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About Bohemia nugget. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1899-1907 | View Entire Issue (May 16, 1902)
I HIM STEINIIARDTC NEMESIS i 3 UY J. MACLARKN COURAN. CIIAH'HIt Vll-Contltiuoil. "It In Hlniiiiliir," I wilil, "Hint you In yimr own way should have mine t tint siimo conclusion ulsiilt Hlclnhardt um 1 linui gradually lieon coming to. I do tint trust lilm ut all ; Im Im jil I i Ii-hh nml unscrupulous, anil I am sum Im would tiiakn mi morn Inquiries concern lii! your father tliim sccmis! necessary for tlm nikii n( iiiH'iiriinii'. Hut, ili'iir Miss Ijicrnlx, I think you can lo nu KmhI by going l London yourself. I,ct um act lor you In the mutter; believe iiio, I limn It aH much at In-art n if it went my own. Have a little patience, ami I tlilnk hiimIiiiII net iitsiiiii'thlng." "Why," iflin asked eagerly, "have you lii'iinl something at lift from tlio frli'liiln In whom you wintt'7" "No; I have not." "I BllpHJSO," Willi sill', Willi WIIIHI bitterness, "It In (o tl only tlm loss of olio stranger out of tlm itowiIh all nroiinil tlii'in." I tlii'li tolil her of I In- mission I'rc". tl i it 1 1 liuil 1 1 1 1' I r 1 11 k ii 1 , refraining, how mor, from euylng tlmt I liiul directed IiIh atli'iitlou to tin) ruilivay stations, ninrii particularly lo tlm (Iriiat North ern, nml I mlvlr-inl Iht to ri'iiinln at Tlinporley Hall for tlm present, mil to conduct herself lowanl Htolnhurdt mo an not to cxclln 1 In resentment or sua ili'lon, tJ)ioii till wn prepared U) Icnvn tin) cottage; ami on glancing casually nwny from her, I huh arrested liy tlm liavlor of tint olil man. "Ixik at lilm!" I Involuntarily ex claimed. 1 1 1 m faro wan Hushed, anil u If puffed wllh IiIikkI; It Im eyes worn oxtrnnrilln arlly bright ainl wnti'liful; IiIh mouth twilchi'il grotesquely, ns If lit tlm effort to im It for speech; ami It I h right leg anil shoulder stirred u llttln under thi blanket. "Olil" rrlml IiiiIni, "crhnps seeing im, nml hearing un talk if Im hint I iran I UK tins roused hllllt I'nrln James," she said, in n loml voire, going to lilm, ninl laying her warm, cult J i ii t n I on IiIh withered, lifeless wrist, "nm you fettling letter?" His only answer wu a wink of hi" bright eyes. "IIitu In John coming," sho con tllllliil to lilm. "I shall cotnii ami see you tomorrow nn I n . " Wo Ml tlm cottage an John up proarhtsl with hln wheel harrow, lioar Ihg tlm sholl llnli for hln afUirnoon roiiml. "I think your master mint Im rous ing uiii llttln, John.," iwiil I.oulso. "Vm," nalil John; "I think ha inuu, mini. Kcciim to mo ho mny got an miii I ngulil an ho wan afore til' other muster wont to I.unnon." An I took my way through tho vll Ingn to my lodgings, I found myself turning over tluiKo word of John: how "wnll," I wondered, hail olil Jacques Uhui lieforn hln nephew wnut to Im ilon? If hit con li I recover speech, coulil ho It'll un anything of consequence con cerning hint? CIIAITKU VIII. Both Minn Ijternlxnnd myself waited Impatiently for imwn from Froeinnn in .oinlnii. I'rnm ilay to i lay I cxpis'tod a letter; nml ihty a Hit ilay, whan 1 ini't lit r either in Jacques's cottage or in tho llttln dough Ik') i) in I Tiniporlny Hall, I hinl to toll her that no It-ttur liiul coma. Hhti ipiii'kly hcnan to nhow nlunn of Hint lu-nrt alrknuw, whirh in tlm yomiK In no n-aily to follow nion tin) ulinily, imli'llnlto pontonumiint of hope. In my odiirlH to tnroiiriiKn Iiit I cili'ouraKiil iiiyrulf a In) to Ik'Hiivo that an (humillnu' I'onor huh holillux thin myHlnry In IiiiihI for Mime f out puriora, only to rovoal It uvcntually wllh thu morn for nml effect. Out) evening when I met her In Hit) rloiiKli wu wtirn IhiHi htnrtliil ami Kiltuuvil liy tho clour, full note of a lilnl a llipiiil "Joiik-jouk." "In It n thritnh?" I taiil III a wlilopor. Sim liatenixl lreatlilesn, almont punt IliK, with Joy. "Oil," nhi) wlilnporml, nt lomjth, "It in n iilKhtlnj!ale It in n nlnlitlnpile!" ninl, poor itirl, nho actunlly eoliheil. "How' can tlm dear llttlu hlril h.ive ut ho far out of Itn way an thia ilreiulfiil phiee?" After n rnpt attention of mine niin li ten to tho ravlnhlnK hiihk, IhiHi of un wero linpelleil to go nwny to toll otliern of our ilelixht. Tlio path nut of thu cIoiikIi lei! nlunu tho riilno liuhlml Tlm IKirley, punt two or tlireo neat llttln hoiiKoa. From one of thcro we wero nurprUeil, an wo approached, to hear iiiiinIc ami eluclni; of an unununlly lino quality. It wan just urowiiiK dark; a lamp ulioiui out from a window, over which thu blind wan not yet drawn, mid wn coulil plainly ceo a man Minted at tho piano, nml h