Cottage Grove Sentinel
Community
B1
THURSDAY | DECEMBER 17, 2020
Humor at the Speed of Life
Pet Tips ’n’ Tales
James Kazad — (Remembrances of life before COVID)
Before you buy that
Christmas gift,
ask Mr. Knowitall
Since the introduction
of Mr. Knowitall, who is
our resident historian,
economist, food critic,
movie reviewer, foreign
affairs consultant, science
correspondent, consum-
er products expert and
vending machine repair-
man (not necessarily in
that order), many of you
have written him seek-
ing advice about holiday
gift-giving.
Due to the enor-
mous volume of email
we received, they will
be answered through a
lottery-style process —
which means that, until
he wins the lottery, Mr.
Knowitall will continue to
answer your questions.
So, let us begin.
Dear Mr. Knowitall:
Do those electronic
muscle stimulators real-
ly help trim fat and tone
muscles?
— Really hope so in
Reedsport
Dear Really: As you
know, the principle be-
hind the device is the uti-
lization of a continuous
sequence of small shocks
that stimulates muscle
activity, similar to your
body’s own natural elec-
trical impulses.
An easy way to think of
it is to visualize a car and
its battery. Now visualize
the car, the battery — and
a pair of jumper cables
clamped to your buttocks
as someone starts the en-
gine.
While there’s no scien-
tific proof this will trim
fat and build muscle, stud-
ies show that most people
find themselves stimu-
lated enough to go to the
gym after one session.
Dear Mr. Knowitall:
I’m looking at getting
my husband something to
help with his snoring. Any
suggestions?
— Yawning in Yoncalla
Dear Yawning: I’ll tell
you there are a lot of prod-
ucts out there that claim
to end snoring problems,
and most of these prod-
ucts are 100 percent effec-
tive.
And though they may
look and cost differently,
these devices all rely on
the same two principles,
which are:
• Fit into someone’s nos-
trils
• Be really uncomfort-
able
This combination is
proven effective because
it:
• Keeps snorers from
sleeping
My advice is to try roll-
ing him on his side. If that
doesn’t work try rolling
him the other way. If that
doesn’t work, keep rolling
until you hear a big thud.
Repeat this until he’s too
frightened to sleep.
defense kit and was in-
vented by Dan McClar-
in out of concern for his
daughters, who are appar-
ently very attractive and
excellent at multi-tasking.
The gun shoots a steady
stream of pepper spray,
which causes burning
of the eyes and throat,
constriction of the nasal
passages, and inhibited
breathing. Aimed in the
opposite direction, the
gun can be equally effec-
tive against an attacker.
In addition, you can
also blow your whistle and
shine the flashlight in his
eyes.
Dear Mr. Knowitall:
...Yawning in Yoncall,
I’m thinking of getting if you’re still reading, this
my wife some of that spray is one option I hadn’t
that helps remove body thought about…
hair. Is it safe?
Unfortunately, that’s all
— Cautious in Creswell
Dear Harry: Not for we have time for today
because, as I’m sure you
you, it isn’t.
understand, Mr. Know-
itall is a busy man. Espe-
Dear Mr. Knowitall:
I’d like to get my wife a cially when the Cheetos
personal protection de- runs out in the vending
vice for Christmas. I heard machine.
about something on the
If you have any ques-
Internet that’s a combi- tions, write to Mr. Know-
nation pepper-spray gun, itall here at The Sentinel or
flashlight and whistle. by email at editor@cgsen
Any idea where to find it? tinel.com and we’ll make
— Curious in Cottage sure he gets it.
Your questions, we
Grove
Dear Cautious: It’s mean.
called the Pepper Escort
Loranians give to those in need
L
orane had a great turnout at the drive-by
and drop-off donations for the Christmas
food baskets program last weekend. Santa
was on hand with his mask and waving to kids.
Donation food box is also at the Lorane Family
Store. Congratulations Lorane on helping oth-
ers in our community. For more information
call Marissa or John and Jennifer Long.
COURTESY PHOTOS
LORANE COUNTRY NEWS
Contributed by
Lil Thompson
for The Sentinel
• Everything appears to be go-
ing smoothly on the curves on
Stoney Point. Please continue
to keep your speed down in this
area, especially with the rain and
darkness coming earlier.
Please Slow Down.
Too many speeding and still
passing in unsafe areas.
• Christmas break for all stu-
dents begins as of this Friday un-
til Jan. 4, 2021.
