker, which
ho rested against a cook stove, wbilo
he turned on an electric light. Hi
hand wn severely burned by the elec
tric current. He was held a prisoner
a moment, but broke the connection
by throwing his whole weight onto
the light fixture.
Massachusetts socialists defend the
red flag, their party's emblem, by
saying that it t the "flag of hu
manity and the flag of peace."
0 0 0
o o
;
Failing Building
PORTLAND, OREGON
a Meal
By
EVANSON