girl, nllKht nml Hinall of ilKiiro, HtuntlliiK with hor hand on hln dhouldor. Klio enni; in n voice clear nml ewoot as n blrd'n, n nong than much In vokuo, called "I'.liren on thu til I nu. " An wo panned tlio noun enileil, mid tho pluyor turned; we Haw hinfaru, nnd each oxclnlincil to tlio other, "Why, H'h I'riinkl" Ho here dwelt tlio reimon of IiIh Indlfforonco to Ixul8u'a beauty nml pad urncol "Oh, what would liia father nay, if be knew I" exclaimed Lottlro, In alarm. "I don't think wo'll toll him," said I. I wan Hint night moro cb corf ul and linpuful than I had beon elnro my coin ini! to Tlinperley. I wna not addicted to writing letters to tlio nowapnpurn, but tlio proeoiico in Hint district of tho llttlo bird of dong, that usually aug gostod soft, clear tikloa nml scented gruvoa, wna to extrnordlnary, nnd peeiuod to mo ao ilolightful, that I ant down nnd wroto n luttor concerning Hie phenomenon to a dally paper of eomo Importance published In tho nolghbor Ing largo town. Tho pnpor, I know, wna wldoly road, but I had not rock, oned upon my lottar attracting such at tention na It did. Tho second night nftor I hnd written It mon and women of nil conditions, but chiolly of tho working class, woro Inquiring their way through the vlllngo, or finding their way nlong nil tho ronds and lanos to "tho Nigbtlngnlo Clcugli," Tho small woekly papora of raureo copied tho let tor, and on Saturday and during tho following wook parties enmo from long illaUncua In 'butet nnd vans to hear the nlghtliigiilii nlng. I went llrnl onn night, and tliim another, mid another to me tho crowd thus drawn together. It wnn a ntrangii and touching npec tnclir the men and women, thii ladn ami Innnlen rtatnllng uuiliir thu trt'iin down to tlm very txlgo of tlm ilincoloreil llttln lake, and the inlnchliivotlN xyn niuong tho liriilichen all hiinheil while thu Ml miner twilight deepened Into dnrk nhoul tlien, waiting patiently for tlm iiiiw'iiii llttln bird to break forth like a voice Irom heaven into rapturous Hong. And when at length, after a few timid uotiiH It poured out itn full heiirt, I heard many n low nob mingling with tlm KtrnliiM of thu artless music. Whi'lher the nlghtlngiilo took alarm at thin Invasion of Itn solitude, or whether some mischievous Mtrnonn frlghtemsl It, it Isiertaln that by tho end of the week It wan heard no moro, and the imopln wont away illsiiisilnlil nml noisy, due of thiisn ttvenlngn I wna returning with the crowd, when an olil fellow wn'.kisl nlongnlduof inu, look ing nt me hard, ami nt length speaking. "Thou'rt parnon nn wrote th' letter eh?" I answered I wan. "Ah. An' thou'rt fo' Indon oh? A git place that wl" gardens, I've heard any, full o' a' kinds ' birds and beasts." I mild I nupK)stsl Im meant tlm Zoo logical (innlcns. "Ah. Happen Hint's them. I'm rnrn nml fomi o' brldn nnd Is-astn; I in 1 1 ii go to limlon some day, and sen them Kyardnnn. Happen I may come across theo: I hear thou'rt leaving Timperley." "In a Miry few weekn," I said. "Wei'l, now, I like then; nml I mini come nml hear then prnich nlorn thou giM'n. Kn, mon, I a' something here, tho':" he prislurtil nil old pocket IsMik, mid from onn of tho rompart mentn he tisik a nipinrn of paste board which Im gnvn nu "hapK'ii that may come In handy when thou giwn back to bunion. I found It in IjiitoIx's Ijiiiu yond' inorn'n a year ago, nnd snya I, 'I mini kenp thin till I go to limlon,' but I do not think I'll ever ride in n llrst clnnn cnrrlngu so thoud'ttt bettor tnk' it, mon." "What In It?" I usked. "To Im sum," said he, '"thoo conn M'o. It'a a llrnt clnsn ticket". I thanked him, nml put it In my KM'ket. Wu were than ujion tho cottago in which I had seen I'rnnk Stelnlmrilt sitting nt tlm piano. Hounds of music nnd sinning were again proceeding from It, and I wnn not aurprhed to sen that mmiy of those who had I wen disap Milnted Ii) tho uightlngalo stood listen ing in silence to the k'lrl. When I reacheil my lodgings I took out the old lei low's singular llttln pres ent. It wan the "return" half ol a Hint t'lani railway ticket from lmdon Iltidge to Croydon. It was tolerably clean ; It must havu ln-en throw n nwny or dropsd, tmou after it was issiutl, nnd plckisl up roon after it wnn thrown nwny. A sus picion which hnd begun to creep upon inn when llrst I looked nt it shot up with HtiirtllugMiihlcnnusnwhoii I turned it over mid rend thu date stamped on Untile "Mar In SL." Thin ticket had been found by tlm old man ill Ijicmix 1-ano: had thu person who hnd lost or iliopptxl It there been thu Milne as the peisml wiin hnd Imtight it in Uindon'' If he bad, bad ho been a resident in