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About Cottage Grove sentinel. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1909-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 17, 2020)
Cottage Grove Sentinel Community B1 THURSDAY | DECEMBER 17, 2020 Humor at the Speed of Life Pet Tips ’n’ Tales James Kazad — (Remembrances of life before COVID) Before you buy that Christmas gift, ask Mr. Knowitall Since the introduction of Mr. Knowitall, who is our resident historian, economist, food critic, movie reviewer, foreign affairs consultant, science correspondent, consum- er products expert and vending machine repair- man (not necessarily in that order), many of you have written him seek- ing advice about holiday gift-giving. Due to the enor- mous volume of email we received, they will be answered through a lottery-style process — which means that, until he wins the lottery, Mr. Knowitall will continue to answer your questions. So, let us begin. Dear Mr. Knowitall: Do those electronic muscle stimulators real- ly help trim fat and tone muscles? — Really hope so in Reedsport Dear Really: As you know, the principle be- hind the device is the uti- lization of a continuous sequence of small shocks that stimulates muscle activity, similar to your body’s own natural elec- trical impulses. An easy way to think of it is to visualize a car and its battery. Now visualize the car, the battery — and a pair of jumper cables clamped to your buttocks as someone starts the en- gine. While there’s no scien- tific proof this will trim fat and build muscle, stud- ies show that most people find themselves stimu- lated enough to go to the gym after one session. Dear Mr. Knowitall: I’m looking at getting my husband something to help with his snoring. Any suggestions? — Yawning in Yoncalla Dear Yawning: I’ll tell you there are a lot of prod- ucts out there that claim to end snoring problems, and most of these prod- ucts are 100 percent effec- tive. And though they may look and cost differently, these devices all rely on the same two principles, which are: • Fit into someone’s nos- trils • Be really uncomfort- able This combination is proven effective because it: • Keeps snorers from sleeping My advice is to try roll- ing him on his side. If that doesn’t work try rolling him the other way. If that doesn’t work, keep rolling until you hear a big thud. Repeat this until he’s too frightened to sleep. defense kit and was in- vented by Dan McClar- in out of concern for his daughters, who are appar- ently very attractive and excellent at multi-tasking. The gun shoots a steady stream of pepper spray, which causes burning of the eyes and throat, constriction of the nasal passages, and inhibited breathing. Aimed in the opposite direction, the gun can be equally effec- tive against an attacker. In addition, you can also blow your whistle and shine the flashlight in his eyes. Dear Mr. Knowitall: ...Yawning in Yoncall, I’m thinking of getting if you’re still reading, this my wife some of that spray is one option I hadn’t that helps remove body thought about… hair. Is it safe? Unfortunately, that’s all — Cautious in Creswell Dear Harry: Not for we have time for today because, as I’m sure you you, it isn’t. understand, Mr. Know- itall is a busy man. Espe- Dear Mr. Knowitall: I’d like to get my wife a cially when the Cheetos personal protection de- runs out in the vending vice for Christmas. I heard machine. about something on the If you have any ques- Internet that’s a combi- tions, write to Mr. Know- nation pepper-spray gun, itall here at The Sentinel or flashlight and whistle. by email at editor@cgsen Any idea where to find it? tinel.com and we’ll make — Curious in Cottage sure he gets it. Your questions, we Grove Dear Cautious: It’s mean. called the Pepper Escort Loranians give to those in need L orane had a great turnout at the drive-by and drop-off donations for the Christmas food baskets program last weekend. Santa was on hand with his mask and waving to kids. Donation food box is also at the Lorane Family Store. Congratulations Lorane on helping oth- ers in our community. For more information call Marissa or John and Jennifer Long. COURTESY PHOTOS LORANE COUNTRY NEWS Contributed by Lil Thompson for The Sentinel • Everything appears to be go- ing smoothly on the curves on Stoney Point. Please continue to keep your speed down in this area, especially with the rain and darkness coming earlier. Please Slow Down. Too many speeding and still passing in unsafe areas. • Christmas break for all stu- dents begins as of this Friday un- til Jan. 4, 2021. Everyone is