Everyone is ready for a break,
students and staff alike. Sever-
al students are making delicious
meals and desserts and sharing
pictures with the class.
They were just taught how to
make oven baked carmel corn.
You may get it on the school web-
site from the District Buzz.
• Lorane Christian Church
continues to hold drive in and in
church services, with masks and
distancing, at 10 a.m. to meet ev-
eryone’s needs and keep all safe.
They will also have Christmas
Eve services in the same manner
at 6 p.m.
By Mary Ellen
“Angel Scribe”
‘Holden’ on to a miracle
Mary Ellen and Myster E. wish you a healthy holiday
and New Year filled with joy.
D
earest Readers, I live a life “filled with miracles”
and am the author of “Expect Miracles” and “A
Christmas Filled with Miracles.”
Here is my favorite miracle wrapped beautifully in
Holiday Spirit. Christmas eve 40 years ago, my hus-
band, Howard, and I prepared for an unusual, possi-
bly depressing, Christmas holiday because my stepfa-
ther, Jim, had terminal cancer. But, never in a million
Christmases did we expect to end up immersed in a
miracle!
At the time, we had to take the ferry from our home
on Vancouver Island to reach mainland Vancouver,
and my parents’ home. Along with the usual assort-
ment of luggage and Christmas gifts, we also packed
our “traveling trouble-adors” Channel and Camelot,
Shaded Silver Persian cats whose fluffy, white winter
coats resembled the cuffs on Santa’s red jacket.
For our “listening pleasure” they meowed their way
to our holiday destination.
A torrential downpour greeted us in Vancouver, the
weather thus matching our moods. As we pulled up
to my childhood home, it’s outside Christmas lights
sparkliness was transfixing, transporting me back in
time to when my sister was still alive and my broth-
er home, versus half a world. My, how things change
over the years! We opened the car doors and out leapt
the cats, eager to re-explore the familiar territory.
We entered the house into the kitchen where Jim’s
well-stocked “pharmacy” stood as the ammunition in
his war against pain and illness. A heaviness hung in
the air as if the Spirit of Christmas had yet to make an
appearance, or had refused to board the ferry with us,
purr-furring instead to remain behind on the island
with all of our friends and neighbors. So, we made an
early night of it and all went to bed.
I was the first to awaken on Christmas morning, the
most magical day for children everywhere. Everyone
else in the household was still peacefully asleep so,
even though it was only 7 a.m., I called my best friend,
Rita, back on Vancouver Island; after all, her giggling
children would have awakened her hours ago.
“Hello”, she answered in a weak, “crackly” voice.
“Rita, are you, all right?!” I asked.
“Who is this?” a total stranger replied.
Oh! Oh! The busy holiday phone lines had crossed
resulting in awakening an elderly woman. I apolo-
gized for waking her but she said, “Not to worry. It is
nice to have someone to talk to, as I don’t have any-
thing to do today — nor anyone to talk to.”
No one is a stranger to me, so we began chatting.
I had phoned Rita on the island, which is a long-dis-
tance number, so I was curious as to where this wom-
an lived. “Burnaby,” she said. About five miles away!
I used to be a PBX switchboard operator and know
that when many phones are in use “wires” get crossed.
But, how could this be? She only lived a few miles
away when their phone numbers and area codes
weren’t even close!
Introducing herself, she said that her name was
Faith and that she was an 80-year-old widow. Her de-
ceased husband, Dick, and she did not have any chil-
dren. She continued that she had no reason to get up,
as she had no one to share Christmas with. She was
glad I phoned, “A bit of a Christmas gift,” she said.
She was all alone, while we at least had each other.
Yet, she considered this “wake up” call to be a gift!
Faith and I talked for an hour. My mother awak-
ened in the meantime so I asked her if Faith could
share Christmas dinner with us, to which Faith gra-
ciously accepted.
Faith hung up the phone and hurriedly dressed to
catch a bus for her visit. Little did the bus driver or us
know that he would be delivering a Christmas mira-
cle.
Excitedly anticipating the arrival of our “mystery”
guest, our home’s atmosphere transformed from
“doom and gloom” into joy, the delicious aroma of the
holiday turkey wafting from the oven, all through the
house.
I met the “gift” of Faith at the bus stop; we smiled at
each other. As a child, I frequently rescued stray an-
imals, but this new rescue was much more fulfilling,
See FAITH 2B