Timperley? In n word hail thu xtoii been Mr. IjutoIx? It wan Impossible to sny, until nfter such inquiry ii4 I snw littlo chance of licing able to niiike; for though visitors to TimHrley seldom parsed nlong thu I ji croix Ijme they somutimea did. I might, however, dln-mer from Ixiuiso whether her father hnd had any connec tion with Croydon. I met her next day at Jacques's, cot tage (I had utmost given up my visits to Timperley Hull). After again nnsw ering in thu negative her constant question nn to news from Freeman, I began my attempt to gut nt this olnt concerning tlio ticket. I wished to nvulil raining in her undue Niispiclon. "Do you still wish," 1 asked, "to go to London yourself?" "1 do," said sho; "but I tako your advice, and wait." "If you went," I continued, "whero would you stiiy? llavo you any frienda in 1indon?" "I hoHd," enid she, shyly, "you would toll mo somewhere to go." "You have, then," snid I, "no frienda about Ixmdon, or anywhere round? It is not necessary, you know, Hint you should live in I-oiidon to fol low up Inquiries." "Well," xaitl ehc, "I know two or three girls living In London who wero nt school with mu In Croydon, but I think I could not nsk them." Imagine how my heart leaped! I was afraid I showed my emotion in my look and tone. I quickly urged another question. "Croydon la not far from London: might not your old school mistress take you in?" "I did not think of Hint," said sho; "I was thero for only a year, after I loft school in 1'nris. I had only boon homo three mouths when father wont way." I had learned moro than I could havo anticipated. Hero, surely, nt length wna tho strongest presumptive, If not direct, evidence that Mr. Ijicroix, nml not another, had droppod tho ticket, nnd therefore that he hnd come homo. I Imagined him traveling from London Ilrldgu to Croydon to pay, perhaps, his daughter's school bill, nnd returning n different wny, although ho hnd taken n return ticket to London ltrldge. Tills struck mo na ngreolng with all I hnd hoard of Mr. Lncroix ciuoIofs of money, nnd without much steady con sUtetit pnrpoto. How easily such a inuu must hnvo becomo subject to the resolute Stolnhnrdt! It occurred to mo Hint It would not bo Impossible to loarn from tho Croy don school mistress whothor Mr. La croix had cnllod on her. With n fow questions ns to tlio size, situation nnd character of tho school, I learned tho nnmo nml address of tho school mis tress; and ns soon ns Ioturned to my lodgings I wrote to her. On tho second morning alter I received her reply. which I Irins'irtsl nlong wllh tlm rail way ticket nn Invnluablo evidence a polite note, presen'.lng compliments nml begging to Inform that on referring to her liookn and lior diary, she found Hint Mr. Ijterlox hnd called nml pnld a term's charges for bin daughter's "fin ishing" education, on Wi'diieday, March the lllteenth, eighteen hundred and eighty-two. CIIAITKU IX. Tlm end (if my six Months' curacy wnn almost nt band, hut, since my re cent discovery, I was resolved I would still remain nt least In Him neighbor hood of TluiH'rlny. I went first to thu rector, who was not yet well enough to ritsiium hi- duties, III thu hoxi Hint I might prevail upon hint li let tun con tinue to fill his plain for somu Hum longer. I wnn surprised, and somewhat piqued, to hear that It was entirely out of tlm question, Imhiiiish another curate had already been engaged. "A young man from Ht. lino's," said tlm rector. "Mr. Ktiilnhardt says wn must liavn no morn clever men In Tim perley. I would have liked you very well lo stay, but you know you seo It c.in't be. If I can tlo anything for you" I said, since I could not stay In Tlm lirley, I wlthed lo get a curacy somo whertt In thu neighborhood. Thu rec tor looked at um in n wny which mndo mo doubt whether Iliad been wlsu to tell him my deslru. However, ho answered he would see what lit) could tlo. Ktalnhnrdt, it wnn evident, expected mu to go nwny, back to the south prob ably, slncu I disliked TifiitKirlcy so much; but I metaphorically shook my Croydon evidence at him and more ob stinately resolved not lo go nwny. Then) happened ut that time to ho sev eral curacies vacant in tit'lglilKiring parishes or districts; I applied tlrst for 1 one with thu result nfter somu time of having my nppllcnti"ii declined, nnd j then for nnother, with thu dime result. I wun ilisnps)intid nnd puzzled, I know I hnd been reckoned successful in Tlin perley, mid I could not itudcrstmid tho coldness anil retitenco of tho replies II received. Hut I wnn soon startled into ! the M'rceptlon of their cause. I mi hi and I bad got into thu habit of meeting