ready for a break, students and staff alike. Sever- al students are making delicious meals and desserts and sharing pictures with the class. They were just taught how to make oven baked carmel corn. You may get it on the school web- site from the District Buzz. • Lorane Christian Church continues to hold drive in and in church services, with masks and distancing, at 10 a.m. to meet ev- eryone’s needs and keep all safe. They will also have Christmas Eve services in the same manner at 6 p.m. By Mary Ellen “Angel Scribe” ‘Holden’ on to a miracle Mary Ellen and Myster E. wish you a healthy holiday and New Year filled with joy. D earest Readers, I live a life “filled with miracles” and am the author of “Expect Miracles” and “A Christmas Filled with Miracles.” Here is my favorite miracle wrapped beautifully in Holiday Spirit. Christmas eve 40 years ago, my hus- band, Howard, and I prepared for an unusual, possi- bly depressing, Christmas holiday because my stepfa- ther, Jim, had terminal cancer. But, never in a million Christmases did we expect to end up immersed in a miracle! At the time, we had to take the ferry from our home on Vancouver Island to reach mainland Vancouver, and my parents’ home. Along with the usual assort- ment of luggage and Christmas gifts, we also packed our “traveling trouble-adors” Channel and Camelot, Shaded Silver Persian cats whose fluffy, white winter coats resembled the cuffs on Santa’s red jacket. For our “listening pleasure” they meowed their way to our holiday destination. A torrential downpour greeted us in Vancouver, the weather thus matching our moods. As we pulled up to my childhood home, it’s outside Christmas lights sparkliness was transfixing, transporting me back in time to when my sister was still alive and my broth- er home, versus half a world. My, how things change over the years! We opened the car doors and out leapt the cats, eager to re-explore the familiar territory. We entered the house into the kitchen where Jim’s well-stocked “pharmacy” stood as the ammunition in his war against pain and illness. A heaviness hung in the air as if the Spirit of Christmas had yet to make an appearance, or had refused to board the ferry with us, purr-furring instead to remain behind on the island with all of our friends and neighbors. So, we made an early night of it and all went to bed. I was the first to awaken on Christmas morning, the most magical day for children everywhere. Everyone else in the household was still peacefully asleep so, even though it was only 7 a.m., I called my best friend, Rita, back on Vancouver Island; after all, her giggling children would have awakened her hours ago. “Hello”, she answered in a weak, “crackly” voice. “Rita, are you, all right?!” I asked. “Who is this?” a total stranger replied. Oh! Oh! The busy holiday phone lines had crossed resulting in awakening an elderly woman. I apolo- gized for waking her but she said, “Not to worry. It is nice to have someone to talk to, as I don’t have any- thing to do today — nor anyone to talk to.” No one is a stranger to me, so we began chatting. I had phoned Rita on the island, which is a long-dis- tance number, so I was curious as to where this wom- an lived. “Burnaby,” she said. About five miles away! I used to be a PBX switchboard operator and know that when many phones are in use “wires” get crossed. But, how could this be? She only lived a few miles away when their phone numbers and area codes weren’t even close! Introducing herself, she said that her name was Faith and that she was an 80-year-old widow. Her de- ceased husband, Dick, and she did not have any chil- dren. She continued that she had no reason to get up, as she had no one to share Christmas with. She was glad I phoned, “A bit of a Christmas gift,” she said. She was all alone, while we at least had each other. Yet, she considered this “wake up” call to be a gift! Faith and I talked for an hour. My mother awak- ened in the meantime so I asked her if Faith could share Christmas dinner with us, to which Faith gra- ciously accepted. Faith hung up the phone and hurriedly dressed to catch a bus for her visit. Little did the bus driver or us know that he would be delivering a Christmas mira- cle. Excitedly anticipating the arrival of our “mystery” guest, our home’s atmosphere transformed from “doom and gloom” into joy, the delicious aroma of the holiday turkey wafting from the oven, all through the house. I met the “gift” of Faith at the bus stop; we smiled at each other. As a child, I frequently rescued stray an- imals, but this new rescue was much more fulfilling, See FAITH 2B