frequently (an I have already i hinted) nt thu cottage ol old Jacques:! wo were still waiting for news from' King's Cross, nnd wn did not know ' whether thu letter wan loin) sent to mo, . or to Keemnn, or to Miss Ijicroix. liulsu mat inn oito morning in grant alarm and hurriedly told mo thu ex- peeled letter had come, but nddresscd to Mr. l-ncroix that Meinhardt there-' fore hnd ocned it, naturally cxis'i ting' to find it ii business communication! , IIu brought It to her, nnd nskud if sho know what it meant. She rend it;, it! wnn short, nml to tins ellect: I lie guard who had had charge of thu S o'clock express on theeveningof March the Kith, 1882, had been found and in terrogated; liu could not remember nnyonu answering to thu description of thu missing gentleman. IIu might or might not have Unvoted by that train, b t It really seemed linpo-sihlu to as certain nt Hint distance of time. (To m romlttue.l) Few Jipancic In America. There aro comparatively few Japan ese In the I'nittil States. Thero uro hut 100 in Chicago, nnd ninny of them are students in vnrioun schools. Several merchants mid foreign representatives are here, whilu from Olio to n dozen Japanese business men pass though Chicago ovary tl.iv. There is no disposi tion on the part of the Jnps to emigrate to thu Cnited States ns tlm Chinese do. Chicago Chronicle. Wendell Philips' Warning. Wendell Philips nucu said that unless our next step in progress, as n nation, was In u spiritual direction. Hint boy wns now living who would writu tlio downhill of thu American republic, ns (iihliou wroto that of thu ltomnn empire. Wo nro not inquiring for Hint boy now, but for one who will make that history impossible. Fallen From High r.itate. A former chief of tho Cnited States signal service, ex-professor of mathe matics nt tho University of I'ekm, China, and but recent president of tho University of Washington, now baa tho position of a roller of logs at l'ort lllakoly, Wash., at f 1 .50 a ilay. Toll tics nnd sickness are said to bo respon sible for his fall from high position. Lilt Fate Wane Thin the First. Smith 1'oor Wederly is having a lir.nl timo of it. Ills tlrst wife got a divorce from him, you know. Jones Yes; end ho hts btd c hr.rd time pitying her alimony, 1 suppose. Smith Worso than that. She is his present wife's dressmaker. Chicago News. Crime Not Profitable Joo King, nged 28, who has spent 12 years in jail, writes to tho Annniosa, la., l'rlson Pros Hint crimo Is not prolltunle. The articles ho stolo bud n value of fu7. and in Ids 12 years of imprisonment ho could havo made f 10,800 ut the trade of a printer. History of American Cltlct. American cities nio built to ba burned. Tliolr histories read some thing like Hits: Flourishing, public library, handsome chinches, blocks o'. stores, now coii'thotiso, llrst clnsa hotels; destroyed by tire; loss, mil lions. Germtn Tariff On Sewing Machines. Ciorniany's now tariff on sowing ma chines, which varies from v" to (0, will probably reduce the value of rui export machines to tlut country about ,000,000 u year. Uist jear wo bold (iomtiny tl, 125,000 worth. Illjlt Price lor a 'Cello. A record price for a Strndivnrius 'collo Is reported from lior) In. ' It Is stated Hint 1'Iattl's 'i olio by Strtidivn rlus litis been bought for (20,000 by a bunker, who is a grond-nophew of Men delssohn. Long Range In England. Artillery can lira 7,000 yards on Pal isbury rialn entiroly over war olllcu land. This Is by fr.r tlio longest rr.uge in the British Isles, HAND8 OF GREAT PIAHI8T8. Tlier Need MtmciilHr llevtliipmen All tlm I'iiiucm. Tlio hnnds of celebrated pianists af ford a very Interesting study to most people, but especially to tliosn who know something about pianoforte play ing. Hpeaklng III u general wny, wo mny group tho hnnds or pianists Into two classes, (n) thu broad hand with short lingers; (b) thu narrow hand with long lingers. Von Ilulow's and Tnuslg's hnnds would conic under thu heading of class A. Ill fact, Tnuslg's hnnds were so small that ho was unable to piny octaves correctly. Tho higher note usually followed the lower Instead of both being struck simultaneously. Thu hnnds of Lls.t nml Mark Haiti' hourg belong to class II. 'J'hosu who are acquainted with Liszt's arrange ments of Iteethoveli's and Ilerlloz's symphonies know tlmt he expanded tlio chords to dimensions which for tho majority of players are absolutely Im possible, yet Liszt could play them with ease. Murk llninboiirg Is the possessor of wonderful pianoforte technique. Kacli day he commence work with San tlow's exercises and then practices on tho pianoforte for four or live hours, lie bus never Indulged In what arc called "linger gymnastics," neither has ho used a illglturluin or teclinlcoii. How few people who listen to tbo performances of n celebrated plnnlst or violinist realize the amount of hard work ho lias had to do In order to over coma all the technical illlllcultles of his Instrument. Years of dally grind are absolutely necessary for getting the lingers Into a condition of complete obedience to the will. Schumann In trying to Improve his technique becamo Impatient and overworked his lingers, with tho result Hint he had to aban don pianoforte playing. Von Ilulow used to say that three things aro necessary for a good pian ist; "The llrst, technique; the second, tehcnlqiie, and tlio third, technique." Possibly this was snld so us to Impress upon the beginner that Intellect and emotion were of no use utiless he had the means of expressing them In a flu ent way on the pianoforte. In the present day considerable mus cular power is required In pianoforte playing. To some extent this Is owing to the fact that each note when struck possesses a certain resistance, but tbe resistance Is not equal throughout tbe keyboard. The bass notes offer more resistance to tbe lingers than the treble and consequently more attention should be paid to the strengthening of the muscles of the left hand. The pianist's hands can be developed at the Instrument or away from It. If away from the pianoforte then "linger gymnastics" may be used or an appara tus called the "tcchnlcon." "Finger gymnastics" are exercises which can be practiced evidently at any time or In any place, for you find people even In street cars and trains Indulging In the exercise of their Qngcr Joints and looking anything but sane In their efforts to rival 1'adercwskl In feats of digital strength. ADULTERATION OF FOOD. Dome Till nun Unit Are Uneil by Dia bolical .Manufacturer,,. The Senate Committee, on Manufac tures recently caused an Investigation by the Department of Agriculture on the subject of adulteration of articles of food and that report belug mada has caused surprise to every one be cause of the extent to which all arti cles of food are more or less tampered with. Adulterntlon does not necessarily mean that food Is rendered less healthy. In ninny cases tbe adulterated food Is as wholesome as would be tbe pure article, but the fraud practiced on the consumer is In selling nt the price demanded for one food product a sub stitute that Is cheaper and not desired by tho purchaser. It will be surprising to learn that soap Is frequently used as an adulter ant for distilled liquors. It Is added In vnrv small amounts to nroduco a "bead." Glucose plays nn Important part as an adultcraut tor many arti cles of food. It Is frequently used In wine, for fruit sirups, In connection with whole preserved fruits and with jams nnd mnnmiladc. Lemon extract Is sold that has no oil of lemon In it. Mustard Is made of a score of things that never laid claim to tbe name of mustard until they bad been boxed ready for sale. Clay has been found Hi some samples of mus tard, but not frequently. Of 102 saui nles of tienner examined by tho Con necticut experiment station thirty-two contained no pepper nt an. it has been shown, snys tho Washington Star, that cottonseed oil Is extensively used for lard, olive oil and cheese. Tho extensive substitution of oleomar garine for butter Is well known. Tbo Pennsylvania department of agricul ture In 1,777 samples found 1,0X1 to contain oleomargarine. Hbo Hxplalnril tho Meaning One of the easiest ways for a law yer to confuse a witness Is to make him explain the meaning of n word. Few people can dellne n word satisfactorily, even If they know Its meaning. A West ern lawyer was cross-examining a young woman who had a very haughty temper. According to the Los Angeles Herald, she had testified that sho had seen the defendant "shy" a book nt the plaintiff. "ShyV 'Shy' n book? What do you mean by that? Will you explain to the court what the word 'shy' means?" The girl leaned over the dest; beneath tbo witness-box, picked up u law book, and threw It so accurately nml so forc ibly nt the lawyer that ho had hard work to dodgo It. "I think the court now understands tbo menulng of tho word 'shy,' " said tho Judge, gravely. Tho girl wns ul lowed to finish her testimony. A. Promise Willi Limitations. "Charley, dear," snld young Mrs. Torklus, "I wnut you to promlso that you will not lose any moro inouey ou horse ruces." "I won't bet a cent." "Now, that's Just sheer contrariness. You know If you don't bet you can't wlu." Wushlngtou Slur. What bright things wo all think of when tho opportunity Is past for say ing them I LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKE8 FROM THE PENS OF VA niOUS HUMORI8T8. Pleasant lucldeiits Occnrrlna the Worltl Over-HajrlnKn tlmt Are Cheer ful to Old or Yotinsc Kunny Selec tions that Tou Will I'.tijo. In the course of nu object lpston on thu "Cut" In a l'hllad"lphhi public school the teacher trying to find out what her pupils remembered of the pre vious lemon, nsked this question: "What boy enn It'll me to what fam ily the cat belongs'" After questioning eight or ten loys, she wns giving up In despair, when n hand wns raised. "Well," asked Iho teacher. "I think the cat belongs to the fnmlly Hint owns II." wns the diminutive pu pil's answer. Philadelphia Times. No Time to Make Knemle. "Has she many friends In society?" "Yes, quite n numlicr. She only came out two years ngo." Nntnrnllr. "She's aw fully stink ui " "Naturally. Iter fnihiT made all his money as a bill potter." New Klmt of Trouble, "Wealthy. Is he? Why. the last time I saw lilm be had trouble keeping the wolf from the door." "Well, now he has trouble keeping his poor relations from the porte cochere." Catholic Standard ajid Times. Quite KilKll.li. Aunt Debby (viewing the city) What does that sIkii "Mlstlt Store" mean? Uncle Abner (a close observer)! s'pose that's where these 'ere anslcr manlacs sets measured for clothes so folks'U think they was made in Loudon. New York Weekly. Saved hy the Signal Service. I.onglelgh Then you didn't proiHwe to Miss Cotrox after all? Shortlelgh No. My knowledge of tbe signal service code saved me from mak ing a fool of myself. IXMiclelgh Well, put me on. ShortlelRh Just ns I was about to commit myself she hoisted the cold wave Hag. Chicago News. Met IIU Match. Ituinpus Xlzznzo, the wild animal tamer, has met his match nt last. McSmlth You don't say! How did It happen? Iiumpus He has married a "new wo mau." Doubtful Compliment. Mrs. Newed Just think of It, dear. I made every bit of this cake with my own bands. Newed Is It possible! I never sus pected there was so much strength In those fair soft hands. Of Course Not. "My wife doesu't seem to be progres sing, doctor," remarked the anxious husband. "No," answered the pbys'clan; "when she gains a little strength she uses it 1 all up trying to tell her friends what's i the matter with her." Philadelphia I Itecord. Sure to He a Flulit. I Teacher Suppose there were four boys going skating, and they only had two pairs of skntes, how many boys wouiu nave to iook on t Ilobby-Tbe two that got licked! A Good Sign. Mistress of the House Bridget, do you think Hint policeman who calls here so often means business? Hrldget Yls, mum; I think he do. lie !s begun to complain about my cooklu' already. Success to the Seaaou. Itov. Mr. Uassaway What did you think of my sermon? Sntippe Most appropriate sermon for Lent I over heard. Thero wasn't any meat In It. Philadelphia Press. Prneress. Ills Friend Aro you writing a histo rical novel? The Uterary Cuss Don't say a word. I'm writing a prehlstorleal novel 1 Puck. The Mean Man. Mrs. Scrnpplugton If somebody should threaten to abduct me and hold me for n ransom, what would you do? Mr. Scriipplngton Laugh like thun der. April Smart Set. Friendly Advice. Maude What! You don't mean to say Hint you uro, going to tho faucy dress ball In tho character of "Night?" Clara Yes; what of It? Maude Oh, It's all right, of course, only It will bo another cuso of making night hideous. A Matter of Contrast. "Give an exiimplo of bow heat ex pands and cold contracts." "In tho summer tbo days aro long; In tbo winter they aro short." Judge. The llend of the llntmclinlil, "Of course," snld tho bachelor, thoughtfully, "thero call bo no such thing as Joint ruin In a family. Homo one must be Iho bend." "True, but the scepter passes from one to nnother." "How?" "Well, tit the beginning of mnrrletl life Hie hushntiil holds It; then It gently nnd unobtrusively passes to tho wife. and bo never Rets It bnck again." "Sho keeps It forever?" "Oh. no; tho baby gets It next," Chicago Post. The Muixlc of Time. 'What a lot of rubblshl Utterly worthless, I should sny." 'Now, of course. Hut I shall leave It to my son, and ho to bis son. In tho day of my grandson It will bo brlc-a- brae!" And tbo Junkman shrugged tho shrug that Is the bridge of all his race Puck. At the Chili. "Itoundcr has written a rather clever little book, 'Don'ts for Club Men.' " "Huh! the don'ts don't worry me half ns much as tbo duett." Philadelphia Press. III. Plea. "Vat? Do you mean to chargo me $2 a visit?" "That Is my regular rate to every one." "Ynse, but I Introduced der disease Into der neighborhood!" Life. (in a I.nreer Scale. "It's lust horrid. Uertle. to think of living In a Mat after we are married." "You don't love me when you talk that way." "Oil, yes, I do, but not on a small scale." Life. Woes of the Weatherman' Wife. "Oh, mamma," cried the bride of the weatherman, "I think George Is a brute!" "Why, daughter!" ga-sped the mother. "What on earth makes you say that?" "He knows that 1 am planning for my spring dresses, and nil the time he per sists In predicting snow and cold waves!" Here she pointed n wrathful flnger at the thermometer, which registered 4C degrees below organdie. Baltimore American. A Wny Out of a Dlfllcnltr. "Your uncle was a very eccentric man. He stipulated In his will that $100 should be bnrled with him?" 'AH right, make out a Check for that amount." Wide. "You say Miss Plnkerton Is nccom pllshed." "Why, I never met a more ncconv pllshed girl. She knew just a little about every subject I Introduced. De troit Free Press. Not That Kind. Clerk Here Is some delicious cough candy. Miss Wlselelgh But I haven't a de licious cough. Repartee. Pat What's repartee? Mike It's whin a feller sez right oft the nnswer be doesn't think av 111 to morrow inarnln'. New York Sun. A Favor to tbe Public. "We have called," said tho head of the deputation of citizens, "to protest against the street car service you are giving us. Why, some of us cannot even get a strap to hang on by." "Very well, gentlemen. 1 shall at once Increase the service," Bald the af fable magnnte, while tho hearts of tho deputation leaped with Joy, "by put ting In more straps." Baltimore Amer ican. Overdolne the Thine. Tomson Can you recommend to me ii Urst-rate bookkeeper? Bllton Why, I thought you had a perfect Jewel. Tomsou Yes, but now I am suspi cious of lilm; bo attends too closely to bis duties and refuses to take a vaca tion. Town Topics. Iteward Seekers. "Somo people," said Uncle Eben, "Is so drefful business-like tint while dcy looks foh a reward In de nex worl' dcy's mighty skeery foh fear deal do any mo' dan what's necessary to earn It." Washington Star. The lllTcctlvc Wink. "Look here!" said the mystltled po liceman, "why are you winking ut me? I havo noticed It for tho last Ave uilu utes." "I thought I'd like to be protected while I was In this big town," replied tho old man with the chin whiskers. "My nephew that keeps a saloon In town somewhnr wroto mo word that he Just has to wink his eye at the po lice an' he gets nil the protection be wants." Chicago Nows. When Courtesy Failed. Senator-elect McCreary, of Kentucky, was lu Washington a few days ago calling upon his old frlpnds In Congress whom be knew when bo represented his Stnto lu tho House. "McCreary was a flno campaigner," said a Kentuekylau. "When he went tho rounds of his district he kissed all tho babies, praised the cooking of tbe housewives, judged tbo cattle of tho farmers and adapted himself to all cir cumstances. One night he drove up to tho house of a farmer to stop all night, but arrived after tbe supper hour. Tho good woman of the house Insisted on getting hi in a supper, but he resisted ami said ho would tako anything cold that Bho had. "Sho told him she had some cold bam and cold biscuits and would warm the coffee. "'Never mind warming the coffee, madam,' said McCreary, 'I prefer It cold.' Next morning at breakfast the good lady banded lilm a cup of sickly looking liquid, saying, 'Governor, you seemed to enjoy the cold coffeo so much I saved somo for your breakfast'" Washington Star. HE QOT THE LOAN, It W. Dae to tbe Charm ot IIU ItaV hit' Foot. "Seo that fellow'i rabbit foot htmj. Ing on Ida watch chain?" A department clerk directed thu t tentlon of his friend to tlio bit ot fur lu question, which was possessed by a fellow-clerk. "Ho wouldn't take hundreds of dol lars for It," continued the first speaker. "When tho ruces come lu the spring nnd again In tho fall that fellow takes) the rabbit's foot nnd goes for the track to make a 'killing.' lie usually suc ceeds, too, "Hut ho mado the best use of It the other day nnd the whole department Is talking about It. Despite the rabbit's foot the owner thereof Is seldom blessed with moro coin thnn he can con veniently spend, and as n mnttcr of fact nbout tho Sth nnd SOtb of each month ho Is almost ns poor as Job's turkey. Ho usually Indites an appeal ing cplstlo to tho disbursing oRlcct, Tlmt otllclnl has by this time become pretty familiar with the handwriting nnd each time a messenger bands In an envelope addressed with the familiar cblrography tho man of money knows Just about what Is wanted of hint. "Last month tlio dlsburscr declared to his supplicant that It wan the Inst time be could let him have any money, explaining that In a great many cases It had been a personal loan, tie thought the fellow should pull himself together and save enough to Ude him over the fateful fifteen-day period between ghost-walking times. "Nothing daunted, however, the rab bit foot man applied tbe 0th of this mouth for a loan. Tbe disbursing offi cer recognized the 'touching' handwrit ing on Hie envelope and sent the mes sage back unopened. Ho simply In dorsed Uie letter with tbe letters 'N. D.' In one corner, which tbn disappoint ed clerk Immediately Interpreted to mean 'nothing doing.' "Still the clerk was not defeated. IIo sat thinking what he could do to get tho much-needed money, by what means he could coax It from the Iron bands of the disbursing ofllccr. Ills eyes brightened with a new thought after a short while. "A few minutes later the disbursing officer was confronted by a messenger being a bulky envelope. lie again rec ognized the handwriting, but his curi osity was aroused by the bulklness of the missive, and be began to think that perhaps he had wronged his friend the 'toucher,' and that tho latter was per haps sending him a gift In token of bis appreciation of past favors. Tbe dis bursing oftlcer took tbe envelope and tore It open. Out fell that lucky rab bit's foot and with It a note that would melt a heart of stone. "Tbe clerk got tbe loan and the rab bit's foot back. We are all wonder ing," concluded the department clerk, according to the Washington Star, "what he Is going to do the next time." SCIENCE AVAILED HIM NOT. When the Farmer Started for Ulm There Waa Bometblns Lacking. "There wns a time In my life," sold a Detrolter tbe other evening, as the sub ject ot puglllslm was being discussed, "when I rather expected to take and retain the heavy-weight championship against all comers. I was selling sew ing machines In Indiana, having a horse and wagon and calling at the dif ferent farmhouses, and on several oc casions I had to take 'sass' from farm ers. After one ot them bad flung me over tbe fence and a second bad rnn me out of his gate I made up my mind to learn a thing or two about boxing. I was at the home otllce all winter and I took twenty-four lessons from a 'pug' who knew bis business. At tbe end of tho term I could slam him all over the shop and be assured me that I could lick threo sturdy farmers rolled Into one and not half try, "When I started out In the spring I had my hat on my ear, and I made a bee-line for the bouse of the farmer who had run me out In the fall. I calmly calculated to pick another fuss with him and knock his head off, lie happened to be working about the yard as I drove up and as soon as he recog nized me he called out: " 'Didn't I tell you never to come here again? If you step foot on my land you'll get the boot!' " 'You can't give It to me,' I said as I got down. "Don't give me no sass!' "'And you come out here and get your head busted!' "He came," sighed the ex-agent "I had driven eleven miles to lick him, and I felt sure I could put him to sleep In one round, but something happened something I bad not counted on. " 'Did ho havo sons or a hired man who Interfered?' "No, sir. It was simply that I sud denly discovered I hadn't the grit of a grasshopper. Tho minute the man started for me with pounded glass In bis eyes nnd his fists doubled up I went weak In tbe knees and began tochewon my heart If he hadn't been In a hurry I Bhould have tried to buy blm off, but ho didn't wait for cash offers. He came right out to me and let Oy, and within five minutes I was tbo worst licked man Indiana ever saw. He gave me a thumping that laid me up for a month, and tbe only blow I got In simply knocked bis bat off. I was taller and heavier than he was, nnd with my sci ence I ought to have put him to sleep with the llrst swing, but I came out as I havo told you, "That ended my pugilistic career as well as my agency, I den't say I wouldn't tight If a man spat on my shoes or pulled my nose," concluded tho Detrolter, according to the Detroit Freo Press, "but you can take It that I doto on peace, and am not around look ing for hornets' nests." Worso Air Htm. That was a thrilling performance where tbe man threw knives at the girl, wasn't It?" "Thrilling? Say, It was tamo com pared to tbe way my wife looked dag gers at me when I got homo." Phila delphia Bulletin. When a man Is compelled to work all day, and then sit up with sick folks. It knocks blm. A woman can do It. but a man can't Kin and good advice: twin evils with rum uud love.